Be Honest About Your Needs, Even When It Feels Risky

[da****]

Submission isn’t about silence or self-sacrifice it’s about showing up fully. That means expressing what you crave, what hurts, what lights your body up, and what shuts your soul down. Real submission isn’t pretending you’re okay when you’re not. It’s trusting that a true Dominant wants to know who they’re holding power over, and that starts with you knowing yourself.


Imagine a submissive exploring a new dynamic and realizing they're emotionally overwhelmed by CNC play even though they originally agreed to try it. Instead of suffering in silence or ghosting out of shame, they say:
"I thought I could handle that scene, but it hit me harder than I expected. I need to slow it down and talk about some limits again."

That honesty doesn’t make them weak. It makes the connection stronger. And any Dom who punishes truth isn’t worthy of your submission, sweetheart.

Now talk to me...
What’s one time you held something back that you wish you’d said out loud in a dynamic? What’s been the hardest part about being honest in your submission?

[ki****]

I had read a sub mention how it breaks the trust the Dom holds too, if a sub isn't honest with them. Because it's supposed to be mutually beneficial, and if the Dom can't trust the sub is being honest with them, it's a huge trust they're breaking for the Dom. I liked that. I never considered that side of it. It's not just an issue as the sub, but now the Dom can't trust the sub to be fully present and honest with him if they slip into a people pleasing aspect to strictly please the Dom.
.
Hardest - unlearning years of being wide open not being bad. It's valued. It's needed. Being *** to another and trusting that's gonna be kept in a sacred space. But the dynamic needs it. I was taught it was wrong to need, to be open, to crave letting go. To not want to think. (*** and social pressure.) So just learning it's okay to show all of it, and be that exposed and *** is a task. As much as doing it.

[Deleted Member]

I would hope that I could say for most dominant men - the pleasure is watching her reactions - watching her get off.

And if the chemistry is real and natural - he should be able to sense in real time that this isn't for her. Deescalate etc.

You are right that some will blur the lines to 'please' and that helps neither. In the best scenarios - neither know where you are going fully.

Direct communication makes sure that you are both heading to the same destination, be it faster or slower.

[De****]

Woah well put together

[Fire4petrol]

Very well said

[Wi****]

It's true not just in BDSM relationships . I know a lot of people may not consider BDSM dynamics to be relationships, but they are.

I married my first wife while I was still in the military. Part of what she couldn't stand was that I couldn't always tell her where I was being sent or when I would be back. I know that is a problem for a lot of families but it caused her to think I just didn't want her to know. We lasted 10 miserable years.
When I met my second wife I was no longer in the military and I made her a promise. If she asked me a question, I would tell her the truth no matter what it was.
In the kink lifestyle , trust is just as important as it is in any other relationship.
In my particular case they are the same. My second wife was my wife and sub for 41 amazing years.
I prioritize things differently than some people do.
My first priority was always for my wife, my friend, my lover, and my sub all rolled into one.
My priority was always making sure that she was where she wanted to be regardless of what we were doing.
If a submissive doesn't feel that she can be completely open with her Dom, then there's going to be things that she really needs or wants and she's going to miss out on those.
There's going to be things that she may not like and she's not going to enjoy those.
But, it's not just her, if she can't feel free to tell him what is wrong, when he feels something is wrong and asks her, if he does. She has to decide right then to speak up.
If he doesn't ask, then he isn't paying attention. And that is a red flag.
DancingQueen , I'm not trying to hijack you thread.
It just hit me pretty hard too. Your words come from experience and you conjured up a vision of me sitting on a coffee table in front of my wife sitting on the sofa.
She had tears in her eyes. I had noticed that during a session, she became slightly aloof. I took her by the hand and led her to the living room and we sat like that for two hours. She was holding something back because she was afraid I would be disappointed with her.
I told her that I could never be disappointed in her because every breath she took, she was the answer to all of my dreams.
Sitting here in the darkness, I had to shed a tear and a smile at the same time when I read your post.
You are right as rain! Speaking life to truth is never weakness. Neither is shedding tears of joy and sadness with each other.
Those very things that you spoke of were the same things that kept strong and together for over 40 years.
I hope everyone on fetish.com reads your post.
I would bet *** that many of them will have the same kind of stories to tell.

I would like to add a small side note.
I realize that all subs are not women. Just as all Dominants are not men.
I just reference from my own experience and I have every respect for everyone else's lifestyle and life choices.

[Wi****]

28 minutes ago, i_said_sit said:

I would hope that I could say for most dominant men - the pleasure is watching her reactions - watching her get off.

And if the chemistry is real and natural - he should be able to sense in real time that this isn't for her. Deescalate etc.

You are right that some will blur the lines to 'please' and that helps neither. In the best scenarios - neither know where you are going fully.

Direct communication makes sure that you are both heading to the same destination, be it faster or slower.

Amen!

[On****]

👏 Say it louder for the back row, thank you 🙏

[Deleted Member]

Wednesday at 07:31 AM, Windwolf said:

It's true not just in BDSM relationships . I know a lot of people may not consider BDSM dynamics to be relationships, but they are.

I married my first wife while I was still in the military. Part of what she couldn't stand was that I couldn't always tell her where I was being sent or when I would be back. I know that is a problem for a lot of families but it caused her to think I just didn't want her to know. We lasted 10 miserable years.
When I met my second wife I was no longer in the military and I made her a promise. If she asked me a question, I would tell her the truth no matter what it was.
In the kink lifestyle , trust is just as important as it is in any other relationship.
In my particular case they are the same. My second wife was my wife and sub for 41 amazing years.
I prioritize things differently than some people do.
My first priority was always for my wife, my friend, my lover, and my sub all rolled into one.
My priority was always making sure that she was where she wanted to be regardless of what we were doing.
If a submissive doesn't feel that she can be completely open with her Dom, then there's going to be things that she really needs or wants and she's going to miss out on those.
There's going to be things that she may not like and she's not going to enjoy those.
But, it's not just her, if she can't feel free to tell him what is wrong, when he feels something is wrong and asks her, if he does. She has to decide right then to speak up.
If he doesn't ask, then he isn't paying attention. And that is a red flag.
DancingQueen , I'm not trying to hijack you thread.
It just hit me pretty hard too. Your words come from experience and you conjured up a vision of me sitting on a coffee table in front of my wife sitting on the sofa.
She had tears in her eyes. I had noticed that during a session, she became slightly aloof. I took her by the hand and led her to the living room and we sat like that for two hours. She was holding something back because she was afraid I would be disappointed with her.
I told her that I could never be disappointed in her because every breath she took, she was the answer to all of my dreams.
Sitting here in the darkness, I had to shed a tear and a smile at the same time when I read your post.
You are right as rain! Speaking life to truth is never weakness. Neither is shedding tears of joy and sadness with each other.
Those very things that you spoke of were the same things that kept strong and together for over 40 years.
I hope everyone on fetish.com reads your post.
I would bet *** that many of them will have the same kind of stories to tell.

I would like to add a small side note.
I realize that all subs are not women. Just as all Dominants are not men.
I just reference from my own experience and I have every respect for everyone else's lifestyle and life choices.

Yes!!!