Why did I let this happen to me!!!!

[li****]

Taking a sip from the glass of wine in my hand, I hear the bing from my phone I walk to it and as i pick it up I see the txt message saying he's 10 mins away, I get a feeling in the pit of my stomach not knowing if it's ***, nervousness or excitement!! Then as I breathe in and out slowly to get rid of this feeling before he turns up the buzzer goes scaring me, making me jump. I lift up the phone and say hello he's says I'm here let me in, I buzz him in still with this feeling of the unknown. I find my keys and unlock the door he walks in all assure of himself not even waiting for me to invite him in. He puts his bag down on the floor of my bedroom and "strip" he says. I look  at him knowing my cheeks feel like they are on fire. "Did you want a drink"? I ask him. He moves forward getting closer to me I back up he reaches out to me and grabs my arm hard, I flitch as he pulls me to him. "If I wanted a drink I would have said, but what did I tell you to do slut"???? I freeze not knowing what to say to him. He looks at me with a look that scares me he then leans forward so we are eye to eye, "answer me slut"??? I'm still rooted to the floor I then feel the slap across my cheek "ANSWER ME SLUT"!!!!!! He shouts in my face! I feel the sting from his hand which shocks me I then feel the tears start to well in my eyes. "You told me to strip" I say with a whimper! "Excuse me??? Say that again properly slut", again I feel another crack from his hand on my cheek. I feel the tears now running down my face, "you.. you... told me to strip Sir" I say with *** in my voice afraid of what he'll do next. He backs away slightly with a sly smile on his face. "Do as you're told then slut" I start striping off my clothes one by one not going too fast or too slow just in case I get another smack round the face. I can still feel the tears rolling down my cheeks that salty taste as I look up to him naked , "did I tell you, you could look at me slut"?? He says I bow my head "no Sir" I say!! "Get on the bed now"!!! He tells me, so I walk over to the bed, "get on your hands and knees slut" I flitch everytime he calls me slut. I do as he says not knowing what's gonna happen, that pregnant pause of silence in the air not sure of how long went by, then I could hear him walking about in the background and the noise of rustling then silence again, only then I heard the noise before the *** hit me, he hit me twice more. I cried out as he hit me again not knowing what he was using I turned my head to see the paddle in his hand, I see it go over his head and come down again so hard over and over till the *** is unbearable, I cry, scream, shout anything to get him to stop, only then I realize to shout out my safe word "red!!! red!!! RED"!!!!!!!!! he still doesn't stop, as the tears carry on and the *** just won't stop, I know he isn't gonna stop at all. Only then I know I have to get out of this situation myself I kick out and luckily I hit him not sure of where and at this present moment I don't care at least he's stopped hitting me!! I scramble off the bed in *** my ass feels like it's on fire I know I'll have a bruise there for weeks!! "GET THE FUCK OUT"!!!! I scream at him he looks up at me clutching his stomach, "I'm so sorry" he says to me. "I don't want your sorry just get the fuck out of my house before I call the police". He scrambles for his bag he runs out the front door. I reach for my dressing gown only then when I bend over I feel the *** on my backside. I walk gingerly to the mirror knowing it's gonna be horrific but I need to see , so I turn around and only then do I see the extent of what he's done. I break down again looking at the red and purple marks already showing on the surface of my skin the *** brought to the surface. I walk back in to the bedroom and see the paddle on the floor I pick it up carefully and then realize he used my own paddle to beat my ass with!!!!! It's only now as I stand in my bedroom that I thought I knew this guy, we'd been chatting for a while from the site we met on he seemed a nice guy what didn't I see????? As I lie crying on the bed I take a few pics of my already bruised ass just in case he decides to pester me I keep the pictures, knowing I won't be able to sit for a good few days all I can think is what did I do wrong???? Why did I let this idiot into my home??? All these questions going round my head, but for now all I wanna do is sleep, I wrap myself up in my duvet and cry my eyes up as I drift off to sleep!! 

[Deleted Member]

Beautifully written kitten, I know that wasn’t easy to write. But it’s a must read for any new subs. So many lessons there to be learned. Well done for putting it out there. xx

[Qu****]

Well done my beautiful friend. Very brave to put that down in writing. Focus on the positive and wonderful relationship you enjoy with Liam and be proud of how you survived, how you’ve been building your confidence and the inspiration you can be to others who have experienced the same as you. Much love 🤗❤️xx

[silver779]

awesome job darling.    this is a must read for many.   terrific job i know this took some work.   proud of you

 

[Deleted Member]

Well done Lilm, you should be proud of yourself for having the courage to do this. Your a fantastic woman and I'm so sorry this happened... ♥ love you beaut ♥ 

Edited January 22, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ThinGuy]

I deeply sympathise with your situation, you only wanted some fun and got a monster. He may have learnt a lesson and maybe not. 

How often have I heard the words Narcissist and Jekyll And Hyde. It seems you got a Mr Hyde. We on this site may want a bit of BDSM

not a Brutal Storm Trooper. I find actual *** (we all know the difference) abhorrent and disturbing.

I pray and hope that you get better luck next time and get a nice man/woman whatever, but nice.

Christopher ❤❤❤😼

[Eurydome]

Congrats. Some people would be ashamed but you stand up and testimony. Thanks.

[Deleted Member]

This shows such strength lilm,  a real testament to where you've been and where you are now ❤❤❤

[li****]

53 minutes ago, Liam52 said:

Beautifully written kitten, I know that wasn’t easy to write. But it’s a must read for any new subs. So many lessons there to be learned. Well done for putting it out there. xx

Thank you Sir for giving it me as a task in the first place 💜 and yes it was tough putting it out there for it needed doing and I hope new subs read it and take on board the fact that yes these things happen but hopefully they will see the warning signs a lot quicker. 

[li****]

41 minutes ago, Queenie63 said:

Well done my beautiful friend. Very brave to put that down in writing. Focus on the positive and wonderful relationship you enjoy with Liam and be proud of how you survived, how you’ve been building your confidence and the inspiration you can be to others who have experienced the same as you. Much love 🤗❤️xx

Thank you beaut 😍 yes I feel brave for putting it out there and brave for writing it all down. Liam has been the best thing to ever happen to me even just 8 months ago I wouldn't have been able to write it all down. Love you ♥️♥️

[li****]

38 minutes ago, silver779 said:

awesome job darling.    this is a must read for many.   terrific job i know this took some work.   proud of you

 

Thank you hun 💜

[li****]

36 minutes ago, TeeJay_Pup said:

Well done Lilm, you should be proud of yourself for having the courage to do this. Your a fantastic woman and I'm so sorry this happened... ♥ love you beaut ♥ 

Thank you hun 💜 mistakes were made ect and I just wish I'd seen the warning signs but I hope new subs get to read this and know that they don't have to rush into anything take their time and if he's a real Dom he'll understand and not push. Thank you my beautiful pup 💜 love you too 

[li****]

37 minutes ago, ThinGuy said:

I deeply sympathise with your situation, you only wanted some fun and got a monster. He may have learnt a lesson and maybe not. 

How often have I heard the words Narcissist and Jekyll And Hyde. It seems you got a Mr Hyde. We on this site may want a bit of BDSM

not a Brutal Storm Trooper. I find actual *** (we all know the difference) abhorrent and disturbing.

I pray and hope that you get better luck next time and get a nice man/woman whatever, but nice.

Christopher ❤❤❤😼

Yes it's not the first time, I have unfortunately been involved with *** before in an abusive relationship years ago which affected me not only mentally but emotionally also. I've found my Sir now and he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. 

[li****]

31 minutes ago, Eurydome said:

Congrats. Some people would be ashamed but you stand up and testimony. Thanks.

Thank you 

[li****]

26 minutes ago, Firewitch said:

This shows such strength lilm,  a real testament to where you've been and where you are now ❤❤❤

Thank you Fire I've grown so much even in this short amount of time and that's down to not only me but Liam also 💜💜💜

[Wi****]

That to real courage to write lilm. To a part of your soul for everyone to see, so that so many new people can learn so much, im proub to be able to call you my friend you have such inner strength and are an inspiration lilm 🤗🤗🤗💜💜💜🥰 

[li****]

7 minutes ago, Willow75 said:

That to real courage to write lilm. To a part of your soul for everyone to see, so that so many new people can learn so much, im proub to be able to call you my friend you have such inner strength and are an inspiration lilm 🤗🤗🤗💜💜💜🥰 

Aw willow thank you so much 💜 I'm proud to call you my friend also and yes took courage to write it and to publish it but even if it makes a new sub take a step back and see that the so called Dom they've been talking to or dynamic they are in with them doesn't seem right so it helps them see warning signs and red flags then I've done my best to help them!!! 

Edited January 22, 2020 by lil-monster

[BladeGuy]

Well done Lilm it was beautifully written and gives a very clear msg to any potential new subs. 

It shows how strong you are and how far you have come on your journey. Be proud of yourself! 

 

[li****]

35 minutes ago, BladeGuy said:

Well done Lilm it was beautifully written and gives a very clear msg to any potential new subs. 

It shows how strong you are and how far you have come on your journey. Be proud of yourself! 

 

Thank you blade and if it helps a new sub then I've done what I can to help them see the signs before it's too late. 💜

[Deleted Member]

Such a courageous woman  Lilm to have to go through that ,beautifully written  proud of you for having the strength to write it  ❤️❤️

[li****]

Just now, Beau said:

Such a courageous woman  Lilm to have to go through that ,beautifully written  proud of you for having the strength to write it  ❤️❤️

Thank you hun 💜 it was very cathartic and knew I needed to get it out there. 

[Deleted Member]

no prerequisites, no forward scene style ... not good, well done for speaking out lil one! also ngl love the writing style really spoke out loud as I read it.

[Wo****]

This should be pinned...

@lil-monster @Liam52 I've said it before, I'll say it again. The bond you guys have is beautiful...

Lil-monster.. you are a beautiful soul, thank you for sharing xx

[fucktoy4278]

Well done,,i empathise as a survivor of ***

[Deleted Member]

Sometimes it shames me to be a man,to read this angers me much and I don't really do anger.Its good to know you have found "a good un"😊