Advice needed.

[Deleted Member]

I've recently discovered a strange thing about myself. I feel sexual attraction only towards women that are anonymous, or whom I have no strong connection with. Whenever I get closer with a girl (becoming close friends, or even lovers), I'm basically unable to think sexually about her. I subconsciously percieve it as wrong or weird to feel sexual attraction towards someone close to me. Is it a sexual disorder, or could it be some form of special kink/sexual attraction towards people with no connection?

[Deleted Member]

It is possibly a kind of kink, a "stranger" fetish, perhaps. I have no doubt that is probably a thing. However, your situation is most likely psychological, based around *** of emotion *** from getting too close to another person. I am no expert, but I doubt that it revolves around the topic of sex

[ey****]

years ago... like, years ago.... I went to Belfast to DJ and while I was there I met up with a young lady who had been filming clips which I, well, enjoyed.

We basically just hungout, had a laugh, talked shit, etc.

Anyway - afterwards I kinda... it then seemed strange to wank over a mate.

So, it's a kind of - it's a stigma to get over of... well... yes, this is OK.  It's OK to be attracted to friends etc. just so long as appropriate boundaries are in place.  

-

It could even be a little that the thrill of the chase is more exciting than the catch

[Deleted Member]

22 minutes ago, DanteReign said:

It is possibly a kind of kink, a "stranger" fetish, perhaps. I have no doubt that is probably a thing. However, your situation is most likely psychological, based around *** of emotion *** from getting too close to another person. I am no expert, but I doubt that it revolves around the topic of sex

It's not *** of attachment in my case. I've formed few good friendships, and even a romantic relationship. It's purely about the sexual attraction. I just can't associate anything sexual with my friends or lovers.

[BigPolly]

I don’t think this is weird at all, nearly all of my Doms have been strangers. I found this added to the attraction of not knowing the ‘ins & outs’ about someone, they are exactly who they say they are & who I want them to be. No connection other than the play. 

I don’t have problems forming relationships & have sexual relationships outside BDSM but that is a different kind of intensity. 

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

I don’t think this is weird at all, nearly all of my Doms have been strangers. I found this added to the attraction of not knowing the ‘ins & outs’ about someone, they are exactly who they say they are & who I want them to be. No connection other than the play. 

I don’t have problems forming relationships & have sexual relationships outside BDSM but that is a different kind of intensity. 

I'm not really into mystery and unknown. My sexuality just gets blocked when I form a deep connection with a person. And when I try to think sexually about them, I feel weird and wrong.

[BigPolly]

4 minutes ago, SidoraxVonCreep said:

I'm not really into mystery and unknown. My sexuality just gets blocked when I form a deep connection with a person. And when I try to think sexually about them, I feel weird and wrong.

Nothing is ‘wrong’ (unless it harms someone without consent) & ‘weird’ just makes you more unique than those around you & that’s never a bad thing. We all do things differently & therefore that makes us all a little weird & wonderfully different. 

Your sexuality being blocked isn’t a negative, you will find different ways to connect. Sadly sometimes our brains are unkind & make us believe negatives because they are not he norm

[Deleted Member]

56 minutes ago, BigPolly said:

Nothing is ‘wrong’ (unless it harms someone without consent) & ‘weird’ just makes you more unique than those around you & that’s never a bad thing. We all do things differently & therefore that makes us all a little weird & wonderfully different. 

Your sexuality being blocked isn’t a negative, you will find different ways to connect. Sadly sometimes our brains are unkind & make us believe negatives because they are not he norm

I appreciate your kind words. Especially because I myself am unable to be kind to myself. You have a point, my mind truly is incredibly judgemental towards all I feel and do.

[Deleted Member]

On 9/8/2019 at 8:41 PM, SidoraxVonCreep said:

I appreciate your kind words. Especially because I myself am unable to be kind to myself. You have a point, my mind truly is incredibly judgemental towards all I feel and do.

While nothing is wrong or weird, you need to look deep into it as it’s seems you have either a trust issue or some dormant trauma. 

 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

While nothing is wrong or weird, you need to look deep into it as it’s seems you have either a trust issue or some dormant trauma. 

 

I tried to suppress my sexual needs and thoughts in the past. I've seen it as an inappropriate distraction in my life. I guess my mind has subconsciously separated sexuality from love/close connection. Maybe that's why I'm sexually attracted to strangers, but can't love them, and I can't think sexually about someone I feel connected to.