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Posted

Soooooo. Can we discuss body confidence.

As a person who has been bullied and emotionally abused for years. I am now suddenly finding myself getting a lot of positive comments not only from Sir (😍) but from people who don't even know me at all. 

Is it normal to find it little awkward and to not know how to respond to it?
I know I have features that are my best bits but I cannot see the whole package in a positive light and worry my self doubt will be draining. I wouldn't care but I am the least shallow person going yet can only ever see negativity when I see myself lol.

Any tips and advice on how to just let go of the demons and trust again would be greatly appreciated.

To clarify... Sir is nothing but complimentary, it's me that has self doubts and scrutinises the far end of everything. He makes me feel amazing but the old demons niggle my brain and haunt me... I don't want him thinking it's him. I can talk to him about anything. He knows how irrational my thoughts can be.

He says all the right thingsto put my mind at rest but as anyone who has been in similar situation in the past it is hard to accept someone actually liking you in  way that you have never had before if that makes sense. 

 

Thanks for any comments in advance xx

  • Like 10
Posted

I'm not sure how much I can help you but wanted to say I get it!

I was previously in an emotionally, physically and verbally abusive relationship (it feels good to be able to say it out loud #notmyfault). So I can understand how lack of self confidence, and belief in yourself can effect so much more than you might imagine. 
I am learning to take compliments gradually, but it's hard not to say 'oh but ...' and dismiss it as a self coping mechanism. 

I hope you manage, with the support of your Sir, to find your glow. 
We all have it, even if the dial needs turning up a bit. *hugs*

  • Like 5
Posted
Like you said you have been abused and put down for years. It will take some time to get rid of it. Your Sir do a great job at putting confidence back into you and you show it thats why you being rewarded with compliments from stranger. You show or exhale something out that you cant see yet. I cant really see what was your body issues but I could guess it. Its easy for me to say but try to focused on your new you, life is about mind and body and in bdsm we put mind first because its more beautiful and part of the control too, if that make sense for you. If you mind get stronger your view about your body will shift to a different perspective.
  • Like 4
3SumQueen
Posted

I don't take to compliments at all, i tend to see them as a form of manipulation that people use to get what they want. But i also get why you wouldn't believe them off someone who is genuine. The way i turned this kind of thinking around is to think about how i see people myself. If i love someone and find them attractive of course they will likely have what is perceived as physical flaws, does that make them unattractive to me? Not at all. So why wouldn't you believe that someone who loves you really does love the whole of you?

  • Like 3
Posted
10 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

Like you said you have been abused and put down for years. It will take some time to get rid of it. Your Sir do a great job at putting confidence back into you and you show it thats why you being rewarded with compliments from stranger. You show or exhale something out that you cant see yet. I cant really see what was your body issues but I could guess it. Its easy for me to say but try to focused on your new you, life is about mind and body and in bdsm we put mind first because its more beautiful and part of the control too, if that make sense for you. If you mind get stronger your view about your body will shift to a different perspective.

You are right about the mind being more beautiful. Excellent choice of words. 

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, 3SumQueen said:

I don't take to compliments at all, i tend to see them as a form of manipulation that people use to get what they want. But i also get why you wouldn't believe them off someone who is genuine. The way i turned this kind of thinking around is to think about how i see people myself. If i love someone and find them attractive of course they will likely have what is perceived as physical flaws, does that make them unattractive to me? Not at all. So why wouldn't you believe that someone who loves you really does love the whole of you?

 

Edited by SweetSurrender
I totally get what you mean. However. Never been made to feel like this. It's all very new to me
  • Like 1
Posted
People will always see the positive side and traits and can lift everybody's mental attitude but it's only when you see the real person you are that you'll start believing there truths esp after a long time off negative comments. Ben there done that. Always look on the positive side and thank them it works wonders. Good luck in breaking yr walls down
  • Like 3
Posted
3 minutes ago, Bobbyb1973 said:

People will always see the positive side and traits and can lift everybody's mental attitude but it's only when you see the real person you are that you'll start believing there truths esp after a long time off negative comments. Ben there done that. Always look on the positive side and thank them it works wonders. Good luck in breaking yr walls down

Thank you

  • Like 1
Posted
5 minutes ago, 3SumQueen said:

I don't take to compliments at all, i tend to see them as a form of manipulation that people use to get what they want. 

a bit sad thought? 

3SumQueen
Posted
Just now, FabSeverus said:

a bit sad thought? 

Maybe? It's the impression i get off  a lot of people who don't know me and so have nothing to compliment me on.

3SumQueen
Posted
4 minutes ago, SweetSurrender said:

I totally get what you mean. However. Never been made to feel like this. It's all very new to me

Hopefully you get used to it. :)

  • Like 1
Posted
I was previously in a bad relationship that included mental and physical abuse. I use to be a size 10/12 when the relationship ended I pilled lots of weight on and went up to 16/18 he used to call me names and such couldn't even look in a mirror for a few years it got that bad . It took me years and years to get where I am today with my confidence I still suffer some days. Some days compliments can lift my mood and make me feel good other days I just don't want them at all.
  • Like 5
Posted
38 minutes ago, 3SumQueen said:

Hopefully you get used to it. :)

I could easily get used to it. Just need to let the guard down and let him in I suppose

  • Like 2
Posted
35 minutes ago, Bobbyb1973 said:

Look further on

one issue covered here, if you want to talk about it open a new thread about it.

cheers

Posted
No its an open discussion
  • Like 2
Posted
2 hours ago, SweetSurrender said:

Soooooo. Can we discuss body confidence.

As a person who has been bullied and emotionally abused for years. I am now suddenly finding myself getting a lot of positive comments not only from Sir (😍) but from people who don't even know me at all. 

Is it normal to find it little awkward and to not know how to respond to it?
I know I have features that are my best bits but I cannot see the whole package in a positive light and worry my self doubt will be draining. I wouldn't care but I am the least shallow person going yet can only ever see negativity when I see myself lol.

Any tips and advice on how to just let go of the demons and trust again would be greatly appreciated.

To clarify... Sir is nothing but complimentary, it's me that has self doubts and scrutinises the far end of everything. He makes me feel amazing but the old demons niggle my brain and haunt me... I don't want him thinking it's him. I can talk to him about anything. He knows how irrational my thoughts can be.

He says all the right thingsto put my mind at rest but as anyone who has been in similar situation in the past it is hard to accept someone actually liking you in  way that you have never had before if that makes sense. 

 

Thanks for any comments in advance xx

I almost cried reading this. When no one has wanted you for so long, then ppl do tell you you're pretty it's hard to believe them. And that hurts most. More so the feeling that they are so attractive to you and still don't care what you look like insofar as your body they LIKE IT.  You ask why and when you started hate yourself. And have a lot of repairs to make in the relationship. I have no way to help you. I'm sorry. But you've helped  me so thank you

 

Much love, MMB 

  • Like 4
Posted

Sweetsurrender honey I don't know personally but everyone is unique and beautiful, EVERYONE,your awful past is still hurting you the only way for you is let go the past( I know honey easier said than done) it takes a lot of loving yourself,you are beautiful inside and out don't let the bastard's in your past ruin your dreams all the best stay sweet respect 💕

  • Like 1
3SumQueen
Posted
58 minutes ago, SweetSurrender said:

I could easily get used to it. Just need to let the guard down and let him in I suppose

I can understand that.
I struggle with vulnerability but this time around i'm allowing myself to be. It's a little weird and awkward for me at times but with practice and trust hopefully it starts to feel good.

  • Like 1
Posted
I hated myself for so many years, i got bullied because of my stupid sized boobs at school & as I got older I stopped going out at one stage but as time went on I slowly learnt to love myself until one day I woke up & actually realised how gorgeous & sexy I am! As far as I’m concerned I’m fat & all that extra bulk is bloody beautiful. I’m big, I have comically huge boobs, I wobble & I look amazing in a basque....I’m flipping beautiful! Does everyone agree, no not at all & that’s ok because we’re all different & every is entitled to their own opinion. I look at some people & I’m not attracted to them in the slightest & that’s the same with me, people will either find me beautiful or they won’t. Some people love boyish looking girls or feminine girls, some people love big wobbly girls, we allllll like different things & that’s ok cos we’re human & it’s natural to not like something but find something else sexy. Look at us all on here & how our kinks differ! If someone is repulsed by me or finds me horrible then don’t look at me, walk past, it’s not rocket science. But the day you accept that you’re not going to look like anyone else & that’s ok, some people will find you amazing & some people won’t, is the day you look in the mirror & think ‘I’m actually bloody gorgeous, flaws & all!’ I get shy when I get a compliment but that’s usually hidden by my reply of ‘I know’ when someone says ‘this is nice or that’s lovely’ 😂
  • Like 4
Posted
1 hour ago, BigPolly said:

I hated myself for so many years, i got bullied because of my stupid sized boobs at school & as I got older I stopped going out at one stage but as time went on I slowly learnt to love myself until one day I woke up & actually realised how gorgeous & sexy I am! As far as I’m concerned I’m fat & all that extra bulk is bloody beautiful. I’m big, I have comically huge boobs, I wobble & I look amazing in a basque....I’m flipping beautiful! Does everyone agree, no not at all & that’s ok because we’re all different & every is entitled to their own opinion. I look at some people & I’m not attracted to them in the slightest & that’s the same with me, people will either find me beautiful or they won’t. Some people love boyish looking girls or feminine girls, some people love big wobbly girls, we allllll like different things & that’s ok cos we’re human & it’s natural to not like something but find something else sexy. Look at us all on here & how our kinks differ! If someone is repulsed by me or finds me horrible then don’t look at me, walk past, it’s not rocket science. But the day you accept that you’re not going to look like anyone else & that’s ok, some people will find you amazing & some people won’t, is the day you look in the mirror & think ‘I’m actually bloody gorgeous, flaws & all!’ I get shy when I get a compliment but that’s usually hidden by my reply of ‘I know’ when someone says ‘this is nice or that’s lovely’ 😂

Wow! I love how you exude confidence. Love it!! 😍😍

  • Like 3
Posted
22 minutes ago, SweetSurrender said:

Wow! I love how you exude confidence. Love it!! 😍😍

Thank you so much. It’s such a simple concept, people either find us attractive or they don’t & either is a perfect natural human reaction. 

Of course I’m shy & unconfident but strangely I have less confidence the more clothes I have on, almost like I’m trying to hide how fat I am. The more exposed I am the more people can see that I’m actually like ‘yeah I’m fat, I’m gorgeous, I’m squishy, I feel lovely to squeeze & my boobs clatter when I’m being banged & im the only one that matters with that opinion!’ & I’m not trying to hide anything behind baggy clothing. 

Theres the old saying ‘unless I’m sat on your face then why should my weight be any concern of yours’ & that’s true whether you’re big or small, we’re all amazingly beautiful at the end of the day & each one of us is very very different 😊

 

 

  • Like 4
Posted

@SweetSurrender I don't know you all that well and your post highlights the fact that we live in a world where to much is taken at face value....but your Sir is an amazing guy by the sounds of it and now is the time to *shine in the light* he bathes you in!!!!

Stay strong stay smiling ❤

  • Like 3
Posted
I am the same way!I am just learning too love myself! I guess my problem is that I want some one to love me first
  • Like 1

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