Where to begin?

[Mi****]

In the opinion of those still fairly new, what would you say is the best “Oder of operations”? What made you want to keep playing and what were the first things you did that pulled you deeper into love with Kink/BDSM?

[N-****]

Just giving up control compared to normal day to day life I suppose

[th****]

In my humble opinion it’s the fact of something new and different. For example the first time I tied someone up it was a different experiance that I just couldn’t get enough of.

[Ne****]

Being controlled felt natural and arousing…. I felt like I belonged.

[Lord_Talion]

Find that 1 thing about the lifestyle you love the most n do what you can to be the best at it. Then find that 1 thing you hate the most and do what you can to make it so much better for everyone

[du****]

Climax control is what pulled me in

[Ju****]

I like to push my personal boundaries and help others do the same.

[Dz****]

As a lifelong dominant and not familiar w/ the space or the depth of kinks (bondage, gags, tease & O control was all I knew😂).. my first time submitting a few years ago really opened my mind and had me fall deep into the kink/fet rabbit hole 😅 exploring all new ways to please and to receive pleasure

[Mr****]

For me it was my first partner bringing up the idea of doing some lighter things (toys, handcuffs, blindfolds and the like) and we explored together. I got to try out things and she got to try then out on me and I got to come up with kinky ideas later to try out. I enjoyed it so much that my curiosity has always hung around even after I became single.

[Or****]

I've experimented with it before here and there and really enjoyed it, but didn't exactly have the means to dive deeper into the world. I live in a small community to where I'd have to travel 30-50 miles for any matches on this app, so finding someone wasn't exactly easy.

My wife helped bring it out of me by insisting I find someone for our poly side of the relationship and referred me to a couple of websites and apps. It's always been a part of who I am, I just didn't have much chance to express it, so I suppressed it, and now I that it's awake in me, I can finally indulge in it.

[Ca****]

I teach brats about frenulum and graphenberg as equal partners

[Deleted Member]

Toys, handcuffs, expressing what I want. Now im coming into the BDSM. I have no
Idea what my limits are. All I know is that im willing to give anything a try x x

[Mi****]

I should say I’ve done what I consider to be majority of the things we all do to start out.
First time wearing a blindfold, being tied up, being spanked and paddled. It all pulled me in so hard. I’ve only recently began to learn how to take on a more Domme role. I am enjoying it so far, just have so much to figure out it feels a little daunting

[se****]

I love the idea of trusting someone so completely that you have absolutely no f ear or doubt they would ever betray your faith in them by crossing a set limit. Its the freedom and comfort of knowing that you could hand them a loaded gun and never *** getting shot whether you deserve it or not. Its knowing that you are protected and cherished unconditionally. I've never found anyone i trust that much. But damn it would be great.

[Ma****]

Followed my own interest. Though at times it can definitely become a "squirl!" Kind of situation.
But one of the best things, i think, is going to munches (look up on the other "fet" life webpage) to find a wider variety. Talking to people in person is soooooo much better.
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That being said, finding videos of people that are well-balanced, and don't claim to know everything and give you 10 steps to success. We all know that's too good to be true. So I look and try to find those that give you the pros as well as the cons of a given subject.
But typically that is after I have talked to someone(s) in real life, and heard I'm talking about their interests and experiences.
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Thirdly, reading people's first hand experiences on Fet.Life* , is also wildly informative, and educational. Because they are not professional writers, and not overly concerned with presenting a polished narrative, rather they are more interested in sharing a coherent and understandable story of their own experiences. The groups on that site, that dialogue about their particular kinks, can be incredibly informative, too.
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In all of those combined channels of information, definitely learned that you will probably never reach the bottom of a particular King. But that it is also okay to switch from one interest to another, and not feel like you get stuck in any particular mode of action.

Edited July 23, 2025 by FETMOD-TF
*External link removed

[Ma****]

1 hour ago, Mistress_M_ssc said:

I should say I’ve done what I consider to be majority of the things we all do to start out.
First time wearing a blindfold, being tied up, being spanked and paddled. It all pulled me in so hard. I’ve only recently began to learn how to take on a more Domme role. I am enjoying it so far, just have so much to figure out it feels a little daunting

The biggest thing to remember, as being the one who gets to call the shots, is that you also have all the responsible that goes with that. Namely learning how to properly do the thing, and haveing an understanding of the downfalls that can happen, and what to do if/when things do go badly. What is your "red"/safeword protocol?
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Otherwise, chase after the things that interest you, and your submissive. You dont need to know everything, about eveything. You just need to know about the thing you are getting into with you sub. Into rooes? Okay, there is a lot to learn there, and a rooes 101 class will get you started! Build up from there. But even the first ties you learn, will be good enough to begin with your sub. You obviously dont dive right into suspensions, right? Just focus on you and your submissives interests. As they change, you'll learn about whatever new thing, as you go.

[Qu****]

There's really no order of operations. My first scene was needles. Why? Because that was a turn on and something i wished to explore. Find what kind of play appeals to you and go from there. Don't know what you're into? Go to a tasting at a dungeon.

[Deleted Member]

Expressing what I wanted, being accepted for that and not having to feel judged and then proceeding to grow with someone into more things you are curious about.
Having a completely open dialogue about sex and things that felt more taboo.
Then being able to connect with multiple people on this level of respect and trust and essentially love.
The first time I felt true aftercare from someone who was just a new friend. A stranger still.. feeling someone put so much trust and everything into you and then tell me such beautiful things and cuddle me and just be an amazing person. I'd give my life for my friends that have connected with me on such an intimate level and not only help me explore, experience and enjoy my sexual side but nurtured my mental health in a way I didn't know existed or that I needed.
These subs are the true hero's here. Much love and pamper these beautiful people with all the love and things possible between these sessions 💜😂

[pr****]

Would love that kind of trust honestly for both partners

[ju****]

I'm fairly new to it all i never thought I'd be much into it but it's a level of mutual trust and exploring new experiences I'd never thought I'd be interested in and have wanted to look into

[Wr****]

I’m a baby kinkster… like 6 weeks in… My “order of operations” consists of talking to as many doms as I could to find one can talk to about everything. Once I found a few, I set up a meeting. Finally found a really great one! - Read Those Profiles People - A few weeks ago, I had a DD/LG CNC scene with an older man. It broke me out of a specific trauma I’d been living with for most of my life. It took a special man and trust beyond measure. I was like, what is this magic?! “Welcome to the world of Kink,” my magic whispered back!

[ey****]

"Where to begin" is difficult in the sense that everyone begins from a different position

do you have a partner and are discussing exploring together? or are you looking for someone and wanting to explore?

Do you have an idea what you might like, either roles, dynamics or activities, or is this all new?

What knowledge or understanding have you picked up passively?

 

I guess, in short, what makes you think "I am kinky and want to play"

[Do****]

I was taking baby steps initially, trying the odd new thing to see what it was like with different subbies. But then I had one sub who was quite experienced and got me new toys to try on him, and was so self assured in his sub space that I had the confidence to push my boundaries, try new things and realise quite how delicious it could be. He ignited my passion for it. Unfortunately the distance was too far to continue but that was a real turning point for me. Made me feel great in my role and make him feel great in his, on a new level.

[Salacious67]

Taking small steps is important, so plenty of research and reading, talk to people, go to munches and events as they sometimes have great teaching sessions or talks. Never just listen to one person and believe that’s how it’s done as they could be teaching you the wrong way and with anything in life learning form many people in various ways helps. It’s important to have boundaries, but curiosity is natural once you learn more as with everything in life. I tend to have my happy go to selection of things and then my curious things and then my hard limits. Sometimes these can change with time and experience in both ways as like and don’t like.bit like our taste buds change with age. Certain things that were on my curious list are now wow never expected that, but in a good way.