Trying to find my space in this community…does this dynamic actually exist?

[oh****]

Lately, I’ve been struggling to find where I truly fit in the kink world.
I’m a submissive who craves slow building D/s, emotional presence, teasing control, and connection that feels real..not rushed, not performative.

I love the idea of ownership but only when it comes with responsibility.
I love being soft, but only when I feel safe.
I can be bratty, yes…but only when it’s with someone who sees that edge as an invitation, not a nuisance.

The more I’ve tried to explore, the more I keep running into doms who say all the right things… only to disappear the moment anything real surfaces.
I’ve opened myself emotionally and erotically…only to be met with silence, inconsistency, or kink without care.

And it’s left me wondering:
Is this niche valid?
Is it too much to want kink and emotional literacy?
To want erotic power play and mutual tenderness?
To crave teasing, psychological tension… but also aftercare, presence, and a sense of earned belonging?

I’m not posting this looking for a dynamic.
I’m posting because I’m hoping to find like minded people, other subs, doms, switches who have felt this same ache.
People who value connection in their kink.
People who believe in showing up with integrity.
People I can actually learn from, talk to, maybe even be friends with.

If that’s you… I’d love to connect.
Because right now I feel like I’m either asking for something that doesn’t exist, asking for too much or I’m just searching in all the wrong places.

And I don’t want to give up on something that feels so core to who I am.

[lo****]

Amen! I knew it couldn't be just me..

[GR****]

Keep doing you. You will find what you want. You have a great brain.

[do****]

Much respect hopefully we can make a change to that we are new too

[Ch****]

Babe you aren’t asking for too much ♥️

[Be****]

You'll find it 🫡

[Ma****]

Yo well written

[Deleted Member]

I always call it building D/s relationship. Rather than just one being a Dom and one being a sub. Sometimes we let our standards affect the pool of candidates we show interest in, instead of finding someone who has the same wavelength in thoughts and desires.

[cl****]

Honestly I didn't realize that this wasn't the norm for most people

[Se****]

I couldn’t have felt this anymore unless I’d written it, and the way I’ve felt recently I definitely could have written it - although I’m now at the stage of quiet disbelief and withdrawing as, despite the longing, I don’t believe that what either of us is searching for exists.

Sure, it exists theoretically and in the few who have managed to find/achieve it but in general no. There are way too many people who talk a good game and begin to bring out another persons emotions and feelings before they simply disappear. Or the ones who keep you hanging on time after time after time, picking you up and putting you back on their shelf at their whim.

But, I’m not saying anything you don’t already know.

I feel exactly where you’re coming from and totally understand the need for connection that you talk about.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that this is an area of my life I need to walk away from and put back into its box and get on with what I’d really in my life, finding my happiness through that. Unfortunately, I haven’t yet made peace with the conclusion I’ve come to which will enable me to walk away from it all - but I will.

Anyway, I’m rambling, sorry. Feel free to reach out if you wish to x

[Deleted Member]

Yes!! F**king yes!! Thank you for asking & saying ALL of this. This app is a sh*tshow when it comes to finding genuine people wanting proper D/s like you & myself. Best chance is get involved local kink groups & go to munches & parties. Fetish.com has nothing to with/is not this Fet app. Go there!!!

[Du****]

I’m the same. Personality first, connection first, kink later. Anyone marching into my DMs with intimate suggestions is going to meet with a firm negative. Lots of guys claim to agree, but quickly show their true colours.

Yes, if I met someone I would like our kinks to form part of a relationship, but I’m never going to develop something that personal in a casual situation. Like you, I feel that I’m searching for a reality that doesn’t exist.

[Th****]

This is exactly what I'm looking for. A relationship that just happens to have kink involved. I want love, not a quick fling.

[Ch****]

Keep searching for THIS,, it does exist, unfortunately theres just too many wanting a quick fix rather than working on something more. Give yourself slowly, people seeking the same wont rush you, wont put pressure on you.

[La****]

It’s not niche or should be uncommon. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Just like in vanilla settings, even in kink community—there are people who only treat it as a ‘hookup’ opportunity or even just a way to waste time. Not a lot of people are actually doms along with people who are actually subs. A lot of ppl here only like the idea of being ‘kinky’ without actually would invest with being one. This also applied with people who would say things about valuing connection, all while don’t actually ready to be in one. BUT it doesn’t mean kinky f**kers who appreciate romance and genuine connection are extinct. I am one and Ive been encountered experiences with some subs who were on the same page as me. Rare, but we do exist. Be bold with what you want and don’t be afraid to be authentically you and put boundaries. Even it takes time, it would resulting you attracting your own ***rs. Good luck.

[Ha****]

You're just right so as you are.

[Deleted Member]

Hm, i left a comment & now, poof, it's gone.

[Ba****]

Yes it does, it’s a common thing with subs. I myself feel like this constantly. The issue is that rn hook up culture is so big that it’s going to be hard to find. I wouldn’t give up on what you’re looking for, just be you. Stand firm on your boundaries to. I’ve made interesting friends along the way and I’m still holding hope that I’ll find my perfect connection/dynamic. Good luck 🧡

[Br****]

Preach! Honestly this is what I think it should be, especially if you wanna play on a more emotional or psychological edge. It’s the difference between dancing with a stranger at a casual dance and building up a rapport with a long term dance partner. There’s so much more you can do with that kind of trust and responsibility. Just be ruthless and honest and do truck with people who can’t match your energy. Get support from other subs as well. I think there’s a lot of this vibe around at the moment tbh 💜

[Mr****]

I'm sorry that you been having such a difficult time, but rest assured, your desires aren't niche at all! Stay true to yourself and your desires, there's someone worthy of the gift of your submission out there

[im****]

Very beautiful it won't let me message you

[Submissive_summer]

There are people out there who move slowly... intentionally... and with genuine intentions.....
You are not asking for too much... your asking for connection thats real and that deserves to be met.... Its the foundation of what makes
D/s truly powerful and fulfilling....
The space your looking for does exist... even if it takes time to find..... The right one will find you... Keep being exactly who you are 🤍

[FETMOD-TF]

5 minutes ago, Rhody68 said:

Hm, i left a comment & now, poof, it's gone.

Not gone just waiting in a queue to be approved by a moderator. All content in the Kink Academy forum must be reviewed prior to going live to ensure content remains safe for work as per play store requirements. 

[LoveMnD]

I'm new to this as well and struggling to find where I also truly for in the kink world. Sone of the girls I've met definitely had kinks and i certainty wasnt sure how to expand on these which was a real pity.

[Deleted Member]

I feel like you’ll need to grow a closer connection first with whoever you are with. A more genuine connection that can lead to both of you, at least for the moment, fell what you are looking for