Does anyone actually reply?

[Deleted Member]

Just joined and really hope this isn’t another site where it’s almost impossible to actually chat or communicate with anyone. 

[Deleted Member]

Shouldn’t be. There’re plenty on here looking for the same as you

[Deleted Member]

I have been on here for over a year, and in that time I have met few Submissives who were actually committed. In my personal experience, their responses are few and far between, often delayed, and most commonly short answers instead of the kind that allow for a decent conversation. I was fortunate enough to meet a small few who were worthy, but none lasted long; due to personal issues or loyalty. It is a game of patience, EasyV

[ey****]

I think there's golden rules that  if you follow you'll do OK

- no matter how good you think your message is, nobody owes you a reply

- "Hey", "Hi", etc is not and never will be a message

- this website shows how many messages you've sent and received, everyone can see this - they can therefore see if you message multiple people that day and they're the latest you're trying luck with rather than being actually interested in *them*

- remember other people are vying for the same people's attention - what makes your message stand out ahead of others?

- if you lead with respect and manners then even if you don't get a reply it reflects well on you

- being 'known' via chat and forums certainly boosts chances as people can see/understand more of what you're about

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

 

- "Hey", "Hi", etc is not and never will be a message

- if you lead with respect and manners then even if you don't get a reply it reflects well on you

This!

[Deleted Member]

I try and at least acknowledge every message where I have been spoken to respectfully as I believe that respect should be reciprocated. That should go both ways though

[Deleted Member]

My point being that don’t necessarily always go by the stats. I have had some terrible messages that haven’t even been worthy of a reply, just an instant block. That can skew the stats somewhat. Good luck!

[Wo****]

I was actually talking to someone about thus yesterday, the sort of messages that I get sent...

The majority of them, sad to say, are from men that assume submissive means a sure bet. That's if they've even taken the time to read people's profiles.

The best messages are the ones that express an interest in an aspect of my profile or ones that are just normal 

I've chatted to quite a few people on here, most don't go much further than a few messages but building up a relationship, even online, takes time.

A lot depends on what you're after from this site too. Is it primarily a tool to meet people for sex, or friendship? Is it a dating site? A source of information? Social interaction?

 

Reach out to the right people, there is a depth of personalities here. 

I've been here, I don't know how long actually (a year?), and met two people. One just fizzled out, the other is my Dom who I know is a friend first and foremost.

Sometimes you just click, sometimes it needs several interactions, some people I chat to now and then, some I ask advice from, some I share secrets with, some I bounce ideas off. Every single one of those  people I would have a coffee with with no expectations.

 

*wanted to put this somewhere.. 

Issuing orders in your initial message doesn't make you a Dom it makes you a dick.

 

[Alistair1974]

My experience on here has been either one of two things with messaging. 1: Within 8 messages they'll be explaining how much you'll have to pay and then block you when they are told you have no intention of paying anyone. 2: You'll get no reply. As for the chat... I've been using this site on and off for 3 years and I've had one person speak to me. That's purely from my experience here. As for the whole "Hi is not a message" thing, personally I think that's rubbish. If lass messages me with a "Hi" that's an initiation of contact and a nod of interest. It gives the initiative to the recipient and invites them to begin, to lead if you will, it's an opening. If someone wants to take a negative from that, that's a reflection on them, not on you. They can say "you've not made an effort" etc but in point of fact you have. In actuality you've instigated a point of contact, whereas they haven't. You've done infinitely more than they have within the parameters of communication. You've actively searched for, seeked out.. and then reached out. There's much talk of respect and yet very little actually given. People love to superimpose their version of what's seen as ok by them and apply it as a form of dismissive upon others. Be yourself. Do not expect to get out what you put in. That way, you're going to either be correct in your assessment, or pleasantly surprised. That's a in win in my book :)

[Deleted Member]

Regarding issuing orders in your first message. Don’t, just...don’t. Instant block I’m afraid!

[Alistair1974]

*win win

[ey****]

7 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

Within 8 messages they'll be explaining how much you'll have to pay and then block you when they are told you have no intention of paying anyone.

a plus if it's at least within 8 messages - it's not wasted too much time.  But... if they've got a € on their profile then this shouldn't come as a surprise - if they do NOT have one, then when *** comes up; report the profile.   This will then mean it at least prevents others from being led a dance

9 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

"Hi is not a message" thing, personally I think that's rubbish. If lass messages me with a "Hi" that's an initiation of contact and a nod of interest.

I think this is the difference between male psyche and female psyche - and also the differences in messages.

Rightfully, like you say - if a lady messaged me "hi" I'd take it as a nod they were interested - but if a lady receives a "hi" then it becomes yet-another-guy-who-has-put-in-zero-effort

11 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

Do not expect to get out what you put in

But also, don't overestimate what you put in. 

[Wo****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

but if a lady receives a "hi" then it becomes yet-another-guy-who-has-put-in-zero-effort

Agreed... 

My thoughts on those kind of messages are exactly that. 

If you can go to the effort of messaging and saying hi, then make conversation.. otherwise it can become boring really quickly and honestly what response do you expect off hello? It doesn't encourage conversation does it?

 

 

[Deleted Member]

Its hit or miss in this place.

[Wo****]

5 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Its hit or miss in this place.

Tbf, it's like that anywhere, is it not?

[ey****]

12 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

It doesn't encourage conversation does it?

What many have also said is - you've message someone for a reason, what is it?

is it for a chat? do you think your compatible? do you want their help? are you offering them help? did you like/dislike something they wrote/said/shared?

It cuts to whether something can actually progress quicker - as it's also easier to identify if this is something you can help with or converse about

even "just want to chat" - ok, about what?

[Wo****]

2 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

What many have also said is - you've message someone for a reason, what is it?

is it for a chat? do you think your compatible? do you want their help? are you offering them help? did you like/dislike something they wrote/said/shared?

It cuts to whether something can actually progress quicker - as it's also easier to identify if this is something you can help with or converse about

even "just want to chat" - ok, about what?

Yep!

The beauty of this place is you can get to know different types of people. I mean it's like you, for instance, a lot of your kinks don't appeal to me yet you're one of my "go tos" for advice.

I like chatting to people, it doesn't always have to be sexual, or about meeting, it can be about sharing similar interests or opinions.

Some people think that this is just a quick hook up site where you can message someone you like the look off and arrange to meet, bypassing all the normal etiquette.

[Alistair1974]

What response do you expect from "Hello"?

Ah this makes me sigh. I'd say "hello" to a stranger in a bar if I was interested in them. I'd not spout an inordinate amount of info on the initial contact, only for them to look at me like I was insane and say "Why the hell are you talking to me?"  "Hello" is an opening. It's an invite to go have a look at my profile and then, you can react to it. It's a massively open ended entry to dialogue and allows you, the person replying, to be in charge of where that goes. A "hello" indicates interest. It breaks a barrier. It's the first word we learn in any second language usually. 

What response do you expect from "Hello"? Anything! Everything! The world is then your mollusc. If you choose to dismiss it, sobeit. But that's on you, not the proclaimer of the salutation. An avalanche starts with a single rock. What is essential is invisible to the eye. If you choose to superimpose "They've made no effort" onto something which has opened up infinite amounts of possibilities ...   to press a negative upon a positive... 

Like I say. This makes me sigh. There's no romance in the world anymore. Only cynicism.

[ey****]

5 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

I'd say "hello" to a stranger in a bar if I was interested in them. I'd not spout an inordinate amount of info on the initial contact, only for them to look at me like I was insane and say "Why the hell are you talking to me?" 

in a bar, in person, that makes sense - ditto for on a phone call, or in a chat room

but a DM is more like a letter than a conversation - it doesn't make too much sense to bombard with info, but at least a few lines of why you are contacting them

8 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

There's no romance in the world anymore. Only cynicism.

that's quite a cynical response the paradox completes

[Wo****]

3 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

What response do you expect from "Hello"?

Ah this makes me sigh. I'd say "hello" to a stranger in a bar if I was interested in them. I'd not spout an inordinate amount of info on the initial contact, only for them to look at me like I was insane and say "Why the hell are you talking to me?"  "Hello" is an opening. It's an invite to go have a look at my profile and then, you can react to it. It's a massively open ended entry to dialogue and allows you, the person replying, to be in charge of where that goes. A "hello" indicates interest. It breaks a barrier. It's the first word we learn in any second language usually. 

What response do you expect from "Hello"? Anything! Everything! The world is then your mollusc. If you choose to dismiss it, sobeit. But that's on you, not the proclaimer of the salutation. An avalanche starts with a single rock. What is essential is invisible to the eye. If you choose to superimpose "They've made no effort" onto something which has opened up infinite amounts of possibilities ...   to press a negative upon a positive... 

Like I say. This makes me sigh. There's no romance in the world anymore. Only cynicism.

But at a bar you have body language, eye contact...

Don't get me wrong, I get what you're saying but a message on here is a totally different thing. 

Even just hey, how are you? Or hey, wanna chat? Is better than just hello.

You message and say hello, I'd respond hi... then what? I could be just one message of several. 

My response to hello would just be hello back. YOU initiated the conversation, gimme something to work with. Sure, I'll say hi but I'm not gonna spill my soul.

[Alistair1974]

In a bar you have body language, in here you have a profile. You've soooo much to go on but instead people pick negativity. On here is not a totally different thing to everyone. It's a totally different thing to YOU, and some others. 

If someone messages me "Hi" ... i'd nosy at their profile, and then reply with something orientated around it, or their location, or their pics, or knowing me... I'd just likely say "Well I live in an attic flat so... yes... oh wait... that's the wrong sort of "hi" "  .. and it will have instigated the conversation. They initiated the conversation.. so they're obviously interested .. so now it's time to see if there's a flow to be found and common ground to be had / new ground to be discovered. 

Give you something to work with...? You've got a profile and an explicit notification of interest. If that's not enough then for me, I already know I'd never get along with that person. Their mentality simply wouldn't match mine. 

In a bar... I'd actually generally not introduce myself verbally... I'd place myself within sight of the lady I was interested in and attempt to catch her eye, as in.. I'd hope she'd catch me looking at her. She can then register the interest, feel flattered/appalled (it's a 50/50 gamble haha) and then if the interest is obviously reciprocated .. then there will come the chance to speak. But firstly you have to put yourself in the "notice me" position.  That's what a "Hi" message does here. Women are  MASSIVELY outnumbered by guys on here and the chances of showing up on a search etc are very limited. So.. a "hi" brings the chance to at least gain some exposure... (and if you look at the pics here... exposure is the right word!) .. allows the lady to see someone's interested, she can then check the person out.. and decide how to proceed. It's given the recipient massive amounts of power and control over the scenario... something I'd've thought people on here would be able to relate to! 

If someone sends me a "hi" I take it as a huge positive. Others take it as a negative.
Which one of us is happiest? I'll take my interpretation any day of the week. Except Mondays. I hate Mondays. 

*drifts off singing You say goodbye... when I say hello... hello hello... I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello* 

Hahaha you thought I'd go with the Boomtown Rats didn't you!

 

[Wo****]

17 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

In a bar you have body language, in here you have a profile. You've soooo much to go on but instead people pick negativity. On here is not a totally different thing to everyone. It's a totally different thing to YOU, and some others. 

 

Agreed. But a lot of the time the profiles are so meh.. I like reading people's profiles, it offers an insight to who they are.

 

If someone messages me "Hi" ... i'd nosy at their profile, and then reply with something orientated around it, or their location, or their pics, or knowing me... I'd just likely say "Well I live in an attic flat so... yes... oh wait... that's the wrong sort of "hi" "  .. and it will have instigated the conversation. They initiated the conversation.. so they're obviously interested .. so now it's time to see if there's a flow to be found and common ground to be had / new ground to be discovered. 

 

Again, agreed.

 

Give you something to work with...? You've got a profile and an explicit notification of interest. If that's not enough then for me, I already know I'd never get along with that person. Their mentality simply wouldn't match mine. 
But that's not true! I've had plenty of messages where the profile is blank.
In a bar... I'd actually generally not introduce myself verbally... I'd place myself within sight of the lady I was interested in and attempt to catch her eye, as in.. I'd hope she'd catch me looking at her. She can then register the interest, feel flattered/appalled (it's a 50/50 gamble haha) and then if the interest is obviously reciprocated .. then there will come the chance to speak. But firstly you have to put yourself in the "notice me" position.  That's what a "Hi" message does here. Women are  MASSIVELY outnumbered by guys on here and the chances of showing up on a search etc are very limited. So.. a "hi" brings the chance to at least gain some exposure... (and if you look at the pics here... exposure is the right word!) .. allows the lady to see someone's interested, she can then check the person out.. and decide how to proceed. It's given the recipient massive amounts of power and control over the scenario... something I'd've thought people on here would be able to relate to! 

 

In a bar, I can look away to signify I'm not interested, isn't not replying to a message in here the same thing?

 

If someone sends me a "hi" I take it as a huge positive. Others take it as a negative.
Which one of us is happiest? I'll take my interpretation any day of the week. Except Mondays. I hate Mondays. 

 

Why a huge positive? And nowhere have I said I view these messages as negative.

*drifts off singing You say goodbye... when I say hello... hello hello... I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello* 

Hahaha you thought I'd go with the Boomtown Rats didn't you! 

 

Does anyone actually reply? Yes.

Just maybe not to every message.

 

(Sorry about the quoting)

 

 

Edited August 25, 2019 by LazyPiratesBounty

[ey****]

the main difference you are forgetting

you are a guy... if someone messages you 'hi' then you take it as a lead and go research the profile

but how many times does this happen? per day/week/month

compare this to the ladies... and how often they get those who feel their expression of interests deserves them to go and do homework

basically - in short - particularly for guys seeking to contact women who interest them, the better you make the message the more chance of being checked out or responded to.

[Alistair1974]

Blacksheep *grins* .. Obviously an interesting message is a stimulus ..  but there's nothing stopping *insert gender* taking it as a lead and going and researching a profile... and then commenting on it. It's a cognitive decision to either see a positive and an opening, or a negative and a dismissal. "Hi" opens a door. It's an invite inside. You can of course just stand at the door and chat too... but if the door's open and there's room on the sofa it seems daft to stand on the doorstep and shout. After all...you're the last one through the door. You can leave it open if you think there's a need for a swift exit! 

Incidentally I'd never just send a "Hi" as an opener.. I'm a tad too loquacious for that.. (ENTP Devil's advocate) but I can absolutely understand those who do. EVERY single initiated by someone else conversation I've had on here.. has started with a single "Hi!"  and I've followed up every single one of them...by clicking their profile and seeing what they're portraying as them.., and then making the choice to reply or not. There's absolutely nothing wrong in not replying either. 

as for LazyP's Why do i take it as a positive... I CHOOSE to! Someone has sent me a message, out of the thousands of people they could've sent a message to. They've picked me! That's incredible. They've initiated a point of contact. Opened themselves up to entering into my world and vice versa. They've seen something they liked and want to explore and know more. It's a gargantuan compliment. I suspect it's easy for people who drink nectar all day to find it sickly, and thus they'll forget that to those that don't,  it's sweet, refreshing and nourishing. A pretty person who knows they're pretty will be bored of being told it. Does that detract from the meaning behind the observation / complement?  Of course not! One person's immunity does not impact upon the potency of a substance.  For the reader of 60 "hi"s a day I can understand it might be tiresome to a point, and you can become disenchanted with it...  but you've been give 60 doorways to choose from. Pick one. Pick two. Pick as many as you like or none at all but don't forget that ... opportunity was there.  I'm reminded of a book called The Little Prince.  There's a quote... "it's time wasted on your rose which makes her important" .. after the lead character.. who'd only ever seen one rose.. had suddenly been introduced to hundreds.  Go through the door... pick your rose.. or even.. be someone's rose. Or just close the door.

It's a choice. Take a positive.. or a negative. You can nurture either. Both will grow if you feed them.  I choose the former. I'm happier that way for it. Others prefer to feed from the negative. That's their choice. But it IS a choice. A way of thinking. And that's their own responsibility. 
 

[ey****]

3 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

but there's nothing stopping *insert gender* taking it as a lead and going and researching a profile...

there's not

but you are basically implying that women who get up to 20-50 messages of "hi" per day should take the time to research each person in case they're worthwhile talking to.

5 minutes ago, Alistair1974 said:

Someone has sent me a message, out of the thousands of people they could've sent a message to

but if it's a hi or a copy paste message, like women generally receive,  it's not a choice out of thousands of people - it's playing the numbers

equally, the guys who get the contacts which usually turns out to be a scam/catfish/etc get the same.

-

ultimately, take messages YOU receive as you get them, but don't project how others should receive them - if guys are sending messages to women (or vice versa) and not getting a response then there may possibly be something wrong with the approach.