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Please forgive me for coming into the game late, so to speak. I have some years under my belt but haven’t pursued anything that captivated my soul until the past few years. Feeling oneself to be submissive can be accompanied by hesitation, a lack of assertiveness and, admittedly ... a degree of shyness that kept me at bay for the longest time. At least that’s been my experience.

But I’ve done some perusing and some research as I remained reserved and I began to discover several things that caught my interest, some of a kinky nature and some otherwise. These interests seemed to go together very well and most of them can be listed as acronyms.

This was the reason I began to put the word “acronym” in my usernames as I am on a small handful of sites. Initially, it made sense to me that they all went together. And it also made sense that new interests kept popping up for me. That can happen when you live inside your head and don’t pursue anything.

So I began to make a few postings, trying to shed the hesitation problem. On one posting, I was referred to as a “kink dispenser”. This gave me a lot to think about as it was a valid point. My postings included me listing these acronyms and I very much gave the impression that I was thrusting those interests into people’s faces.

So I stopped, taking a step back and absorbing what I had just learned. And I began researching ‘Female-led’ as well as ‘Femdom’. I had discovered examples where the word ‘gentle’ was put in front of those terms. And that encouraged me forward (sort of like the ‘catering to cowards’ concept.)There were quite a few times when I read how dominant folks got so frustrated by these submissives who expected them to satisfy their kinky expectations. I thought long and hard about that, especially since I had posted myself in a very “kink dispenser” fashion.

In addition to that, I had followed impulses from time to time, posting pictures of kinky things - some of me and some of others. (I even did this recently.)As I kept reading about things, FLR in particular, I refrained from sending messages to dominant women, asking questions. After all, they are not obligated to answer anything. And it seemed like I would be just another message in their inbox. But that sounded like an excuse. And that’s what it was.A new reason to do nothing.

Then I began to find phrases that I thought had hidden meanings that made them worthwhile, such as:“It’s not about what you want. It’s about what I want. It’s about me.”I saw that phrase, posted as wording in a picture, and its surface appeal was very forward. But it got me to thinking that the approach of every minute, of every day, of every impulse really did need to be about her. And how perfect that sounds, right? Just forget oneself completely because that’s so easy to do and should be no trouble at all.However, keeping that mentality at the forefront of thoughts would certainly control the acronyms and the kink dispensing.

But I’ve always been someone who looks for the catalyst of a problem, the cause of it. What is the source? What created it?

This was a thought I pondered for a while. What is the source of these interests that keep surfacing? Because ... dispensing the kink, I don’t know. Is someone truly submissive if they are trying to call the shots?

This now finally leads to my question. And the question goes all the way back to the beginning of this posting. Does submission make the mind wonder, when it’s not bridled?

If this is true, in my case, an unbridled submissive mind sought after things that interested it, things that made the identity of submission even stronger.

But does this make sense or am I way off base?

I look forward to hearing from whoever would like to reply. And please be as critical as you like.

I thank you for your time in reading this.

I can see many Doms saying that you shouldn't make it about you but I disagree with it. Why can't you get what you want at the same time as following what you are told to do? Everyone deserves to be fulfilled. Maybe you are more of a switch? Try it out! Maybe you really want more than you think.
Coming from a devoted sub pov,
You can be submitting even when getting things you want. It shouldn't always be the focus on what the Dom wants it this way or that way. It kinda comes down to the type of Dom you encounter. Like if you wanted to do a scene where you are up in the air in suspensions. You have been wanting that scene? And can take pleasure in submitting during it. The Dom should focus on you and them. Take your body language and read it very well over their desires.

With the right Dom and communication your mind would be on them while you also can get what you want since you communicate that with them.

Sometimes my mind wonders a bit but a Dom can fix that with the right scene. Not only that you could power bottom tbh too🤔

Sorry for the long reply I hope I answered your question 💜
My submission isn't altruistic, and I'm sceptical of those that say that their's is
But, there is a stark difference between negotiating within a relationship where both/all parties have their needs met and those that treat their (prospective) partners as kink dispensers
23 hours ago, Acronymboy said:

Is someone truly submissive if they are trying to call the shots?

there's a few different points your post raises for me.  But this as a question...

There is a difference between trying to call the shots and having a preference, having things you like, having your own wants

There's a lot of things people find off-putting and some of this can seem like a minefield - but for example if you take an example of a guy whose profile or ads is just like a shopping list of kinks and there seems to be nothing they will add to a relationship.  That our kinks and fetishes are not our personalities.

That when you go to the "good sub" textbook and be "it's not about my needs it's about your needs" there's the question of well... why her ?  And how does what you offer serve her needs anyway ?  And some men fall into the trap like "oh, she likes caning and I'll be caned" and so, OK - and then after play? What do you talk about if you go out to a restaurant?  If she sticks on a Period Drama will you be bored? Will you be able to converse about it with her? 

Equally, I've met Dommes who've had subs they find boring because they're so OTT on the yes Mistress, anything you want, I have no opinion or preference stakes. 

Submission in F/m isn't about disregarding your own wants, just more in putting hers first - but there still has to be a reason of - why her?!


You never stop learning. If you think you have you are either too arrogant or not open minded enough to evolve

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