Recovery?

[bl****]

As someone who has had an aversion to intimacy for nearly 8 years the idea of even considering my own kinks and or preferences has been foreign to me let alone doing so with another person what are some tips you might have for someone in kink recovery learning to rediscover these things?

[ey****]

Therapy. 

[Wa****]

Eyemblacksheep has the right step one, but if you determine that you're ready for step two, the most important factors are healthy communication, boundary setting, and pacing.
You need someone who you can trust.
Not a stranger online. Not some random hottie who turns you on.
Someone who proves integrity and respect.

[Deleted Member]

Finding a safe person to explore your new boundaries with. Trust is so important. Also therapy to help past potential trauma and establish new boundaries.

[Ms****]

Sounds like Im just beating the same drum as everyone here, but as someone who was single for 14 years, after a marriage that wrecked me, 2 years in therapy got me back in the dating world. She even suggested BDSM after I was very dissatisfied with the vanilla world. She was right 😆 Im still working through stuff and she is helping me, beyond what research could do for me.

[ra****]

5 hours ago, WaywardPaladin said:

Eyemblacksheep has the right step one, but if you determine that you're ready for step two, the most important factors are healthy communication, boundary setting, and pacing.
You need someone who you can trust.
Not a stranger online. Not some random hottie who turns you on.
Someone who proves integrity and respect.

Oof, so much harder to find than it should be, but you’re spot on.

Seems like there are a fair amount of people whose interest in the lifestyle is piqued after they either get out of a long term relationship or get tired of the games the people in the dating pool are playing.

Looking for something casual without the emotional burden of a relationship? BDSM sounds fun! Sign me up and call me Daddylickapussamous 🙄😂😂😂


The sheer number of people who think this is a great way to meet people who you can treat like garbage without any remorse is astounding. So, yeah. You need to take the time to make sure someone isn’t here for all the wrong reasons.

Building a foundation of mutual trust and respect in any kind of relationship or dynamic takes time and it’s not any easier to find someone on something like this than it is on a dating app or meeting someone in the wild. But too many people want to rush the process and wind up with more trauma than they had before.

However or wherever someone chooses to search for a potential person , if they aren’t approaching it with a high degree of intention, the chances of being disappointed are relatively high.

Before anyone goes exploring their kinks with someone else, they should definitely spend some time understanding why they might be interested in some of them. You not only run the risk of getting hurt yourself, but you’re asking another person to trust that you won’t hurt them either. That’s a responsibility that not enough people take as seriously as they probably should anymore.

I’m all for encouraging people to explore their sexuality, but ya gotta make sure you’re putting in the work for yourself and not expecting a miraculous transformation after a good spanking from someone else 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

[ey****]

the thing kinda is - and why I'll double down therapy

it's a case of finding out where the aversion comes from and what barriers might exist.   It actually may be, for example, you're asexual and have that to come to terms with.  Or it might not, and that there are a series of different trauma responses to why you're averse - and some of these may need to be handled differently

Finding a partner is difficult at the best of times - finding it while dealing with something unresolved adds more issues should you find someone.   

[Ki****]

Personal feeling, don't run before you can walk.
If you had an advension for intimacy start vanilla: care, aftercare, communication.
You do not have to re-invent the wheel, jus tlwarn how to roll with it 😊

[si****]

Rediscover yourself through either readings, kink community friends, or self exploration before exploring with someone. When you join the community (even if it’s re-joining) you should always have an open mind and understanding about yourself first and then move on to doing so with a partner or play partner, understand that trust is crucial as is knowing your limits, wants, and needs. And don’t ever be afraid to reach out to people on here for advice or just a friend to talk to, it’s better to be open and have friends than it is to be secluded and closed off

[Sm****]

Explore what you think you may be interested in by watching where you can. It's not guaranteed everything you like to watch will be what you like to do or be done to you but it will at least give you a baseline for what you would be comfortable to try when the trust and consent are there.