Deleted Member Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 It’s less like being a kid in a candy store and more like dodging cars on the M25 in rush hour. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up. But the memory of how good it can be is still teasing me. The possibility of how fulfilling it could be again, with someone else, still draws me forward. D/s is a beautiful dance, when done well. But how do you find the right person to dance with? We tend to start with a list of kinks or fetishes. If we have common ground, we might begin to dance around each other. Try to find out what we’re both about. But I think this is the wrong way to go about it. It’s like going to the supermarket with a shopping list and trying to fill your trolley with as many items as you can. My kinks and my limits are pretty fluid. Most things terrified me a few years ago. I never expected to go very deep into BDSM…. but I was curious. A boyfriend had spanked me and been a bit rough, and I loved it. That was it. Not much to begin with. Every time my kinks or my limits have expanded, it’s been because of the connection I had with my Dominant and how he inspired me to try those things. That’s inspired by the devotion I feel towards him. It's what submission is all about for me. But without feeling inspired, I’m more likely to say, fuck off. I ain’t doing that. That’s why the connection has to come FIRST. And developing that isn’t really about sex or the stuff we do in BDSM. It’s about talking. I’ll put my hands up and admit that I’ve fallen for some Dominant men who just barked orders at me and told me what they were gonna do to humiliate or degrade me. But after the initial thrill dies down, there’s not much left to sustain the connection. These guys are always the ones who don’t chat much. They don’t seem to want to get to know you as a person. They don’t engage with your conversations about life, films, music, nature… whatever stuff fires you up. And they disappear. You’re not on their mind that much in between those barking sessions. I used to think it was unreasonable of me to expect them to show up and message me every day… but you know what, my friends can manage it. So why can’t they? I have these wonderfully long conversations with people I’ve met here, on WhatsApp or wherever. Even proper phone chats! How radical is that? But the guy who wants to beat me into oblivion and have me send him pictures of my cunt, he’s never one of them. Why is that? I’ve got people here who care about me now. That rocks my world. D-types who aren’t trying to possess me; who pick up the phone and speak to me when they know I’m struggling with something. Who are always there, messaging me throughout the day and listening to what I actually tell them. I joked with one of them today that he’s spoiled me for other guys. Because now I expect this level of care and commitment from the next Dominant/Daddy to whom I give my submission. I could have called this post 'Red Flags'. If he doesn't want to get to know me as a person, that's a red flag. If he's not able to develop or sustain a conversation, that's a red flag. If he gets pissed off about me confiding in other people here: red flag. And... the request for naked photos. I don't know why it goes hand in hand with this stuff but it just DOES. I will agree to sending photos as part of our play, once we've established we're suited to each other and we want to take things further. You don't need that stuff up front.
Carnelian2 Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 @white_rose - Good, now hold that, in fact, Brilliant post.
Wo**** Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 That is an absolutely beautiful post.... That connection, that's what allows you to do what you do. You know you're safe. I've only been able to do what i've done because i've had that connection. I have it with Pirate. It's something that you build on, i think, that initial connection and when you have that connection, and the trust, anything is possible.
Ni**** Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Perfect description of how a ds relationship should start and progress
Deleted Member Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 28 minutes ago, Carnelian2 said: @white_rose - Good, now hold that, in fact, Brilliant post. Thanks for all your kind support @Carnelian2
Deleted Member Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 15 minutes ago, nya said: Love love love this 💕 Thanks @nya
Deleted Member Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 6 minutes ago, LazyPiratesBounty said: That is an absolutely beautiful post.... That connection, that's what allows you to do what you do. You know you're safe. I've only been able to do what i've done because i've had that connection. I have it with Pirate. It's something that you build on, i think, that initial connection and when you have that connection, and the trust, anything is possible. It's beautiful, isn't it. I know you have it with Pirate and that you get it. Hope you guys are having fun tonight. xxx
Deleted Member Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 3 minutes ago, MyMaster said: Perfect description of how a ds relationship should start and progress Thank you. Beginnings are tricky to get right. I'm still learning!
Master-David Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 I hope everything is fine with you, may God bless you and your adorable one.
Deleted Member Posted January 27, 2020 Author Posted January 27, 2020 5 minutes ago, Aranhis said: ❤ You know you're partly responsible for this? Thanks for your support.
Ar**** Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 Just now, white_rose said: You know you're partly responsible for this? Thanks for your support. You know I've got your back. I don't need to say anything else, other than I'm thankful to have you in my life, that you trust me enough to allow that support.
Phoenyx Posted January 27, 2020 Posted January 27, 2020 6 hours ago, white_rose said: These guys are always the ones who don’t chat much. They don’t seem to want to get to know you as a person. They don’t engage with your conversations about life, films, music, nature… whatever stuff fires you up. And they disappear. You’re not on their mind that much in between those barking sessions. You know, you've said a lot of the things that I've always wanted to hear. Too bad, you're thousands of miles away, on another continent. Seems to be my luck.
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 11 hours ago, white_rose said: It’s less like being a kid in a candy store and more like dodging cars on the M25 in rush hour. Sometimes I feel like I want to give up. But the memory of how good it can be is still teasing me. The possibility of how fulfilling it could be again, with someone else, still draws me forward. D/s is a beautiful dance, when done well. But how do you find the right person to dance with? We tend to start with a list of kinks or fetishes. If we have common ground, we might begin to dance around each other. Try to find out what we’re both about. But I think this is the wrong way to go about it. It’s like going to the supermarket with a shopping list and trying to fill your trolley with as many items as you can. My kinks and my limits are pretty fluid. Most things terrified me a few years ago. I never expected to go very deep into BDSM…. but I was curious. A boyfriend had spanked me and been a bit rough, and I loved it. That was it. Not much to begin with. Every time my kinks or my limits have expanded, it’s been because of the connection I had with my Dominant and how he inspired me to try those things. That’s inspired by the devotion I feel towards him. It's what submission is all about for me. But without feeling inspired, I’m more likely to say, fuck off. I ain’t doing that. That’s why the connection has to come FIRST. And developing that isn’t really about sex or the stuff we do in BDSM. It’s about talking. I’ll put my hands up and admit that I’ve fallen for some Dominant men who just barked orders at me and told me what they were gonna do to humiliate or degrade me. But after the initial thrill dies down, there’s not much left to sustain the connection. These guys are always the ones who don’t chat much. They don’t seem to want to get to know you as a person. They don’t engage with your conversations about life, films, music, nature… whatever stuff fires you up. And they disappear. You’re not on their mind that much in between those barking sessions. I used to think it was unreasonable of me to expect them to show up and message me every day… but you know what, my friends can manage it. So why can’t they? I have these wonderfully long conversations with people I’ve met here, on WhatsApp or wherever. Even proper phone chats! How radical is that? But the guy who wants to beat me into oblivion and have me send him pictures of my cunt, he’s never one of them. Why is that? I’ve got people here who care about me now. That rocks my world. D-types who aren’t trying to possess me; who pick up the phone and speak to me when they know I’m struggling with something. Who are always there, messaging me throughout the day and listening to what I actually tell them. I joked with one of them today that he’s spoiled me for other guys. Because now I expect this level of care and commitment from the next Dominant/Daddy to whom I give my submission. I could have called this post 'Red Flags'. If he doesn't want to get to know me as a person, that's a red flag. If he's not able to develop or sustain a conversation, that's a red flag. If he gets pissed off about me confiding in other people here: red flag. And... the request for naked photos. I don't know why it goes hand in hand with this stuff but it just DOES. I will agree to sending photos as part of our play, once we've established we're suited to each other and we want to take things further. You don't need that stuff up front. What a wonderful thing to read first thing in a morning when I'm very grumpy.Not so grumpy now 😊.Seems we are both learning 😊xx
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 This is such a good piece of writing and couldn’t agree more. I was beginning to think I got it wrong , but this has given me restored faith and keep to my guns. i also had one that got angry I was talking to people here. Telling me I shouldn’t take advice , most were just peeves. And after I learnt he chats and gets involved with people loads . So there was obviously a motive behind him trying to isolate me from the community
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 23 hours ago, white_rose said: Thank you. Beginnings are tricky to get right. I'm still learning! Well I couldn’t put it any better myself. It’s always the beginning that’s tricky. Once you get into a groove, things flow…
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 But I’m learning too. We all are.
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 21 hours ago, phoenyx said: You know, you've said a lot of the things that I've always wanted to hear. Too bad, you're thousands of miles away, on another continent. Seems to be my luck. Thanks @phoenyx it is too bad. I love your profile.
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 23 hours ago, BigPolly said: Perfectly perfect ♥️ Thank you @BigPolly
Carnelian2 Posted January 28, 2020 Posted January 28, 2020 1 hour ago, MissS said: This is such a good piece of writing and couldn’t agree more. I was beginning to think I got it wrong , but this has given me restored faith and keep to my guns. i also had one that got angry I was talking to people here. Telling me I shouldn’t take advice , most were just peeves. And after I learnt he chats and gets involved with people loads . So there was obviously a motive behind him trying to isolate me from the community You might be submissive, in fact choose to give your submission to someone that deserves it. The person has to deserve it. That is the point. Someone, who puts you down may not fit that ideal compared to someone who helps make you strong and enables you to do what you can do. In return you give the person the gift of submission.
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2020 Author Posted January 28, 2020 16 hours ago, Donnykinkster said: What a wonderful thing to read first thing in a morning when I'm very grumpy.Not so grumpy now 😊.Seems we are both learning 😊xx You had the grumpy day today? That's a pity. Sending hugs xx
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