The desire of SUBMISSION

[Ma****]

9 hours ago, doomhoney said:

For me I struggle to find people who want me when my desire to submit is separate from sexual desire. Sometimes it can be smushed together, but before a serious connection it’s just a basic need I have sometimes. To be called a good girl and cared for and be looked upon as purely a submissive being instead of something sexual feels freeing to me.

What’s the best way for you to show your submission to your Dom ?

[Deleted Member]

Submission is a very spiritual and natural side of my psyche. I love submission in and out of the bedroom and a Dom who can exert that kind of control, is a beautiful human! I am the way with my masochistic side, I don't need sex to feel ***, *** can be administered in various ways that are non-sexual. 

[oa****]

True control can be better than sex im sub name mark

[Ma****]

Wednesday at 12:44 PM, SweetPeache-5757 said:

Submission is a very spiritual and natural side of my psyche. I love submission in and out of the bedroom and a Dom who can exert that kind of control, is a beautiful human! I am the way with my masochistic side, I don't need sex to feel ***, *** can be administered in various ways that are non-sexual. 

Which type of submissive do you think you are ?

[Ma****]

Wednesday at 12:48 PM, oakland951 said:

True control can be better than sex im sub name mark

What’s the best submissive experience did you had ?

[Salacious67]

Sometimes it’s about the phycology of play, the little tasks of instructions of play that can stimulate the mind playfully or the use of touch in certain ways or deprivation of sensations that can be just as effectively in building a moment and providing just as much pleasure as having sex or building up the play as foreplay before sex can heighten the mood and excitement. I would say it’s a matter of flow and what fits best in the moment as both can work equally well as non-sexual and sexual play in terms of submission.

[ge****]

30 minutes ago, Salacious67 said:

Sometimes it’s about the phycology of play, the little tasks of instructions of play that can stimulate the mind playfully or the use of touch in certain ways or deprivation of sensations that can be just as effectively in building a moment and providing just as much pleasure as having sex or building up the play as foreplay before sex can heighten the mood and excitement. I would say it’s a matter of flow and what fits best in the moment as both can work equally well as non-sexual and sexual play in terms of submission.

The psychology of play is extremely important for me - if someone can get into my head and understand me there, they have the key to my submission - how that manifests itself in specific acts doesn't matter. Sex doesn't even have to come into it, in fact some of my most amazing submissive experiences have been completely non-sexual.

[Salacious67]

18 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

The psychology of play is extremely important for me - if someone can get into my head and understand me there, they have the key to my submission - how that manifests itself in specific acts doesn't matter. Sex doesn't even have to come into it, in fact some of my most amazing submissive experiences have been completely non-sexual.

Sometimes the anticipation is just as exciting giving you that rush of excitement, especially for me when blindfolded and cuffed, as the sensation of touch becomes more heightened. 

[Do****]

July 3, Pet_Mimic said:

These days, it seems difficult to even find submission. The people who call themselves submissives tend to be strict, controlling, dominant people who want to experience something being done to them how, when, and where they demand it. If you don't give them what they want when they want it, they don't consider you worth their time. If you want them to do something but they don't feel like it right now, you either do as they say or you're a bad person. Dominant masochism instead of submission. "I like being spanked when I want it" instead of "I like letting them spank me when they want to."

Is it possible to have submission without it being sexual? Definitely. I'm just not sure actual submission exists anymore. It has become exceedingly rare over the last decade or two.

Those people are subs topping from the bottom. It’s not true submission. However there are true subs out there. Even ones who just want to care for and look after without the sexual aspect.

[Pe****]

7 hours ago, DommeDelight said:

Those people are subs topping from the bottom. It’s not true submission. However there are true subs out there. Even ones who just want to care for and look after without the sexual aspect.

I'm well aware of what it's called. It just sucks that they lie about what they want and make it pointlessly difficult for people who have the potential for a good relationship to find each other. Topping from the bottom is 100% okay. Our lifestyle is all about accepting people and what they enjoy, but lying about being a submissive to get what you want is selfish, manipulative, and disgraceful. As I said, quote, "Is it possible to have submission without it being sexual? Definitely. ...actual submission... ...has become exceedingly rare..."
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Thanks for the paraphrasing, though. It really educated me.

[New_to_this_25]

On 7/3/2025 at 6:09 PM, HappyFatLady said:

Submission lives in me. It’s not just sex. It’s not just a game. It’s how I choose to move with someone I trust. I lead everywhere else. I carry everything. I wanted a space where I could put it all down. Where I could soften without the world falling apart.

That’s what submission gives me. Rest. Structure. Care. But I don’t submit to just anyone. Your title doesn’t earn you my trust. You don’t get to lead me just because you say you can. I will push. I will test. I need to know you can handle me. I need to know you see me and you don’t flinch.

There’s a little brat in me. I like to poke. I like to pull. I like to see if you’re paying attention. But the truth is, I want to be caught. I want to be pulled back in. I want you to notice when I’m slipping without me having to say it.

I am a service sub at my core. I love taking care of the people I give myself to. I want to be useful. I want to please. But I also want to be cared for. Submission makes my life better because it lets me stop gripping so tightly. It teaches me to accept help. To rest. To trust.

This isn’t a performance. This isn’t about being small. This is about choosing to give something real to someone who has earned it. My submission lives in my life, not just in the bedroom. It shapes how I love, how I trust, how I connect.

I don’t need to be overpowered. I need to be held.

That’s why I submit.

I love this! 

[Do****]

19 hours ago, Pet_Mimic said:

I'm well aware of what it's called. It just sucks that they lie about what they want and make it pointlessly difficult for people who have the potential for a good relationship to find each other. Topping from the bottom is 100% okay. Our lifestyle is all about accepting people and what they enjoy, but lying about being a submissive to get what you want is selfish, manipulative, and disgraceful. As I said, quote, "Is it possible to have submission without it being sexual? Definitely. ...actual submission... ...has become exceedingly rare..."
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Thanks for the paraphrasing, though. It really educated me.

Personally I don’t think topping from the bottom is ok. It’s exhausting and drives me bonkers. A true sub is not one trying to control from underneath. I don’t think the D:s dynamic can work with that. As you said earlier, it’s a given that we have chatted with them and know what they want and we want, and we are working within those parameters. But then to find the sub is trying to make us do what they want, when they want, is frankly not at all submissive and becomes an ongoing battle. I get that with the male Dom they seem to like a bratty sub to deal with. But personally I find no joy in that. It’s like dealing with a preschooler!

But what I was trying to share is don’t give up, there are true subs out there, who the dynamic can work beautifully with.

[ge****]

10 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

But what I was trying to share is don’t give up, there are true subs out there, who the dynamic can work beautifully with.

Ultimately, like any relationship, it comes down to compatability - there are many different flavours of both dominant and submissive, and even more when you take into consideration that we all have our own definition of the roles and what makes them "true".
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We often see on sites like this phrases like "there are no true Dom/mes or subs" - when what the poster actually means is that they've not found the ones that are compatible with them and on the same wavelength.
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I often come across profiles of dominants that I like the look of, but will see something in there that rules me out (my age, the fact I vape, or like wearing knickers to name but a few) but rather than decrying said profile as not being true (as some appear to do) - I just accept we're not compatible and move on.

[ja****]

39 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

Personally I don’t think topping from the bottom is ok. It’s exhausting and drives me bonkers. A true sub is not one trying to control from underneath. I don’t think the D:s dynamic can work with that. As you said earlier, it’s a given that we have chatted with them and know what they want and we want, and we are working within those parameters. But then to find the sub is trying to make us do what they want, when they want, is frankly not at all submissive and becomes an ongoing battle. I get that with the male Dom they seem to like a bratty sub to deal with. But personally I find no joy in that. It’s like dealing with a preschooler!

But what I was trying to share is don’t give up, there are true subs out there, who the dynamic can work beautifully with.

Apologies for the interruption, but your words seem to have opened a door to a more intense and complex discussion. Why does the perception of submission differ between the feminine and the masculine perspectives especially if we consider that submission is a selective desire, not merely an act or practice? This question invites us to contemplate other concepts that might help us rebuild the very structure we are in the process of dismantling.
Another question arises: isn’t total submission, from a philosophical standpoint, a form of the servant’s control over the god? If we take Prometheus and Dionysus and view their relationship through an existential lens, could we not say that Prometheus’ triumph lay in his submission, not in his defiance

[ey****]

1 minute ago, jaykkolins said:

Why does the perception of submission differ between the feminine and the masculine perspectives especially if we consider that submission is a selective desire, not merely an act or practice?

largely down to societal influence

our society is patriarchical.

This in itself is often a problem a lot of sub men run into - because they are used to being in control.   

[ge****]

6 minutes ago, jaykkolins said:

Apologies for the interruption, but your words seem to have opened a door to a more intense and complex discussion. Why does the perception of submission differ between the feminine and the masculine perspectives especially if we consider that submission is a selective desire, not merely an act or practice? This question invites us to contemplate other concepts that might help us rebuild the very structure we are in the process of dismantling.
Another question arises: isn’t total submission, from a philosophical standpoint, a form of the servant’s control over the god? If we take Prometheus and Dionysus and view their relationship through an existential lens, could we not say that Prometheus’ triumph lay in his submission, not in his defiance

Personally I think the perception of submission differs across a very wide spectrum between ALL, regardless of gender - everyone has their own individual definitions and perceptions of what it is, likewise with dominance - and the key (as I said in my last post) is finding those whose definition and perception matches (or closely matches) your own.
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I think that is one of the issues we find on sites like this - some people either have a very stereotyped view of what a dominant or a submissive is, or try to fit their own view to others rather than accepting it's a very subjective thing that varies wildly between individuals.

[ey****]

20 hours ago, Pet_Mimic said:

Topping from the bottom is 100% okay.

Very contextually.  

Like if you KNOW that the other person is going to top from the bottom and do not mind being a service top - then, ok.

I think the issue with topping from the bottom comes when... well, as DommeDelight says - you've already discussed wants, likes, limits, dynamics, frameworks, etc. and then there's someone constantly trying to change what you've already agreed.   Consider this would NEVER be tolerated if this was the Dominant trying to do this 

 

[oa****]

I agree

[Do****]

12 hours ago, jaykkolins said:

Apologies for the interruption, but your words seem to have opened a door to a more intense and complex discussion. Why does the perception of submission differ between the feminine and the masculine perspectives especially if we consider that submission is a selective desire, not merely an act or practice? This question invites us to contemplate other concepts that might help us rebuild the very structure we are in the process of dismantling.
Another question arises: isn’t total submission, from a philosophical standpoint, a form of the servant’s control over the god? If we take Prometheus and Dionysus and view their relationship through an existential lens, could we not say that Prometheus’ triumph lay in his submission, not in his defiance

Love this question! I guess it’s my own perception. When male Doms talk about their interactions with female subs, they seem very different from with female Dommes and male subs. I assume because there is a masculine or feminine approach to control over the dynamic which affects how that dynamic operates. However I accept some male Doms might be using their more feminine emotional side of their brain in the interaction rather than the testosterone fuelled masculinity. Does that make sense? It’s an interesting thing to discuss and I don’t think I’ve discussed it before. Just pondered on it in my own. It just appears to me that the dynamics are very different with a male or female in control. What do you think?

Interestingly I’m not sure that the gender or the submissive makes a huge amount of difference. Also… what do others think?

[ja****]

1 hour ago, DommeDelight said:

Love this question! I guess it’s my own perception. When male Doms talk about their interactions with female subs, they seem very different from with female Dommes and male subs. I assume because there is a masculine or feminine approach to control over the dynamic which affects how that dynamic operates. However I accept some male Doms might be using their more feminine emotional side of their brain in the interaction rather than the testosterone fuelled masculinity. Does that make sense? It’s an interesting thing to discuss and I don’t think I’ve discussed it before. Just pondered on it in my own. It just appears to me that the dynamics are very different with a male or female in control. What do you think?

Interestingly I’m not sure that the gender or the submissive makes a huge amount of difference. Also… what do others think?

I think there’s a basic difference between men and women in how they’re wired deep down. History and experience show that men are usually driven by desire while women are driven by need.

So when we look at dominance and submission from this angle we see that men don’t really need to dominate it’s more of a pure urge, something instinctive and raw without any hidden sense of superiority.

But for women there seems to be a real need for control even if it’s not always obvious. It comes from a psychological place that fits her nature as someone who builds organizes and holds things together. Her control isn’t always loud or aggressive doesn’t have to be through whips and chains, might come in the form of kind words or soft gestures but it’s always there whether we admit it or not. It has nothing to do with just sex or modern fantasies.

And I just want to say I’ve been quietly watching you for a while. I sometimes blame fate or my own limits and maybe it’s a good thing that you’re out of reach because you’re a dangerously attractive woman. The kind of woman who could bring even the strongest man to his knees.

[Do****]

1 hour ago, jaykkolins said:

I think there’s a basic difference between men and women in how they’re wired deep down. History and experience show that men are usually driven by desire while women are driven by need.

So when we look at dominance and submission from this angle we see that men don’t really need to dominate it’s more of a pure urge, something instinctive and raw without any hidden sense of superiority.

But for women there seems to be a real need for control even if it’s not always obvious. It comes from a psychological place that fits her nature as someone who builds organizes and holds things together. Her control isn’t always loud or aggressive doesn’t have to be through whips and chains, might come in the form of kind words or soft gestures but it’s always there whether we admit it or not. It has nothing to do with just sex or modern fantasies.

And I just want to say I’ve been quietly watching you for a while. I sometimes blame fate or my own limits and maybe it’s a good thing that you’re out of reach because you’re a dangerously attractive woman. The kind of woman who could bring even the strongest man to his knees.

Thank you very much! 🥰
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I had thought they’re less pressure and aggression with the Dommes than Doms. I see photos of Doms looking down at the camera, asserting superiority, or showing their body looking from below, showing their genitals like they’re waiting to be serviced. It all seems very different approach to D:s which is more on superiority and dominant presence of that makes any sense. Whereas I don’t see Dommes leading with photos of them looking down or showing their gentitals and positioning the camera looking up from below. Just that in itself sets a different vibe from the outset.
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Yes we use different tools in different scenes but someone above mentioned how Doms can mask abusive behaviour in the dynamic, or be overly aggressive. I have not seen those vibes coming through from Dommes. Maybe as you say, because we are used to the day to day of keeping everything together and organising everything so can naturally transfer to just organising a dynamic without relying as much on aggression or similar. Not sure if I’m explaining this properly. It’s the vibe/flavour/underlying glue for it all that feels like it emanates from a different place with in the psyche of the Domme to a Dom.

[ja****]

5 minutes ago, DommeDelight said:

Thank you very much! 🥰
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I had thought they’re less pressure and aggression with the Dommes than Doms. I see photos of Doms looking down at the camera, asserting superiority, or showing their body looking from below, showing their genitals like they’re waiting to be serviced. It all seems very different approach to D:s which is more on superiority and dominant presence of that makes any sense. Whereas I don’t see Dommes leading with photos of them looking down or showing their gentitals and positioning the camera looking up from below. Just that in itself sets a different vibe from the outset.
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Yes we use different tools in different scenes but someone above mentioned how Doms can mask abusive behaviour in the dynamic, or be overly aggressive. I have not seen those vibes coming through from Dommes. Maybe as you say, because we are used to the day to day of keeping everything together and organising everything so can naturally transfer to just organising a dynamic without relying as much on aggression or similar. Not sure if I’m explaining this properly. It’s the vibe/flavour/underlying glue for it all that feels like it emanates from a different place with in the psyche of the Domme to a Dom.

Oh tell me about it! I called them the pop culture bdsm”the bark for me” kind of doms i mean, im naturally selective and when i reach a dom i trick her and set traps just to see if she’s natural or just”bark for me” and honestly i found one that i interacted with here and she was really natural, but again she was far away and things went sideways quick.. but yeah, there is “wanda” and there is “bark for me” i totally understand what you meant

[ge****]

Whilst there *are* definitely differences in approach between male Doms and female Dommes - I do think it's important to try not to generalise too much as everyone, regardless of gender, has a different style - it's also possible that some perceptions can be skewed by the internet and on-line interactions, where, lets face it, there are many male Doms who actually aren't Doms at all - more people who've seen some BDSM porn and thought they were Masters.
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If you go to clubs and the like, there are a wide variety of styles and approaches when in person, and everything isn't quite so stereotyped - that said natural gender leanings do come through too, and women tend to be more thoughtful and measured whereas men can be a little more spontaneous and instinctive.