Trying to find my space in this community…does this dynamic actually exist?

[bo****]

Ive felt the same way. Like I've talked to a lot of guys who say things but it's all talk and don't actually follow thru or don't communicate at all just want to jump in and have you follow what they want without any input. And that's not how it works. Not too mention unsatisfying mentally and emotionally

[Ni****]

Have you been talking with men local to you or across the country/world. I wonder if some guys love all the build-up but when they realize it will never become a real, long term reality they move on. Or perhaps you were an exciting distraction until they found someone close to them?

It's hard to build a strong connection with someone only to have them destroy it instantly. I think we've all been there at some point.

[bo****]

Variety the ones that just died were semi local (my rural area doesn't have a large pool of available people in the community) and the few from farther away I ended things because they ended up not meshing well. In a conversation now with a guy and he's 5hrs away and his job is super demanding of his time which is fine but it leaves me not hearing from him as much as I'd like to be able to feel that connection (the goal is if we get a good connection and find time to spend together and click well enough it would become and irl thing)

[Ni****]

1 hour ago, book80worm said:

Variety the ones that just died were semi local (my rural area doesn't have a large pool of available people in the community) and the few from farther away I ended things because they ended up not meshing well. In a conversation now with a guy and he's 5hrs away and his job is super demanding of his time which is fine but it leaves me not hearing from him as much as I'd like to be able to feel that connection (the goal is if we get a good connection and find time to spend together and click well enough it would become and irl thing)

Ah, yeah, that's hard. When a guy says his work keeps him busy, sadly he's just saying he won't make the time for you. Some men, instead of just being honest, will make up bullshit excuses and blame work, or spotty internet, battery dying, or any number of excuses instead of just saying they don't want to spend that much time with you. Sorry you're running into a lot of these guys.

[bo****]

I mean I tend to believe him because of his specific job and the fact he's still studying but yeah it's not looking good

[Be****]

Hang in there. There's a lot of game players out there. Once you find a man whose values line up with your own, he may or may not be a good Dom. Teach him.
Once that's done, you may need to educate him on what a D/s relationship is.

[ed****]

I know what you mean it's not wrong to feel like that and want a connection, but w

[ed****]

You are not wrong in wanting a connection with your person, but mistakes can be made, and signals can be crossed. And guys, just are not wired to pick up on that, but some do. I just hope some woman out there notices that and discusses it with me before she blocks me from her life.

[Gi****]

It's what you want and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is good to build a connection and trust with you and your dom like drive said mistakes can be made and signals crossed. So I'm with you on that ohciaobella

[pa****]

Ugh, this is such a relatable post for me. My needs parallel yours, almost exactly. It's very difficult to find an experienced Dom, in my area, who can also find balance with these things. I simply asked the last guy I was supposed to see to just be nice and treat our meeting like a date. He could listen to me moan on the phone but, wouldn't talk to me on the phone. I still hung in there because I was attracted to him and nobody is perfect. Everything was going well, super attracted to each other until that. I'm just confused as to why a submissive woman with plans to play with her Dom doesn't deserve a little due diligence.

[Gi****]

I'm sorry to hear that page hill I don't think you were asking for much and your last dom should have been able to do those things

[co****]

I was fortunate to be station germany were kink is not taboo. I took classes and became a certified master, sorry to say but their few places in the US that provide trainning. Most Americans don't understand the difference between a sub or a slave. They watch and read articles and books and watch porn. But never understand the emotional commitment the master has received from the sub or slave.
This is why you gave all and he took. A true master only gives what you need. Never take.
Example your section are to give you the master you need

[ed****]

I agree @cottleville551660 a true master is devoted to the satisfaction of their sub or slave that smile or gaze means everything.

[Deleted Member]

I have been asking myself the same questions as you. Wondering if I am asking too much for wanting emotional connection and care. I even wondered for a bit if I maybe asexual or something because I don't feel driven to pursue a purely sexual dynamic. Its been a year or so that I've been actively looking and I'm wondering if what I'm looking for is atypical for how things are currently.

[Pa****]

You're not asking too much. A true dom knows his power only comes from the consent of the sub. Personally, I'm demisexual so I can't begin a sexual encounter without some level of connection building, so everything you said is completely valid. There's someone out their for you, I promise 😊

[Ag****]

I’m totally new here, exploring the community, and learning the culture.

My opinion, ‘tho, is that a Dom should understand that we earn the title. As do subs. It takes trust, respect, and emotional intelligence to maintain a thriving relationship of any kind.

IMO - I can only call myself a Dom, if I have the consent and respect of my partner. I also have the responsibility to meet my sub’s needs.

[Ha****]

You are far from alone in this <3

[JC****]

Read your profile and I get it your not alone

[Gu****]

Don’t forget my friends…. Though you think you are a sub (and Lord knows I am) you have the real power. A Dom I would have stayed with forever once said that to me. You have the gift of submission. A gift that is freely given and you can take it and walk away at any time. A Dom who knows and respects that is a TRUE man. “I tried to possess your soul, but in my efforts lost mine to you in the process”. That is the D/s relationship we all strive for I think. Mutual obsession, love, and respect. I hope to find it again someday.

[tr****]

I definitely feel the same way. I guess it comes down to just being in the mood for different shlt at different times. Some tomes I may feel more confident or in the mood to Dom or tell what to do. Other times I like being told what to do. A confident woman is nice. Just not too. Ya know.

[Fa****]

It’s real but kink dating can be just like vanilla dating. Lots of frogs before your prince

[Da****]

Hello ohciaobella,

Let me first be practical answering your questions (with question marks)

Yes this niche is valid, of course it is.
No, it isn't too much to want both.
No again, not too much to want or expect both
No again re teasing and aftercare.

Basically, and I'm moving to a wider remit now, it's OK to want anything... To want everything. And you can have it.

But it won't be easy to get all that. It shouldn't be easy either, right. You place an order that most do over lifetimes. I bet you've heard that before :-)

Because we're all on journeys to our ideal places, to our fuller and more whole selves. So I would suggest to accept that it's going to be messy, and perhaps (and I'm venturing into advice now, what gives me the right, I don't even know you) you can take more ownership for your part in the journey.

Simple things like not seeing someone's failing to fulfill all your hopes as failure or as falseness.. (venturing into personal feedback again with no right or consent or facts, just intuition) In your lifetime, you will probably outstrip many that you come across on your journey. Many mentors, many Doms, many lovers. But that doesn't mean they weren't the right ones to put a brick in your wall, in their time and place.

So breaking down your needs and maybe expecting a bit of some categories rather all of many categories could be easier. And make the journey more fun. The worst thing you could do is have the journey that is available to you and not have identified with the character you have, in your story.

In the kink world you will find true seekers, true shiftshapers. But it isn't easy. Especially if you have a big appetite. We have to come together as souls, with attraction and kink alignment. And be open to finding a mutual sense of where do we go from here. It's not easy. But anything else is purely impossible.

Now before I leave, let me say I came to this post of yours from your profile. So I've read that.

(Same health warning in what is about to come as before) I get a sense that you have such a huge, swirly, other-worldly appetite in what you're looking for, in who you're looking for, in what you're carrying. In what you want out of this. It's an AMAZING palette which could create an amazing masterpiece.

Consider adding to your learning outside of the pure kink stuff. Learning more about gender, and divine masculinity and femininity. Become a master of your own energetic systems and then you as an energetic being within an exchange, and with the whole universe (Tantra and your spiritual self) Journal more. Enhance your sense of your own sovereignty and become masterful at honoring all parts of yourself.

And lastly to you personally, a telling off, if you allow me. :-)

That ache that you talk about above. Don't hate it. Learn to love it. Learn to let it devour you, to cleanse you. It's the thing that will empty your working space enough to let you pour your inner world out.

Om tat sat 🙏❤️

[Deleted Member]

100%

[Gu****]

I keep getting notifications on this thread and I love it! So many wonderful comments and insights. Makes me somehow feel “seen” or perhaps a better phrase is validated in knowing I’m not the only one “aching” for the same things mentioned here.

[jb****]

Extremely valid. I felt like you were describing how I feel myself about a lot of this kink stuff. For people that don't lean fully to one extreme or another and are more sort of in the middle, it seems like that bothers others because it requires real effort to interact with. I wish I had more practical advice to give but I'm no expert. I actually feel quite similar to you so I just wanted to let you know that there absolutely are others who think/feel similar to you and are seeking what you're describing. And I hope you are able to find the right situation that fulfills you.