Sex life in marriage has dried up

[Deleted Member]

Things you might take into consideration: her age, any new medications she might be on, perhaps it's medical or hormones and she needs to get it checked out. Maybe stress or emotions. It's not always physical....men just seem to think it is. Only way to know is to talk about it

[ab****]

Engaged here but our sex life is not in existence anymore I don't want to leave but I'm not trying to be with someone if they can't perform with me. I'm 29 he's 45 it may b his age or he's cheating I can get him hard he just won't do anything n says his hips hurt or stress it's been 3 weeks longest its been is a month over the last 4 months we used to all the time

[cu****]

My partner N I would interact several times throughout the days for the first few years but recently everything has changed. From the times we were close throughout the days, all the way down to the way his attention to detail was. I honestly feel there is someone or something that has his attention.
I am confused on what to do, think if he really loved me honesty would clear up a tripping mind cause honest it could be just that.

[Esinem]

My partner and I teach shibari (See Kink Academy for our tutorials), which could be one way of rekindling the flame. I recall doing some workshops in Hong Kong where there was a couple in a similar lack lustre situation, on the verge of divorce. After the class, they told us that it had gone a massive way towards restoring their connection and intimacy

I should point out that shibari, done properly, is far more than just restraint/bondage. It's all about connection, be that sensual, dominant or SM. It's a whole language. As my Japanese teachers say: "The rope is a tool of communication" and "It's an extension of your hands" ;-) It is also a very interesting way to flip the dynamic if the typically more pro-active/dominant partner is tied.

Do you think shibari classes aimed specifically at restoring the spark would be popular?

[sm****]

Mensoause has killed mine too ! She like 0 sex now

[ro****]

I've been your partner, in different relationships (not all serious) for different reasons.

I cannot say why she is seemingly no longer interested, there could be a multitude of reasons why. It's something you have to have a gentle conversation about together.

The aim of the conversation is to identify key issues together, so keeping calm and focused on the end goal is important. If it digresses into blaming each other/extreme frustration or negative emotions with each other to the point you're not working towards the same outcome, pause and reset. It may take a few conversations.

She has to be open to discussing it too, which may mean a few pre conversations before the main one/s to see what is going on in her life, and to address any of her concerns that might be taking precedence over sex. (Be mindful that if you come at it solely from a sexual angle, in a conversation about sex, she may feel her concerns are not being addressed seriously/ the care for her only extends as far as sex.)


One thing I find can help guide conversations around reduced intimacy is looking at sex a little bit like driving a car, and seeing what acts as a brake and what as an accelerator.

Accelerators are the things that make sex appealing. A nice date (whether that's going out for dinner or chilling on the couch with boardgames and a movie). Setting the bedroom up to build the mood. Spending quality time together without expectation for sex (goes a long way for general intimacy). You took the time to fold the laundry and she appreciates the act of service. You offer verbal affirmation.

Brakes are the things that get in the way of sex.
She's in bed with you but can't stop thinking about the crisis at work. Her moods have been really low and she can't seem to shake them. The pleasure isn't there, or the sex feels repetitive. The emotional intimacy aspect is missing. The sex is ***ful. You've had so many disconnected attempts at sex she's scared to try and 'fail' again. (And I hate to add this one; possible *** or assault - not meaning by/blaming OP).

Addressing the brakes is just as important as figuring out the accelerators.

Also consider hormones. Menopause, medications (especially birth control and certain antidepressants), certain medical conditions, and pregnancy can all alter interest in intimacy.

[Deleted Member]

September 28, ropebratlittle4u said:

I've been your partner, in different relationships (not all serious) for different reasons.

I cannot say why she is seemingly no longer interested, there could be a multitude of reasons why. It's something you have to have a gentle conversation about together.

The aim of the conversation is to identify key issues together, so keeping calm and focused on the end goal is important. If it digresses into blaming each other/extreme frustration or negative emotions with each other to the point you're not working towards the same outcome, pause and reset. It may take a few conversations.

She has to be open to discussing it too, which may mean a few pre conversations before the main one/s to see what is going on in her life, and to address any of her concerns that might be taking precedence over sex. (Be mindful that if you come at it solely from a sexual angle, in a conversation about sex, she may feel her concerns are not being addressed seriously/ the care for her only extends as far as sex.)


One thing I find can help guide conversations around reduced intimacy is looking at sex a little bit like driving a car, and seeing what acts as a brake and what as an accelerator.

Accelerators are the things that make sex appealing. A nice date (whether that's going out for dinner or chilling on the couch with boardgames and a movie). Setting the bedroom up to build the mood. Spending quality time together without expectation for sex (goes a long way for general intimacy). You took the time to fold the laundry and she appreciates the act of service. You offer verbal affirmation.

Brakes are the things that get in the way of sex.
She's in bed with you but can't stop thinking about the crisis at work. Her moods have been really low and she can't seem to shake them. The pleasure isn't there, or the sex feels repetitive. The emotional intimacy aspect is missing. The sex is ***ful. You've had so many disconnected attempts at sex she's scared to try and 'fail' again. (And I hate to add this one; possible *** or assault - not meaning by/blaming OP).

Addressing the brakes is just as important as figuring out the accelerators.

Also consider hormones. Menopause, medications (especially birth control and certain antidepressants), certain medical conditions, and pregnancy can all alter interest in intimacy.

What a very truthful blog you have brought up, I am now a mature married monogamous man suppressed kinkster lover who has been cheating on and discarded into dangerous places but haven't physically had an affair, for a number of reasons staying together but enduring physical and physical afflicted avoid outside contact socially angry at the loss of my kinkster side at the cost of being healthy