un**** Posted March 22 Posted March 22 Hello everyone, has anyone got any tips on how to get into femdom as a man trying to explore his submissive side?
MJ**** Posted March 23 Posted March 23 Read. Learn. Join a femdom reddit or discord. Understand the difference between a bottom and a sub. Pay for a session or two. Don't mention kinks to a prospective Domme until she brings it up. Work on your non-sexual skills, such as massage or cooking. Read and self reflect. Make yourself a catch. Only then should you reach out to offer your submission and service to a potential Domme. If this is too much, then you're not really a sub (you just want to bottom with some kink) and Dommes aren't interested.
Mi**** Posted March 23 Posted March 23 Right MJ, you have to get pleasure from being of service. Not cause you might get pegged and stuff depended on your domme you may not. It is a world where you are for somebody else use. Even the punishment should be rewarding. Make sure you know your limits. Be super careful with online dommes I would say I’ve never met one I’ve trusted and they are just about everywhere researching this stuff will take you. If they don’t really seem to care that you are uncomfortable then for sure it’s a scam. I’ve also seen where they are “giving you tasks” that to me just seem like posable blackmail material.
de**** Posted March 23 Posted March 23 There has to be some form of connection before anything else. Be prepared to interact and be truthful. Say what you want, explain what you’re looking for, but do t jump I. With two feet and just expect that you will find someone who is decent and trustworthy straight away. Like most Ds dynamics, things ‘can’ move along quite quickly, just make sure you’re getting the correct type of Domme.
Du**** Posted March 23 Posted March 23 This is all excellent advice. I’m Domme-leaning and I’m SO TIRED of so-called submissive men DMing me with shopping lists of all the punishments they want me to dish out to them. What on Earth is in that arrangement for me? Why would I waste my time, energy, and creativity on a complete stranger? Other times it’s lists of what they want to do to or for me, but that’s no better: if they’re offering their submission to a complete stranger, it’s not worth having and I don’t want it. . In short - follow the good advice here, and when you find someone with whom you’d like to create a Ds dynamic, earn each other.
sillysub Posted March 23 Posted March 23 i think all of the above is great advice. Don't make it about yourself. think about what she wants as the Domme and not what you want. Submitting is submitting to the will of the Domme and doing as she wants and pleases. I would say you do not need to pay for anything in bdsm if you do not wish to. Do be respectful to every Domme you come across. Do not come across as horny, needy and desperate. Dommes are turned off by that. Start off in conversation and get to know the Domme. If both of you feel that things are vibing then proceed but don't rush it. Remember, she is the boss not you. You are working on her time table not yours.
slave-mp Posted March 24 Posted March 24 All the advice here is excellent. My personal thoughts and experiences are as follows. Never expect it to be like it is in porn. Never jump in with a stranger, especially if they ask for ***, tributes, vouchers etc.. Always be 100% respectful to all dominants. Make sure you're not just wanting to live out a fantasy or there for a quick wank. Be honest from the very start about what you desire to get from the dynamic and about your limits. For example if are willing to be feminised or if that's a limit. Build a connection before you dive in. Your true pleasure should come from the pleasure and desires of your dominant and not your own needs and you need to be willing to do everything your dominant says, a true dominant will not go against your limits or want you uncomfortable. And once more I'll say this as it's vital. Always be respectful, 100% of the time no matter what. I hope this helps and you find someone soon that matches with you. Good luck.
Th**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 24 minutes ago, slave-mp said: All the advice here is excellent. My personal thoughts and experiences are as follows. Never expect it to be like it is in porn. Never jump in with a stranger, especially if they ask for ***, tributes, vouchers etc.. Always be 100% respectful to all dominants. Make sure you're not just wanting to live out a fantasy or there for a quick wank. Be honest from the very start about what you desire to get from the dynamic and about your limits. For example if are willing to be feminised or if that's a limit. Build a connection before you dive in. Your true pleasure should come from the pleasure and desires of your dominant and not your own needs and you need to be willing to do everything your dominant says, a true dominant will not go against your limits or want you uncomfortable. And once more I'll say this as it's vital. Always be respectful, 100% of the time no matter what. I hope this helps and you find someone soon that matches with you. Good luck. I know you were only using it as an example but I just wanted to state for anyone who might be reading that femdom doesn't inherently involve feminization. I'm personally not really into it unless it's something my partner would want to explore in a positive way.
slave-mp Posted March 24 Posted March 24 4 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: I know you were only using it as an example but I just wanted to state for anyone who might be reading that femdom doesn't inherently involve feminization. I'm personally not really into it unless it's something my partner would want to explore in a positive way. Yes I totally agree. I used it as an example as I am a sissy sub haha. But yes it all has to be within both partners limits and within the boundaries of consent which need to be set out by the talk at the start about limits. 👍🏻
Th**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 I've seen too often lately where guys think being a sub means automatic feminization and being treated like they're dirt.
slave-mp Posted March 24 Posted March 24 10 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: I've seen too often lately where guys think being a sub means automatic feminization and being treated like they're dirt. I've noticed that a bit myself and even fake dommes acting like that is the only way. For me that is me and my kink and 2nd persona. Outside of work.and family I live this way as often as possible. And the worse I'm treated the better for me. But I've been in this lifestyle for over 25 years, it never started this way. It's grown and I've became needing and craving to be the sissy i am and treated worse and worse during play sessions as time has gone on. It's not for everyone. But this is me. It makes the importance of setting limits at the start vital. Or it could mentally destroy someone. Which is most definitely not what should happen, ever. Xxx
Pe**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 Yesterday at 08:22 AM, DuchessFeuille said: This is all excellent advice. I’m Domme-leaning and I’m SO TIRED of so-called submissive men DMing me with shopping lists of all the punishments they want me to dish out to them. What on Earth is in that arrangement for me? Why would I waste my time, energy, and creativity on a complete stranger? Other times it’s lists of what they want to do to or for me, but that’s no better: if they’re offering their submission to a complete stranger, it’s not worth having and I don’t want it. . In short - follow the good advice here, and when you find someone with whom you’d like to create a Ds dynamic, earn each other. Absolutely agree!! Well said.
Pe**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 6 hours ago, ThaliaV said: I know you were only using it as an example but I just wanted to state for anyone who might be reading that femdom doesn't inherently involve feminization. I'm personally not really into it unless it's something my partner would want to explore in a positive way. I totally second this. It’s such a misconception. I’m not overly into it myself but would indulge a partner that I was in a dynamic with. It also doesn’t inherently involve small penis *** that some subs love and then like to go ahead and talk about their small penis 🙄. Not saying anyone has mentioned this, just thought I’d put my two pence worth in haha. 
Th**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 4 hours ago, PervyPenelope said: I totally second this. It’s such a misconception. I’m not overly into it myself but would indulge a partner that I was in a dynamic with. It also doesn’t inherently involve small penis *** that some subs love and then like to go ahead and talk about their small penis 🙄. Not saying anyone has mentioned this, just thought I’d put my two pence worth in haha.  Agreed, SPH is something else that's not my thing but I'll indulge someone if I like them and if it's not a focus that becomes annoying or grating. While we're on this track I'll also mention chastity. For me it's not about emasculation but another form of control and as a reminder of ownership, even when I'm not present.
un**** Posted March 24 Author Posted March 24 Thanks for all the advice everyone, appreciate the tips
Pe**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 5 hours ago, ThaliaV said: Agreed, SPH is something else that's not my thing but I'll indulge someone if I like them and if it's not a focus that becomes annoying or grating. While we're on this track I'll also mention chastity. For me it's not about emasculation but another form of control and as a reminder of ownership, even when I'm not present. Yes!! I love chastity for this reason. It’s about the control! I’m not into emasculation I like a strong, masculine man that chooses to submit to me, I find it quite delicious 😋
Th**** Posted March 24 Posted March 24 57 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said: Yes!! I love chastity for this reason. It’s about the control! I’m not into emasculation I like a strong, masculine man that chooses to submit to me, I find it quite delicious 😋 Exactly!!! I'm very very much the same.
ey**** Posted March 25 Posted March 25 if you are "looking to explore" then remember that women aren't kink dispensers who will want to help act out your fetishes/fantasies just because you are curious. If your main motivation is exploration - then paying a Pro is always faster results Raising kinks with a prospective girlfriend is a good idea, but the old saying that more people would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them rings true - what does a partner get out of this? going to munches/events etc with a view to make friends is also a better way to meet folk which might lead to play. Yesterday I had 6 hours in a dungeon with a lady I first met at an event. And one of the things she got out of it was "playing with a friend"
Du**** Posted March 25 Posted March 25 19 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said: if you are "looking to explore" then remember that women aren't kink dispensers who will want to help act out your fetishes/fantasies just because you are curious. If your main motivation is exploration - then paying a Pro is always faster results Raising kinks with a prospective girlfriend is a good idea, but the old saying that more people would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them rings true - what does a partner get out of this? going to munches/events etc with a view to make friends is also a better way to meet folk which might lead to play. Yesterday I had 6 hours in a dungeon with a lady I first met at an event. And one of the things she got out of it was "playing with a friend" Thank you - as always. I decline every DM from any man who claims to be “exploring”. As I believe my profile states, I’m not the pic’n’mix counter.
ey**** Posted March 25 Posted March 25 5 hours ago, DuchessFeuille said: Thank you - as always. I decline every DM from any man who claims to be “exploring”. As I believe my profile states, I’m not the pic’n’mix counter. I feel one of the problems with "exploring" is that it's akin to "experimenting" and aside from how this treats people. I've met people over the years who, for whatever reason, did at some point go "OK then" And this "OK then" being, yes I will try out some stuff with you, yes, I will "take you on" and then they've regretted it. That after time, energy and emotion is invested, the - ahem - sub, will discover this is "Not for them" after all. Be it that it's not 24/7 play time. That impact play does actually hurt. That WS etc can be unpleasant - that even something like foot fetish people can find the reality doesn't go with the fantasy. In some of my own timeline - I played a lot with friends I'd made in the community but there were things I wanted to try I was, for assorted reasons, a bit worried to ask - so - I paid a Pro knowing full well that if things went badly I not only never had to do those activities again, I didn't have to see her again and neither of us had lost out as I'd got to try and she at least got paid.
Th**** Posted March 25 Posted March 25 6 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: the old saying that more people would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them rings true - what does a partner get out of this? 6 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: And one of the things she got out of it was "playing with a friend" These things right here. So many people, here especially, seem to be ignoring the true and genuine friendships part. I like variety, my personality is decently suited for a fair amount of casual exploring, I really think I'd enjoy it, actually. The key though is I have zero interest in this with virtual strangers. If I did, then I'd do pro work and get paid for it because I'm not feeding into the kink dispenser mentality. However, if someone is a genuine good friend, then it sounds like a lot of fun to me. I've formed a few friendships here where I'd love to experiment with them. We have a lot of compatible interests. Unfortunately, most who've taken the time and care to form those friendships aren't reasonably close enough to do so.
Pe**** Posted March 26 Posted March 26 19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: if you are "looking to explore" then remember that women aren't kink dispensers who will want to help act out your fetishes/fantasies just because you are curious. If your main motivation is exploration - then paying a Pro is always faster results Raising kinks with a prospective girlfriend is a good idea, but the old saying that more people would be into Femdom if it actually benefited them rings true - what does a partner get out of this? going to munches/events etc with a view to make friends is also a better way to meet folk which might lead to play. Yesterday I had 6 hours in a dungeon with a lady I first met at an event. And one of the things she got out of it was "playing with a friend" Absolutely!! Totally agree. Also the having “fun” scenario. If I was looking for fun, I’d go play crazy golf 😂
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