Threesomes

Get the best out of a threesome

What is it really like to have a threesome?

How do you make a threesome work for all involved?

Can BDSM be incorporated into a threesome?

Get the best out of a threesome

Probably the single topic most often raised in the magazine's agony column is threesomes. Whether they're your hottest fantasy, your weekly reality or something that you reckon would turn you right off, they're big news - and they certainly have plenty of fans!

The trick to finding a threesome is not to force it - these things happen naturally, and you're unlikely to be able to engineer a situation with a stranger or online that works out to your satisfaction. The trick to enjoying one, on the other hand, is to make sure everyone's feeling included and to try and spend roughly as much time 'giving' as you spend 'getting'. This is a good rule of thumb no matter what kind of sex you're having, but when there's more than one other person involved it can be hugely beneficial to give it some conscious thought!

What is a threesome?

They often say that three is a crowd but not in a threesome. Threesomes are three people of any gender or sexuality engaged in sex acts. It is a very common fantasy.

What is it really like to have a threesome?

You won’t know until you try! But it might not work like your perfect fantasy so remember to keep communicating all the time. It can be a really fun experience but there are ways a threesome can go wrong. Common issues are feeling left out, being too nervous to play and consent violations.

How do you make a threesome work for all involved?

Communicate! Talk beforehand about what you want to happen as well as soft and hard limits. Make sure you have safewords in place and safe actions if someone is going to be gagged. Have aftercare provisions in place too, so that everyone feels safe and cared for. The experience might not go completely to plan but if you’ve talked about things frankly and thoroughly you’re more likely to have a fun experience.

Can BDSM be incorporated into a threesome?

Of course. The dominant partner/s can take control and do the ordering about. There can be restraints involved or impact play. You can add in lots of kinky elements. Just make sure everyone is involved and knows their role.

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Take a peak into the swinging lifestyle

Threesomes aren't the be all and end all of more-than-two sex, foursomes and moresomes are also common in some fetish clubs and sex-positive social circles, and sex involving four or more people is often referred to as 'group sex'. There's more than one form of group sex - there's the gangbang, for example, where a group of people are all focused on one individual, and there's the orgy, which is more of a free-for-all. People of all and any sexualities and gender identities can enjoy group sex in the right context, and it's a great way to live out some of your deeper and darker fantasies. Safer sex is even more important in group situations than it is in most others, as there's a far higher chance of picking up something you didn't want when you have more partners at once. You should also have consent negotiations before, during and after--it's vital to make sure that everyone is happy, comfortable and on the same page.

For all snowballing lovers

Snowballing is when one person passes on the cum from their mouth to another, increasing the spit and the 'snowball' effect. For some of the swappers (particularly those who choose to be sexually submissive) this can be a particularly erotic activity to take part in - and the other side of the equation gets to enjoy the sight of their partners loving being covered in their semen. Some people also enjoy participating in the swapping of their own ejaculate, which can be a fun thing to experiment with if the idea appeals to you!

Live out your partner swapping fantasies

Partner swapping is the concept behind the classic 'key party', with the idea being that two established (and probably otherwise monogamous) couples swap partners for a single encounter or night. For some this develops into a more ongoing and polyamory-like arrangement, while for others it's just a little fun to help them change things up a bit and maybe explore some of your hitherto unrealised fantasies. There's more than one way to get involved in this, but for most a swinger's club is the easiest place to start. Check out our events sections to find out which clubs are near you, and make sure you're in fantastic communication with your partner before you begin!