Issues starting a conversation

[Shilo66]

23 hours ago, dade37 said:

I know you ladies get inundated with messages.  How does one get read, and more so, how does one go about to get you to respond to open a dialog?    Now if the profile says monogamous; I don't write to the lady.  If she has an age range that I am not in; I don't write.   If they are looking for vanilla; I don't write.  Also if they post what type of political views they want, and I don't align with them; I don't write.   Not going to waste someone else's time if I can clearly see that I am not a fit.   My profile is open to the fact that I am in a ENM relationship.  She is aware and encouraging of it.  Not looking for a unicorn, as this is a relationship for me.

This is my typical initial message: 

    Good morning/afternoon/evening (pending time of day I send it),

    I read your profile.  I like that you are _____________.  That fits well because I am __________.   I see you enjoy _______ as well.  Would you care to chat?   or

    I read your profile.  I didn't see much written other then you are a sub.   What is it that you are looking for?   Please take a look at my profile.  If we have things in common, would you care to chat?

So basically, I try to find common ground, address it, then ask to conversate.

What can be done to improve chances of getting a response?   

First of all, I commend you for being brave enough to ask this question, you've identified that there is a problem and recognise you can't fix it all by yourself. You're not alone and others will learn from this thread how to correct their own profiles, if similar to yours. 

Secondly, I've read through all the contributions on this thread up until my posting, and you've been offered a lot of good advice. I hope you take them up. 

Below are some key take aways that I've noticed and few I think you should consider:

1) The recurring message is that there is 'precious little' about YOU on your own profile, which I have to agree with, because when I looked at it... there is 'precious little' about you.   

2) Your typical message reads as if you're only agreeing with them to get your 'foot in the door' so to speak, because there's no background information about yourself to confirm that you too are already that way inclined.

3) Check the dates that the person you're writing to was last on the site, if she's not been active for three months, as an example, then you're highly unlikely to get a response. 

4) Check what their response level is. If low, then you know a response is highly unlikely, so bear that in mind. 

5) I know you already read their profiles to make sure that you're compatible and match with them first before approaching, BUT, how are THEY going to know if THEY'RE compatible with you if there's very little / nothing's actually written in your bio? Again, just because you've said so in your approach message, doesn't mean much if that information isn't already on your profile write up.  

The irony here, is that the only reason you know you're compatible with them, is because they've written so on their profiles. 

6) Your profile picture needs to change, there's a very recent forum thread about the profile pictures women like to see, I strongly suggest you read that. 

Now, if you follow all the above advice, they won't guarantee a sudden and dramatic improvement in your responses, but I do believe they will improve your chances. 

Best of luck. 

 

Edited April 3 by Shilo66

[Cu****]

As a woman I feel like almost everyone messages to get naughty pics. Even with my bio saying all the specific things im looking for and expect, guys message me knowing they can't meet those expectations. That being said, I do message people back and will let them know I'm not interested and sometimes why (if they ask). As other people said, I don't like profiles that don't have pictures, bios, or very little information. I do click on all profiles of people that message me.

[Ki****]

Lots of good advice on this thread. Congrats for asking this question and being open to feedback.
Someone mentioned this already but I like it when I go on someone’s profile and see a pic of them smiling. Best of luck.

[SirsLilMousey]

I had a look at your profile, I would try updating your pictures to show off your personality, having fun, smiling etc. Also adding in more into your about me section could also help getting you more engagement

[Vo****]

I took a look at your profile it’s completely blank try filling it out

[Vo****]

Wednesday at 02:52 AM, MisaTakahiro said:

Honestly the message itself is ok. Decent enough in my opinion to respond to. However, you only have one picture and it's looks extremely professional. Yes you look nice, but it looks like it's meant for a company photo rather than a dating profile. Something a little more personal or sensual may for better for this app.
Also, your profile is very minimal. Granted you have the basics filled out and you know exactly what your looking for for, but you have no discrimination about yourself. You need something for others to know more about you. Just like you picked up information to ask about on their profile, you should do something similar.
Personally, when I respond to a message that has questions I only respond to those questions and maybe a Hello. I don't feel obligated to carry the conversation when it was YOU who reached out and were interested. As was explained earlier, if you have nothing in your profile I can't ask questions that will lead to knowing you better rather than just generic questions. It may seem like an open dialogue, but you have to keep in mind not only the type of questions you ask; if it's too personal, or they don't feel it'll lead into the type of relationship/conversation they want to have.
There is the fact that you're not their type which is an unfortunate fact to consider, but is something that will happen. And if they get lots of messages, a profile picture can be a quick yes or no just as much as a quick scan of a profile.
My recommendation as someone who's turned people down or not responded? Add more to your profile. Change you profile picture to something more inviting of what you want, be it flirty or sensual or just a classic face pic. Add something more to your gallery even if it's just hobbies or something. Add even just a short description of what you're looking for on here. What you want out of the relationship your looking for, something you're looking for in somebody, and definitely add limits. If your profile says you're in a non-monogamous relationship then expand on that, a detail some appreciate when looking for specifics.

Very well said

[Tr****]

Struggled with the same things, you're doing all the groundwork, which is good, taking careful consideration and time reading profiles, and I don't see your messaging as wrong necessarily, but just boring, no offense, as you are looking for women remember that women are more cerebral than men and are more engaged through emotion, so write something about yourself that accomplishes that (easier said than done I know lol), that would at least increase your chances for dialogue, and as was said before, women get WAY more messages than men do, so like an employer looking through a bunch of resumes, if it's too much to read then they will skip it for something shorter and more to the point of what they are looking for, whether you chose to message initially THEY have to choose YOU, so sell yourself in the best and most enticing way someone you are looking for would want, and lastly, boring pictures equal boring person, you want a woman to get naked with you but you can't even smile for a profile picture? Definitely not the way to go my friend, hopefully some food for thought to help you, I have changed my about sections numerous times trying to accomplish the very same thing, so I know it's a challenge and a half to say the least, but keep at it and eventually you will find the right words to use, good luck to you

[ke****]

Thanks I appreciate that

[GRUMPYNOPANTS]

My suggestion os if you looking to meet people here is good but going to amunch or meet and greet with real people is fun and you truly get to know people and alway a possibility to meet your potential partner

[Leisa]

I reply to every post, even if it’s a no thank you or you’re not what I’m looking for but that’s just me. When I first began here eons ago those reaching out were more along your line and it was easier to respond and pick up dialogue. Lately, the posts are rude. It’s highly probable that your posts aren’t even being read because of the inconsideration of those that have come before you. Don’t lose heart. Your posts will eventually strike a cord with someone and a dialogue will occur.

[Sc****]

With all these recommendations, I most certainly need to update my profile. Thanks, everyone. I am predicting AI will soon do this for us!

[zA****]

Great post and have updated my profile maybe to much or still not enough. 

[PN****]

My honest opinion is to stop trying so hard.

Just be real. Don't be so boring and generic.

Girls are people, My dude. Just like you and Me. Weird, I know. What works once doesn't always work again.

If you are authentic, people will usually see that. It's a turn on. Every other guy has a generic statement. Stand out. Be different. Shit, be enthusiastic! Are you happy to talk to them? Show it! Same goes for guys. We love that stuff too.

[Be****]

I find that having a little give and take in a conversation is nice. Don't throw everything in the other person's court. Hold the ball sometimes and make them come get it. Let them want to ask to know a bit more about you, but also make sure you ask questions and to get them talking, but then be sure to use yourself as an example to those same questions to show that you are active in the engagement. Leave a bit of breadcrumbs that the other person may want to pick up and eventually find the whole loaf if they are intrigued.

[Vo****]

Monday at 09:15 AM, zAlex said:

Great post and have updated my profile maybe to much or still not enough. 

You put way to much personal info this is a kink app at the end of the day

[Mr****]

I struggle with this too. Like, how can you have an NSA relationship without making strings in the process? How do you know if you are being too forward?

[adrenalina75]

April 15, zAlex said:

Great post and have updated my profile maybe to much or still not enough. 

I don’t think you’ve put too much personal information in.

[zA****]

2 hours ago, adrenalina75 said:

I don’t think you’ve put too much personal information in.

Thank you, I did wonder!

[Br****]

The advice on here seems sound. I hope to use some of it and get more responses

[us****]

Well ultimately you are trying to find your person, not just any person. The most impactful message I received and really drew me in was a comment on why my eyes. It was a pure innocent comment, that made me seem like he actually wanted to talk to me. Not just jump down my pants

[bl****]

That opening would definitely get my response it is respectful and is not most important creepy to a woman.

[Al****]

To be honest, you need to be persistent even tho it seems like harassment. If she doesn’t answer, try again a few days later. And once more a few days later. Not everyone will agree with me, but I know for me it’s how I’ve met some great guys on here (not in person yet, except one and it was not a good fit after meeting)
But truly we sometimes are distracted by maybe another two stimulating convos at the time; and you get put on the back burner for now, and then lost in the sea of bliss lmao

[Al****]

^^^ I meant to say, I’d cap out at 3 times. If you haven’t heard back then they probably have seen and purposely ignored for whatever reason. Any after that is kindof harassment lol

[ge****]

3 hours ago, AllyCat6369 said:

To be honest, you need to be persistent even tho it seems like harassment. If she doesn’t answer, try again a few days later. And once more a few days later. Not everyone will agree with me, but I know for me it’s how I’ve met some great guys on here (not in person yet, except one and it was not a good fit after meeting)
But truly we sometimes are distracted by maybe another two stimulating convos at the time; and you get put on the back burner for now, and then lost in the sea of bliss lmao

Whilst that may work for you and I totally get the distracted/lost in a sea of messages thing - for some people being that persistent would be seen as pestering/harassment.
.
Also the site prevents you from sending further messages, the first time you message someone, for a period of time (forget how long but 30 days springs to mind) unless the recipient has responded.
.
The best thing you can do if there's no response is accept it as a polite "no thanks" and move on.