Sex life in marriage has dried up

[Deleted Member]

Things you might take into consideration: her age, any new medications she might be on, perhaps it's medical or hormones and she needs to get it checked out. Maybe stress or emotions. It's not always physical....men just seem to think it is. Only way to know is to talk about it

[ab****]

Engaged here but our sex life is not in existence anymore I don't want to leave but I'm not trying to be with someone if they can't perform with me. I'm 29 he's 45 it may b his age or he's cheating I can get him hard he just won't do anything n says his hips hurt or stress it's been 3 weeks longest its been is a month over the last 4 months we used to all the time

[cu****]

My partner N I would interact several times throughout the days for the first few years but recently everything has changed. From the times we were close throughout the days, all the way down to the way his attention to detail was. I honestly feel there is someone or something that has his attention.
I am confused on what to do, think if he really loved me honesty would clear up a tripping mind cause honest it could be just that.

[Esinem]

My partner and I teach shibari (See Kink Academy for our tutorials), which could be one way of rekindling the flame. I recall doing some workshops in Hong Kong where there was a couple in a similar lack lustre situation, on the verge of divorce. After the class, they told us that it had gone a massive way towards restoring their connection and intimacy

I should point out that shibari, done properly, is far more than just restraint/bondage. It's all about connection, be that sensual, dominant or SM. It's a whole language. As my Japanese teachers say: "The rope is a tool of communication" and "It's an extension of your hands" ;-) It is also a very interesting way to flip the dynamic if the typically more pro-active/dominant partner is tied.

Do you think shibari classes aimed specifically at restoring the spark would be popular?

[sm****]

Mensoause has killed mine too ! She like 0 sex now

[ro****]

I've been your partner, in different relationships (not all serious) for different reasons.

I cannot say why she is seemingly no longer interested, there could be a multitude of reasons why. It's something you have to have a gentle conversation about together.

The aim of the conversation is to identify key issues together, so keeping calm and focused on the end goal is important. If it digresses into blaming each other/extreme frustration or negative emotions with each other to the point you're not working towards the same outcome, pause and reset. It may take a few conversations.

She has to be open to discussing it too, which may mean a few pre conversations before the main one/s to see what is going on in her life, and to address any of her concerns that might be taking precedence over sex. (Be mindful that if you come at it solely from a sexual angle, in a conversation about sex, she may feel her concerns are not being addressed seriously/ the care for her only extends as far as sex.)


One thing I find can help guide conversations around reduced intimacy is looking at sex a little bit like driving a car, and seeing what acts as a brake and what as an accelerator.

Accelerators are the things that make sex appealing. A nice date (whether that's going out for dinner or chilling on the couch with boardgames and a movie). Setting the bedroom up to build the mood. Spending quality time together without expectation for sex (goes a long way for general intimacy). You took the time to fold the laundry and she appreciates the act of service. You offer verbal affirmation.

Brakes are the things that get in the way of sex.
She's in bed with you but can't stop thinking about the crisis at work. Her moods have been really low and she can't seem to shake them. The pleasure isn't there, or the sex feels repetitive. The emotional intimacy aspect is missing. The sex is ***ful. You've had so many disconnected attempts at sex she's scared to try and 'fail' again. (And I hate to add this one; possible *** or *** - not meaning by/blaming OP).

Addressing the brakes is just as important as figuring out the accelerators.

Also consider hormones. Menopause, medications (especially birth control and certain antidepressants), certain medical conditions, and pregnancy can all alter interest in intimacy.

[Deleted Member]

September 28, ropebratlittle4u said:

I've been your partner, in different relationships (not all serious) for different reasons.

I cannot say why she is seemingly no longer interested, there could be a multitude of reasons why. It's something you have to have a gentle conversation about together.

The aim of the conversation is to identify key issues together, so keeping calm and focused on the end goal is important. If it digresses into blaming each other/extreme frustration or negative emotions with each other to the point you're not working towards the same outcome, pause and reset. It may take a few conversations.

She has to be open to discussing it too, which may mean a few pre conversations before the main one/s to see what is going on in her life, and to address any of her concerns that might be taking precedence over sex. (Be mindful that if you come at it solely from a sexual angle, in a conversation about sex, she may feel her concerns are not being addressed seriously/ the care for her only extends as far as sex.)


One thing I find can help guide conversations around reduced intimacy is looking at sex a little bit like driving a car, and seeing what acts as a brake and what as an accelerator.

Accelerators are the things that make sex appealing. A nice date (whether that's going out for dinner or chilling on the couch with boardgames and a movie). Setting the bedroom up to build the mood. Spending quality time together without expectation for sex (goes a long way for general intimacy). You took the time to fold the laundry and she appreciates the act of service. You offer verbal affirmation.

Brakes are the things that get in the way of sex.
She's in bed with you but can't stop thinking about the crisis at work. Her moods have been really low and she can't seem to shake them. The pleasure isn't there, or the sex feels repetitive. The emotional intimacy aspect is missing. The sex is ***ful. You've had so many disconnected attempts at sex she's scared to try and 'fail' again. (And I hate to add this one; possible *** or *** - not meaning by/blaming OP).

Addressing the brakes is just as important as figuring out the accelerators.

Also consider hormones. Menopause, medications (especially birth control and certain antidepressants), certain medical conditions, and pregnancy can all alter interest in intimacy.

What a very truthful blog you have brought up, I am now a mature married monogamous man suppressed kinkster lover who has been cheating on and discarded into dangerous places but haven't physically had an affair, for a number of reasons staying together but enduring physical and physical afflicted avoid outside contact socially angry at the loss of my kinkster side at the cost of being healthy

[Da****]

Honestly, the biggest reasons sexual energies fade over time are usually one of the following... Stress, loss of communication, health issues, or loss of confidence. I'm going to start with the last one because it is usually the culprit when it comes to desire meets brick wall. When's the last time you helped him or her feel sexy about themselves? Maybe sneak into their lingerie drawer to get sizes and buy them a sexy little outfit, or treat them to a spa with maybe mutual massages, or gotten in the shower with them so you can be intimate with slippery soap and fingers roaming? It usually doesn't take much to make someone feel sexy when you've been intimate with them before. ....Meanwhile, Stress comes in many forms, ie. Financial, kids, work, etc. The easiest way to reduce stress is to see where you can help them out in a way that they'll notice. Then it's just a matter of foreplay from then on.
... Health issues can also cause lapses in sexual energy, but there are plenty of ways to increase the libido naturally vs turning to enhancement pills. Do some research and you'll find hundreds of ways depending on what's causing the reduction.
... Last but not least is Communication. Often enough, most couples lose sexual relations because their desires have changed and don't discuss it with each other. Experimentation is always a good thing, in these cases, along with talking about it before and after. Even something as simple as mutual masturbation can teach each other things they didn't know about each other, even with the months or years of being married for so long.

[Deleted Member]

Maybe trade the old hag in for a new filly? IDK? You know, Buddha saw this coming. He found out that it was desire itself that caused ***, suffering, disappointment & dissatisfaction with life. It all gets old after awhile, dude. It's the constant cycle of samsara & the only way out of this prison hell is through compassion & the Middle Path.

[fo****]

Karmamudra is the answer

[hi****]

Keep at it. Partners don't always get it together exactly on time. If there was a period when one didn't feel like it or rejected advanced to make the desire build. Then if the tables turn and that partner says they're not a light switch things can soon go south. Good news is embers can be rekindled and burst into infernos. Go easy with each other were6 not robots and you can explore new fun ways from now on.

[Ll****]

Tell her you'll find it elsewhere if she doesn't fulfill her duties. Jealousy is a heck of a motivator. Otherwise she lost all respect for you and the attraction is gone and you'll probably have to replace her honestly. Once you loose a woman mentally it's almost impossible to get her back.

[fo****]

I hope this person figure something out 3

[ve****]

This is very much my problem 😕. Don’t want to physically be intimate with anyone else, but would like to talk about sex and kinks with someone else who is actually interested in it 🤔