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Penalty points...

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Received 3. for something ...Apart from off Topic..or unclear ..not enough text...was the e-mail I received from Fetish.com...but nothing through the messaging system....I cannot find any info about which topic they are referring to..!...I do try to follow the guide lines..but there is alot to remember...and. take into account.I wish they would notify a member if something is not quite acceptable...before getting points...More often than not it is a honest mistake and it is not fair....All I know is I now have 3 points...All it seems to take is one or two words which are not allowed...surely the moderators can use common sense and rephrase something which is a really good topic..but phrased in the wrong way.!..Choosing how to describe something is not always that simple...if one wants to create a healthy discussion...Does one gets points which the moderators are not aware of , if they decide to make an alteration to a topic headline..or to one or two words within any post..!I am a really upset member , who really thinks about what topics to post...and I post topics which are close to my heart...Sometimes  one has no choice ,or cannot think of another way to explain something...I think I have about 14 topics in my notebook...will never post...even though they are so relevant to this website...What do I do...I know that if I post the topics or have a helpful reply to someones asking  for help or advice..I am taking a risk...Am I going to continue taking a chance to be able to help , if I can , or advise...or post a topic...worrying that I will get points...and stand to lose contact with this website for however long the points last for.!..use your common sense and judgement...Interpret a Topic and replies in the context of what has been posted...and how difficult it can be...!..When I first joined...I was so scared..it took me ages to build up my courage to post my first topic and reply ..it was a reply to a particular topic by another member that gave me the courage to do that...I remember that about an hour later , the reply by that same member..had been deleted....I am not going to say whether it was a male or female..but if it was not for that reply to a topic ..Would I still be here...or in A spiritual world...I think you can guess..That one reply that made all the difference , that was deleted for whatever reason...is why I am still alive.!..Have you the Nerve to allow this...or are you going to edit it again and give me more points....I have not broken any guidelines in this post..!..Cassie...What I do strongly agree with , is that to mention any age under 18 should not be allowed....To mention a young child  , should not be allowed..or any reference to Animals...But...again...Use your judgement how any reference to an animal is mentioned....Do not offend pet lovers...I have learnt from very helpful messages from two moderators in particicular Serena  and VB...what is allowed etc...but I still make mistakes....When one is writing something that is close to ones heart it is so easy  to forget the guidelines...Emotions take over and a desire to open up really does take over as well..Please take that into account...As I discovered , this website is not only about being able to discuss things ..but it is also a way of preventing desperate members from taking their own lives...I am still here...and I have to thank Fetish.com  for that..!..Think about what I have mentioned in this topic and post...Cassie...

Edited by Cassie34
Added comments

An after thought...some sort of vetting system where a member can be notified in advance that a topic submitted needs to rephrased  or the reply needs to be edited...before being allowed...A vetting system would eliminate the need for warnings associated with points..!...If you let members know where they have gone wrong would be a step in the right direction...Give us the opportunity to alter our replies or Headline topics...it is the least you can do before..Cassie


An apology...sometimes things get to you...We chatted over a dinner party last  night and friends read the post I feel awkward about...It is close to my heart and I really do feel I have issues to be thought and considered by those who moderate our topics and posts...In some ways maybe I wish I had a way or posting or sending these  posts  without it being mentioned on a Forum...I hope this question in 2 parts will be answered , because I feel it would make understanding how this website works etc...My first question is....Do moderators have some leeway in deciding what can be allowed as a Topic or post...Why...because one moderator for whatever reason may look at a post etc from a different angle or viewpoint...No two individuals think exactly alike...What may be deemed suitable by one moderator , another may differ in his or her interpretation of the same Topic or post...How is what  to allow decided...My second Question..is about Guidelines....Looking through what interested me within the Guide lines..is this...Maybe I have misunderstood what I read...but it seems that any topic or reply is supposed to generate a discussion to be approved...When one comes across a post where a member is asking for help or advice....How does one approach that...Does any advice from first hand experience or suggestions have to fulfil your criteria of encouraging discussion..I know from my own past situation that real advice and help is so difficult to get..!...Members can offer their own opinions and suggestions..but nothing can replace the experience of living through the same thing..!...I do agree that Topics  and Replies have to be judged on the value of the contribution and how relevant the reply is , but there are occasions where a member is really desperate for help and advice with no one else to turn to..I honestly think and believe that in those situations , being able to help , to offer real life solutions from ones own personal conflicts , whether it generates a discussion or not...hopefully at some stage it will...is more important than ..Whether you allow this or my previous related posts..Please accept my apologies...No offence was intended in any way , but as in your guidelines , to encourage an honest and frank discussion not only between members...but moderators etc...I have calmed down , but I believe I have raised a few issues that deserve to be really thought about..Maybe some sort of separate section within the Forum purely for these types of posts....This is a suggestion from one of my friends...A member would have to register to be able to post any plea for help , maybe a small fee as well...and a description of what help and advice they are looking for...to join this section of the Forum...It would be on a much more personal level...and have nothing to do with kinks etc...but on a level of coming to terms with who one is..how to cope with what is going through ones mind....where to get help and one to one support..There is NOT a single website associated with our lifestyle that offers anything close to what I have mentioned...think of this section as a reference for help..advice ...where to go...organisations that specialise in helping us..What I am thinking , is that if the fee is high enough , it would deter those who would waste your and members time and allow this section to concentrate on members real personal problems..Cassie


Thank you for your feedback. Moderators do regularly discuss what to do with certain topics/replies before doing anything. There are clear guidelines to follow but as with everything, there are grey areas. These are discussed between the whole team until a joint decision is come too. 

Having a topic not approved is not the end of the world! Often their will be hints of how to re-write it so you can post it included in the warning. If a person feels strongly against the penalty points awarded they can contact  customer support to have the decision considered. 

I hope that helps!

  • Like 1

Yes it does...Thanks...I do not know whether you edited these posts etc....but you have gone along way in my esteem by allowing these posts...A massive thank you..Cassie