Sex life in marriage has dried up

[Deleted Member]

Talk to her. Communication is key. Cliche, but yeah. Start there.

[Se****]

I definitely know the feeling. I think the problem is females. I definitely have that problem with my wife too. All though we are technically divorced, or so she thinks. But marriage is forever. So, I haven't gotten anything in 2 years.

[Deleted Member]

Something needs to be fixed but definitely start improving your self like hitting the gym. Your self image is super important because that translates to how other ls perceive you in real life. This might seem like wrong advice to others but get with the guys If you have any and start talking to other women.

[Po****]

Give her time to unwind and feel sexy....tell her your expectations. Then play the song in your eyes by Peter Gabriel. With emphasis on the line "I get so tired, working hard for our survival. I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive" 🎼🎼 those lyrics make me want to give my husband everything .

[Tr****]

There's a lot of legit comments on here i want to say, i think planning a date that's reminiscent to what made you both fall in love is a good idea, get her in the feels a bit and see how she reacts, if it goes well have a talk and remind her that you're there for her, if it doesn't go well i would have a slightly different conversation, saying we need to talk, or we need counseling, or setting her up for a very personal conversation in a public place are all things she could get really defensive about and they will backfire, showing consideration and empathy can help with tackling hard convos like this, but be strong, show your vulnerability but be the rock she needs, hoping it's nothing with infidelity and you two can reconnect, good luck my friend 👍

[Charms]

5 hours ago, SeymourBrian said:

I definitely know the feeling. I think the problem is females. I definitely have that problem with my wife too. All though we are technically divorced, or so she thinks. But marriage is forever. So, I haven't gotten anything in 2 years.

You can not say that. If your nearly divorced then your are. You can not class as being togther.

 

People wish there marriage was for life . No 1 on there wedding day thinks there going to get divorced. When I got married I meant my vows . But I'm no longer married. I fount out he was on swingers websites sites ect.

 

It was not what I agreed to. Things happened were no longer togther. And before anyone says why didn't you try kink stuff we were kinksters for 14 years. If he'd of told me he wanted to be a swinger we could of spoke about it.

 

I'm happy now with my master.  

 

[Tr****]

If it's not too far gone just start hitting on her again. Tell you that she's pretty when she first wakes up, hug her from behind when she's not looking, give her sweet little kisses, and slap her butt once in a while. If you do things like this sparingly over a few days it will highten her sex drive and receptivity. Which allows you to bring up the subject from a good starting place.

[Al****]

Do the positive things now, see what Trashking said, and Travibara. You need to both get to the situation you can both talk without getting angry.

You need to let her talk openly so she will tell you the truth and you find out what the issue(s) is / are.

Then ask her for her suggestions / way forward if she’ll let you make your own suggestions on a way forward.

Then stop there so you can assess the situation again. Be clear what the issues are, get clarification from her. Then stop and let her be telling her you’ll think about a way forward and you need time to think before talking about it again.

[UK****]

15 hours ago, bournemouth420 said:

Any advice here? My sex life in my marriage has pretty much ended. Looking for ways to get things going again. I'm not the most attractive or well endowed guy out there but I know how to please my wife. I just don't get the chance to anymore 😕

There are a couple of big assumptions in here.  First that she may not find you attractive anymore and second that spicing things up would be the answer.

As others have said, you need to talk.  Find out what are the reasons.  Only then can you really address them.

[DarkArts1066]

Firstly, I’m going to ask - do you love your wife ?
Do you believe that she loves you ?

Relationships can become stale for so many reasons. I myself was in what was effectively a sexless marriage for over three years at one point. We slept in separate rooms, and had sex when my wife wanted - and initiated it. More often than not, she would have me please her manually or orally, and then just roll over and sleep. If I attempted to initiate anything, there was always a reason why we couldn’t have sex.
I stayed for three years, trying to fix that relationship - but it was broken beyond repair.

I came to realise that relationship was already broken when my sex life went the same way. She had already fallen out of love with me, when our sex life failed.
We have both been happily divorced for over ten years now.

The advice already offered here is sound. Take it from someone who has been where you are, and knows.

You need to talk.

Find out what the problem is. Sometimes it’s *** related. I discovered that my wife had endometriosis - as well as early onset menopause.
I wish we’d talked about that when she first started to experience it, but we didn’t. From there, our relationship fell apart.

Unless you find out what the root cause is, you will NOT solve your problem.

Try to approach the conversations calmly, openly and honestly…. both of you.

Don’t attempt to lay blame. It’s easier to talk, if it is nobody’s fault.

It may be fixable- she may want more sponteneity, she may want to wind back to when you were dating - and she felt more valued. Work, ***, Health and *** issues all play a part in how our relationships work - or don’t work.

And if then - and only when you have exhausted all lines of conversation, and if there is still love there between the two of you, and sex is, for some reason, the issue, consider having another frank and open discussion about where you go from there. Perhaps an open relationship might be the way forward - IF both parties agree.

[Deleted Member]

Talk, don’t assume you know what is going on in her world. I’d start with just general relationship stuff before diving into what your issues are. Find out her honest take on the relationship.
You might like the answers and you may not see them coming. Don’t be defensive, listen and then talk.
If nothing else it’ll clear the air and you can plan things going forward. Good luck 🤞

[hy****]

well said darkart1066

[Tr****]

Wednesday at 10:45 PM, ViktorParker said:

Take her to dinner with good food and good music not to loud. Then discuss your concerns. If they are not favorably, get a side piece.

Don’t get a side piece - discuss how you are going to move forward to be happy.

[Tr****]

Having been on the other side of this, you need to talk to her. If she doesn’t want to, I am sorry, it’s time to find your happy elsewhere.
Things you can try - romance - bring home flowers, take her out to dinner and a movie, spontaneously;

Others have said it - find out who she is now and TALK to each other.

It may be that you waited too late and her heart is closed. That will be discovered in conversation. But if there is a chance, that will also be discovered in conversation.

If it is medical or psychological, again… being open and kind and loving in conversation, is the only way to move thru it together.

Good luck

[Deleted Member]

She’s got great relationship game changers

https://instagram.com/kimanami?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

[Th****]

9 hours ago, TranquilAtKaoStn said:

Having been on the other side of this, you need to talk to her. If she doesn’t want to, I am sorry, it’s time to find your happy elsewhere.
Things you can try - romance - bring home flowers, take her out to dinner and a movie, spontaneously;

Others have said it - find out who she is now and TALK to each other.

It may be that you waited too late and her heart is closed. That will be discovered in conversation. But if there is a chance, that will also be discovered in conversation.

If it is medical or psychological, again… being open and kind and loving in conversation, is the only way to move thru it together.

Good luck

@bournemouth420 this 👆 is another excellent comment. 

 

I've been on the other side of this situation as well. For me personally, it wasn't about physical attraction, him going to the gym would have made a lick of difference I still found him attractive. My sex drive also wasn't the problem, I've nearly always wanted more sex than than he did, outside of the period where I had severe PPD/PPA. 

For us it was the relationship and my emotional needs not being met, I also grew a lot as a person and he either wouldn't or couldn't work on his shit. The state of the relationship and his behavior is what made sex with *him* increasingly unsatisfying, as well as him being selfish and lazy sexually. 

 

No, I wasn't seeing or having sex with anyone else on the side, don't assume cheating. 🙄

If there *is* a physical or psychological reason, there are still relationship issues because you haven't talked about it. 

I hope she hasn't been, but it's also possible she was faking orgasms before and the two of you need to communicate better around sex as well, still comes back to relationship and communication issues. 

Don't come from a place of "why hasn't she discussed this with me" come from a place of "what can I do to help her be more comfortable and safe/able to talk to me about these things". 

As Tranquil said too, it may be too late. She may be emotionally past the point of fixing things but the only way to know is to *talk*. 

[Bi****]

Set “date nights” not married but been with mine for 14years
It helped

[ba****]

Have *** work done for both your hormone levels maybe she is low on testosterone which drives her sex drive

[Ae****]

Get to the bottom of why she's not intu sex anymore.
She was at one point.
So it can be done - you can get that back. You just need find out what's getting in the way.

Once you've done that, then you can get to the bottom of her 😉

It's a big task, good luck ❤️

[Deleted Member]

I'm sorry to hear that, it sucks! 😓 I would say just let your heart lead the way, find new ways to please yourself and her, live new experiences, etc. 👍

[Ni****]

You should become a hot wife with your husband's consent. I bull for hot wives and many husbands would rather have someone else satisfy their wife. More husbands lose their wives to me during fantasy football League Time apparently 😘

[Ni****]

Oh you're saying that she doesn't have her sex drive. Same problem a lot of couples have apparently when one person has a drive and one doesn't.

[Ni****]

Doesn't mean they don't love you they just are not into sex. Find a partner who is if your other will let you be polyamorous

[Deleted Member]

Walk away! Or at least book a trip for a few days. Give her her a chance to miss you and make her wonder what you do. Plus never say to yourself that you are not the most attractive or… You project that on whoever around you. Think about the sexual energy you have within and multiply it in your mind on daily basis.

Do you wanna have sex with someone who is not sexually confident?

[Deleted Member]

On 8/9/2023 at 5:48 PM, highlands543 said:

If she doesn’t let you ! That’s big red flag like it don’t take much effort for her at all , ask her to see her phone is she freaks out run !

Because that’s not a toxic mentality to have or anything. It doesn’t take much effort to show your woman appreciation either, yet a lot of the time in these types of situations lack thereof is what’s keeping us women from putting out and giving in. Self projection and assumptions will only further push a woman away who already feels distanced from her partner. Just sayin’.