Bull dates in your area - BDSM & Fetish dating

Well-grounded guy with a successful and fascinating life here, but behind closed doors, I need to feel ashamed, pathetic, ugly and stupid.

I'm getting excited by a man that I can worship and compliment while he is being bad to me in several ways:

verbal and psychological ***
hard insults, like body shaming, not politically correct
mocking and laughing at me
uglification - throw some ugly rug or write degrading words on my body
show me on live camera while i suck you or humiliate myself, even though i beg you not to do it, and you give me poppers and then *** me to
make pictures with your smartphone and show me how I look, *** me to see myself
feet worship
s***do/underwear tease
if you smoke, breath out on my face, or even throw ash on me
spit all over me
*** all over me
write the name of someone you despise (your annoying boss) on me and use me as an object of mockery and ***
I have a great life but in front of you we are in a roleplay, in which you are a hot desirable hot man, and I'm a total loser who is only good to be mocked at, laughed at and bullied.
open to more ideas/scenarios/fantasies.

My favorite scenario: you look into my eyes and insult me while I'm taking poppers, and we are talking on how hot you are and how I'm not. Please, tell me, again and again, what a loser I am to you. Tell me I'm pathetic. Tell me I'm a fat pig, again and again and again. And I will admire you and worship you and tell you how amazing you are, compliment every part of you.

I can also, as a part of the game, order you dinner something like that.

I usually don't look for sex because the loser is unworthy for normal sex with you, but it's not a rule. It's possible that while I worship you, you look for someone else for sex, show my how you go on grindr and find someone better looking, making me feel bad, while using me as a coffee-table, footrest, or just something to laugh at.

Facts:
A man in underwear turns me on more than hung cocks.
Poppers makes me stupid and weak and I want to show you
I can also give you massage, we meet and I'm your masseur, there to please you and take care of you, and all I ask in return is that we will talk, communicate. I ask for nothing else.

If you are not verbal I don't think it will work. But you can share with me some other fantasy, maybe I'd love to try.
We can also have a session dedicated entirely to me working on your feet. Or giving you a bath... I'm open to anything fucked up and weird

Get in touch with your expectations/ideas.
I CAN'T host.
Everything in consent and respect (except the meet itself ah ah!)
I'm chubby and lately I started laser on my chest and abdomen. Feel free to laugh and mock at that.

Eye contact and creativity are a big plus.

I'm a guy that has a good job and life, educated, friendly, social... But sexually I'm messed up. Please let me show you.