Blocking

[Deleted Member]

Use of the block option and how that can close doors.

 

Ok so block is something that should always be an option especially for those who get nothing but rude/spiteful/thirsty messages but I have two situations I have found myself in and how the use of block can be detrimental to our journey.

 

1.Another bloke and I had a disagreement, I chose to confront him in the lobby as was my Intention and he then took it to direct messaging. Within two messages rather than fight his corner he blocked me when I would have happily engaged with him to try and settle our differences in a constructive and calm manner.

 

For me this immediately slammed a door and closed off all communication. I'm of the opinion that maybe just maybe if we had talked he could have learned something from me and Maybe even I him. Maybe if the door had stayed open we both could have come out of our "handbags at dawn" moment a little wiser and learned a little more. Become if you like better, wiser.

 

2.So I'm chatting to a Domme and to my surprise a submissive male took exception to my chat and felt the need to randomly send me a couple of spiteful messages.i did think he thought I was trying to poach as it were bit i can assure you i was not, a man like me charming, witty and devastatingly handsome has no need to poach 😂😂. Anyway its only transpired through chatting to this man the last couple of days the actual reason he felt the need to attack me personally.

 

Anyway my knee jerk reaction was "wanker" block it is but I stopped and thought a little, deciding to not take that option. Instead to leave messaging open in the hope of understanding better why he felt the need to send such messages.

 

Over the course of the next few weeks he thanked me for not blocking him or reporting and we have exchanged a few messages since and to be fair he seems a decent enough fella. I'm glad I left the route to communication open and would do the same again. I ask myself first was he drunk as I know well the effect alcohol can have, i have in the past woke with a banging hangover rushed to my phone and with sheer horror read some of the posts I thought at the time were all good fun on fb but realised in the cold light of day I'm a twat 😊😊. I think many of us have experienced this scenario so yes booze plays a part.

 

I asked myself why the spite, why the need to send spiteful messages to one you don't know? Could he be depressed, lonely, on the edge of the abyss and need to vent, could he just need another to recognise his *** and maybe understand a little. Maybe at times all of us would be wiser to try and understand just a simple message of support and fellowship really can make a difference is one's day, it really is nice to be nice and not only can it make that person feel better but it's always a boost to your own psyche to know that a small amount of effort has made a difference and may even have helped bring them back from the edge of the abyss, a place I have stared into once or twice in my own life.

 

My point?

 

We really have no idea the demons others carry and how those demons can affect the way they act. The world as we know can be a rough place so for me blocking is a final option and when you clearly see *** or disagreement is it not better to talk and try to understand?

 

Primal thoughts 

D 😊.

 

[Deleted Member]

I agree with the sentiment of waiting, especially if we see *** or disagreement. However i have see *** in those regards transform into something more dangerous. As a female sub I have had my share of unsolicited messages, some from obviously lonely men who are hurting and desperate for someone to reply. This can manifest in many ways and I've had experience with men who I have needed to block and they have then made profile after profile to interact with me.
So yes, knee jerk reactions can often cut off communication that could prove helpful, but also stop a threatening or potentially maladaptive relationship from forming.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, BooBookitty said:

I agree with the sentiment of waiting, especially if we see *** or disagreement. However i have see *** in those regards transform into something more dangerous. As a female sub I have had my share of unsolicited messages, some from obviously lonely men who are hurting and desperate for someone to reply. This can manifest in many ways and I've had experience with men who I have needed to block and they have then made profile after profile to interact with me.
So yes, knee jerk reactions can often cut off communication that could prove helpful, but also stop a threatening or potentially maladaptive relationship from forming.

Totally agree and u have chatted with many young ladies who have sadly been through the same scenario. My advice has always been and always will be block, do not reply for obvious reasons. No it can be ***y unnerving and no hesitation in these situations. I was talking more from a mature Doms ponot of view. It sickens me to hear yet again more examples of bad behaviour and again block block block

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, BooBookitty said:

I agree with the sentiment of waiting, especially if we see *** or disagreement. However i have see *** in those regards transform into something more dangerous. As a female sub I have had my share of unsolicited messages, some from obviously lonely men who are hurting and desperate for someone to reply. This can manifest in many ways and I've had experience with men who I have needed to block and they have then made profile after profile to interact with me.
So yes, knee jerk reactions can often cut off communication that could prove helpful, but also stop a threatening or potentially maladaptive relationship from forming.

I agree as a fellow female sub. My block list is getting quite lengthy and actually I tend to give 2nd and 3rd chances a fair bit. But at the end of the day I’ve come here to enjoy conversation. Meet people I like talking to. Not get *** and idiocy in my inbox. Life is too short for that and I am on other sites/apps so it can build up.

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Curvykate said:

I agree as a fellow female sub. My block list is getting quite lengthy and actually I tend to give 2nd and 3rd chances a fair bit. But at the end of the day I’ve come here to enjoy conversation. Meet people I like talking to. Not get *** and idiocy in my inbox. Life is too short for that and I am on other sites/apps so it can build up.

Completely agree but again I was saying it from my point of view. The guy I mentioned who i was trying to help has just blocked me aswell 😂😂Yes really. 

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, Donnykinkster said:

Completely agree but again I was saying it from my point of view. The guy I mentioned who i was trying to help has just blocked me aswell 😂😂Yes really. 

So the entire premise of your post is shot down. Oh dear! 😁

[Deleted Member]

Just now, Curvykate said:

So the entire premise of your post is shot down. Oh dear! 😁

So it seems 😊.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Donnykinkster said:

So it seems 😊.

FFS 🙄

[Deleted Member]

If I remember you accused, judged and sentenced that bloke in one sentence in the lobby, which is against the rule of the site. If I was like that bloke who subscribe and pay to be on that site I don’t think I would like having argument or aggro, I would bloke too.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, FabSeverus said:

If I remember you accused, judged and sentenced that bloke in one sentence in the lobby, which is against the rule of the site. If I was like that bloke who subscribe and pay to be on that site I don’t think I would like having argument or aggro, I would bloke too.

Yes I thought that might be what you would say, something along those lines. There are many rules on a site like this, some are written down for all to see and some are not. Maybe we all need to work a little harder, on the rules that are written down and maybe even more on the rules that are not. Whether this man pays or is a free member his conduct should be the same, paying only gives extra access on the site itself, not extra privilege 😊

[Deleted Member]

As always @Donnykinkster, you make a fantastic point of the advantages to being open-minded.

I have recently learned to be less defensive when people verbally attack me. These days I ignore them, as it is brainpower that I could better spend on someone I do want to talk to, but I will not deny that there are circumstances in which one could come to a civil understanding.

I strive to be open-minded, so thank you for bringing this thought to light.

[Lombardo43]

I'm sure most would agree blocking has a good use but yes it's used far too much. I remember when i first joined 3 yrs ago. Got chatting to someone, V------666 if i remember. Had a few nice chats and she decided to block me. I was new and maybe naive, nice into to this site! Nothing I can remember to instigate that response. Maybe they were having a bad day or i did say something, who knows, we didn't converse. Thats just one instance but yes blocking is too easy and too perminent.Has it's use but used to often. Maybe there should be a guide list of good reasons to block but in general we should all be a little more patient as chats can be misinterpreted and instead of saying why you don't want to chat anymore, it's BLOCK! The end.

[Deleted Member]

blocking is for closed minded people who have no argument or logical basis on what they have said. If they had real conviction and in their mind were being honest and able to justify what they said. They wouldn't block people.

[Deleted Member]

Or, very weak minded individuals who can't bear to hear a different perspective.

[Deleted Member]

42 minutes ago, Thir***point7 said:

Or, very weak minded individuals who can't bear to hear a different perspective.

You’re presumably aware of the kinds of messages female subs receive that cause them to block?

[ey****]

35 minutes ago, Thir***point7 said:

Or, very weak minded individuals who can't bear to hear a different perspective.

Disagree widely.

Personally, I very rarely block people.  (I think I have nobody blocked on here) But, I also am unlikely to receive inappropriate messages.  I have users blocked on other sites where, for example, they haven't respected that the conversation is going nowhere and that - yes - we'd have to agree to disagree - but have kept on and kept on to the point it's harassment.

There's also users where engaging with is tiring and draining and affects some people's mental health - if you are saying this is "weak minded" then that's pretty insensitive to those who suffer from mental health.

Sometimes blocking someone is the equivalent of turning the TV off when an annoying celebrity comes on.  You don't have to watch a TV program you don't like just as you don't have to engage with a user you don't wish to.  It's fairly narcissistic to believe people should have to listen to you or engage with you - more so when you decide it means "you've won" if they block you.

[Deleted Member]

50 minutes ago, Lombardo43 said:

I'm sure most would agree blocking has a good use but yes it's used far too much. I remember when i first joined 3 yrs ago. Got chatting to someone, V------666 if i remember. Had a few nice chats and she decided to block me. I was new and maybe naive, nice into to this site! Nothing I can remember to instigate that response. Maybe they were having a bad day or i did say something, who knows, we didn't converse. Thats just one instance but yes blocking is too easy and too perminent.Has it's use but used to often. Maybe there should be a guide list of good reasons to block but in general we should all be a little more patient as chats can be misinterpreted and instead of saying why you don't want to chat anymore, it's BLOCK! The end.

Blocking isn’t permanent - it can be undone fairly easily. I’m sorry you felt you were blocked unfairly by someone. I warn first if I feel things are going over the top unless it’s extremely abusive

[ey****]

If you think someone has blocked you unfairly - then, as frustrating as that can be - they wouldn't have been a good match for you if they were happy to pull a pin without warning.  

[ey****]

Also - tired of hearing about "cancel culture" - it's a myth and a dog whistle.  Most people bleating about it are doing it from sold out arenas, prime time TV, BBC front page and in major publications - if you're in any of them you're not "cancelled" 

Just, some people who were fans decided that for whatever reason they no longer wished to support you.  And that's fair.  Just cos you liked a musician, author, celebrity, whatever once doesn't mean you always have to like them - especially if they express views you find distasteful or do things you widely disagree with.  It's entitlement to expect this permanent support.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Thir***point7 said:

They wouldn't block people.

Vibes, feelings can decide a response. Your very clinical in your responses, are you Vulcan? 😊

[Deleted Member]

One thing I hate when you do block someone is that they inform the person that you've done it ! I remember someone I had met off this site and met in person and they were harassing me and I blocked them on here and they then found me on Facebook and sent me message after message asking why I blocked them and they got more and more nasty 😭

[Deleted Member]

Sometimes blocking someone (for me personally) is a way of keeping the riff raff (thirsty or damn right annoying) people at bay. Usually after being subject to abusive messages when I don't send the messages/replies that they want. (Sorry, read my profile, only here for friendship OH and I'm a sub)

[Deleted Member]

The problem with blocking active members on the site IMHO is that it shuts down the opportunity for growth, communication and ultimately halts the flow of chat ( in the lobby) I was recently blocked by two members i greatly respect, surprised as i was i feel it says far more about their willingness to hear an opposing view than any wrong doing on my part ( i could be wrong).  Blocking has its uses, putting someone on time out or generally just being able to no longer see what negative vitriol they can spout. As a rule, i don't block anyone, but then im happy to ignore those that are not worth communicating with. 
In terms of blocking those that send messages, the way i see it is that there are two options: 
1 - up the filters to make it near on impossible for any but those you wish to contact you. 
2- ignore it. delete the messages or better yet. if it all gets too much, turn off the laptop/pc/app etc. this site isn't life or death. we make a choice to be on what is ultimately a dating website. by proxy surely that means we expect to receive some attention from those we wish wouldn't...

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, AnimeBlonde said:

One thing I hate when you do block someone is that they inform the person that you've done it ! I remember someone I had met off this site and met in person and they were harassing me and I blocked them on here and they then found me on Facebook and sent me message after message asking why I blocked them and they got more and more nasty 😭

😮 I didn’t know people were informed?! Sounds an unpleasant experience.

[ey****]

1 minute ago, Curvykate said:

😮 I didn’t know people were informed?! Sounds an unpleasant experience.

on any site anywhere it's always possible to work out if you've been blocked and by who.  Some explicitly tell you (Twitter "you cannot view this profile as you have been blocked") others it's very easy to work out.

If you block someone anywhere always assume they will know.  But, if they then come to you via another platform you know you were right to block them.