How do you deal with a "Ghost"?

[iw****]

Did you even listen to what he might have to say? Poor guy could've lost his mom, pet, had a bad accident or admitted to the hospital. You do u, but i think a blanket dismissal is selfish and disrespectful. (Without knowing why).

[SBdomswitch1369]

I think it’s emotionally abusive to ghost people personally, but I’ve heard it argued that sometimes it’s the best someone can do, and that it isn’t about you or something like that, which maybe the case or not but to me it’s emotional sadism.

[Ex****]

If I've met them then they ghost me, I block them. My time is worth far more to me than to be played with. If we have never met I will start talking to them again then I will ask what happened.

[ks****]

I agree with unicorn I feel like if you never met him it would’ve been different but you met him and then he ghosted you so therefore, no he deserve to be blocked because just like salty soon, it’s emotional *** when you ghost me instead just talking to me and letting me know that you’re not interested anymore

[Ki****]

It depends on how they approach me, what they said. I like to give the benefit of the doubt, so if there was an apology and explanation, I would continue the conversation. If there was no accountability, I might give a reason before the block, or just block immediately.

People treat you how you let them. Having higher standards will get you higher caliber people in the end. You set your standards very clearly. I don’t think lowering the bar helps anyone.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, iwilldomyou said:

Did you even listen to what he might have to say? Poor guy could've lost his mom, pet, had a bad accident or admitted to the hospital. You do u, but i think a blanket dismissal is selfish and disrespectful. (Without knowing why).

by argument, she wasn't the one that hit block.   

[ey****]

For me the worst bit was that he slid in as if nothing had happened.   And there are a whole bunch of reasons why this could have been, and none of them are great.   (Because if there WAS any form of good reason, then after so long a simple - sorry it's been a while, I'm more available now - even without any form of excuse or explanation is better than just reappearing)

That even after your 'nope' - he still had some form of opportunity after that to acknowledge and so whatever the reasons he was missing - or if he genuinely wasn't aware there was a problem (ha) could have at least asked.

 

I think how to deal, you know what - your reply was fine and natural.  Like, you know, there was someone who on here was hurt because they'd been ghosted, but then came up in contacts and got invited to the guy who had ghosted him's funeral.   And you can't help emotions, were they cheating, have they found someone else, are they ill or having work/life/family issues, were they using ghosting as a manipulation tactic, are they treating you as a back-up/option, so on so forth.  So yeah, it's understandable to be... a bit... you what? When someone reappears like that. 

[Deleted Member]

None of us owe anyone anything until we've developed a repore of some sort. I used to be strict on always saying I'm not interested, but the *** that comes with that just isn't worth the few that take it like a normal human. And I am not going to put energy into something that isn't important to me.

With that being said, you did build that communication, and he showed you your importance in his life. They should have said they weren't interested anymore, but it sounds like they were benching you for someone they felt more of a connection with to see how that went first. And you responded appropriately. Had they respected you they would have lead in with the reasoning why they disappeared, even if it was a bullshit reason.

People show you more than tell you how they feel. Pay attention, and make decisions on what feels right for you.

[CopperKnob]

16 hours ago, SSBBW54136 said:

I actually gave him a second chance in the beginning because he couldn't meet the first time we scheduled a playdate, that he didn't show to, didn't reach out until 2 days later apologizing and saying he had a family emergency. I accepted that at we rescheduled. SMH & LOL Did it to myself though, we live and we learn.

"Did it to myself" isn't the same as giving someone the benefit of the doubt.
.
Doing it to yourself would be to entertain any further contact with them following the radio silence which you didn't.
.
People treat people as if they're disposable, it's quite simply unacceptable. Have your expectations re how you want to be treated, set boundaries and disregard people who trample all over them. Lifes too short to mess about with people like this.

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, BBWDomme said:

Girrrrl, kink is DEFINITELY a journey. A looooong one too. I try to be understanding if people aren't responding, sometimes life gets in the way you know? But, if he was still coming on the site and just ignoring you, yeah fuck that fuckboy. Always know your worth queen 👸

And more than likely the next match will be even better!

I absolutely agree that kink is a life long learning journey with experiences that are different for everyone. 🤗 Thank you for the feedback!

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, ***drinker1979 said:

Fuck ghosts

That would be an interesting kink 😉

[pi****]

What wood hun my apologies i am bit slow

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, iwilldomyou said:

Did you even listen to what he might have to say? Poor guy could've lost his mom, pet, had a bad accident or admitted to the hospital. You do u, but i think a blanket dismissal is selfish and disrespectful. (Without knowing why).

After a month of him checking in on my profile here, reading my messages and ignoring a reply and him having a history of just not communicating with me, no, I did not want to hear any further reasons / excuses for his complete lack of respect for my time and attention. I gave him grace the first time he did the same thing. I made my expectations and needs very clear while initially talking with him. I do not feel like my "Nope" was selfish, selfish is coming back to me a month later and not even acknowledging his behavior, not, "Hey, I'm sorry I have not been responding. I was away because (fill in the blank)." would have maybe gotten a different response. "What's up sexy" = Nope.

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, SaltyJ1369 said:

I think it’s emotionally abusive to ghost people personally, but I’ve heard it argued that sometimes it’s the best someone can do, and that it isn’t about you or something like that, which maybe the case or not but to me it’s emotional sadism.

I appreciate that point of view, "sometimes it's the best someone can do..." Any communication would have allowed discussion to see what, if anything, we could adjust to better suit both of us.

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, ExcitableUnicorn said:

If I've met them then they ghost me, I block them. My time is worth far more to me than to be played with. If we have never met I will start talking to them again then I will ask what happened.

I agree, I do not have an abundance of "free" time, so who I choose to give that time to is so intentional for me. I didn't have to block him, he blocked me 🤷🏼

[Deleted Member]

12 hours ago, ksmooth420 said:

I agree with unicorn I feel like if you never met him it would’ve been different but you met him and then he ghosted you so therefore, no he deserve to be blocked because just like salty soon, it’s emotional *** when you ghost me instead just talking to me and letting me know that you’re not interested anymore

That part. We are both grownups, just let me know if you're not wanting to move forward. No feelings have to get hurt. Just come at me respectfully and honestly.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Kitanya said:

It depends on how they approach me, what they said. I like to give the benefit of the doubt, so if there was an apology and explanation, I would continue the conversation. If there was no accountability, I might give a reason before the block, or just block immediately.

People treat you how you let them. Having higher standards will get you higher caliber people in the end. You set your standards very clearly. I don’t think lowering the bar helps anyone.

Agreed. I have definitely raised my expectations a bit for moving forward.

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

For me the worst bit was that he slid in as if nothing had happened.   And there are a whole bunch of reasons why this could have been, and none of them are great.   (Because if there WAS any form of good reason, then after so long a simple - sorry it's been a while, I'm more available now - even without any form of excuse or explanation is better than just reappearing)

That even after your 'nope' - he still had some form of opportunity after that to acknowledge and so whatever the reasons he was missing - or if he genuinely wasn't aware there was a problem (ha) could have at least asked.

 

I think how to deal, you know what - your reply was fine and natural.  Like, you know, there was someone who on here was hurt because they'd been ghosted, but then came up in contacts and got invited to the guy who had ghosted him's funeral.   And you can't help emotions, were they cheating, have they found someone else, are they ill or having work/life/family issues, were they using ghosting as a manipulation tactic, are they treating you as a back-up/option, so on so forth.  So yeah, it's understandable to be... a bit... you what? When someone reappears like that. 

Right. Part of me was hoping he would come back with something, but within 2 minutes I was blocked. Again, I don't want to sound bitter, cuz yes, life happens, people's needs / wants change. Just part of the journey 🙂

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, JinxieKat said:

None of us owe anyone anything until we've developed a repore of some sort. I used to be strict on always saying I'm not interested, but the *** that comes with that just isn't worth the few that take it like a normal human. And I am not going to put energy into something that isn't important to me.

With that being said, you did build that communication, and he showed you your importance in his life. They should have said they weren't interested anymore, but it sounds like they were benching you for someone they felt more of a connection with to see how that went first. And you responded appropriately. Had they respected you they would have lead in with the reasoning why they disappeared, even if it was a bullshit reason.

People show you more than tell you how they feel. Pay attention, and make decisions on what feels right for you.

I feel like I was benched as well, he did communicate initially he was speaking with another person, which is FINE, I'm not looking for a relationship so it would have been a different conversation but it would have worked for me not being the only one. Meh 🤷🏼

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, CopperKnob said:

"Did it to myself" isn't the same as giving someone the benefit of the doubt.
.
Doing it to yourself would be to entertain any further contact with them following the radio silence which you didn't.
.
People treat people as if they're disposable, it's quite simply unacceptable. Have your expectations re how you want to be treated, set boundaries and disregard people who trample all over them. Lifes too short to mess about with people like this.

This is a fair take 🙂 Thank you for that feedback.

[jo****]

I would out my frustrations but also give them a chance to explain why ghosting for a month and see if i can live with that reason or not.

[ki****]

Feels like you did the right thing. It would've been different if you'd never met him, if he'd never fucked up the first time, or if he came back with a solid reason. "What's up sexy" would've gotten a "nope" from me too😅 he doesn't respect you enough to be real with you and like someone else said, it feels like he "benched" you in favor of someone else and came crawling back when that didn't pan out as planned.

[ey****]

2 hours ago, SSBBW54136 said:

I feel like I was benched as well, he did communicate initially he was speaking with another person, which is FINE, I'm not looking for a relationship so it would have been a different conversation but it would have worked for me not being the only one. Meh 🤷🏼

ah, yep - so how that feels is that yep, you were benched until either things didn't work out with the other person - so you were treat as an option

or

maybe the initial NRE had burned off a bit with the other person so now he was looking back at you

which, again, if he was online, reading your mesages etc he could have checked back in with you at any point 

 

 

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, valabamav said:

I feel like the way this site is set up depending on the person's :looking for status says LTR than it's supposed to be a non personal thing if it's just playdates then we shouldn't get upset when our doms play with others and come back to us when they want to. I have never met anyone personally yet so I reserve my emotional wellbeing but I would like to think I could stay disassociated like that but I *** I couldn't which would make me feel the way I believe your dom has made you feel. I'm sorry you've had this experience I hope ur next one is more compassionate

Thank you, me also. Just frustrating cuz I thought we had that connection. I would not be upset if my future Dom plays with others. I do need transparency and communication for that trust to be planted and grow. 🙂

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, SilverMeric said:

Classic narcissistic behavior from him. Love bombs ya and then takes it away on purpose to see how you react. To see if he can control you. Comes back with breadcrumbs. It’s ***.

You absolutely 1000% did the right thing.

Thank you for your input! I really do appreciate all of the responses! ☺️