Trying to find my space in this community…does this dynamic actually exist?

[Gr****]

oh girl i feel u 100% witj tje text 💜 par example - i communicate boundaries (easy one like in a communication / chat topic on the app - i wont discuss sexual topics for startera i wanna get to know a person first and build trust - that chat topic has to be earned through my trust) and the first thing people do is to clearly gross my communicated boundarie etc 🙏 thats a instant turn off

[Li****]

8 minutes ago, TruthInSecret said:

I feel like you’ll need to grow a closer connection first with whoever you are with. A more genuine connection that can lead to both of you, at least for the moment, fell what you are looking for

What she's saying is that she has and men run. Mainly because of the like three emotions that men are generally encouraged to have in the USA; lust, rage, and arrogance.

[Ki****]

Personally I lean more Demisexual so I need that emotional connection before the sexual connection MOST of the time. Even if you're not Demisexual you can be demi kink. Bdsm is built on trust and consent. Complete trust isn't built in a few months. You deserve to be patient and you should accept nothing less

[sr****]

It is niche in my experience. That's the nature of kink and human connections. I've been in and out for over 20 years. There is an overwhelming amount of superficial roleplay, but truly skilled and considerate individuals do exist. I think the more mainstream BDSM has become the more diluted the pool of candidates. The internet has changed the way brains work and interact.
But do not despair or settle. Compromise and grow, but don't settle. The worthy experiences and people are trying to find you as well.

[Li****]

I am very much in the opposite boat, being that I can be a Pleasure Dom😎 but also a little bit of a simp😅. I find that anytime I show desire towards a woman at first, they shy away most of the time. I thought that pursuit was part of Domination - showing that I want them specifically - but it appears that there is a game where you don't show your true feelings, which I also though being honest with your feelings was a great way to build trust. What am i doing wrong here?

I also feel that many women find that a man with a stable job and a bunch of *** are better suited to be a dom. But as far as I'm aware your job has nothing to do with your kink capabilities and/or sexual prowess, and vis-a-vis.

[De****]

Girl I feel you, I can’t find anyone that seems willing to take the responsibility that comes with that connection 😞

[Li****]

But to directly state, I absolutely love and crave organically evolving, genuinely loving relationships, no matter the dynamic.

[Li****]

So i dont run away from love, I run towards it.

[YoursMaybe]

i feel you and hear you🖤 I think it's great that you know exactly what you want and what you're looking for. For me, I'm realizing that similar values comes first, kink comes second.

[cl****]

If a "Dom or Domme" or a "sub" even for that matter is only pursuant of sexual actions or conversations then they are not at least in my opinion ever going to reach the level of pleasure that comes from a true S/D relationship. It is the trust that a sub places in a Dom and in turn the doms control over the sub that allows both to reach the mental, emotion, and physical heights that we seek out. For the Dom it's often about taking control and helping the sub reach a point of total comfort and trust in them as well as the slightly sadistic enjoyment of the power dynamics. Whereas for a sub it's often the fact that someone has taken the time to learn them inside and out. Mentally, emotional, and physically they trust their Dom to take care of and guide them. Including even some of the most risky play types out there, such as knife play where a Dom must be very careful as to not significantly hurt their sub but instead provide the gentle sting and sensual stimulation. A relationship must be formed for a Dom (Domme) and their sub to actually get into at least what I consider the actual depths of BDSM as a whole.

[Sl****]

I know exactly how you feel cause it's been happening to me, I can't seem to find something real, and when it comes to real they seem to disappear. I'm looking for what your looking for, I need something real as well, I know a lot about this lifestyle and I can teach a lot but I need someone who wants to learn but also wants something real, so I know exactly how you feel, it's not just you

[ed****]

Same. Same.

[sa****]

same here as well

[Co****]

A very well written expression of true feelings and raw emotion. It is a shame that a submissive that is so in tune with her needs doesn’t have a Dom to meet her there.
I have been my wife’s Dom for years, but we are looking to explore her being submissive to another Dom. We are seeking a Dom with the characteristics you described and are experiencing the same results. It is as if guys have lost the art of seduction and the power of connecting mentally. Personally, a submissive who desires and expresses those desires as clearly as you have done would be an absolute treasure for me.
At any rate, your post is genuinely refreshing and we wish you the best.  

[Pu****]

Well said. The world events seem to be changing people and taking them away from real and authentic into right here right now and then disposable

[Sp****]

This makes me a little sad. When you give your submission to someone you trust that is such a huge gift why would anyone ever dismiss that? I am an owner and a Dom to a couple lucky ladies. I try to split my time equally and could never imagine giving up on them. It is not only about sex. It is about security and love. My girl that is into degrading I compare her to my dog. I would never give up on my dog for having a rough time I would help her grow and mature. A sub needs to know there place but it is our job to teach and guide them

[Sw****]

I have had a very similar experience. I keep talking to men who say they want the dynamic but run away from the work it takes to build it. I want to submit and be *** but that takes trust and trust takes time. I'm trying to be patient and hope the right guy comes along but it's very disheartening.

[sa****]

You're searching for a big fish too close to the beach. You've gotta wade through the minnows to get to deep water. Sometimes it's a long swim.

[Ra****]

It does exist. It's just hard to find. I've had it. But unfortunately, mine is no longer with us. Be patient, you will find what you're looking for.

[An****]

Don’t give up. Be patient, I think society is transforming or adjusting faster than usual at this moment. Maybe because of technology maybe because world events. The collective consciousness isn’t as balanced and it permeates other cultures, maybe even the kinky. There’s a Dom out there for you. You might just have to be more patient to find them.

[La****]

No real connection can be rushed first off, love at first sight, to me at least is just simply lust, not that lust doesn't have it's place but not for what you're seeking. Yes, the world is full of many dynamics, to some the bdsm world is simply a performance art and nothing more, others, such as myself, it's a lifestyle, one that takes time, trust, mutual respect, and vast amounts of communication so that a deep connection can be formed and cultivated. I myself have grown tired of the endless amounts of would be subs that just want to be spoiled with no real submission, to the point I'm considering my own ability to be submissive. I am a soft domme, I'm more into elevating and sub and their confidence of being submissive rather than endless demands that are met with punishments when not carried out to the letter. I want such a connection that offers are no longer needed, desires are known and both parties are hell bent on fulfilling said desires because to do so brings joy and satisfaction. I like to find a person's threshold for ***, make it seductive and explore all the ways of physically and mentally seducing my mates. I know I'll make a terrible sub, but something in me wants to explore it, i believe in mutual understanding and reciprocity, i don't like one sided relationships of any kind. I do hope you find that person who fulfills you, mind, body, and spirit.

[Pu****]

11 minutes ago, An_i_mal said:

Don’t give up. Be patient, I think society is transforming or adjusting faster than usual at this moment. Maybe because of technology maybe because world events. The collective consciousness isn’t as balanced and it permeates other cultures, maybe even the kinky. There’s a Dom out there for you. You might just have to be more patient to find them.

Well said

[Da****]

May I suggest finding a community best if local, good if online. You seem to know yourself well. That's a big head start. Remember, submission best starts with your strengths. When you lay them at His ( or Hers) feet, the power exchange begins. Be thoughtful and cautious. To build on the " deep water" analogy, there are both beautiful dolphins and da serous harmful sharks out here. Best of luck and be you!

[Deleted Member]

You are definitely not alone, you have put to words everything that I feel. I honestly think it's so many women out there willing to be fwb that men find that easier then being in an actual relationship...I've wanted to give up so many times but we deserve to be loved the way our heart desires

[To****]

The real problem is, many so-called Doms in the community don't truly understand what it is to be dominant. They just want to be controlling and the instant you grant the submission they're no longer interested. It's the chase to them. Sadly there are becoming less and less true Dom's in the community probably due to the proliferation of media around kink. Dom's are always portrayed as brooding a**hole with moments of tenderness marred by some troubled past. The fact is being dominant is a serious responsibility and comes with serious emotional and psychological consequences if they are not in tune with their sub. Sorry you have had this experience, but there are actual true Doms who taking it slow and steady is part of the journey to understanding the needs of your sub and building a long lasting solid relationship.