Bedroom only or inherent part of pur personalities?

[Deleted Member]

Yesterday I revealed to someone, that the dating site I was using is a BDSM one (this one but I didn't spill the name of it). They mentioned initially that submissive men could be Dominant too (I don’t think he meant as in switch) and I instantly pooh poohed it, but that is solely based a handful of submissive men that I have taken it off site with and gotten to know better. Because I currently identify as a Dom and not a sub I chose to overlook that when I was a sub...that was often only in the bedroom, and my life outside the bedroom I was very much so a dominant personality. 

 

So what I'm asking in albeit the most circuitous manner is this, are the vast majority of people on here Doms and subs bedroom only or is it an inherent oart of their ***sonalities which trnascends the bedroom into their every day life? Who solely uses their Dom/sub sides as a release? 

 

Switches I'm not over looking you, I would like your opinions too.

 

 

[SH****]

Im A Dom 24/7 NO kink or fantasy about it that is A waste of A mans time

[Sc****]

I too started in life as a sub , too a very demanding female. Dom
One thing I learned was life is evolution. And is always changing . Now I'm the Dom and in everything I do but as I age I find myself taking more time to show the way than just being aggressively dominate, I find that works better in life and in the bedroom I can show my firm hand. . I have had mostly young subs for 10 years nowas long as they don't flake too bad they are the perfect subs I think the world has changed and they crave the mentorship and guidance a. Dom provides.
Any one want to retort ?

[d_guglieme]

I simply do not have a dominant personality, or a real interest in leadership.

Being in proximity to the leader, advising them, yes. Being the leader? No so much.

I half-jokingly attribute this to the cartoons I watched as a kid (where leaders typically met bad endings).

[Deleted Member]

Bedroom / in house play . Mind set to escape,fill inline with Myself . Dom but I know I have submissive side when come to caring and pleasing the person I'm with(daddy). Mostly submissive in society, beaten into it by irl . Not by choice . When I was trying find my headset alone, I notice some change into how I did my job and able focus little more but took a lot out of me . I'm more a light switch, I don't dom unless I have right to , even at work . I'm not your boss unless I'm given the job. But don't mean I won't stand up if your lazy c**t. My is release but also reattchment . Keep my.adhd down and feel normal for moment .

[an****]

Id say I'm a switch in and out of the bedroom. The long and short of it is I like being useful 🤷🏿‍♂️

[Je****]

Personally for me I am sub in and out of bedroom however in my professional life I am very dominate but within my personal life I’m supper submissive

[Da****]

There's a healthy blend of both in the scene.

Some people are very much always on. On the life of dichotomy side of things "Dom in the streets, Sub in the sheets" is suuuuper common. I personally haven't met but handful of the opposite, the Dom who willingly submits at work but they're also out there.

[StaindGlassHeart]

Inherent part of my personality. So much so that I have zero interest in playing with people who only want it in the bedroom.

[vs****]

I believe that it depends a lot on the person. Myself, the bedroom / in private is my release whether I am feeling Dom or Sub that day. In public I am just as much of a switch, Depending on the situation and who I am with. From experience, a lot of very strong Dom people in public, look forward to releasing and be sub in private. And vice a verse.

[ki****]

I've found that people are usually the opposite in the bedroom of what they are in everyday life. I'd say I'm a little more submissive in everyday life than I am in the bedroom, but I can go either way.

[Na****]

The answer with this is "it's always subjective".

[Ob****]

For me I’m more submissive in the bedroom, but outside I’m a bit of both. It depends on the situation and who I’m with. Don’t know how I’d do life with only one or the other.

[Ch****]

Hi v card holder here so I'm not sure how much help I can be. In everyday life Id say I'm more dominant in a sense I take charge but listen. In private I'm looking for the hugs and care but still feel dominant in the sense of me knowing what I want.

[Chastity_Pup_Gabbia]

Maybe it depends on the person and the situation or life they live outside of the bedroom. Managers of businesses or companies may resort to being submissive in the bedroom to as a means of release from their job of always being in control. Relinquishing their outside Dominant persona. And it might work the other way. A person always on the lower end of the payroll might get their release from being a Dominant. It is never black or white. People can be complex and we never stick to the rules.
Personally, I’m a switch leaning towards submissive, my girlfriend was submissive but since we started dating has become a switch and has enjoyed being Dominant as well as submissive. However our outside lives have varied depending on what we have to deal with. If the situation calls for an assertive approach or one of us to support the other in times of hardship it blurs the lines of who’s the Dominant and who’s the submissive.
This is not to say that some people put all their lives into the hands of a Dominant and if they feel comfortable doing so then that’s ok, as long as the Dominant is respectful and careful with their submissive and always listens to the submissive’s needs.
Finally, I was told by a good friend that, although the Dominant is in charge they are not the ones who control the play. This is because the submissive is the one that can use the safe word to stop any session. Failure to listen to the submissive’s safe word is then pushing the situation too far.

[Deleted Member]

I'd say I'm very sub leaning in and out of the bedroom. I'm in charhe in my professional life but desire giving that control/power to my partner. I think women make great leaders and should be more recognised for that. Tbh, I've only experienced it mildly in relationships to date but feel such a draw to the FLR dynamic and would love to try embracing it in a future relationship.

[AKA_Copper]

It's odd to me that some commentators are equating submission with caring and kindness and dominance with knowing what they want. That, my guys, is more about societal norms /culture. FYI, D's can be and are kind and caring, s's can and do know, as well as ask for and get, what they want. Submission isn't a selfless act.
There are two questions in the OP
1. Does D/s relate to personality?
2. Are some people bedroom only?
My own answer is that it's very person specific and relates more to individual relationships. I'm not submissive 24/7 simply because it takes a particular type of individual to bring that side out of me

[lesdevon]

Im sub in the bedroom but i like to please people in everyday life so i guess im sub out off the bedroom to

[Ch****]

I'm submissive in all parts of my life, so in and out the bedroom, in fact more would happen outside the bedroom in a relationship x

[Deleted Member]

Dom in the bedroom for sure, in my real life I tend to be way more relaxed and submissive.

Everyone is different, find what works for you.

[ey****]

there's some stuff I think a lot of folk conflate

so, for example... if you consider yourself to be Dominant (or submissive) "Outside the Bedroom" or in every day life... it's often a false equivalence.   You are your subs Dominant (or Dominants sub) you are not everyone's Dominant, or everyone's sub (unless you've marked yourself as 'free use' in an appropriate space) 

A manager with a team of 20 people does not necessarily make them a Dominant (amazing how many in middle management are often submissive when it comes to kink) equally if you're the person who wants to sit and help everyone it doesn't make you submissive.

I think for me "in the bedroom" isn't just in the bedroom when having sex, it can be anything where you are only really a role in your relationship during kink based play.  It's only "outside the bedroom" if your respective roles, in your relationship, continue when one or both of you is not having gratification. 

[Deleted Member]

Everyone has different sides and to not complicated matters I'll just use platonic vs romantic relationships. Noone treats there platonic friends like their partner and how we choose to manifest ourselves in those relationships is purely down to our default operating patterns. I am incredibly dominant in the outside world because I value my independence and autonomy highly I enjoy being the person people come to for direction, genuinely. It fills my happy. In a romantic relationship it doesn't, I still value my autonomy and independence but my partner is responsible for sharing the mental load with me and when they cannot that gives me frustration, a frustration I do not feel with my platonic relationships. It doesn't make me inauthentic in any aspect of my life, each scenario gets my 'true face'.

Submission and dominance have their equal opposites in most scenarios but it comes down to feelings and intent - example, I'm part of a cadet group and their dinners the woman is served, she's told how to dress and act and there are a lot of rules the man must follow when engaging with women. This is traditionally a 'dom' activity, the submissive ready to serve, but for me it's about the removal of autonomy and that brings me calm and confidence not about the fact I have the man I'm with waiting on my hand and foot.

Just like folks act differently when they're upset or angry, folks act differently dependent on their people dynamic and scenario. Tbh I think a lot of people use what your describing to judge - oh you're not a REAL sub because you're a boss person in the world. Oh you're not a REAL dom because you serve in your every day life. My actions are context dependent on what I'm feeling.

For me submission comes down to one simply thing - psychological safety. While I look dominant to the world, I'm protecting my psychological safety by being the one in charge, in a relationship I am protecting my psychological safety by being with someone I trust to do it for me.

[An****]

Is bedroom/real life outside not a false dichotomy? Is it not far more dependent from connection and individual dynamic between 2 people?

I probably define myself as a submissive with switchy tendencies, as sensuality is for me far more important than a clearly defined Dom/sub identity.

I'm probably on the submissive spectrum for the people I'm very close to... (I like to please) But otherwise? Probably not so much...

I also feel my introvert personality makes matters even more complex - it might be interpreted as submissive by people who don't know me that well which it isn't necessarily.
 

[As****]

This is the thing that I've always had a problem with mistresses, dominant females and I don't mean in business or in life. I mean in the bebro because unless you abstain from sex, you cannot be dominant in the bedroom. The moment he puts his manhood or subhood. Or whatever you want to call it inside you. He is now domming you, he is in charge. Over my 40 plus years, in the lifestyle. I have known many dominant women in the real world. Police officers, teachers, CEO of companies some. You probably even heard of but the second they get into the bedroom. They're reenglish all that dominance. But nobody ever said I knew everything in life.So who knows

[Ti****]

I can speak solely on personal experience, I believe that a Dom(me) is a Dom(me) in the bedroom as outside. It takes a certain amount of masculinity to fill the shoes. I have met those that claimed to have been a Dom(me) previously and just got tired of the role.

I personally think that person only played a role they weren’t. That being said I have met genuine switch that loves both roles and are like I stated genuine. That being said I see a switch a natural Dom(me) with a curiosity/enjoyment to the a Sub role. Those I stated the were a Dom(me) and switched always talked about it being exhausting and boring or that they are frustrated “with the way subs acted”

I believe there are uneducated subs and Dom(me) that continue to ruin it for the rest of us.