Issues for men trying to find women partners

[MisstressStorm]

5 minutes ago, Mr-Brown said:

But it's a fatal flaw in the site too. It's not the most user friendly site. I always get "I'm new to the site, how do I do this and that" "sorry I lost our conversation" while she's still get bombarded with messages.

The term "overwhelming" pops up a lot. 

I hear this so much. I have to follow up with another message to get back to the top lol. 

They really need to add the ability to pin 📌 conversations to the top. I've said it before a few times but no one listens 😆. 

I get the site is clunky but it a woman sees your shining light then she’ll make sure you are the top of the pile. I use the old fashioned, paper and pen to keep track of what and who 😇⛈

[Mr-Brown]

44 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

I get the site is clunky but it a woman sees your shining light then she’ll make sure you are the top of the pile. I use the old fashioned, paper and pen to keep track of what and who 😇⛈

Well you sound very organised 😁. Wish more were but unfortunately they aren't 😌

[MisstressStorm]

1 minute ago, Mr-Brown said:

Well you sound very organised 😁. Wish more were but unfortunately they aren't 😌

Hard facts are that the women have all the Ace cards - no matter what you wish. Be the diamond they can’t ignore 😈🖤

[Mr-Brown]

4 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

Hard facts are that the women have all the Ace cards - no matter what you wish. Be the diamond they can’t ignore 😈🖤

Oh I know they are the ones who are in charge.

Some actual want real diamonds though 🫰🐷 🤣🤣

[MisstressStorm]

4 minutes ago, Mr-Brown said:

Oh I know they are the ones who are in charge.

Some actual want real diamonds though 🫰🐷 🤣🤣

 

4 minutes ago, Mr-Brown said:

Oh I know they are the ones who are in charge.

Some actual want real diamonds though 🫰🐷 🤣🤣

Best of luck. ⛈

Edited August 2, 2023 by MisstressStorm
Mis spelling

[ex****]

I am new to the fetish world only a year in , and I know what you are saying is true. Few women and many men in dating pool. I often feel bad at how difficult it is for men to get dates. Then the scammers and sites trying to gouge *** out of you are also difficult. I am bombarded with so many choices and honestly it is hard to narrow down and choose who to converse with. Any man that bothers to try and know me as a person and not just sexually is who gets my attention.

[Stumofun]

It is comforting to see other men talking about these shared experiences. Thank you, brothers!

[Da****]

I know what you are saying... As a couple looking for another woman, it's even harder. We are genuinely looking for more the just a unicorn we want that kitchen table type poly relationship with someone that extends past sex

[Ar****]

6 hours ago, FetishKing69 said:

I also pose another question. How many men have actually been messaged by a female?

This could be a whole new forum topic! 😂

Add me to the list. Sometimes it's been on a friendly level and other times I've been messaged with more personal or salacious intentions; oftentimes these contacts have led to friendship, and some of them have led to more.

It's really not dissimilar to my experiences of when I've been the one to send the first message... almost as though we aren't as different as it might sometimes seem 👀

[Mi****]

It truly is difficult to find a partner as a man looking for a woman partner. It’s quite discouraging.

[Je****]

I don't think it is really women having a larger pool to "choose" from. There are more men sure, more vying for women's attention but as a lady figure, I get bombarded. And for me there is 0 choice.
Sites like this especially, all I get (and I'm sure many do), is nothing but smut, demands, ridiculed, taunted, objectified, spoke down to, *** and unwanted fantasies and "what they will do to me.." comments. This is far from ideal.
So much so, I have actually went completely off men for the last 6 months.
Now I do have a male partner. Who I met here, who introduced me to poly, and have been togther for 3yrs, and live together.
This was someone I crossed paths with by chance. He was polite and kind and actually didn't advance on me. We naturally grew close.
Had he of "tried" and went the route 99% of other guys have, I probably wouldn't have ever considered him.

.
However, we are both poly, used to be solo dating others but for me especially it has been sooooo difficult I all but gave up. I am either bisexual or pansexual. I don't know 100% which as I have massively went off men (besides him) and he's only into women. So, with me also liking women, we agreed to date as a couple.
Try more than a unicorn so to speak, to actually date, not just play, with another girl.
Though we had found one, but stuff came up on her end and things got called off.
Gave up for now with personal stuff happening but want to try the search again in a couple of weeks.
It is so difficult to find someone into us both. Who wants to stick around as a throuple, who even wants just sexy fun.

.
Even trying alone, it was hard for me to try with a girl. Got no where.
But for me/us, I believe if and when we are meant to meet that special person, we will come across her as naturally as we found each other.

[MisstressStorm]

11 minutes ago, MissouriBoy said:

It truly is difficult to find a partner as a man looking for a woman partner. It’s quite discouraging.

What about your profile is attractive to the person you want to attract?  ⛈

[deleteplease]

Its just sad to be honest. Ive spoke to some good people on here that are scene based and just found a cool safe space club in my area. However the dateing side of things on here is dire, there are women here but alot get scared off by the preditors and pervs. the genuine guys dont get a look in as the preditors and fake doms are on the new comers right away. Free vanila sites are in a similar situation. 

whilst it takes away some of the comunity aspect making people pay might be an answer to weed out the fakes n at least some of the fake doms

[Th****]

Oh boy there's so much to unpack here. But first...

@CopperKnobhey lady, happy to see you around and a great round of applause and ditto to pretty much everything you said. @gemini_man you really are a Gem 😉 you could give lessons, but we already know how often the advice is taken. 🙄 Yet you kindly and patiently continue offering it. It's definitely part of what makes you a favorite. @MisstressStorm right on *** 💅 so many excellent points. If a woman you're messaging with truly has enjoyed the experience she won't lose you, and I don't even use paper and pen. There are filters and I'm pretty sure you can pin conversations to the top, though I believe the site calls it "highlited" not pinned. Yes effort does have to be made. @Jeneral_WhoreI swear, men really are their own worst enemy so much of the time, really. All the whining, yes I said whining boys, about oh it's so hard to find a woman because of all the other menz. 🙄 When the reality is they're just cockblocking themselves. 

Guys, I'mma let you in on a little secret. You aren't competing with other men. You're competing with our option to not choose anyone. In your eyes it may seem like we have a whole sea of choice but the reality is it's slim picking. Another tip, we watch how you behave and interact when you participate in chat and the forum. It's important to me at least, and I'd venture to say for a lot of other women as well, how you treat other people and how you talk about other people. It's a fair indicator of your character and thus how you might behave towards us as well. 

OP, you've been given some really good advice here and with nearly every bit you had some woe is me negative response to it. *Many* women are moving towards only meeting at events and munches now, not just a public place for a coffee but a safe environment where they have friends. It's really off-putting if a guy won't shell out the bucks for a single drink and a tip as well as having the mindset of only wanting to go to "find a female". Maybe the reason you've been ignored is they can tell your motives for being there. Have you gone to the same munch consistently and not just once with "no luck" then write it off? Don't go to events to "find someone". Go to socialize, make friends, network. *SHOW* people what (if anything) you have to offer. Guess what, friends generally like introducing friends to other friends they think they'd like or get along with. 

From your profile and this thread alone there's several off-putting things if not actual red flags for many women. But you probably don't want to hear about it, and would rather blame any other thing than change anything you're doing. 

 

Oh, PS... I have and will send a first message but it's rare to be compelled to do so, often been because of positive interactions in the forums as well as a stellar profile and never has it been a come on. I want to get a measure of someone first because I'm certainly not interested in anything more if I wouldn't even have you as a friend. 

 

Edited August 3, 2023 by ThaliaVirago
PS

[ey****]

As a thing... let's just say that tonight... a lady in your rough area signs up to the site looking for a long term relationship (or hook up, whatever) and she is actually really keen to meet someone

why is she picking you?

can she see what you look like (do you have a profile pic) can she see you're 'genuine' (writing "I am genuine", "I am nice" is not enough here) if she messages you, can you actually converse with her (or are you going to make her pose on one leg holding a newspaper with today's date on?) would you accept she may be messaging with other people and not to feel threatened by this? Are you pinning too much hope on this going somewhere? And will 'ooh she messaged me first?', 'ooh she replied', 'ooh we're going on a date?' be enough for you?

and most importantly....  are you even 'picking' her - is she in any way what you're looking for or are you just engaging cos she's shown interest and you're desperate for anything?

 

 

[Th****]

23 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

and most importantly....  are you even 'picking' her - is she in any way what you're looking for or are you just engaging cos she's shown interest and you're desperate for anything?

Ooh, excellent point Eyem. We can smell it on you if you're an "any warm body will do" type, and it stinks. 

I promise you men. There *are* women who want hookups and casual arrangements. I know because we talk about these things. They're still discerning though and a man who isn't is yikes. 

Edited August 3, 2023 by ThaliaVirago

[deleteplease]

@ ThaliaVirago you have some good points. Ive had a long break from both the kink and vanilla dating scene also relationships in general. Ive come back and its changed, changed in a big way.

I used to go out and be able to talk to and pick girls up but as ive got older i dont want that so tryed net dating and it was easy to stike up good conversations. my last two serious relationships were off dating sites. however dating sites have become less safe, more scammers and more fast paced. the net in general has become more *** focused and fast paced. dating sites of all kinds have changed. there used to be community and friendships built on sites like this, whilst its still present here its much less so. there is a sinister underbelly here now ive spent some time here. I do believe it makes alot of people very cautions. While we are on a sex site is that the only reason we are here?

I know where I'm going wrong at times and I know my faults. I think your right that its better to meet at genuine events. Theres alot around me in walking distance however I dont drink or like bars anymore so I wont go to the munch, Ive joined a local bdsm club but due to ptsd i often get uncomfortable in large groups.  So net dating is now better for me, but the net changed not me . 

Its not all bad though I've met some cool people here, just not the one for me. I do get lots of replies and will meet someone eventually.

Edited August 3, 2023 by Bennydnr

[MisstressStorm]

13 minutes ago, Bennydnr said:

@ ThaliaVirago you have some good points. Ive had a long break from both the kink and vanilla dating scene also relationships in general. Ive come back and its changed, changed in a big way.

I used to go out and be able to talk to and pick girls up but as ive got older i dont want that so tryed net dating and it was easy to stike up good conversations. my last two serious relationships were off dating sites. however dating sites have become less safe, more scammers and more fast paced. the net in general has become more *** focused and fast paced. dating sites of all kinds have changed. there used to be community and friendships built on sites like this, whilst its still present here its much less so. there is a sinister underbelly here now ive spent some time here. I do believe it makes alot of people very cautions. While we are on a sex site is that the only reason we are here?

I know where I'm going wrong at times and I know my faults. I think your right that its better to meet at genuine events. Theres alot around me in walking distance however I dont drink or like bars anymore so I wont go to the munch, Ive joined a local bdsm club but due to ptsd i often get uncomfortable in large groups.  So net dating is now better for me, but the net changed not me . 

Its not all bad though I've met some cool people here, just not the one for me. I do get lots of replies and will meet someone eventually.

What works for me is to buddy up with accounts that share your values. Mine mainly revolve around D/s dynamics cause that’s my particular Kink . I have a need to match-make that I should really reign in ! 
Due to my PTSD , my pissy button is often overworked so I check in with another trusted Kinkster to see if I’m being unreasonable- cause Dommes are accountable too.

DM me if you like, no problem if you don’t ⛈

[ge****]

22 minutes ago, Bennydnr said:

@ ThaliaVirago you have some good points. Ive had a long break from both the kink and vanilla dating scene also relationships in general. Ive come back and its changed, changed in a big way.

I used to go out and be able to talk to and pick girls up but as ive got older i dont want that so tryed net dating and it was easy to stike up good conversations. my last two serious relationships were off dating sites. however dating sites have become less safe, more scammers and more fast paced. the net in general has become more *** focused and fast paced. dating sites of all kinds have changed. there used to be community and friendships built on sites like this, whilst its still present here its much less so. there is a sinister underbelly here now ive spent some time here. I do believe it makes alot of people very cautions. While we are on a sex site is that the only reason we are here?

I know where I'm going wrong at times and I know my faults. I think your right that its better to meet at genuine events. Theres alot around me in walking distance however I dont drink or like bars anymore so I wont go to the munch, Ive joined a local bdsm club but due to ptsd i often get uncomfortable in large groups.  So net dating is now better for me, but the net changed not me . 

Its not all bad though I've met some cool people here, just not the one for me. I do get lots of replies and will meet someone eventually.

Whilst I do think there is a greater prevalence of those out to scam or part you with your *** - they are easily avoided if you keep your wits about you.
.
I also don't think meeting people at events is the *only* way and it's entirely possible to meet good people on-line with the right approach, expectations, attitude etc and have done so many times in the past.
.
Ultimately though I think your last paragraph is the most telling - the whole meeting the "one for me" thing - and that is the same whether it's in person meets or on-line, and where a lot of guys let themselves down because they're not necessarily looking for the "one for me" they're just looking for anyone that will give them attention on sites like this, and that comes across in their interactions which in turn leads to their own frustrations.
.
Of course finding the "one for me" comes with it's own complexities and difficulties but why compromise it? Speaks volumes about their true intent if people do really.
.
Approaching sites like this with an expectation of getting a meet any meet, is totally the wrong approach and will result in frustration - it's far more nuanced and complex than that and requires building connection and chemistry with people just as you would with any relationship off line

[deleteplease]

3 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Whilst I do think there is a greater prevalence of those out to scam or part you with your *** - they are easily avoided if you keep your wits about you.
.
I also don't think meeting people at events is the *only* way and it's entirely possible to meet good people on-line with the right approach, expectations, attitude etc and have done so many times in the past.
.
Ultimately though I think your last paragraph is the most telling - the whole meeting the "one for me" thing - and that is the same whether it's in person meets or on-line, and where a lot of guys let themselves down because they're not necessarily looking for the "one for me" they're just looking for anyone that will give them attention on sites like this, and that comes across in their interactions which in turn leads to their own frustrations.
.
Of course finding the "one for me" comes with it's own complexities and difficulties but why compromise it? Speaks volumes about their true intent if people do really.
.
Approaching sites like this with an expectation of getting a meet any meet, is totally the wrong approach and will result in frustration - it's far more nuanced and complex than that and requires building connection and chemistry with people just as you would with any relationship off line

 

[deleteplease]

dont know how to quote @gemini_mannah I'm fine on here and am back on the scene. However just after a long time in the military , 2 tours in war zones and a long time in prison  ive a low tolerance for predators and sex offenders. Thats whats getting my back up. I am looking, I dont see any issues in that.

[deleteplease]

11 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

What works for me is to buddy up with accounts that share your values. Mine mainly revolve around D/s dynamics cause that’s my particular Kink . I have a need to match-make that I should really reign in ! 
Due to my PTSD , my pissy button is often overworked so I check in with another trusted Kinkster to see if I’m being unreasonable- cause Dommes are accountable too.

DM me if you like, no problem if you don’t ⛈

How do you do the quote thing? is it working? lmao

yea your prof seems spot on. I like alot of the old school people on here.

I'm not moning at my situation, I'm doing fine, its the fakes and nonces on here I'm moaning at as its spoiling it for genuine and *** people. I've herd the storys already.

There are women scammers here as well. 

I'll dm you

[MisstressStorm]

15 minutes ago, Bennydnr said:

How do you do the quote thing? is it working? lmao

yea your prof seems spot on. I like alot of the old school people on here.

I'm not moning at my situation, I'm doing fine, its the fakes and nonces on here I'm moaning at as its spoiling it for genuine and *** people. I've herd the storys already.

There are women scammers here as well. 

I'll dm you

Yeah there are scammers of every type - Some ‘mistresses’ are just scammers in a corset and prey on the submissive and thirsty men. Blackmail is another ugly tool they use on the unwary. As @gemini_man says be savvy. The submissives on my accounts will alert me if a woman rocks up on their account trying to extort *** because subs are mindless drones ( satire ) and I call then out ‘ report. But there are Fin Dommes, Pro Dommes and sex workers that are genuine and upfront and some men/women have a kink to pay for contact with those groups- no shame here 💪🏻⛈

[deleteplease]

4 minutes ago, MisstressStorm said:

Yeah there are scammers of every type - Some ‘mistresses’ are just scammers in a corset and prey on the submissive and thirsty men. Blackmail is another ugly tool they use on the unwary. As @gemini_man says be savvy. The submissives on my accounts will alert me if a woman rocks up on their account trying to extort *** because subs are mindless drones ( satire ) and I call then out ‘ report. But there are Fin Dommes, Pro Dommes and sex workers that are genuine and upfront and some men/women have a kink to pay for contact with those groups- no shame here 💪🏻⛈

thats the way of the web now storm, on vanilla sites there there in a diffrent form. its an ugly place. wolfs amongst sheep....

[MisstressStorm]

Just now, Bennydnr said:

thats the way of the web now storm, on vanilla sites there there in a diffrent form. its an ugly place. wolfs amongst sheep....

My alter ego Willow - my day to day self ( yes I don’t sit around in my pvc waiting for your call  Men of Fet ) is on a Dating site and yes there are just as many or more toxic , entitled men. I’m closing that account and not opening another. Kink is my Tribe 🖤