Married: Where Do You Draw the Line?

[Jb****]

I’m genuinely curious...especially from those of us in long-term or married relationships...

Do you think cyber connections (flirty chats, spicy DMs, voice notes, even video) count as cheating?
Or is it something more… complicated?

I’ve seen more and more people in committed relationships...especially women...finding a real sense of freedom and self through online dynamics. And not just hookup culture, but something deeper. Playful, yes. Naughty sometimes, sure. But also respectful, understanding, and safe.

For some, it’s a release. For others, it’s connection without consequences.
Some have full consent from their partner. Others… keep it quiet.

What’s your take?

Do you have boundaries that you and your partner have talked about?

Is it emotional infidelity if it’s just words or voices?

Can it be healing? Or is it always risky?


I’ve heard from people who say they’ve never felt more desired, seen, and supported than in the right kind of online space...with people who understand discretion and emotional nuance.

Would love to hear how others navigate it.
Especially if you're married… or secretly curious. 💬

[TimberTara]

Everybody has their own code. I knew two beautiful women who were in loveless marriages. They cheated on their husbands. They wanted someone to hold them and tell them they were pretty. I don’t see the crime. I would’ve just divorced the dickhead, but that’s me.

[Ke****]

I don’t think the comment above with all due respect is probably how I would look at it. If someone wants to cheat that’s up to them and it can be agreed to have fun outside of the marriage. My wife is happy that we a here we just look at things independently, ie getting her body confidence better as she hates her body and just speaking people to network, have fun (not physically with others) and learn new things. It’s difficult if you have to do that secretly but for now I hope you enjoy yourself. She will interact periodically.

[Hexapotamus]

I say the couple needs to have that discussion amongst themselves. Having a heavy impact scene with no emotional connection can be see as cheating by some. Ethical Non Monogamy is also a thing.

[Deleted Member]

Just a hot take and personal opinion (with experience. ) The tilt is when you are no longer focused on your partner while you are in their presence. Rule book aside, this is near universal.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, Jbgood said:

Do you think cyber connections (flirty chats, spicy DMs, voice notes, even video) count as cheating?
Or is it something more… complicated?

Here's the very simple line - and this applies to pretty much anything

if your partner knew about it, would they be ok with it?  

there is no "it wasn't really cheating" argument, because if you think it would be acceptable - why doesn't your partner know?

[Il****]

Get someone who fulfills you, or who will allow to go fulfill yourself when they can't.. it's give and take.. act accordingly

[ro****]

If you're hiding it from your partner then I would think it's cheating.

[St****]

I think it’s important to determine what your partner thinks is cheating. As you can see with this small sample, opinions vary.

[Th****]

16 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Here's the very simple line - and this applies to pretty much anything

if your partner knew about it, would they be ok with it?  

there is no "it wasn't really cheating" argument, because if you think it would be acceptable - why doesn't your partner know?

100% agree with this! Every relationship is different and has an individual dynamic between the people involved. For me, if you're doing something (even chatting online) in secret, purposely behind their back then you know deep down they would have a problem with it.

What constitutes cheating will vary on the people involved in the relationship, for any dynamic to work communication is crucial and everyone needs to be clear & on the same page. Then go and have your fun, and have as much of it as you want! And if you do want to keep it secret - no judgement here, you do you!

[Ju****]

My 2 cents. If you lie, even a lie of omission, will come to light, and is likely to kill a relationship. Speaking from experience. It's not the relationship or even sex that's the worst it's the lies. You need to figure out why you feel you need to Do this without your partner knowing. Because it's not because another woman flirted with you.

[De****]

I’m demisexual, so in my opinion, these emotional connections and dynamic are absolutely cheating. In fact, I would consider them infinitely worse that physically cheating. I would rather have my partner have a one night stand with someone in a bar then form an emotional connection and dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

I’m married. My wife also has an account on here. We’re both hyper sexual and attractive. We get flirty interactions. For us, it’s all about openness. We share our experiences with each other and love it. For my wife, it has been huge for her. Her confidence is boosted all the time with pictures she shares and responses she gets. It has lifted her attraction for me. I tell her all through out every day how beautiful and sexy and amazing and badass she is. And she knows exactly how I feel about her. But, I have a certain way of talking and complimenting her. It feels good to hear a different set of compliments from others. It’s always better to have multiple perspectives.

For me, I’m an attention whore. It’s unfair for me to demand constant attention from my wife. Especially when she’s preoccupied and busy with something else. So flirting and chatting with others just fills that small space. But, we both stay turned on by each other and our interactions with others.

At the end of the day, the strength of a relationship is based on trust and confidence. Trust that your partner values you, your relationship, and life you’ve built together. And confidence that you’re providing and accepting the needs of your partner and confidence that you’re striving to be the best person you can be.

[Deleted Member]

If you have consent from your partner(s) - whether they want details or not - then it's not cheating. If they don't know, or you feel the need to hide it, then it is.

[bo****]

There is no line, why would there be? My partners at free to do whatever with whomever they want as long as they are playing safe.

[lo****]

23 minutes ago, DenverBunny said:

I’m demisexual, so in my opinion, these emotional connections and dynamic are absolutely cheating. In fact, I would consider them infinitely worse that physically cheating. I would rather have my partner have a one night stand with someone in a bar then form an emotional connection and dynamic.

Agree 💯

[Deleted Member]

It’s been a while since I was in a monogamous relationship, but my general feeling was if you wouldn’t do it in front of them or let them see what you’re doing then you’re crossing a boundary.

[Be****]

Whatever boundaries you have set up with your significant other would be the line. Each couple has their own dynamic of whats okay and not okay

[Deleted Member]

That’s hilarious I just posted something similar. If I’m in a bdsm relationship and they choose to cheat by doing cyber stuff with someone else they have betrayed my rules, my trust and have lost access. A dom sub relationship in my opinion is based on trust and consensual power exchange . And if you willingly choose to disobey you’re for the streets .

[no****]

I'm polyamorous so for us it is definitely not cheating as long as we're honest. Cheating is in the ACT is the dishonesty and the lies. Is someone has boundaries and you break those boundaries you are cheating.

[Mi****]

I have a loophole. I make them spoil me with whatever I see fit. My husband knows I do feet content. So if there is an exchange he doesn’t ask questions. Is it taboo and very risky? Yes. Yes it is. I love him very much and that only grows.

[In****]

This is an interesting subject for me because of the unique situation I'm in. I'm married and we have a complicated past that would take a good bit to go into. But due to her health issues and other things, we can't be as intimate as I'd like and it's honestly a bit frustrating sometimes. It came to a point a couple of years ago where she told me "do what you have to do, but I don't want to know about it." Although it was sort of a "green light" I know it was very reluctant. I do find a release in the spicy side of chat with people, but I haven't explored anything physical because I'm honestly on a knife's edge of what's right and wrong. Do I see to my needs knowing that deep down it's something that she doesn't like, or do I stay committed and unhappy, not having my needs met? Although I haven't physically been with anyone else since we've been married, I get judged a lot and labeled a cheater when people find out my situation. That or the inevitable "you should just leave her. These things aren't always black & white though.

[Be****]

16 minutes ago, InstanceOfLimerence said:

This is an interesting subject for me because of the unique situation I'm in. I'm married and we have a complicated past that would take a good bit to go into. But due to her health issues and other things, we can't be as intimate as I'd like and it's honestly a bit frustrating sometimes. It came to a point a couple of years ago where she told me "do what you have to do, but I don't want to know about it." Although it was sort of a "green light" I know it was very reluctant. I do find a release in the spicy side of chat with people, but I haven't explored anything physical because I'm honestly on a knife's edge of what's right and wrong. Do I see to my needs knowing that deep down it's something that she doesn't like, or do I stay committed and unhappy, not having my needs met? Although I haven't physically been with anyone else since we've been married, I get judged a lot and labeled a cheater when people find out my situation. That or the inevitable "you should just leave her. These things aren't always black & white though.

Other people are always so quick to judge everyone else instead of focusing on themselves. Do what makes YOU and your partner comfortable. If you only wanna keep things cyber and your partner is okay with that then stick to what keeps you happy.

[sardonicus87]

Whether or not it is cheating depends on whether or not your partner is aware of it and agrees that it is OK. If you can't even talk to your partner about it, that to me sounds like relationship problems and *** cases aside where you legitimately *** retaliation for even asking if it would be OK before doing it and you feel like you can't leave the relationship for *** of retaliation, then there's no excuse to not talk about it.
.
As always, COMMUNICATION IS KEY.

[Ba****]

The line is wherever you and your primary partner decide it is. For us it can be fluid depending on the situation.