Trying to find my space in this community…does this dynamic actually exist?

[Deleted Member]

What you've described, to me, is a true sub. That's who I am as a dom daddy. It's who you are, a part of you and needs to be fulfilled. Unfortunately the majority of men who say they are dom are only dominant in the need to control someone for their own selfish reasons. There are doms out there who give the before and aftercare, emotional needs and support, make you feel safe, take care of you. A d/s connection is unlike a traditional relationship. You are not crazy, wrong or asking to much. It does exist

[os****]

Maybe am miss understanding, but to me it sounds like your seeking for a real connection that you can combine into your kink. I would instead of looking for the person that shares your personal value outside of the kink but is open minded. You are looking for a Intuitive and quick witted person. That actually is willing to do after care and take it seriously.

[Ci****]

Absolutely loved to see this post, it strongly validated my own experience as a sub as well! It has been a struggle to be Demisexual and to need that connection to go with my kink, but to also find someone interested in growing together and mindful of the impact of allowing each other in that trusted space. To me, earning each other's trust and becoming each other's safe space is the goal and D/s becomes the expression of that. I'm still on my own journey and would love a like minded friend if you're still open to that!

[Fo****]

It's tough, I'm in the same spot. People adding me just to answer a couple questions and ghosted

[Deleted Member]

The original post beautifully expresses the frustration with the depth and authenticity of seeking a relationship in her prefered dynamic. it resonates with me. My own experience is also similarly disappointing.

I’m seeking a dominant woman who is ready to engage on all levels—not just physically, but emotionally as well. What drew me to this type of relationship was the promise of a deep, integrated connection, where mutual understanding, trust and knowledge of each other play key roles. I’m learning, however, that such connections seem to be more accessible to the young and the fortunate few, and it's been a challenge navigating this realisation.

[ge****]

Someone once said, It is as easy for a good sub to find a genuine dom as it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. I’m sorry, we are not many in number. So few see it as more than a tool to get what they want. Fewer still see it for what it is, a channel to true communion with another. A sub can not be ***d in to sub space, they can only be guided, and you can only guide them there when trust has been earned. The truth is we’re hard to find because this isn’t simple. It takes a more than hormones and let’s face it, that’s all most men are these days. But I promise it’s worth the wait. Take heart, and keep up the search little one.

[jo****]

The dynamic absolutely exists . You're definitely looking for a needle in a haystack though. It's no different than what we hear our friends and family tell us about the dating world, no good partners out there anymore , dating pool is full of zeros, not heros. The kink world is the same, and only there are fewer people to choose from. However, A person worth your trust for a Dom/sub dynamic could be closer than you think , don't give up hope. Be cautious and stay safe.

[Deleted Member]

Girl preach! I’m sick of having my feelings toyed with. Thinking I’m building something real only to realize I’m being toyed with or lied to. It’s exhausting and I’ve sat crying debating just giving up the search so many times.

[Pa****]

Don't give up hun. What you're describing is what all true subs are looking for, you have to have trust and connection before its true submission; and untill then it's a performance.

For doms it's the same but in reverse, we crave the trust and responsibility but if it isn't there then it's easier to move on.

Of course it's a valid niche. but like all things worthwhile, and like my p**is rn, it's hard.

[Deleted Member]

you should keep on your standard, their valid & healthier than most.
It is a struggle for both side having tha king of value, sub seems perfect until times pass and thing becomes serious you see they changes and just seek adrenaline and sexual exhalation

But! It happen, sometimes you find like minded people to talk some will attract you some other not, but even if rare they exist

It's when you don't think about it or seek for it that it comes to you

[Ma****]

Please don’t feel like you’re alone in this - what you’ve written here is genuinely exactly how I’ve been feeling for a while now, but please don’t give up on what it is that you are wanting and stand by your standards/values

It isn’t something that you will find immediately but it is absolutely possible and there will be someone out there that is looking for the counterpart to this 🩷

[Ge****]

It exists. I think that for those of us seriously seeking connection and kink are so few and far between, that it’s hard to find each other because there’s so many people who want to use us as kink dispensers.

[Ro****]

You put exactly how I feel into words, been thinking of leaving the app because I’m going through the same thing and I don’t think I’ll going to find it here. Just a lot of people who tell you what you want to hear and ghost when things get too real

[fr****]

It’s like a sparkling unicorn in another galaxy.. meaning it takes a lot of searching for. But you’re not alone in this search. Keep trying. 🥲

[Deleted Member]

I'm thinking of leaving the app as it's totally not been what I suspected... Just random ladies who want to Domme me and a couple I think we're even fake accounts. God knows their long game there but hey ho ...

[Pr****]

Its early days for me but I get it. I seem to be getting a lot of people messaging who want to jump straight into cybersex or meetings and telling me what to do without actually bothering to get to know me. I've only had one or two guys who have taken a little time but sadly, I have a no men agreement with my partner for the time being so it's pointless.

[Ne****]

I have similar thoughts, ideas and issues that seem to be similar. Especially when I take a chance and trust enough to try and get involved. I have found mostly fake Doms who start out acting real but soon start acting performative, or asking me for tribute (Which I see as a scam). I know it sounds ridiculous coming from a man but I put myself out there with minimal barriers, hoping to find something real only to be left wanting, hurting and with a bad taste in my mouth. So you speak for some of us and I for one think your statement was logical, applicable and laudable!

[Gu****]

I’m looking for EXACTLY that. You’re not alone. Thought I found it once… actually on bumble not here. I am actually wondering if I could get a little feedback… He up and ghosted twice!! First time he came back saying- I just wanted to let you know I did feel a connection but my cousin died and it hit me hard…. Ok, I can empathize. Then the SECOND time his son supposedly reached out saying “I think I need help” tried to get him into rehab but then had a seizure from withdrawals and was placed into a medically induced coma… of course I knew nothing of this until 2 months later when he finally reached out. Now he’s saying he’s just too caught up in his son’s recovery and he’s anxious and depressed and can’t give me what I deserve right now.

My *** is screaming dump his ass and move on. But I swear it’s different with him. All of what you mentioned in this post PLUS he says he’s proud of me and encouraged me to stick up for myself at work, and listened during meltdowns I’ve had and said- vent I’m here. Let it out baby girl.

So I ask you all here- is it true that if I weee to do back to him when he’s ready it’s a sign of me having no self respect?? Or is it that I actually felt something worth waiting for and I’m a very empathetic person?

Now, if it was me- I’d shoot out those texts at the time— sorry baby but my cousin just died and I need some time. Sorry baby, I’m having an unbelievably hard experience with my son right now and need some time….

But everyone is different. And in the grand scheme of red flags— is this one THAT bad??

I’m struggling with this.

Any comments from those who “get it” would be appreciated. Thanks in advance! ❤️

[Da****]

The two way street of vulnerability in a D/s dynamic, I feel, is key. In the dynamic, when we're most connected, I can fulfill my commitment to her more freely as she fulfills hers to me, as I fulfill mine to her, and so on. We're each drawing from and pouring into the same well. One person's 85% couldn't compensate for the other's 15%. We'd average to only 50%. We both have to be all in. Indeed, getting there can feel like a long process at times. After past attempts with others, I had felt frustrated at the lack of reciprocity that seemed inescapable. Add how easy it can be for me to blame myself after the fact, and UGH.

I met Asena when I wasn't looking for anyone. Our relationship is perfect... , for us. Stuff comes up and tries to come between us, but we return to each other ASAP (the safest place for each).

I don't know your whole story to now, or how it will unfold. But I don't think it's hopeless or that you should resign to the idea of a mutually fulfilling relationship that aligns with your heart. Keep working on you, be your best self for you, and see if the perfect fit doesn't fall into place unexpectedly.

If you want to chat with either of us, feel free to shoot a hello.

[Deleted Member]

The hard part is finding someone else that wants the same

[Deleted Member]

I'm looking for the same thing as you. I feel what I'm looking for doesn't exist. What I wouldn't give for a Dom to treat me and this lifestyle with respect. I refuse to settle for ill informed wannabe Dominant or emotionally unavailable Doms.
I'm looking for subs as friends as well.

[ke****]

I totally get where you're coming from. So often I come across people who are all about the sexual aspects and not really about building a mental and emotional connection. I'm naturally a Daddy Dom, but I also find it hard to find someone who knows what they want and is willing to create time and space for things to grow. It's all surface-level stuff. I don't mind bratty tendencies, but be prepared to accept what comes with that. I like the idea of taking that spark of brattiness as an invitation. I think others may see that as a challenge where I see it as a call to action. I'm also looking to find friends and have interesting and sometimes difficult conversations , I learned to check myself even in the event I may need to take harsh tough criticism, but I also have an opportunity to grow

[Se****]

1 hour ago, GuessMyName12345 said:

I’m looking for EXACTLY that. You’re not alone. Thought I found it once… actually on bumble not here. I am actually wondering if I could get a little feedback… He up and ghosted twice!! First time he came back saying- I just wanted to let you know I did feel a connection but my cousin died and it hit me hard…. Ok, I can empathize. Then the SECOND time his son supposedly reached out saying “I think I need help” tried to get him into rehab but then had a seizure from withdrawals and was placed into a medically induced coma… of course I knew nothing of this until 2 months later when he finally reached out. Now he’s saying he’s just too caught up in his son’s recovery and he’s anxious and depressed and can’t give me what I deserve right now.

My *** is screaming dump his ass and move on. But I swear it’s different with him. All of what you mentioned in this post PLUS he says he’s proud of me and encouraged me to stick up for myself at work, and listened during meltdowns I’ve had and said- vent I’m here. Let it out baby girl.

So I ask you all here- is it true that if I weee to do back to him when he’s ready it’s a sign of me having no self respect?? Or is it that I actually felt something worth waiting for and I’m a very empathetic person?

Now, if it was me- I’d shoot out those texts at the time— sorry baby but my cousin just died and I need some time. Sorry baby, I’m having an unbelievably hard experience with my son right now and need some time….

But everyone is different. And in the grand scheme of red flags— is this one THAT bad??

I’m struggling with this.

Any comments from those who “get it” would be appreciated. Thanks in advance! ❤️

Been there with a startlingly similar situation and currently coming out the other side and coming to terms with the fact that frankly, if I’m not worth enough time and effort to let me know what’s going on at the time and if I’m not good enough to help you through your hard times then, whatever I felt and whatever you claimed to be wasn’t worth the breath used to say it. 

[Ta****]

To answer your questions simply:
1.) Your niche/needs/wants are indeed valid.
2.) No, it isn't too much to want any of what you listed simultaneously. The trouble is with finding it.

Are you able to attend munches in your area?

Are you able to go to events (even if it's as a spectator/guest)?

My overall advice is to keep trying. It can be a real blow to one's self-esteem, ego, identity, etc, to continually be met with individuals who talk the talk, but won't walk the walk.

It's hard to find the walkers, honestly. Sometimes, getting out into the munches and events, you can make friends who could potentially introduce you to others who share that same passion you have. It's tricky too, having to find balance as well.

Alternatively, you may consider taking some space to yourself and re-evaluating or prioritizing your specific wants. (Note: I said wants, not needs. I would never advocate for someone to compromise in that regard.) Sometimes, space can be just as important as the journey and the hunt, so to speak. Don't lose heart! It will all fall into place with the right individual/s. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

[Deleted Member]

Totally felt the same