Issues for men trying to find women partners

[MisstressStorm]

Most Genuine women will not jump through hoops to protect the men on site. Why would we ? We have protection issues of our own to be concerned with. Not so proud target of 3 + stalkers 🖤

[FetishKing69]

Just now, eyemblacksheep said:

In the UK...

Munches are pretty much always free. For everyone.  The size of them can fluctuate a little bit - but they're usually in a mainstream bar.  And while there is usually an expectancy to buy a drink, no one is frowned at for nursing a pint all night or taking advantage of the free hot drink refills.

Fetish nights also tend to be flat pricing for entry.

Some swing, femdom or other clubs do have a tiered entry which often charges single males more, though this is a practice being less common cos of the problems it causes. 

I know....I have been to loads of events, parties and munches the last 15 years so I know how they work. I have run/hosted parties and worked in the adult entertainment world so I get how it all works. Munches are free but you have to buy food and drinks. I personally would rather do a more social meet with someone I actually want to meet and have chatted to. 

[MisstressStorm]

4 minutes ago, FetishKing69 said:

I know....I have been to loads of events, parties and munches the last 15 years so I know how they work. I have run/hosted parties and worked in the adult entertainment world so I get how it all works. Munches are free but you have to buy food and drinks. I personally would rather do a more social meet with someone I actually want to meet and have chatted to. 

It’s standard for Dommes to have a social to scope someone out safely . I got chatting to a swinger on here. Nice bloke offered a coffee and a visit to a local swingers club. Liked him and arranged for coffee and dungeon time. Consented both for Hard Limits and safety words.

we both had a great experience ( although I held back on the impact play 😈) result is he wants to explore his kinky/sub side and I get to play  with a nice meat toy. Win/win  ⛈

[MisstressStorm]

Additional- if a bloke is mardy about buying a glass of wine then I’m not going to be thinking wonderful thoughts about you and you’re just looking for a free kink dispenser. Pro Dommes charge about £150 a session . Just because I’m a Life Style Domme doesn’t mean I don’t value my skills ⛈

[ge****]

36 minutes ago, FetishKing69 said:

I agree with all your points and agree thats how guys should do it. I have had a partner who I have done stuff with for 15 years so have had couples profiles and singles profiles on pretty much every site. Get how it all works as seen it from both sides on a daily basis. We have had loads of success and done tons of meets together/separately over the years so thats not the issue..... My point is that even following those steps for guys it has become nearly impossible the last 2 years in particular to find ladies for meets. Might be different where you are but not for lot of people. 

I don't think anything has changed - as eyem said all the things you stated in your OP have always been the case in one respect or another, or certainly as long as I've been round sites like this.
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Sure there are various factors like geography and even age that come into it too and like I said there are no guarantees.
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I do wonder how much COVID may have made people more wary of meeting relative strangers and perhaps that has had an impact but don't think there has been much changed from when I first dipped my toe into sites like this

[Mr-Brown]

33 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

More towards males joining. Females would be free but they should have to do profile verifications so prove they aren't no male behind stolen pics or a bot 

[ge****]

31 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

Mr GM is the voice of reason. Take note of his truths. Biased as he is my personal favourite because he is a decent, respectful human being …. and my  wing man.

Be more GM 

Mistress Storm ⛈

Awwwww Mistress Storm you're far too kind 😊 😊

[MisstressStorm]

4 minutes ago, Mr-Brown said:

39 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

More towards males joining. Females would be free but they should have to do profile verifications so prove they aren't no male behind stolen pics or a bot 

Women aren’t going to verify their identity to protect men from other men/scammers. Not our job ⛈

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Mr-Brown said:

Should have to pay to use the site I think. Weed out the fakes and content sellers! And the fake guys behind these 18 year girl pics!

Thing is it wouldn't weed them out - pay only sites are just as full of those types too - because for the £5/month (or whatever it is) membership cost they can make that back with a single sign up to their sites, or scam much more out of those desperate and *** to scams etc.
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Then you have the additional problem of the entitled blokes who become more entitled because they've paid and expect something for their ***.
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You also potentially put off the women you are hoping to attract to join.
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So mandatory payments could potentially make the problem worse not better

[MisstressStorm]

6 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Awwwww Mistress Storm you're far too kind 😊 😊

Only to the diamonds GGG - otherwise I’m a bitch from hell 😈🖤

[ey****]

incidentally - I'm not saying munches, events, etc. etc. etc. are the be all and end all - but that they tell a very different story to online.  You know, you don't go down to sit next to them and they say "It's £20 if you want to sit in that chair" and you can see who is active, and who is "real" and who is "serious" cos they're there. In front of you.

And, it also blows away any illusions on 'the ratio'

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Mr-Brown said:

Should have to pay to use the site I think. Weed out the fakes and content sellers! And the fake guys behind these 18 year girl pics!

you know - women are the biggest targets of dating frauds.    I think it's one of the most pitiful things when men are like "this person who said they were a woman wants £20 for me to talk too her" when, statistically, women are the biggest target for scammers.

Women are also the most likely to be assaulted by people they meet on dating sites.  Perhaps we should get men to have to run an enhanced CRB check before they sign up to sites, and pass Claire's Law? 

[MisstressStorm]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

incidentally - I'm not saying munches, events, etc. etc. etc. are the be all and end all - but that they tell a very different story to online.  You know, you don't go down to sit next to them and they say "It's £20 if you want to sit in that chair" and you can see who is active, and who is "real" and who is "serious" cos they're there. In front of you.

And, it also blows away any illusions on 'the ratio'

Not all munches / gatherings are inclusive esp to single men. The number of men I’ve chatted to have been ignored / isolated at an event even if they’ve turned up at Newbie hour. Have real expectations that you may be side-lined. Turning up with an on-line pal is a better bet 🖤

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

Not all munches / gatherings are inclusive esp to single men. The number of men I’ve chatted to have been ignored / isolated at an event even if they’ve turned up at Newbie hour. Have real expectations that you may be side-lined. Turning up with an on-line pal is a better bet 🖤

 

12 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

Not all munches / gatherings are inclusive esp to single men. The number of men I’ve chatted to have been ignored / isolated at an event even if they’ve turned up at Newbie hour. Have real expectations that you may be side-lined. Turning up with an on-line pal is a better bet 🖤

I've seen a lot of cliquiness at munches. I usually rock up alone, and my MO is to grab the people who are standing by themselves (often looking uncomfortable lol) and create a wee group. Instant kink friends. It's a lot easier than trying to break into frienship groups who can be not very welcoming.

[ey****]

9 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

Not all munches / gatherings are inclusive esp to single men. The number of men I’ve chatted to have been ignored / isolated at an event even if they’ve turned up at Newbie hour. Have real expectations that you may be side-lined. Turning up with an on-line pal is a better bet 🖤

some can be tough depending on how it falls, for sure.  But I've also seen people try to bend over backwards to help someone who has then still gone online to moan.  I think it's important to be subjective - but if things aren't working out, it's the price of a pint.  

It's easier to kinda involve people in some of the smaller munches, I know some can feel a bit lost in larger ones - so it might be best to try to get a prior idea and see what is likely to work for them.  But, in either case - just turning up and looking around a room dispels a few myths. 

Of course also as well - if folk turn up hoping for love, it's going to take a while - and, I guess that's where some guys fall short that they don't want to go out over a period of time - giving up evenings or afternoons and buying a couple of drinks if it only gets them some new friends and dispels so myths 

[MisstressStorm]

4 minutes ago, Char__ said:

 

I've seen a lot of cliquiness at munches. I usually rock up alone, and my MO is to grab the people who are standing by themselves (often looking uncomfortable lol) and create a wee group. Instant kink friends. It's a lot easier than trying to break into frienship groups who can be not very welcoming.

Thanks for the M.O *** - will pinch 😉🖤⛈

[FetishKing69]

I also pose another question. How many men have actually been messaged by a female?

Edited August 2, 2023 by FetishKing69

[MisstressStorm]

1 minute ago, FetishKing69 said:

I also pose another question. How many men have actually been messaged by a female? How many messages have you had to send to even get 1 reply?

Spamming and having a cr@p profile that shows you haven’t done anything but follow and like multiple women’s account is a red flag to me.

most women are besieged by thirsty men . Took me ages to approach a man. He had a beautiful avatar picture of himself that spoke to me without words. ⛈

[ey****]

6 minutes ago, FetishKing69 said:

How many men have actually been messaged by a female?

So yes.

Speaking exclusively about this site, excluding people who were (presumably) not making a move - I have been contacted by a few women who were making the first move.

[ge****]

15 minutes ago, FetishKing69 said:

I also pose another question. How many men have actually been messaged by a female?

I have been on numerous occasions, not necessarily for the reasons you might think every time, but both here and the well known UK swinging site I was on it isn't/wasn't unheard of for me to be messaged first by a lady.
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But then my approach is somewhat different - my primary aim isn't "meet, meet, gotta get a meet" - I prefer to establish a connection and chemistry with someone before even thinking about meeting.
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I also rarely, if ever, send a blind message to an unknown profile myself unless I've had some kind of interaction with them through the forums etc

[CopperKnob]

Well I guess you labelled yourself as 'genuine' rather than 'nice.' Which what these type of plentiful posts here normally state. Kudos to you!
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I'm also gonna say, I've been to munches/events. Never paid less than the men. There were also always, more women than men. And really, that doesn't bother me because I've never gone with the mindset that I'm gonna meet the Dom of my dreams or even someone for 'right now.' You know that women are able to tell whose out for the night with the intention of pulling. When I was younger we called the the 2am girls because in a club, by 2am, the guys were so *** that they really didn't care who they took home. It could literally be anyone in the kebab shop. Let's call it our spidey sense.
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You've answered your own question in relation to the trust issue online. The question is though, what are you doing about it?
You see, there are plenty of men here on Fet who will call out poor behaviour/views in the forums but...I've not seen you do it though you could be new I suppose. So benefit of the doubt and all that.
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The thing is, there are always going to be profiles on any social media where the person behind the account is portraying themselves to be someone they are not regardless what safety mechanisms there are and frankly, as mistress storm has said, it's not a women's work to protect men from men or to lower their own safety precautions for the sake of men. You've already highlighted why they're there in the first place and others have shared additional reasons. But, whilst you're not considering attending munches/events for, whatever your reason is, I guess that you're limiting your chances yourself and it's a self fulfilling prophecy. Let's not blame all women for decisions you've made.
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I have been the first to start a conversation with men here. It's never been with the intention of anything other than passing the time/making a friend.

[MisstressStorm]

8 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Well I guess you labelled yourself as 'genuine' rather than 'nice.' Which what these type of plentiful posts here normally state. Kudos to you!
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I'm also gonna say, I've been to munches/events. Never paid less than the men. There were also always, more women than men. And really, that doesn't bother me because I've never gone with the mindset that I'm gonna meet the Dom of my dreams or even someone for 'right now.' You know that women are able to tell whose out for the night with the intention of pulling. When I was younger we called the the 2am girls because in a club, by 2am, the guys were so *** that they really didn't care who they took home. It could literally be anyone in the kebab shop. Let's call it our spidey sense.
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You've answered your own question in relation to the trust issue online. The question is though, what are you doing about it?
You see, there are plenty of men here on Fet who will call out poor behaviour/views in the forums but...I've not seen you do it though you could be new I suppose. So benefit of the doubt and all that.
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The thing is, there are always going to be profiles on any social media where the person behind the account is portraying themselves to be someone they are not regardless what safety mechanisms there are and frankly, as mistress storm has said, it's not a women's work to protect men from men or to lower their own safety precautions for the sake of men. You've already highlighted why they're there in the first place and others have shared additional reasons. But, whilst you're not considering attending munches/events for, whatever your reason is, I guess that you're limiting your chances yourself and it's a self fulfilling prophecy. Let's not blame all women for decisions you've made.
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I have been the first to start a conversation with men here. It's never been with the intention of anything other than passing the time/making a friend.

I deliberately make it difficult in the first engagements with a man. Filters out the pond life. The number of men that just want to fuck anything within an hours radius is pitiful. Today’s prime arse - wanted me to ‘perform’ with a sub at his fuck pad. Yeah cause I’m gonna do a 10 hour round trip to fulfil a random man’s fantasy… thinking he hasn’t read the Domme Bible 🙄⛈

[Mr-Brown]

2 hours ago, FetishKing69 said:

I also pose another question. How many men have actually been messaged by a female?

Not to be big headed but I do get a lot of first messages. Probably because I've bothered to write a profile and have pics. Which I think say 7 out of 10 men haven't bothered or have pics up.

But once i start talking to someone after about say an hour they receive about hundred messages, I get pushed down so I disappear on thier list.  Mean while all those messages she received during that hour has put her off the site which I don't blame her, I've seen what people message females here it's very disturbing. 

[MisstressStorm]

13 minutes ago, Mr-Brown said:

Not to be big headed but I do get a lot of first messages. Probably because I've bothered to write a profile and have pics. Which I think say 7 out of 10 men haven't bothered or have pics up.

But once i start talking to someone after about say an hour they receive about hundred messages, I get pushed down so I disappear on thier list.  Mean while all those messages she received during that hour has put her off the site which I don't blame her, I've seen what people message females here it's very disturbing. 

If I’ve found a potential - I’ll add them and then chat in my DM’s rather than a boat load of pile ons in chat. Tricky one but being respectful and honest will put you up above the dweebs. Remember women are looking for good men to chat and connect with….even Mistresses 🖤⛈

[Mr-Brown]

7 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

If I’ve found a potential - I’ll add them and then chat in my DM’s rather than a boat load of pile ons in chat. Tricky one but being respectful and honest will put you up above the dweebs. Remember women are looking for good men to chat and connect with….even Mistresses 🖤⛈

But it's a fatal flaw in the site too. It's not the most user friendly site. I always get "I'm new to the site, how do I do this and that" "sorry I lost our conversation" while she's still get bombarded with messages.

The term "overwhelming" pops up a lot. 

I hear this so much. I have to follow up with another message to get back to the top lol. 

They really need to add the ability to pin 📌 conversations to the top. I've said it before a few times but no one listens 😆. 

Edited August 2, 2023 by Mr-Brown