Z99A Posted April 2 Posted April 2 (edited) I don't know about you guys but I have found it frustratingly difficult to find the right person for me. As if dating for men in the modern world wasn't difficult enough with apps being flooded by men and women becoming overwhelmed. Finally getting a match only to be ghosted again. To then add in the very niche element of wanting a partner who likes to dom because you have that submissive craving, a scratch that constantly needs itching. It just feels more hopeless. I thought I'd start this discussion not to just vent but to support one another because it can be tough, emotionally draining and very debilitating to receive constant rejection. There are success stories out there and I think hearing just a few would help keep spirits high. Feel free to share your stories below, how you met, how your brought up the idea and so on! Edited April 2 by Z99A Title change
Jo**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 I totally agree. I have dated a few that would go along with parts of it but not try to take on the whole role.
Deleted Member Posted April 2 Posted April 2 It's definitely a niche, but those types of women do exist, and I've had the good fortune of crossing paths with several. While I have a lot of submissive fantasies, like who doesn't want to be tied up and face fucked, but ultimately find myself extremely uncomfortable being in a submissive role for long. From my experience, it takes a lot of effort to meet people with the right mutual kinks, but it's totally possible. Best advice is to maintain a positive mindset and keep an open mind. You'll eventually find what you seek.
TheZenCommander Posted April 2 Posted April 2 I can assure you, it's just as frustrating on the Domme side. We also get ghosted. In fact, every sub that's ever ghosted me came back to apologize, tell me they were just 'so scared to finally have found what they always wanted' and they haven't found anything real like me, and can they just please come back... but the trust is broken already. There's no fixing that. Seriously, on both ends, be a grown up, say the hard thing, face the confrontation, you might find exactly what you wanted on the other side of that.
kimutu72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 It can be frustrating for dommes aswel. I was in a LTR with a sub for nearly a year, after being in this life style for about 7year he was the only long term relationship, even tho on apps like these there are alot more men then women there are alot of fake profiles, guys who are not totally sure what they want which confuses things. There have been afew potentials that I have moved off here so we can talk better then within days ghosted, blocked
kimutu72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 19 minutes ago, TheZenCommander said: I can assure you, it's just as frustrating on the Domme side. We also get ghosted. In fact, every sub that's ever ghosted me came back to apologize, tell me they were just 'so scared to finally have found what they always wanted' and they haven't found anything real like me, and can they just please come back... but the trust is broken already. There's no fixing that. Seriously, on both ends, be a grown up, say the hard thing, face the confrontation, you might find exactly what you wanted on the other side of that. I definatley agree with this it is just as hard to find the right person
Th**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Most self identified "submissive" men I've encountered on this site aren't actually submissive and aren't actually looking for a Dominant woman. They want a service top.... ProDomme services without having to hire and pay a ProDomme.
TJ38S Posted April 2 Posted April 2 It's definitely tough finding what you are looking for and the rejection definitely gets old! Been going through it myself. It's a lot of the issues you've been having and for me quite a few that really just immediately want someone to boss around and couldn't be less interested in getting to know you or finding out what you might be into or want. Maybe one day I'll find the right person!
ge**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Thing is I think a lot of guys (and I'm not necessarily referring to you OP, I don't know you to know either way) sign up to sites like this without actually having done some self-analysis first to understand themselves and what their kink actually is - it's one thing to say "I'm a submissive" but quite another to be able to explain what that actually means to them as an individual - there are so many flavours of what a submissive is and each of them unique to the person - so saying "I'm a submissive" and hoping to find a Domme to match just isn't going to bear fruit most of the time. . Then you have guys that sign up to sites like this and hope it means their every fantasy will be instantly fulfilled without actually taking the time to make a decent profile etc. . I'd also suggest in this world setting your aim solely on finding a partner is unlikely to bear fruit - so use sites like this to network and get to know people, not as potential partners but just because they're someone else who shares similar interests and may be able to introduce you to others. . And look beyond sites like this to find people - I've recently started going to Munches and kink clubs and you know what? It's been a breath of fresh air compared to on-line sites - people have been welcoming and open to talking and my circle of kink friends has grown massively in a very short space of time. . You have a thriving kink community on your doorstep OP - I know of at least 3 munches in Norwich, and many more within easy reach - then you have The Annex that's not that far, and other kink clubs not far away. . It's up to you to make the effort and put yourself out there though, as waiting around for it to come to you just won't happen.
mad-potato72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 I'm submissive and try to communicate with people but get no response. If I do it's more likely from a scammer I think most of the profiles are fake or just full of it.
mad-potato72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 I don't understand why if I send a message I can only send 2 until I get a response to send another. I sent one to thaliav she won't respond. I take as a not interested. Yfosc thaliav
ge**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 3 minutes ago, mrrob72 said: I don't understand why if I send a message I can only send 2 until I get a response to send another. I sent one to thaliav she won't respond. I take as a not interested. Yfosc thaliav It's to stop people being pestered by people they have no interest in replying to - and naming other users who've not responded is not cool - just accept no response as a no thanks and move on.
kimutu72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 6 minutes ago, mrrob72 said: I don't understand why if I send a message I can only send 2 until I get a response to send another. I sent one to thaliav she won't respond. I take as a not interested. Yfosc thaliav Maybe they have other messages to look at, never take it personal, if there is no response move on to someone else
Th**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 (edited) 21 minutes ago, mrrob72 said: I don't understand why if I send a message I can only send 2 until I get a response to send another. I sent one to thaliav she won't respond. I take as a not interested. Yfosc thaliav If you want my attention then sure, why not here since you brought it up... In your first contact with me, having never interacted with me before you started talking about porn. Then because I'm going to assume I didn't respond within a time frame you deemed I should have, you then wrote snarky messages on my statuses and then blocked me. A few days later I noticed you must have unblocked me because you visited my profile again. I've also noticed you making snarky passive aggressive comments on statuses of my friends. Please explain how any of that would make me *want* to respond to you? Edited April 2 by ThaliaV Typo correction
Jo**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 The experience I have had with a few in the past, they wanted my *** but wore half way across the country. I have not actually been active in the lifestyle with anyone knowing about anything, but I am getting more comfortable with a lot of things.
mad-potato72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Well it's kind of difficult to respond when you don't get a response back. I waited 2 weeks should have just left it. Wasn't making it to your friends. As for message on wall, just remove.
Cypresswillys Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Get offline. Go to a local munch. It does take a little get used to but a munch you can meet some great people.
mad-potato72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 I'm just done with all of this online dating. It just doesn't work. If I get any response, it's more likely from fake profiles or scammers
mad-potato72 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 Thalia I m sorry I don't know why I take it personal I should have just left it. Finding someone is like winning the lottery. If you're a Libra I more than likely won't get along anyway. I didn't mean to direct my remarks to your friends. Please accept my apology
ge**** Posted April 2 Posted April 2 37 minutes ago, mrrob72 said: I'm just done with all of this online dating. It just doesn't work. If I get any response, it's more likely from fake profiles or scammers Thing is it can and does work - but you have to make it work for you, and not expect everything to fall magically into place with minimal effort - as a 58 year old over the hill single bloke I can honestly say I have none of the problems or concerns you mention, and sites like this exactly meet my expectations - but that's because I set them correctly. . I wrote a thread a while ago called Single Men 101 search it out and follow some of the tips given there. . But to be brutally honest having looked at your profile and status update - you really are going about things the wrong way and it doesn't surprise me you're finding it frustrating here - and I apologise if that sounds harsh but it's also meant in a constructive way. . Take a look at your profile and pics and ask yourself if it is enticing to others, shows that you've really thought about what you're looking for here, and what you can offer - does it genuinely reflect you or just your wants and desires? Then do similar with the kind of messages you send, which if what you sent Thalia is a reflection of them generally are also going to be your downfall. Be absolutely honest with yourself when answering all that and make changes. . Think about what you can change in your expectations, approach and attitude to improve things for yourself. . You have everything at your disposal to improve your experience of sites like this - and only yourself to blame for your frustration. Of course there are no guarantees but learn to accept that.
sardonicus87 Posted April 2 Posted April 2 I second the going to munches advice and building a network. . There's lots of people that refuse to use or look online because there's so much harassment and bs. So many won't even be on many or any websites, or they might go to great lengths to hide their location where possible and to be as anonymous as possible. And even ones that are on various websites might have a low willingness to engage with strangers. . Building a local network can connect you with others that will never be possible with an online-only approach. . But a key thing with going to munches is to not go like it's a speed dating event or with the sole intention and/or expectation of meeting someone. You have to be patient, as frustrating as it can be sometimes, and no matter how frustrated you are, never take it out on other people—it's not their fault that they aren't what you're looking for, or that you're not what they're looking for, or that being into something more niche is harder to find. . And that's not to say you can't vent your frustration. You just have to be careful about it so as to not come off as desperate, entitled, annoying, or like you're blaming anyone.
Z99A Posted April 3 Author Posted April 3 14 hours ago, gemini_man said: Thing is I think a lot of guys (and I'm not necessarily referring to you OP, I don't know you to know either way) sign up to sites like this without actually having done some self-analysis first to understand themselves and what their kink actually is - it's one thing to say "I'm a submissive" but quite another to be able to explain what that actually means to them as an individual - there are so many flavours of what a submissive is and each of them unique to the person - so saying "I'm a submissive" and hoping to find a Domme to match just isn't going to bear fruit most of the time. . Then you have guys that sign up to sites like this and hope it means their every fantasy will be instantly fulfilled without actually taking the time to make a decent profile etc. . I'd also suggest in this world setting your aim solely on finding a partner is unlikely to bear fruit - so use sites like this to network and get to know people, not as potential partners but just because they're someone else who shares similar interests and may be able to introduce you to others. . And look beyond sites like this to find people - I've recently started going to Munches and kink clubs and you know what? It's been a breath of fresh air compared to on-line sites - people have been welcoming and open to talking and my circle of kink friends has grown massively in a very short space of time. . You have a thriving kink community on your doorstep OP - I know of at least 3 munches in Norwich, and many more within easy reach - then you have The Annex that's not that far, and other kink clubs not far away. . It's up to you to make the effort and put yourself out there though, as waiting around for it to come to you just won't happen. This is great advice and you're right there is a bit of a kink community in Norwich and I've been to a few of the munches but there is unfortunately very few dommes who are looking for more than just domming. Norwich is flooded with us subs, haha
ge**** Posted April 3 Posted April 3 3 minutes ago, Z99A said: This is great advice and you're right there is a bit of a kink community in Norwich and I've been to a few of the munches but there is unfortunately very few dommes who are looking for more than just domming. Norwich is flooded with us subs, haha Yes but if you use munches more as a networking thing than a looking for prospective partners thing you don't know where it may lead. . Had this conversation with someone at the weekend where we were saying it's not necessarily what you know but who you know - getting to know those that aren't looking for a relationship may well lead to being introduced to those that are.
ey**** Posted April 3 Posted April 3 I think a question here is - what do you mean by "Femdom Dating" ? Dating is dating.
TheZenCommander Posted April 3 Posted April 3 Munches are the best way to meet people, but not every city has these. Coming from Chicago to Asheville came with a lot of struggles in the BDSM community. I used to have munches, and dungeons, and community in Chicago, but in a small mountain town, not quite the same. All we have are apps like this. Even the fetlife groups in this area have gone silent.
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