Jump to content


Recommended Posts

For over 30 years of being sexually active, sex has been fun but vanilla. My partners always traditional.
My last partner I left in December, after three years together. She was emotionally very abusive.
Once I left that relationship, and the boulder lifted off of my shoulders, I’ve had many dates, still pretty vanilla.
Then I met this woman. And she asked me to be dominant with her, although she didn’t have much experience. It escalated very quickly. I found myself to be very comfortable in the role of a Dom. And the more dominant I was, the more she discovered about herself, and how far she wanted me to go, desiring for me to want to hurt her. And I liked it. A lot. She actually doubted I never tried before, saying I am far too good for having no experience. It was very flattering.
I found that the sense of power over someone that hands over to me total control over her mind, her body, her senses and emotions for me to play, for her, like an instrument of pleasure, is very intoxicating.

I had to end that relationship a few weeks ago. I have now started dating two women, one sexually more liberated, and desiring to explore, and with whom I have had one sexual encounter. But I don’t have deep feelings for her, and I will be letting her know.

The other woman…. We like each other. A lot. And we’re taking it very slowly. I do not see her as potentially a woman interested in a D/s relationship. I think she is probably very vanilla sexually. But she’s the kind of woman with whom I would want to spend a long time. My fear is that my desire to feel that exhilarating feeling of power will end up hurting the relationship.
Yes I could talk to her about it.
And she even might be willing to attempt.
I don’t think though she would ever let me degrade and humiliate her, and agree to the impact play for which I will long.

I don’t know how reconcile the desire to be with this wonderful lady, and this dark side of me.

I would like to know if anyone has been in this predicament, and how they’ve reconciled.
Posted (edited)

Do you feel like monogamy is the only option for you? For her? Have you considered exploring ethical non-monogamy? 


Like so many other dating and relationship issues the real answer is *communication* don't assume or guess at anything, *talk* about it. 

Edited by ThaliaVirago
  • Create New...