Finding Real Connection in a Sea of Fantasy

[sardonicus87]

2 hours ago, LoveNDevotion said:

Absolutely! And there's this movement to normalize dropping friends and blocking people everywhere that started I think to explain why it was okay to do that to abusive or toxic people, but now people do it whenever they're the slightest bit uncomfortable or disagree or just don't see what they "get" from the relationship. It's making everything so transactional. A growing amount of people don't care about people , they care about what they can get from people and if they don't serve them, they discard.

Also, when did the illusion that "fwb" isn't a casual relationship happen? I firmly say in my profile I don't do casual, but tons of people wanting "fwb" contact me and if I'm like yeah, I don't do casual often they're like "friends with benefits isn't casual!" Seriously? It's not a one night stand, but yeah, that's SUPER casual. 

I think a lot are confusing FWB and FB, it's often complained about by people looking for FWB that the "friend part" gets left out, and so they're maybe considering FWB as being not fully casual like FB would be?
.
I would personally consider FB to be casual and FWB to be not so casual, but not as serious as an LTR. But a lot of people that say they want FWB really just want FB, and those types tend to not read a profile and ***tergun message everyone in existence.

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

I think a lot are confusing FWB and FB, it's often complained about by people looking for FWB that the "friend part" gets left out, and so they're maybe considering FWB as being not fully casual like FB would be?
.
I would personally consider FB to be casual and FWB to be not so casual, but not as serious as an LTR. But a lot of people that say they want FWB really just want FB, and those types tend to not read a profile and ***tergun message everyone in existence.

FWB ideally (if that was my end goal) includes some level of connection and respect, not just physical interaction. But a lot of folks treat it like a rebranded FB situation, especially when they don’t take the time to actually read or engage with what someone’s looking for.

[Deleted Member]

1) Why do we fall for beautifully packaged emotional mirages?

Because they come with glitter, good lighting, and just the right amount of mystery to make our inner idiot whisper, "This time it's different." It’s like emotional catfishing -- and I fall for it every damn time.

2) How do you spot the illusion before it wastes your time or energy?

Easy -- I don’t. I let it waste just enough of my time to feel something, then I block them dramatically and pretend I learned a lesson I will definitely ignore next time.

3) What’s your go-to survival tactic when fantasy feels more seductive than reality?

I text my most brutally honest friend who replies with "Bro, she’s not into you." Then I sit in the dark eating trail mix, convincing myself I’m too emotionally evolved for this nonsense .. until I’m back on the apps looking for The One Who Texts Back.

[Deleted Member]

51 minutes ago, MK_Zeepol said:

1) Why do we fall for beautifully packaged emotional mirages?

Because they come with glitter, good lighting, and just the right amount of mystery to make our inner idiot whisper, "This time it's different." It’s like emotional catfishing -- and I fall for it every damn time.

2) How do you spot the illusion before it wastes your time or energy?

Easy -- I don’t. I let it waste just enough of my time to feel something, then I block them dramatically and pretend I learned a lesson I will definitely ignore next time.

3) What’s your go-to survival tactic when fantasy feels more seductive than reality?

I text my most brutally honest friend who replies with "Bro, she’s not into you." Then I sit in the dark eating trail mix, convincing myself I’m too emotionally evolved for this nonsense .. until I’m back on the apps looking for The One Who Texts Back.

Thanks for answering with structure; you really see me. Did you just read my diary? 

 

Emotional catfishing wrapped in glitter? That’s…brutal and very accurate. I fully endorse dramatic blocking as a form of therapy. 😆

 

Appreciate you jumping in- nothing like laughing and spiraling a little!

[Deleted Member]

23 minutes ago, OutOfMyElement420 said:

Thanks for answering with structure; you really see me. Did you just read my diary? 

 

Emotional catfishing wrapped in glitter? That’s…brutal and very accurate. I fully endorse dramatic blocking as a form of therapy. 😆

 

Appreciate you jumping in- nothing like laughing and spiraling a little!

You know what's worse?I used to think I was immune to that glitter wrapped emotional catfishing.Thought I was too cynical, too "seen it all" for that nonsense. Turns out ... I'm not immune.

I'm vaccinated but still catching feelings.
And the side effect? sitting in the dark, eating stale almonds, overanalyzing the exact shade of a heart emoji. And yeah, blocking is the***utic.
Right up until you unblock -- just to check if they noticed.

[Do****]

It’s best to just ask for what you’re looking for right off the bat.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, MK_Zeepol said:

You know what's worse?I used to think I was immune to that glitter wrapped emotional catfishing.Thought I was too cynical, too "seen it all" for that nonsense. Turns out ... I'm not immune.

I'm vaccinated but still catching feelings.
And the side effect? sitting in the dark, eating stale almonds, overanalyzing the exact shade of a heart emoji. And yeah, blocking is the***utic.
Right up until you unblock -- just to check if they noticed.

No. You 🫵🏻 know what’s worse? 😆Knowing it’s doomed, riding that choo-choo anyway, then deleting the chat so  I don’t turn it into a case study. Still ended up lurking, just to see if they posted anything that felt vaguely like regret.

I don’t block or unfriend; I barely friend. I usually get blocked; emotional fluency tends to scare the tourists.

[so****]

51 minutes ago, OutOfMyElement420 said:

No. You 🫵🏻 know what’s worse? 😆Knowing it’s doomed, riding that choo-choo anyway, then deleting the chat so  I don’t turn it into a case study. Still ended up lurking, just to see if they posted anything that felt vaguely like regret.

I don’t block or unfriend; I barely friend. I usually get blocked; emotional fluency tends to scare the tourists.

"Emotional fluency tends to scare the tourists." Lol. Niiice. 😄

[so****]

1 hour ago, south-bend-mish said:

"Emotional fluency tends to scare the tourists." Lol. Niiice. 😄

I can't message you, so you have to make the first move. If you're not interested, no worries. That's ok, too. I'll still think you're very witty, though. 😀

[Bo****]

Funny that emotional flatulence tends to attract said tourists! Glitter & Pleasers as well…. There’s no vaccine for Hot Willing Consent…. “I can fix her, she just needs discipline”

[ki****]

Often if they come in hot and heavy, complimenting, love bombing especially. They're more than likely not interested in building anything. They hold zero respect to the feelings of another. They tend to seek casual.

Words without actions means little.

I've had friends who I slowly built through here, turn around and get very vulgar. I've also had people come in hot and heavy, and eventually proved they held zero care about my feelings, wants, needs. It was all about them. Or they say all the pretty things to manipulate you into dropping your walls, then boom, gone. Because all they wanted was to fill a void. Play a game. Play AT BDSM in whatever form it may be. Or use this as a hookup app.

Trust your gut, but also give it time. Everyone reveals who they are in time. Try to avoid emotionally investing until they've proven they're there for more. Nothing needs to be rushed if you want something long term and serious. Keep a healthy detachment and wariness otherwise. Coming from someone who feels deep, I know that's not easy. 🙈

[Deleted Member]

18 hours ago, kittygotclaws said:

Often if they come in hot and heavy, complimenting, love bombing especially. They're more than likely not interested in building anything. They hold zero respect to the feelings of another. They tend to seek casual.

Words without actions means little.

I've had friends who I slowly built through here, turn around and get very vulgar. I've also had people come in hot and heavy, and eventually proved they held zero care about my feelings, wants, needs. It was all about them. Or they say all the pretty things to manipulate you into dropping your walls, then boom, gone. Because all they wanted was to fill a void. Play a game. Play AT BDSM in whatever form it may be. Or use this as a hookup app.

Trust your gut, but also give it time. Everyone reveals who they are in time. Try to avoid emotionally investing until they've proven they're there for more. Nothing needs to be rushed if you want something long term and serious. Keep a healthy detachment and wariness otherwise. Coming from someone who feels deep, I know that's not easy. 🙈

Yes, and more yeses. That’s what it was/is. I was filling a void (and I don’t know how many other women were swimming in the same void, which is kinda yuck to think about!), all the while becoming emotionally attached. Just the right words, all the excuses, and no follow-through.

Ugh. Disappointing. 

[Pa****]

It seems this is literally all I find as well. It's sad because at least one had the potential to be better. I wish I had good advice for this, but even as intuitive as I am, I still get screwed just about every time.

[go****]

Unfortunately I can’t seem to find a man who is fully present with me and it means a lot to me . I hate it when they are talking to several women at once instead of just me . I don’t like people flipping through phones either im my company . I want real connection not loads of men just the right dom that can establish a relationship with me I don’t think it’s going to happen here it’s all about them and not us sadly !!

[Deleted Member]

It's simple, I'm here to find someone who wants to engage with me in a manner that we both find enjoyable.

If it's not fun it's not worth doing.

I don't mind how kinky or beautiful one can be, but if I'm not enjoying myself then why am I doing anything with anyone? 

Everyone has the right to safety, everyone has a right to consent, I am not here to impress or to entertain anyone because nothing can stop my block button and no you don't even have to engage in conversation with me to be blocked. You just have to be someone I don't want to talk to... For any reason. 

Also some of y'all need to chill and log off.. you'll never say half the words you use in person and that's why your angry ass is alone and angry. You're not worth talking too.

[sx****]

This fuckin bitch is so full of herself