What does it mean to be collared by a Dom/me?

[Deleted Member]

So this is a twofold question. What does it mean to be collared? One side for subs and one for Dominants. And it's about wearing a collar. 

Do you? Have you? Would you? And Why? 

When I was new to kink, and planning to meet my very first Dom (oh boy, I was utterly terrified), he talked me through what would happen during the scene. I was going to his place and the scene would start as soon as I arrived (safety calls planned and in place). So he told me that when I arrived, he'd place a collar on me. And that blew my mind. Literally - my mind bucked at the thought. I was repulsed. How on earth could I submit to such a thing? I had to think what does it mean to be collared?

I really had no idea what the collar was all about. And I didn't even realise the frisson this little *** was already creating in my mind/cunt. 

So I went for a long walk, with my dog. And I talked to him. Because he was the only other person I knew that wore a collar, back then. Yes, I did just call my dog a person. And he enlightened me. He said it wasn't so bad. He showed me his utter loyalty and devotion, and I saw how the collar would help me to experience that. 

Saturday night came, and I drove the long journey to this gentleman's home. Turned up, shaking like a leaf. I can see why Doms love having the chance to pluck a new sub and give them their first kinky experience. 

After we'd had a cuppa (tea and kink go together so well) he asked me to stand and whipped off my dress, making some very appreciative noises about my body. Then he placed the collar around my neck and something shifted, dramatically. The little voice of resistance inside me disappeared. I gave him all my trust. Maybe I'll write up the rest of this in the Stories & Confessions Forum... 

But a key point here is that the collar I wore with him was only a play collar. It's power and meaning didn't go beyond it's use within the scene. So what does it mean to be collared is a different question in different relationships. 

Collars can have much more significance in a D/s relationship, where the sub or slave becomes owned or collared by their Dominant/Master/Mistress. That type of collar is sometimes called a permanent collar. 

When I joined Fetlife, people talked about their collars with a strange reverence that I didn't understand. I came to see how the bond of the relationship between an Owner and their collared sub/slave was so powerful. It meant trust and commitment to one another (doesn't necessarily mean monogamy). In time, I came to see how it also meant protection, especially for subs who play in public spaces. To know that my Dominant has my best interests at heart, even if I'm fucking or sucking someone else, is ultra important. 

Later on, when going through tough times, I came to see how those hours I'd spend with my Dom, wearing His collar, helped me to cope with the other stresses in life. The collar became a symbol of so much. It reminded me of my strength because of the *** or *** I could endure when wearing it. 

Now that I'm released from my collar, I'm not sure I need or want one again. Maybe not yet but maybe someday. It's something I associate more with being a slave and if I went back into a slave arrangement, I think I'd need it. For now, I'm a willing slut, so what's the point? 

There's so much more to say about collars and I don't think I've done it justice at all. 

Dominants - do you use them during play? Do you 'own' your sub and do they wear your collar? Do you think it's important? Do you get what does it mean to be collared?

Subs - do you wear a collar for play or as a sign of belonging to your Dom/me? How does it make you feel? What does it mean to be collared to you?

[NatalieLM84]

What does it mean to be collared?

You've just perfectly described the feeling I get when I get wrist restraints on 🥰 pure forfilment and safely

[Wo****]

I wear a collar in play and as a sign of belonging.

It's a sign of submission and protection.

 

 

That said... 

Just as happy without.

[li****]

What does it mean to be collared? Means different things to all of course butI wear a play collar. I have two that we play with one when we have impact play and one when we have rope play both are completely different and of course have different meanings and different uses for both. But me and Sir have never ever thought of a permanent collar as it's just not something we both want but I've seen subs collard so quickly that I always wondered if it's talked about properly as for most D and s types it's a form of being totally committed to that person as like a engagement ring ect like you say totally belonging to that person, but to me as a sub yes I've given my gift of submission to my Sir and that's all he needs we ourselves don't need collars 24/7 that doesn't mean that I think this should be the same for everyone, everyone is different and dynamics are different whatever makes you both happy is what counts.

[Deleted Member]

As a Dominant, I would love to explain my thoughts on what does it mean to be collared in detail, but it would probably end up more than twice as long as this post. What I will say, instead, is this. Every kinkster is different, as I am sure a lot of people will agree. I seek a 24/7 Slave, so collaring my Submissive would be a symbol of ownership. That does not mean she would wear it constantly, and likely she would not wear it in public (these are things I have yet to decide upon). A collar, to me, is a toy for playtime, but it is also an item of clothing that I would make my Submissive wear, as a constant reminder that she is mine. While I do think a collar is a great idea, I begin to contemplate that it is the meaning behind it that is important; not the physical object itself.

[Wo****]

When I move to the US I will wear a collar 24/7. Instead of a wedding ring. I'll have my play collar, my everyday collar and my "jewellry" collar.

[Deleted Member]

I personally think the collar is the ultimate symbol of love. For me if and when I collar someone it always means so much more than the act of wearing the collar. It means that my little has chosen me as her daddy dom. Not me choosing her as my little, and has chosen to wear my collar in the same way someone would wear a wedding ring and as such knows that I will love, honour, respect, nurture and care for her. I have a 'play' collar and an everyday discreet collar for my little. And she is free to wear either one. And with the discreet collar we are still able to share the closeness and loyalty a collar symbolises without the possible embarrassment that can sometimes come with wearing the more noticeable collar in public, because let's face it kink shaming is an issue and collars can often be the only sign someone leads a kinky lifestyle.

[Vandalslut]

I have two collars, both with leads - one leather and one chain.  I don't have a jewellery one for public wear. To me it's a definition of belonging, submission - and freedom.

[Vandalslut]

1 hour ago, Bigbeardeddaddy42 said:

  collars can often be the only sign someone leads a kinky lifestyle.

And sometimes not even then.

[Master-007-3969]

Awesome share ,thank you!

[Deleted Member]

A collar is merely a visual representation of a commitment,being collared is more I think an attitude,a state of mind.For some it's a sign to others that there is a special bond in place. So what does it mean to be collared? depends how you look at it. 

[Vandalslut]

1 hour ago, Vandalslut said:

And sometimes not even then.

Should have clarified this - sometimes people wear collars or collar-like items as 'club' or Goth wear and not necessarily as a sign of a kink lifestyle or being owned.

 

3 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

I wear a collar in play and as a sign of belonging.

It's a sign of submission and protection.

That said... 

Just as happy without.

I'm happier with....

[Deleted Member]

Part of what does it mean to be collared for me is to feel closer to Sir when he isn't around, I don't wear it 24/7 but when I do I become much more calm and it reminds me of the bond we have. Today I was starting to feel down and lost again wanting to block everyone and everything out curl up into a ball and forget the world even exists but I decided to take a bath and get myself dressed up as if Sir would be coming I put my collar on and instantly felt soothed and began to take photos to send to Sir, instead of shutting down I managed to overcome this much quicker than usual all thanks to the gift I received from Sir a reminder that I am strong, cared for and owned.

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, LazyPiratesBounty said:

When I move to the US I will wear a collar 24/7. Instead of a wedding ring. I'll have my play collar, my everyday collar and my "jewellry" collar.

Beautiful!

[Ch****]

What does it mean to be collared, depends on the collar.

I have a play collar an a every day collar.

 

My play 1 is exactly what you think a collar is it comes with a lead an when master an I play it's like I give him total control an I'm safe.  I will even wear the collar part sometimes in after care.  I will cuddle up 2 master an get cuddles an my hair stroked.  Master says I act like a kitten been stroked way I move my head an make noises.  Iv fell asleep  with it on as well I was just so comfy an fell asleep  cuddled up to master.

 

I wear a every day collar witch is a silver neckless  with a lamb on it. It's a joke between  master an I. He once said I was so yummy he could eat me up so i call him the big bad wolf he calls me little lamb.

Master will buy me gifts to do with sheep I buy him wolf items.

 

I didnt get my play collar or my every day collar till I'd been his sub for a year. 

[Deleted Member]

Wow. What powerful words some of our friends and fellow kinksters have written on this subject: what incredible depth of expression and insight this post opens up. I’m renewed in my utter respect and gratitude to several members of this place; thank you so much for sharing such intimate perspectives with us all. It’s really enlightening and actually, quite empowering for all parties, I think, to discuss and analyse these valuable insights.
 

Bounty, you already know that you’re special to me. Your writings are beautiful. Your understanding seems limitless and your empathy and emotional maturity knows no bounds. You tell it as it is and you don’t hold back. Oh, and you’re an awesome playmate to boot! And I love you for all of this...

Pirate, always succinct and concise, your sharing of your experiences and your knowledge of your various expertises commands much respect from many, least of all myself. Thank you, Sir. You’re a bright light on a dark night.

Rose, where have you been for so long? Your skill of expression is stunning, your candid style resonates deeply for many of us and your no nonsense approach is a breath of fresh air that I for one, value and respect deeply. I feel a deep connection with you that I hope to explore in due course. You’re intelligent and educated and know your own mind. A gem indeed. Thank you for your generosity in sharing your experiences. Priceless insights indeed. I need you in my life.

Vandalslut. Oh how we all worry about your situation right now. We see the reports on TV and think of you all the time. Awful. Stay safe, our friend. Your written contributions to these forums are like little snippets of higher wisdom! Always borne of common sense, deep understanding, emotional empathy and real world experiences, your musings are valued by myself and others more than you could know. You command my total respect. Thank you.

Dante, your eloquence and good manners belie your youthfulness. You deserve attention and respect by dint of your undeniably commanding stature. You’re a true gent, in my opinion,  and you’re well thought of by many.

 

And then sadly, there are the nobs. Those who are incapable of even writing a decent profile, or even ANY profile, and choose to troll, ***, insult and generally make tits of themselves. As we’ve all seen. And life is full of them. And as we get older, it’s not that there’s any more of them, it’s just that we see them coming from further away! Which of course gives us more time to take evasive action.

There are quite a lot of these on the chat rooms recently. Which is why of late I’ve chosen to pretty much avoid that area of the site. Having been on the receiving end of some torrid *** for absolutely no reason, from some lowlife tits who chose to follow each other lemming-like down a path of *** toward me I considered leaving this site for good. But it’s the above named people amongst a few others that I haven’t mentioned specifically here that persuaded me to stay. Conversation here on the forum is generally more considered, better presented, more eloquent, definitely more highbrow, and, notwithstanding the idiot above, generally kinder and more educated, in my experience.

There are some amazing stars shining brightly through the gloom of the masses and I love you people. You are the ones that make me realise that I’m actually not an alien after all. I’m normal. And I like normal things. It’s just that my normal is different to your normal. But I love your normal too. It complements my normal perfectly. And long may our normals reside together in peace and harmony, free of vanilla!
Thank you all, my extended family. You’re all special to me. 

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, NatalieLM84 said:

You've just perfectly described the feeling I get when I get wrist restraints on 🥰 pure forfilment and safely

Hi Natalie, I know some subs who like to sleep in their wrist restraints because it helps them feel safe and calm. I haven't worn mine in a long time, as I associate them with my former Master but thank you for reminding me of the feeling. 

[Deleted Member]

On 1/9/2020 at 10:06 PM, LazyPiratesBounty said:

I wear a collar in play and as a sign of belonging.

It's a sign of submission and protection.

 

 

That said... 

Just as happy without.

@LazyPiratesBounty Do you have a discreet day collar? I had a piece of jewellery to wear around my throat that Master chose for me and it was so powerful. Sometimes, if I was having a bad day, we'd speak on the phone at lunchtime, and he'd tell me to touch my collar while he spoke his words of protection and promise to me, "I own you. You belong to me." etc. 

Even those words took a while for me to fully understand. It wasn't about taking away my freedom or choices, it was about showing me that I had great value. I knew he was a man of refined tastes and he liked precious things. He came to show me that I was precious and valuable, otherwise why would he own me? That was life-changing for me.   What does it mean to be collared? To me, security.

[Deleted Member]

On 1/9/2020 at 10:19 PM, Lilmonster said:

I wear a play collar I have two that we play with one when we have impact play and one when we have rope play both are completely different and of course have different meanings and different uses for both. But me and Sir have never ever thought of a permanent collar as it's just not something we both want but I've seen subs collard so quickly that I always wondered if it's talked about properly as for most D and s types it's a form of being totally committed to that person as like a engagement ring ect like you say totally belonging to that person, but to me as a sub yes I've given my gift of submission to my Sir and that's all he needs we ourselves don't need collars 24/7 that doesn't mean that I think this should be the same for everyone, everyone is different and dynamics are different whatever makes you both happy is what counts.

I'm intrigued by your various collars! Sounds really cool. 

On being collared too quickly - Yes! Some people rush into it. From my experience, it's usually been D-types who want to collar me right away, That just speaks volumes to me. Shows they don't understand what submission is or  what does it mean to be collared. Yes its beautiful and there are inherent rewards, but there is a cost to my body and mind, when I give it to someone. 

When a collared relationship breaks down, it can be psychologically difficult to recover from. I don't know why the Ds don't get that better than they do. When you let a D have control of your mind, your desires and your orgasms, what do they think is going to happen when it's over? Sorry.... another rant, another post maybe. 

[Deleted Member]

On 1/9/2020 at 10:39 PM, DanteReign said:

As a Dominant, I would love to explain my thoughts in detail, but it would probably end up more than twice as long as this post. What I will say, instead, is this. Every kinkster is different, as I am sure a lot of people will agree. I seek a 24/7 Slave, so collaring my Submissive would be a symbol of ownership. That does not mean she would wear it constantly, and likely she would not wear it in public (these are things I have yet to decide upon). A collar, to me, is a toy for playtime, but it is also an item of clothing that I would make my Submissive wear, as a constant reminder that she is mine. While I do think a collar is a great idea, I begin to contemplate that it is the meaning behind it that is important; not the physical object itself.

@DanteReign you are always welcome to write in detail on my threads or to me! I love to hear long responses. on  What does it mean to be collared and other subjects.

You're right, in that it's the meaning behind the object that matters more than the object itself. However, an object becomes invested with that meaning. With my spiritual hat on, I would say it takes on the energy of the intentions that are applied to it, of the giver and the wearer. That object then becomes a very potent thing. Which is how psychometry works. 

This is apparent, when a relationship ends, and those items hold all the significance and feeling of the relationship. It's also why a D-type should NEVER make a sub wear a collar that has belonged to someone else. 

[Deleted Member]

On 1/9/2020 at 10:58 PM, LazyPiratesBounty said:

When I move to the US I will wear a collar 24/7. Instead of a wedding ring. I'll have my play collar, my everyday collar and my "jewellry" collar.

Oooooo I LOVE this. 

My jewellery collar was so special to me. Like a wedding ring. 

When I was out during the day, I felt safe wearing it, especially when men looked at me with covetous eyes (lol, not that that happens all the time). All parrt of  What does it mean to be collared.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Bigbeardeddaddy42 said:

I personally think the collar is the ultimate symbol of love. For me if and when I collar someone it always means so much more than the act of wearing the collar. It means that my little has chosen me as her daddy dom. Not me choosing her as my little, and has chosen to wear my collar in the same way someone would wear a wedding ring and as such knows that I will love, honour, respect, nurture and care for her. I have a 'play' collar and an everyday discreet collar for my little. And she is free to wear either one. And with the discreet collar we are still able to share the closeness and loyalty a collar symbolises without the possible embarrassment that can sometimes come with wearing the more noticeable collar in public, because let's face it kink shaming is an issue and collars can often be the only sign someone leads a kinky lifestyle.

LOVE THIS SO MUCH. 

Thanks @Bigbeardeddaddy42

Top marks for being the most beautiful D-type response. You gave me all the feels with this. 

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Vandalslut said:

And sometimes not even then.

Yes. Them pesky Nillas wear them too. 

Since I saw the movie Bohemian Rhapsody last year, I often think about how Freddie wore his collar on his bicep and got away with it as 'fashion'. 

[Deleted Member]

On 1/10/2020 at 1:27 AM, Donnykinkster said:

A collar is merely a visual representation of a commitment,being collared is more I think an attitude,a state of mind.For some it's a sign to others that there is a special bond in place.

Oh? I feel like 'merely a visual representation' is not quite enough to explain what does it mean to be collared, all the power it holds to an s-type. But I'm not trying to split hairs with you xx

Thanks for your comments earlier, in regards to Fartboy. They seem to have disappeared. Perhaps he removed himself? You were right. I have blocked him and so it was his only possibility to have a dig at me, here. What a dick. I do block people quite freely. I've blocked at least 20 so far here. I don't need to have a reason. 

[Deleted Member]

On 1/10/2020 at 2:31 AM, Forbiddenfruits said:

I wear my collar to feel closer to Sir when he isn't around, I don't wear it 24/7 but when I do I become much more calm and it reminds me of the bond we have. Today I was starting to feel down and lost again wanting to block everyone and everything out curl up into a ball and forget the world even exists but I decided to take a bath and get myself dressed up as if Sir would be coming I put my collar on and instantly felt soothed and began to take photos to send to Sir, instead of shutting down I managed to overcome this much quicker than usual all thanks to the gift I received from Sir a reminder that I am strong, cared for and owned 

Hi @Forbiddenfruits - I'm sorry you had one of 'those' days but GO YOU for doing such amazing self care and turning it around! Oh you make me wish I was collared again now! I could have used some collar therapy yesterday, too. Is it just a dark january thing? Yesterday was a struggle. 

Collar therapy is another bit of  what does it mean to be collared I guess.

Much love and sending some hugs. I think you're awesome.