They are NOT your submissive

[ma****]

Dominants, let's make it clear: just because someone is submissive, they are NOT your submissive. You MUST earn their submission. You must prove yourself worthy of their submission.
•
I'm a submissive and that's what it says on my profile. I'm NOT your submissive though. You cannot order me around unless I willingly consent to it. You might fool some submissives, but you can't fool me... so coming to my messages telling me how you'll punish me or that you're more superior just because you're a "dom" and have entertainment issues will only prove what kind of person you are: you're either abusive or very new to the lifestyle and refuse to educate yourself (which again would make you an ***r because, in this lifestyle, consent one of the most important things that you clearly cannot comprehend).
•
Consent, consent, consent: something someone must willingly give. It isn't ***d. Unless all parties have explicitly agreed to enter a D/s dynamic, no-one is someone's Dominant or submissive. It's that simple. If you can't comprehend that, then do all of us a favour and leave this community. We don't tolerate ***rs (anything done without consent is ***, anything done by *** is ***: just stop be an ***r).
•
D/s dynamics: they don't happen from one or two messages, they don't happen overnight. It takes some time (a few weeks at least) to know if you're compatible (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, sexually) with someone. What have you, Dominant, done to prove that you're trustworthy, responsible, mature, committed to have someone submit to you? Just because you try forcing your dominance on someone, it doesn't make you a Dom. No, you aren't a Dom if you domineer someone. There's a difference between domineering someone and dominating someone (if you're unable to differentiate between the two, then take a step back and come back after you've done some research and know the difference).
•
A submissive doesn't owe you absolutely anything just because they're a submissive. They aren't your submissive in the end and, ever if they were, you'd have your share of responsibilities that you'd have to meet for a submissive to owe you something.
•
What do you do to get to deeply know someone (kink discussions are out of order today haha)?

[Tr****]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Ch****]

Well said

[Deleted Member]

Brilliantly stated, Thank You. 🤘🏽

[Deleted Member]

👏👏Here here. Well said. And a little louder perhaps for the immature boys in the back. 🗣️

[Ronin319]

Sadly there are too many fake Doms out there that think that if they claim to be a Dom it gives them the right to act however they choose, and that's bullshit. I been a Dom for 25yrs, I hate hearing bout fake Doms.

[Deleted Member]

That's It! In my point of view, BDSM is based on three fundamental pillars: Consent, Respect and Responsability. If you think you are a Top and you are not able to manage with the three, sorry, but I think you are in the wrong place.

[TJ38S]

So true! Well put!

[Du****]

14 minutes ago, mkxxmd said:

👏👏Here here. Well said. And a little louder perhaps for the immature boys in the back. 🗣️

To be fair, it’s definitely not just the boys. A lot of submissive men tell me that Dommes make all manner of demands right from the first message, and I find myself pointing out over and over again that they’re either fake or just really bad at this.

[Deleted Member]

6 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

To be fair, it’s definitely not just the boys. A lot of submissive men tell me that Dommes make all manner of demands right from the first message, and I find myself pointing out over and over again that they’re either fake or just really bad at this.

Of course, I don’t doubt that for a second. It’s equally ridiculous. I was just staying on topic though, as the OP used the term “dom” and it certainly seemed to apply to the boys out there if I’m not mistaken. Your point is certainly valid though.

[TJ38S]

8 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

To be fair, it’s definitely not just the boys. A lot of submissive men tell me that Dommes make all manner of demands right from the first message, and I find myself pointing out over and over again that they’re either fake or just really bad at this.

Absolutely, I've weeded out several "Dommes" exactly that way. There are far too many out there that either come off as pushy and/or a bully or that see a submissive man as a walking open wallet. Definitely makes finding the right person difficult.....most of the time it makes finding someone that makes it past a 5 minute conversation difficult! Confidence is sexy, being a bully is not.

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for posting this!! Well said

[Se****]

23 hours ago, maryioni said:

Dominants, let's make it clear: just because someone is submissive, they are NOT your submissive. You MUST earn their submission. You must prove yourself worthy of their submission.
•
I'm a submissive and that's what it says on my profile. I'm NOT your submissive though. You cannot order me around unless I willingly consent to it. You might fool some submissives, but you can't fool me... so coming to my messages telling me how you'll punish me or that you're more superior just because you're a "dom" and have entertainment issues will only prove what kind of person you are: you're either abusive or very new to the lifestyle and refuse to educate yourself (which again would make you an ***r because, in this lifestyle, consent one of the most important things that you clearly cannot comprehend).
•
Consent, consent, consent: something someone must willingly give. It isn't ***d. Unless all parties have explicitly agreed to enter a D/s dynamic, no-one is someone's Dominant or submissive. It's that simple. If you can't comprehend that, then do all of us a favour and leave this community. We don't tolerate ***rs (anything done without consent is ***, anything done by *** is ***: just stop be an ***r).
•
D/s dynamics: they don't happen from one or two messages, they don't happen overnight. It takes some time (a few weeks at least) to know if you're compatible (emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, sexually) with someone. What have you, Dominant, done to prove that you're trustworthy, responsible, mature, committed to have someone submit to you? Just because you try forcing your dominance on someone, it doesn't make you a Dom. No, you aren't a Dom if you domineer someone. There's a difference between domineering someone and dominating someone (if you're unable to differentiate between the two, then take a step back and come back after you've done some research and know the difference).
•
A submissive doesn't owe you absolutely anything just because they're a submissive. They aren't your submissive in the end and, ever if they were, you'd have your share of responsibilities that you'd have to meet for a submissive to owe you something.
•
What do you do to get to deeply know someone (kink discussions are out of order today haha)?

I’d also add that *** isn’t consent.

Pleading, whining and nagging until someone relents isn’t consent.

And not accepting when someone says no without complaining or having a hissy fit about it is a HUGE, HUGE red flag. And no, I don’t owe you an explanation - no is my whole sentence. 

[AKA_Copper]

I would suggest that the individuals taking this approach are inappropriately using this label.
They may be new, inexperienced.
They may be one of the very many individuals here who've seen a 'dating app' had a little nose around and picked up on such labels, using them to 'fit in'.

[Deleted Member]

With more reflection on this topic, I believe I can shed some light on it and provide food for thought and some understanding perhaps on the behaviour of these types of people. Self-styled Doms, and the Dommes too.

While a lot of it can stem from experiences related to upbringing, that can only explain some of it, such as improper etiquette toward others etc.
Youth and immaturity can only excuse some of it away also. People will grow out of that it is to be hoped.
I think the main factor and culprit here, is that each generation that comes (and sadly every generation from now on) is completely immersed in this online keyboard culture. There is a serious lack of real world experience in communication with the opposite sex, especially when it comes to delicate matters such as kink preferences and how we identify on the dominant/submissive spectrum. Almost everything begins online at the onset of seeing a still image and a written bio. From there, humans can make all sorts of fantasies and assumptions of who they’re contacting; and before they know it, they’re vomiting all sorts of nonsense into someone’s inbox that will almost always be way off the mark and quite likely offend the other person.

It’s this lack of real world communication between humans that’s sometimes driving a wedge between making meaningful connections.

With threads like this though, hopefully enough people read it (including the main offenders), and people can be educated in how to conduct themselves properly and communicate effectively.

First thing’s first though, we must be true to what we are claiming to be. If we approach someone declaring ourselves “Dom” or “Domme”, we damn well better come correct and be about the title we claim. We must educate ourselves, and endeavour to communicate better with people.
This issue is particularly prevalent on this app, and I can only hope more people think more on if they are fully ready to be what they claim, before jumping into someone’s inbox and wasting both their time.

[Deleted Member]

Although I mention communication with “the opposite sex”, clearly this applies to same-sex dynamics also.

[AKA_Copper]

2 hours ago, mkxxmd said:

With more reflection on this topic, I believe I can shed some light on it and provide food for thought and some understanding perhaps on the behaviour of these types of people. Self-styled Doms, and the Dommes too.

While a lot of it can stem from experiences related to upbringing, that can only explain some of it, such as improper etiquette toward others etc.
Youth and immaturity can only excuse some of it away also. People will grow out of that it is to be hoped.
I think the main factor and culprit here, is that each generation that comes (and sadly every generation from now on) is completely immersed in this online keyboard culture. There is a serious lack of real world experience in communication with the opposite sex, especially when it comes to delicate matters such as kink preferences and how we identify on the dominant/submissive spectrum. Almost everything begins online at the onset of seeing a still image and a written bio. From there, humans can make all sorts of fantasies and assumptions of who they’re contacting; and before they know it, they’re vomiting all sorts of nonsense into someone’s inbox that will almost always be way off the mark and quite likely offend the other person.

It’s this lack of real world communication between humans that’s sometimes driving a wedge between making meaningful connections.

With threads like this though, hopefully enough people read it (including the main offenders), and people can be educated in how to conduct themselves properly and communicate effectively.

First thing’s first though, we must be true to what we are claiming to be. If we approach someone declaring ourselves “Dom” or “Domme”, we damn well better come correct and be about the title we claim. We must educate ourselves, and endeavour to communicate better with people.
This issue is particularly prevalent on this app, and I can only hope more people think more on if they are fully ready to be what they claim, before jumping into someone’s inbox and wasting both their time.

It doesn't provide any rationale for those behaving that way aged 50/60yrs though

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

It doesn't provide any rationale for those behaving that way aged 50/60yrs though

If anyone is behaving that way at that age they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves and delete this app.

[ma****]

3 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said:

To be fair, it’s definitely not just the boys. A lot of submissive men tell me that Dommes make all manner of demands right from the first message, and I find myself pointing out over and over again that they’re either fake or just really bad at this.

Of course. I'm not a Domme, but I've had male submissives coming to my messages behaving thirsty. They clearly didn't take the time to read my profile.

[ma****]

3 hours ago, FatefulDestiny said:

I’d also add that *** isn’t consent.

Pleading, whining and nagging until someone relents isn’t consent.

And not accepting when someone says no without complaining or having a hissy fit about it is a HUGE, HUGE red flag. And no, I don’t owe you an explanation - no is my whole sentence. 

*** is definitely not consent. If someone is ***d into doing something, that's ***.

[Th****]

43 minutes ago, maryioni said:

Of course. I'm not a Domme, but I've had male submissives coming to my messages behaving thirsty. They clearly didn't take the time to read my profile.

Male "submissives" are often some of the worst offenders in my experience. 

So much of this all around really is people of all genders and claimed roles coming in with preconceived ideas of how things are or how they "should" work that are very often nowhere near the reality and when called out on their poor behavior they often get defensive and argumentative rather than taking anything in. 

[Deleted Member]

Well said! One of those wannabe "doms" was trying to *** my submission a few days ago. I called him out on it and blocked him. I've been wearing my Domme hat for about a year now and will NEVER try to make a sub do anything if W/we haven't come to an agreement together. It takes time, patience, trust, and understanding to get to that level.

[Co****]

I think sometimes men ( for me) come online, are really horny, see a pic,.............,engage with Cxck brain.
They forget there's a human being at the other end.
A Human being who values respect and intelligence.
This is the Social Media World I guess.

Also calling themselves Dom, because they think its more manly and assertive, opening doors to alsorts of kinky Sex .
Ermm.....no it starts with the Mind Connection.

And as for calling yourself Master in your early 20s !!.......

[AKA_Copper]

17 minutes ago, CosmicAngel said:

I think sometimes men ( for me) come online, are really horny, see a pic,.............,engage with Cxck brain.
They forget there's a human being at the other end.
A Human being who values respect and intelligence.
This is the Social Media World I guess.

Also calling themselves Dom, because they think its more manly and assertive, opening doors to alsorts of kinky Sex .
Ermm.....no it starts with the Mind Connection.

And as for calling yourself Master in your early 20s !!.......

But why? Never have I ever come into social media, seen a hot guy and thought to myself, I'll send him a picture of my vagina. It's a weird thing to think of

[Co****]

7 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

But why? Never have I ever come into social media, seen a hot guy and thought to myself, I'll send him a picture of my vagina. It's a weird thing to think of

🤣🤣