Asexual kinkster

[cr****]

Hey, I’m pretty new to this community but I got a few questions I’d like to ask y’all; is it ok to be kinky and asexual? I’m an asexual guy but at the same time I love to dominate my partner (especially in public) and all that good kinky stuff. Is that ok?
And secondly, do I have to have sex? I really dislike sex and I won’t ever do more than oral sex, sooo... can I still be a dom without the whole sex thing or is bdsm always sexual?
That’s all. I’d be grateful if you could help me go through all of that 😊
Stay safe 👋

[TheAlphaSub]

Wow, that's really interesting. I have no idea but I would imagine it's down to what you and your partner agree on. In theory you could have an asexual partner who has the same interests in kink as you. Or maybe you could be open to a poly relationship in which your non asexual partner has her/his needs met elsewhere.
I hope it works out

[Deleted Member]

It’s already been posted on forum regarding this question

[Deleted Member]

I thought asexual meant you are not attracted to anything or have desire for anything sexual

[Ky****]

this is quite refreshing, to see someone think about this, no BDSM doesn't have to be about sex, anymore than a vanilla one does, if you and your partner are happy without sex then that's great, so long as you're both happy and its what you want, I've had a few BDSM partners where it was just about our mutual interest in my bottom being caned and they never penetrated me so go for it honey

[Deleted Member]

Asexual people can have kinks and fetishes. I asked the same question in the past, and got answers from many such people. Some kinks are related to sex, some aren't. For example, a kink for gangbangs is obviously about the sex, while subservience or pain inducement can be totally separate from sexual stuff.

On my own side, I have a partner who sometimes does DD/lg with no sexual stuff involved in the play.

[Deleted Member]

If you read previous post you will find that subject has been mentioned before.
So yes asexual is part of the bdsm scene as not everyone is into bdsm for sexual gratification.
Also your dynamic or relationship is yours so it’s up to you to decide what you want to woth it. No rules or regulations impose you anything.
Good luck

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Chiana said:

I thought asexual meant you are not attracted to anything or have desire for anything sexual

Yep. But, not everything that everyone does in kink is about sex or sexual connection.  

I'll happily masturbate with someone's sweaty feet in my face as that's something sexual for me.

But, if I do corporal punishment... that's more about the feeling, the sensation, the subspace, the connection.   

[cautiousswitch]

Since most people think of kink as being unusual sexual practices and not having sex is pretty unusual in this day and age, I'd say that asexual people can claim to be the kinkiest.

As a kinky virgin, I an confirm that it is possible.

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, crazydaddy2 said:

Hey, I’m pretty new to this community but I got a few questions I’d like to ask y’all; is it ok to be kinky and asexual? I’m an asexual guy but at the same time I love to dominate my partner (especially in public) and all that good kinky stuff. Is that ok?
And secondly, do I have to have sex? I really dislike sex and I won’t ever do more than oral sex, sooo... can I still be a dom without the whole sex thing or is bdsm always sexual?
That’s all. I’d be grateful if you could help me go through all of that 😊
Stay safe 👋

Welcome! 

Yes you can be a Dom without sex. I'm an Ace-Aro kinkster and while I'm not sex repulsed, just apathetic, I found this community pretty accepting that kink can be non-sexual. Dominating actions aren't necessarily sexual. My allosexual switch friend Doms my sleeping schedule, I've received leg massages as services at public play parties before, done grappling at kink events (which was a great workout), and done impact play (topping and bottoming) without anything being remotely sexual about it. I'm looking forward to using my Shinai on my Ace-Aro kinky cis-man friend once quarantine is over and we both know it's completely platonic and about the adrenaline and power.   

There are actually a lot of kinky Aces out there who are having an amazing kinky time without having sex. There are Ace Daddies and littles/middles, Ace Masters and pets, basically we're pretty diverse and repulsed Aces do freaky things without sex all the time. There's a large kinky Ace and Aro (including demis and greys)  discord that's fairly active. If you PM me I can send you an invite. Fetlife also has a large Asexual and Kinky group which holds a wealth of information. (That site also allows you to select Asexual as an orientation unlike most sites.) 

Good luck on your kink journey! 

--- Cacti

Edited May 13, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Deleted Member]

Agreeing with the majority here: not all kinks have to be sexual or end up with sex. It's totally normal 

[Th****]

There is a long tradition of asexual bdsm play.

From the dominant side think of the dominant who has a submissive kneeling before them. They could serve him/her whatever they wish. If you want more intimacy massage feet or whatever if you hate feet.

Certainly a number of years ago the common terminology for an asexual service based submissive was a pet. It was polite to orientate play so that it stayed within their preferences of course.

Whatever your role being asexual is certainly not something you are alone with and like everything else the secret is finding a match.

Good luck

[Ha****]

I have had an asexual bdsm relationship before. The more known relationships that are asexual are pet play and age play

[Da****]

It's pretty vanilla but definitely possible to be asexual and into bdsm. The trick is finding someone who'd be willing to walk that fine line with you as many who are into bdsm won't take kindly to no sex. Maybe a non sexual little that you could spank and have a little food play with? But calling yourself a straight up Dom might ruffle some feathers I'd suggest training as a daddy dom and go with that

[Vi****]

Bdsm has very little to do with sex, and a lot to do with emotions, intamacy without sex, mentality etc.