Conversation starter tips

[an****]

New to this whole thing and trying to get myself out there without sounding a creep, best way to go about it?

[Ra****]

I enjoy when someone reads my profile and references something from it to open a discussion or tell me that they’re into similar things. An instant mood killer is someone that goes straight in with no greeting. Also, several messages in a row is not a good look for me. 🖤

[ge****]

Be yourself first and foremost, be respectful and considerate, show a little of your personality and don't go in with crude messages detailing what you want.
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Approach people as people and not sex objects.
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Back that all up with a well written profile that goes way beyond "I want to do outdoor stuff" - something that tells people about you and what you hope to find here and shows you've really thought about why you're here.

[Al****]

Ask if they play Minecraft.

[Shilo66]

16 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Be yourself first and foremost, be respectful and considerate, show a little of your personality and don't go in with crude messages detailing what you want.
.
Approach people as people and not sex objects.
.
Back that all up with a well written profile that goes way beyond "I want to do outdoor stuff" - something that tells people about you and what you hope to find here and shows you've really thought about why you're here.

18 minutes ago, Railings said:

I enjoy when someone reads my profile and references something from it to open a discussion or tell me that they’re into similar things. An instant mood killer is someone that goes straight in with no greeting. Also, several messages in a row is not a good look for me. 🖤

In addition to these above, when you first start talking to them, use the title that they've called themselves, for example, saying 'hello Railings',  instead of hello Darling, or Baby, love, etc. It makes a huge difference.

[va****]

Please don’t start out demanding submission or describing sexual acts you’d like to do to people. The opening messages on here are weird af. Just be you and be polite.

[ey****]

Be yourself

for a first message - keep it brief but make it count

there is a reason why you approached the person you are messaging - communicate the reason if applicable - even if it's "I saw you're new to the site and local to me"

Don't take rejections to heart or get mad by them

Accept there is no perfect way to start a conversation - but definitely lots of bad ones

one of the easiest ways for conversation to flow is if you ask a question.  take an interest.   but try to get the balance between being too personal, and boring small talk 

[Si****]

Don't feel that you need to use a title - even if they've used it in their name. Just because someone called themselves "MistressTornado" doesn't mean you have to address them as such - You can start your message dropping the title eg: "Hi Tornado"  - You don't owe them anything and they certainly haven't earned the right to expect the use of a title right from the off.

Edited August 25, 2023 by 4RCH

[Deleted Member]

The fact that you are asking this, shows that you are a good person. Talk to someone as if you've just met them in real life and don't feel you need to talk about sex or anything like that. That subject will come up naturally later on down the line.... if there's chemistry. If you like someone, ask if they have any hobbies, outside of this world. Personally, I find it much more attractive when they have other things going on in their life, besides the kink world.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, 4RCH said:

Don't feel that you need to use a title - even if they've used it in their name. Just because someone called themselves "MistressTornado" doesn't mean you have to address them as such - You can start your message dropping the title eg: "Hi Tornado"  - You don't owe them anything and they certainly haven't earned the right to expect the use of a title right from the off.

there are slight exceptions I'd add - but they do come with caveats 

I think it's important not to project honorifics into a conversation "Hi Mistress/Sir/slut/whatever" while some do like it - I think probably most don't.

If you're addressing someone as their username that's different - but you can be "Hi MistressTornado...." and then of course not use any formalities protocols, etc.

But the exception, with caveats, if someone has on their profile "Address me as Mistress/Sir/slut/whatever" or "I expect Capital Protocol" or blah blah - then there is a choice of two.  (1) If you think "lol, no" - that's valid - but you simply do not message them.  (2) If you do message them, follow those instructions as it shows you've read the profile (and isn't much different to if someone says "start your message 'strawberry gateaux' to show you've read my profile" - or whatever.

In a lot of cases it is the "lol, no" and simply they are not for you, so don't message. But if it's "sure, I'll do that to show I've read the profile and make a good impression" that's different. 

[Mr****]

Majority of people go in with messages like "hi, do this do that, you're mine so do this and that"

NO!!

Start with reading thier profile and pick things up from it to start a conversation. 8/10 I get a reply and then just go on from that, don't let it turn sexual until they turn it sexual/flirty.

Basically don't be a thirsty man and demanding and you should be golden 👍

[so****]

@mr brown, I like your writing style and advice it looks like the majority of guests are in the BDSM bracket, I on the other hand are one of the 20% ers , looking for a fast Cheap thrill (and MAYBE some companionship) but the way I phrase my contact message seems a bit crass to many, but if I tone it down I don’t think the exiting message would get across so well. I AM turning it Sexual from the outset.
I dunno maybe I gotta rephrase the whole thing.
Sorry I know you’re not a freakin’ agony Aunt, but I just came across this thread whilst trawling around.
Take care

[Deleted Member]

24 minutes ago, sonny60 said:

@mr brown, I like your writing style and advice it looks like the majority of guests are in the BDSM bracket, I on the other hand are one of the 20% ers , looking for a fast Cheap thrill (and MAYBE some companionship) but the way I phrase my contact message seems a bit crass to many, but if I tone it down I don’t think the exiting message would get across so well. I AM turning it Sexual from the outset.
I dunno maybe I gotta rephrase the whole thing.
Sorry I know you’re not a freakin’ agony Aunt, but I just came across this thread whilst trawling around.
Take care

There are more respectful ways to communicate that you just want sex than talking to someone as an object of sex. But hey the crassness may work for your intended audience.

[so****]

@lunaDeamon, yeah you're right of course luna, not many people want to be recognised as a sex object, solely to be used by the chaser, but without the inclusion of the antics that I want to perform, then I don't think they'd have a Scoobie what my intension was.
But because I find myself in an intricately delicate situation, time and windows are of the essence. On that last point, it HAS ACTUALLY WORKED .....only 10% mind, it's a SLOW inbox, but the people on the other end, have ....blown my mind and opened my eyes. But I will take your view on board.... Thanks luna

[Re****]

Be honest!

[Deleted Member]

I’m with you man I tend to be a good listener and conversationalist but starter in this form not so much. I’ve always had to work harder to work smarter. I haven’t messaged many or been messaged initially with genuine interest yet. But I’ll take some advice once I scour through the comments. Best luck to us all!

[De****]

First off, read their profile and only reach out to people that will be a good match. Then make an effort with your message. Talk about what you found interesting and be respectful. Avoid pet names and sexually explicit talk.

[Ko****]

Be genuine, stay true to your wants and not bend them just to get someone to talk to you. Do your research, read the profiles of the people you’re wanting to reach out to and be respectful of their wants and wishes. Be engaging….I’m male and a pretty average one at that. Females (from conversations I’ve had about their experiences on apps like these) have a very different time. They’re usually inundated with messages, d**k pics, complete strangers telling them off the bat what they want etc…. So try and stand out from the dross by actually engaging with the person on something you have in common. Or maybe an interest of theirs you’d like, in time, to know more about…. It’s all fairly common sense, I think the last bit of advice… if someone doesn’t respond or shuts down your convo….just move on. They’re obviously not that interested and you don’t want to be with someone who’s not interested. Good luck!

[Vi****]

Truthfully you’re going to come off as a creep to someone no matter what you say. I’ve been blocked once they found out I was black. Man be and do you. If they don’t like it on to the next one! ✌️
People act like kids for real.

[Deleted Member]

Just be you... authentic you and if someone doesn't like it that's their problem

[ad****]

Saturday at 11:12 AM, Koromiko_uk said:

Be genuine, stay true to your wants and not bend them just to get someone to talk to you. Do your research, read the profiles of the people you’re wanting to reach out to and be respectful of their wants and wishes. Be engaging….I’m male and a pretty average one at that. Females (from conversations I’ve had about their experiences on apps like these) have a very different time. They’re usually inundated with messages, d**k pics, complete strangers telling them off the bat what they want etc…. So try and stand out from the dross by actually engaging with the person on something you have in common. Or maybe an interest of theirs you’d like, in time, to know more about…. It’s all fairly common sense, I think the last bit of advice… if someone doesn’t respond or shuts down your convo….just move on. They’re obviously not that interested and you don’t want to be with someone who’s not interested. Good luck!

Absolutely. I much prefer to pick out a conversation topic based on something in someone's profile. The frustration I have is so few people actually put anything of value in there. My top tip for profile writing is to include a little note about your hobbies/interests, that gives anyone approaching you the opportunity to start a normal conversation which can of course build to talking kinks later. It can help to be clear about what you're looking for, decent folk will self filter and not message if they can't provide for your specific needs.

[Deleted Member]

I want to attempt to be authentic and honest, but i don't really know what that means, especially in the context of a site/app like this.

[ge****]

10 hours ago, MorleyRezBoy said:

I want to attempt to be authentic and honest, but i don't really know what that means, especially in the context of a site/app like this.

It means *exactly* what it says - be yourself, be genuinely you, don't try and fit yourself to what you "think" people are looking for or want to hear, be open about your desires etc

[Deleted Member]

All the above are very valid points. I would further like to add not to get too over sexual or kinky during the initial convo.
Like one time I was chatting to an apparent Domme on Feeld and after I asked one question she straight away got really bossy and informed me I had no right to ask anything till she gives me her permission, after I happily explained to her the importance of being Dominant as she requested.