Safety vs satisfaction.

[Sasha_Michaelis]

So here is my story I do apologize if it becomes too long or a mouthful ( puns definitely intended ;) ) but here it is... So for a good portion of my life ever since I've learned about kinks and the lifestyle going on about 10 plus years now I was always fascinated and wanted to learn and experience more and learn more about myself in the process. Some ove met were more than happy to indulge me others at first were afraid to and worried I wouldn't be ready or right for the lifestyle which hurt me dearly. Over the course of many mostly if not fully vanilla relationships that just never worked out for whatever reason ive rearranged and tried to think of what ive wanted more while also taking the time when I was single having casual partners kinky or vanilla. Over time I've come to some conclusions about what ive wanted for my life one of which being a swinger style or open relationship. My dream is to have a husband and children someday but I want my husband to be my daddy as well and I long for a day where I can go with my husband to be shared in an orgy or with other couples just for a fun couples thing. And to still feel and be reminded that he is proud of me and that he doesnt see me as a whore in the derogatory sense. Now reason I brought up safety in the subject is that when I talk to a couple of friends about what I want in a relationship they worry about my safety worried that id be kidnapped or dead. Granted they arent part of the lifestyle but they keep my secrets I also understand their concerns. I guess overall I have a lot of questions in general but my main one overall is that I guess how do I go about everything. Not just about multiple partners with a marriage but also how to find someone thats compatible with that without being or wanting a poly relationship. I've tried before and it just wasnt for me. I'd like to be able to talk to someone that has multiple experiences in that particular part of the lifestyle but I'm also scared of how many people would just tell me not to because of safety reasons because ive made up my mind to go through with it granted that there is a guy actually willing. But I feel I may have talked too much and I apologize if this is the wrong subject for this post. Hope everyone has a great day.

[Deleted Member]

I'm in a open marriage we go swinging from time to time (not every weekend but once every month or two) I also have a dom, so a relationship that's open can work you would be surprised how many do it nowadays I know I was when I first started out on this journey. I'm sure there are lots of doms on here who would love a relationship and a family just like yourself it's just finding them through all the others x

[Si****]

This is what concerns me: "Not just about multiple partners with a marriage but also how to find someone thats compatible with that without being or wanting a poly"
It sounds very much like you want a want a relationship where you're poly but your Dom is monogamous. Might want to reconsider a little...

[Chazz]

Smart woman

[ey****]

so you want a partner who you also go swinging with?  

[VintageGlamdoll]

53 minutes ago, SirPhileasFlogg said:

This is what concerns me: "Not just about multiple partners with a marriage but also how to find someone thats compatible with that without being or wanting a poly"
It sounds very much like you want a want a relationship where you're poly but your Dom is monogamous. Might want to reconsider a little...

I would have to agree with @SirPhileasFlogg, that last part was really confusing and seems backwards. It sounds like what you want is your future husband to share you with multiple partners but only be monogamous to you? But also be dominant with you?... That's not a poly relationship you're describing. You can't have your cake and eat it too. I could see some guys getting off on seeing their wife being shared while they remain loyal only to her...that's more of a cuckold relationship, but that would put him in a submissive position. 
I think you should consider what a poly relationship means to you and why you feel it is important. I personally feel the desire to be poly comes from a deeply loving place and can be used as a tool to bring each other closer. For example, if i'm lacking in an area i know would really satisfy my partner (or vice versa) for me to trust and love him/her enough to experience that in another person, i think is really special. Everybody benefits. 
As far as safety. It is really important to vet and form relationships with other people/couples before playing with them. Everyone should be ontop of their sexual health. Boundaries, likes and dislikes should be discussed. And so on. If you go through a process of finding the right people to play with you wont have to worry about being kidnapped or hurt. 

Hope this was helpful.

[Deleted Member]

I think I understand what you’re getting at. You don’t want a poly relationship in the sense that you don’t want to be tied down to more than one person. I didn’t read that you didn’t want to share your partner so I’m assuming you would allow your future husband to explore as well.
About safety, your friends are right to be concerned. I’ve been navigating Fetish sites since December and there are plenty of cons and fakes. So yes know you boundaries and always be cautious. I haven’t found a Dom either that fits my needs either. I guess it just takes patience.

[Mo****]

7 hours ago, Purrkitty2020 said:

I think I understand what you’re getting at. You don’t want a poly relationship in the sense that you don’t want to be tied down to more than one person. I didn’t read that you didn’t want to share your partner so I’m assuming you would allow your future husband to explore as well.
About safety, your friends are right to be concerned. I’ve been navigating Fetish sites since December and there are plenty of cons and fakes. So yes know you boundaries and always be cautious. I haven’t found a Dom either that fits my needs either. I guess it just takes patience.

Purrkitty, finding that Dom is no easy feat, just the same as finding the sub you want for a LTR is no easy task either.  I have been and still am on other sites looking for that special one, the one that will gift herself to me, and I have been doing that for well over 5 years.  When I first came back to the lifestyle I was happy to just play, but now I miss that permanency with someone special.  You have to sift through a lot of chaff before finding the gem.

 

The other part of the equation is that not everyone's kinks align and so you need to sort through these to find the right mix as well.  It is only then, if all the ducks line up, that you can start to build a relationship.

 

So coming back to Sasha, you girl need to just relax and go slow.  Know your kinks as much as possible, and learn about them with various safe partners, experience them and know whether they work for you.  Once you have that sort of settled, then go looking for a Dom with a view to a LTR (possible marriage & kids).  You need to work at being a slut and whore, so that you can be those things for your 'husband', and hopefully talk with him (once you find him) about him sharing you with others.  I am doing the reverse at the moment with a couple of prospective subs.  If they will accept those roles then all is good and we have a way forward, if they don't then I keep searching.  I am not talking about turning them out onto the street as a whore, but to live life with me as my slut or whore, there is a big difference.

 

For both of you, remember that as you go through life you have to grow and develop as individuals, and when you finally hook up with someone that growth and development needs to continue, not just as individuals but also as a couple.  If you don't then whatever relationship you find yourself in, will eventually wither and die like the fruit upon the vine.

[Deleted Member]

What you're describing sounds like you want to be a slutwife and this is quite possible, with a Dominant man who would own you and be your Master.

The advice from MossyBoy is good. This kind of quest takes time. Be patient and try out different things.