Boom!

[Invisible71]

The crash of rejection hits hard....

How does it make you feel and how do you deal with it with when you have to wear your public face and/or kink face?

[Deleted Member]

It's depressing, so I tend not to bother it just isn't worth it. I've found this place is the same as in normal life. I don't even look at profiles anymore let alone pm someone, I have taken out most of my profile because nobody is interested, as I have said before as a man that there are way too many expectations you have to live up to and it's impossible to be all these things

[Brittone2]

Well the way I see it,it's better to be in the crash of rejection than not tried at all.There is also a hidden perk during the *** soaked aftermath,people who know what you've been are actually happy that pulled it together too ride again...

[ey****]

Rejection is hard - and I think that's pretty much regardless of your angle.

If you're someone who mass messages - then I think you don't give yourself the best chances, but also it can be disheartening if you feel you've messaged so many people and nothing.

And similarly; if you're someone who puts a lot of effort in and feels you've found someone potentially perfect - it can be a big build up and it can take a lot out of you and be crushing if it doesn't come to anything.

I think it's important to accept that rejection is a part of life - and it's OK to be frustrated or disappointed (but is probably a good move not to let this spill out too much publicly.) and brush yourself down - is there something you can do to improve your chances in the future - or, was it just the way things were.

Don't pressure yourself to bounce onto the next person because it might seem frantic and desperate - but just accept things can take time.

[Invisible71]

Thankyou folks, some interesting views... 

[Loverboiii_t0y]

All the above and more lol.. this is a never ending topic because like someone said before “rejection is part of life”.

Who knows how you will feel on your one thousandth rejection compared to your first ever (exaggerates number for example). Can said person brush off each one just as easily or has each rejection slowly chipped away the ability?

Rejection seems to be all this one knows but still willing to try due to an override of wanting to explore so much haha. However, at the same time it has definitely taken a toll on this one to the point of no self-esteem and coming to terms that it’s possible no one wants you..

Or maybe y’all were never lucky enough to find one another..

Or maybe

[Philos]

If u don’t ask you never get? So don’t worry about rejection dust yourself off and say to yourself it’s there loss and move on

[ey****]

9 hours ago, Loverboy_toy said:

Who knows how you will feel on your one thousandth rejection compared to your first ever (exaggerates number for example). Can said person brush off each one just as easily or has each rejection slowly chipped away the ability?

(seemingly) constant rejection can be demoralising.   I know, I've been there.     And, this is something where your brain can sometimes be a little bit unfair.

If you're getting constant rejections, then it's for one of two reasons.

The first one is that you are potentially doing everything "right" but folk aren't interested.  Imagine if say you went for a job, your CV breezed you to an interview and you smashed the interview but didn't get the job because of a small but important thing.  I've been knocked back from jobs because I did so well in the interview they were worried my ambition and abilities would outgrow the company and I would leave quickly.  But, I've also been knocked back because of a small but important skill I lacked they needed someone to hit the ground running with rather than learn on the job.

The second is that there is something wrong - not with you, but your approach.   How have you changed things up between the 1st approach and the 1000th?  If you keep handing in the same CV to jobs and never get an interview then there's something wrong with your CV.   If your only method of applying for jobs is sending off CVs to every job you see advertised you miss the 80% of opportunities that are not so easy to find.   If there's industry network events then people can see you beyond just your name and picture on a piece of paper.

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Rejection is hard - and I think that's pretty much regardless of your angle.

If you're someone who mass messages - then I think you don't give yourself the best chances, but also it can be disheartening if you feel you've messaged so many people and nothing.

And similarly; if you're someone who puts a lot of effort in and feels you've found someone potentially perfect - it can be a big build up and it can take a lot out of you and be crushing if it doesn't come to anything.

I think it's important to accept that rejection is a part of life - and it's OK to be frustrated or disappointed (but is probably a good move not to let this spill out too much publicly.) and brush yourself down - is there something you can do to improve your chances in the future - or, was it just the way things were.

Don't pressure yourself to bounce onto the next person because it might seem frantic and desperate - but just accept things can take time.

You are right rejection is part of a healthy life. The problem is that most times you will be brushed off for superficial things. No one even wants to engage in a chat anymore to even find out what that person is like. It doesn't matter how your approach is, you could have tried a thousand different ways, but if the result is the same you will say it's not worth it in the end. You only have to look at the MGTOW movement to see things are not good. Even the media is picking up on this problem, and data shows the downward spiral of and women are complaining about it. You hear them say where have all the good men gone. Well they haven't gone it's just most men don't fit their criteria anymore, they move the goalposts constantly. And when you look at what they are looking for on about 5% of men fit the description. I have never seen a profile that doesn't want a man to be at least 6 foot tall, and that's just to start with. Then comes the rest of the check list. Gone are the days of talking to someone and actually find out you might like them. And the other problem is the man has to make all the effort and the woman puts hardly any effort in at all. When there is such an imbalance like that, the odds are unfairly stacked against you. It's like gambling and just keep loosing ***, you run out of *** or give up gambling. Having been in a relationship for 14years and now being single my life is alot simpler now. I have no commitments , more *** and can do what I like when I like and seek nobodys approval. The way I see it is if someone wants to have a bit of fun great but I'm not going to do all the work for very little result. You wouldn't do it with anything else in life, this is no different

[ey****]

34 minutes ago, Chiana said:

The problem is that most times you will be brushed off for superficial things.

if you believe someone has brushed you off for something superficial then as annoying as it is - you can have a genuine, 'meh - their loss' about it.

35 minutes ago, Chiana said:

No one even wants to engage in a chat anymore to even find out what that person is like

Can be tough to deal with - but this is the thing when someone has had many or multiple "I just want to get to know you" messages that it ends up that none of them become that interesting.  

38 minutes ago, Chiana said:

It doesn't matter how your approach is, you could have tried a thousand different ways, but if the result is the same you will say it's not worth it in the end.

For me.  I am on multiple platforms and also very active locally.  Whilst some of my habits had changed over time - I've been to munches, events, mostly but not just locally.  And of course, there's still been periods of time where nobody has really been interested - it's much easier to get to know somebody when you're sat on a table with them - or have been sat on a table with them and are now continuing the conversation online.

And these are examples of different methods.   I've seen newbies come to their first munch and end up in a relationship with someone they just met - but - of course, there's people I've seen who have been active for years and not got anywhere (but, people have repeatedly told those people why their behaviour is off-putting and they just blame the person and never change)

48 minutes ago, Chiana said:

You only have to look at the MGTOW movement to see things are not good

MGTOW are entitled pricks.  Generally nobody wants to date them because they're toxic and entitled individuals who then decide it's everyone's fault but their own.

49 minutes ago, Chiana said:

I have never seen a profile that doesn't want a man to be at least 6 foot tall, and that's just to start with.

I'm under 6 foot.

49 minutes ago, Chiana said:

the other problem is the man has to make all the effort and the woman puts hardly any effort in at all.

this does come from a very traditional standpoint.  Remember this is *you* trying to impress *them* they don't owe you any effort yet.

 

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if you believe someone has brushed you off for something superficial then as annoying as it is - you can have a genuine, 'meh - their loss' about it.

Can be tough to deal with - but this is the thing when someone has had many or multiple "I just want to get to know you" messages that it ends up that none of them become that interesting.  

For me.  I am on multiple platforms and also very active locally.  Whilst some of my habits had changed over time - I've been to munches, events, mostly but not just locally.  And of course, there's still been periods of time where nobody has really been interested - it's much easier to get to know somebody when you're sat on a table with them - or have been sat on a table with them and are now continuing the conversation online.

And these are examples of different methods.   I've seen newbies come to their first munch and end up in a relationship with someone they just met - but - of course, there's people I've seen who have been active for years and not got anywhere (but, people have repeatedly told those people why their behaviour is off-putting and they just blame the person and never change)

MGTOW are entitled pricks.  Generally nobody wants to date them because they're toxic and entitled individuals who then decide it's everyone's fault but their own.

I'm under 6 foot.

this does come from a very traditional standpoint.  Remember this is *you* trying to impress *them* they don't owe you any effort yet.

 

Err no I'm not, this is part of the problem, this traditional *you* trying to impress *them* . Sorry but for the last several decades the social engineering we have all received like it or not  has changed things to what is supposed to be an equal world. So where did that go then? Can't have it both ways. My stance now is "what do you bring to the table?" unfortunately it will be more red flags than benefit. I'm happy to stay single for the rest of my life. If someone wants to meet me half way, I would have much respect for them. But that isn't the world we have. And I accept that, but I also won't play  game that is stacked against me

Edited July 21, 2020 by Deleted Member
Pressed wrong button

[ma****]

I agree I just don’t fit the bill got certain types of commitment which apparently makes me a flake of a man when I simply see it as knowing what I want. I don’t be married or have kids doesnt mean I’m not loyal and devoted to one woman whenever I actually do date someone. I see all too well how much effort we have to put in as men for no return or minimum effort responses. I can attest to the fact I’m happier single and problem free. Still like to meet people just without the heavy burden that goes with.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Chiana said:

Sorry but for the last several decades the social engineering we have all received like it or not  has changed things to what is supposed to be an equal world.

but we do not have an equal world.  men still on average earn more than women - including in like-for-like jobs.  There are less opportunities and more barriers for women within companies.  There's levels of sexism that women still face each day that we as men do not.  We have men in governments deciding laws on what women can do with their bodies.  We are far from achieving equality.

-

There's lots of different ways to make a positive impression.  If you are messaging somebody with a view for potentially play, a relationship or even a coffee - then they've already impressed you.  There's already been something about their profile that has made you go "yes, I want to know this person better"

I know there are some guys (cos at least a couple admitted it in here on the past) whose criteria in women is "local" and that's it - and that's how they come across and it's not very flattering.  The person receiving the message is made to feel like "you will do" and I think we all want and deserve a little more than that.

So - the person sending the message already wants to know the person better; to expect these feeling at even a basic level to be reciprocal is entitlement.   Time is an extremely valuable commodity and even in exchanging messages she is giving you this and so there has to be something that indicates this won't be a total waste of her time.

-

What of course we really want is to encourage ladies to be forthcoming if there is someone they come across that interests them - to drop the first message when it is someone they may very well wish to get to know.  Whether it's a view to play, a relationship, or even a coffee.   Which does happen.  But, that's another kinda issue within itself.

[Deleted Member]

Seriously are you for real? The wage gap is a myth and has been proven so. When women do all of the same jobs as men and there is a wage gap then that will be true. How many women do dirty dangerous jobs? And how many do clean easy job? When we see 50% of oil rigs workers,  site workers, bin collectors, power line installers, etc willingly doing these jobs that argument can stand. But they are not. Also when men start having babies that argument will be valid. If anything they have had more opportunities than ever before because of progressiveness. the I can have it all attitude is what is a massive part of the problem is. Feminist ideology is not about equality, it is about being better than men and destroying what men are. You only have to look at all the garbage film remakes that have been pumped out with the characters changed to females. And they all flopped. Every portrayal of men in adverts, films, and TV shows them as useless thick fools. The message put out that all men are violent or rapists. You either see this yourself and choose to ignore it. Or you accept this destructive message that is put out constantly. Boys are not allowed to be boys no more at school and the teachers say that they need Ritalin. Are you happy for boys to be drugged to stop them being boys? Men have no help groups which is why *** amongst men is so high. When this guy tried to set one up he was attacked for it by feminists to the point of where he had to close it down. But you will find hundreds of groups and tax payer services to help women . No one in this country tells women what they can and cannot do with their bodies, they have total freedom,but I believe you are then responsible for your actions and the state shouldn't be paying for mistakes you make with said body. Birth rates falling rates falling. Western society is looking real rosey right now. These are all basic facts that anyone can find out. Prove me wrong

[ey****]

 

8 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Seriously are you for real?

Yes.

8 minutes ago, Chiana said:

The wage gap is a myth and has been proven so.

In the UK the Gender Pay Gap among full time employees is 8.9% and among all employees is 17.3%

This is from the ONS.

More is being done to narrow amongst younger earners - but in women over 40 it stands at 11.9% versus men over 40 - this is because men over 40 are more likely to have advanced to senior or management roles which is again down to assorted barriers within employment.

This isn't comparing accountants to dinner ladies, but like-for-like comparisons : there's also a report which list the pay gap *in the same company* 

9 minutes ago, Chiana said:

How many women do dirty dangerous jobs?

You'd be surprised.

9 minutes ago, Chiana said:

And how many do clean easy job?

Quite a lot actually.  Office jobs. IT. Civil Service.   

10 minutes ago, Chiana said:

You only have to look at all the garbage film remakes that have been pumped out with the characters changed to females. And they all flopped

there's literally been half a dozen.  And some actually grossed well, just spent too much on advertising.

12 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Every portrayal of men in adverts, films, and TV shows them as useless thick fools

Rightfully - that's no longer allowed due to sexism laws.

That was introduced in 2018 and some adverts have since been banned for it.

14 minutes ago, Chiana said:

The message put out that all men are violent or rapists.

I thought they were useless fools?

14 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Boys are not allowed to be boys no more at school and the teachers say that they need Ritalin

Errr - what?  What are you even on about?

and you're on about sexism; "boys will be boys" is a term sexist against men.

15 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Men have no help groups which is why *** amongst men is so high.

As well as many organisations such as Samaritans and Mind having counors trained specifically for male issues - there's also companies like Papyrus and CALM which are specifically for men.

17 minutes ago, Chiana said:

I believe you are then responsible for your actions and the state shouldn't be paying for mistakes you make with said body.

So you're anti-abortion then?  Which is funny because you said men didn't say what women could do with their bodies?

17 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Birth rates falling rates falling.

Which isn't actually a bad thing.

18 minutes ago, Chiana said:

Prove me wrong

I just did

[Deleted Member]

The point to all of that was that feminism has created a bogee man out of Men and this would be looked at completely different if the other way round. If you think that what I have said is wrong go and see for yourself. You may think I hate women for what I have said but I don't. My point though all of this is for the equality for all, which means equality on all situations. So going back to the beginning that means they have to impress me just as much and have something more to offer than just their company and not just men pay for everything and I might offer you sex,  because that would mean patriarchy surely and a womans worth would only be her body. 

[Deleted Member]

It makes me feel worthless. Nothing helps except time and chocolate, maybe...

At some point you have to say no to the misery and move on.

[Deleted Member]

4 minutes ago, Rose_sub said:

It makes me feel worthless. Nothing helps except time and chocolate, maybe...

At some point you have to say no to the misery and move on.

Chocolate is always good. I'm not trying to make anyone feel worthless. I just would like to see a fair society and it just doesn't seem like it

[Deleted Member]

I don't understand the argument that "eyemblacksheep" wants to make, but that's not my main point of irritation. What I find really disgusting is the "if you are not with me, you are against me" tactic. We all know out of history where that mentality leads us to and if that's your primate motivator, then how do you expect to accomplish a desirable resolution to the "equality of opportunity" problem, if that is a problem in the first place? Because I assume that's what you want to achieve, right? I mean, the alternative is that you just want tyranny. In fact, that's what we see happening on a global scale, these days. To top it all off, men have a natural interest in things while women have a natural interest in humans. It's the reason why you find more men in engineering jobs and more women in healthcare. It's not that I preach that, but it are facts that are very well documented in clinical literature. How do you want to flatten all of that out exactly?

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, Rose_sub said:

I don't understand the argument that "eyemblacksheep" wants to make, but that's not my main point of irritation. What I find really disgusting is the "if you are not with me, you are against me" tactic. We all know out of history where that mentality leads us to and if that's your primate motivator, then how do you expect to accomplish a desirable resolution to the "equality of opportunity" problem, if that is a problem in the first place? Because I assume that's what you want to achieve, right? I mean, the alternative is that you just want tyranny. In fact, that's what we see happening on a global scale, these days. To top it all off, men have a natural interest in things while women have a natural interest in humans. It's the reason why you find more men in engineering jobs and more women in healthcare. It's not that I preach that, but it are facts that are very well documented in clinical literature. How do you want to flatten all of that out exactly?

It was supposed to be about rejection. I just pointed out that men will be rejected by women through superficial things. Like if I message a woman on here the chance is they will not reply no matter how that message get put across and that seems to be happening to most men on here. I was trying at the start to say is that nobody even wants to take the time out and talk and find out about that person. People are just judged by a photo. Then it went on to how much effort is made by each person and I said it was supposed to be an equal world but men seem to have to be this impossible check list to get anywhere. My thing would have been if it hadn't gone south was men have a harder time with dating than women and are rejected way more and there comes a point when you have had enough of trying

[Deleted Member]

People reject people for a variety of reasons, mostly reasons that are about themselves rather than about you. In general, everyone feels flattered if someone else shows a genuine interest in someone. I mean, who doesn't like to hear that he of she is attractive? The thing is that you have to be aware that this is an online platform where people can hide themselves. What you want is to find a group of likeminded people very fast. Chat with people that you feel comfortable with and then meet in real life. If the other one is looking for a relationship as well, you can meet within a few days if you want. That and only that is the advantage of online platforms like this. If you gonna stay here forever, you waste your time. At one point people just move on. The reason is that they want to move on and also that they have to move on.

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, Rose_sub said:

People reject people for a variety of reasons, mostly reasons that are about themselves rather than about you. In general, everyone feels flattered if someone else shows a genuine interest in someone. I mean, who doesn't like to hear that he of she is attractive? The thing is that you have to be aware that this is an online platform where people can hide themselves. What you want is to find a group of likeminded people very fast. Chat with people that you feel comfortable with and then meet in real life. If the other one is looking for a relationship as well, you can meet within a few days if you want. That and only that is the advantage of online platforms like this. If you gonna stay here forever, you waste your time. At one point people just move on. The reason is that they want to move on and also that they have to move on.

How you say it is how I wish it was. I know I'm an enigma to most who visit me, so I probably have more chance of winning the lottery. But I don't have a problem with that

[ey****]

Things got a little off-topic above - but...

I've had my ups and downs with rejection pretty much my whole life.  When I look back I can see things at different angles, be it whether my approach was wrong - be it - my understanding was wrong - or whether it was just one of those things.

I remember, there was a young lady I had a proper crush on on MySpace.  And she would often put bulletins up about one guy who had used her for sex or one arsehole or whatever and I, more than once, asked her about going out sometime - she kinda gave me soft nos I didn't pick up on "not really at the minute because of *whatever thing* " then the next i know she'd been on another failed date.

I thought, like, all I'm asking for is a date - is a chance to go out and see if things work and, if they don't, fine, if so - brill.

I got frustrated and couldn't understand it "why wouldn't she give me a chance?"

Well, why should she?  It doesn't matter what it was but she wasn't interested.  It might have been my photo. Or my profile description.  I think she was 22 and I was 24/26 - maybe she'd wanted to stick with college age friends and I'd already gone through college.  

She didn't owe me the labour to give me an explanation of why she wasn't interested.   

-

And, I get it can be frustrating - but, sometimes folk aren't interested and don't owe a chat or an explanation.  And, it's understanding this.  And, hey, maybe it's their loss.  But, what are they looking for? Do you fit the bill.   What are you looking for and do they fit the bill?  

If you dismiss reasons for being rejected as being 'superficial' then you're really understanding their wants or boundaries.  And if it is something petty like "you tick my every box except you're an inch too short" than, ha, sure - but - in most cases this isn't the case.

-

I think it's ultimately right of course relationships are two-way things, but if you are making the move for someone to then reject you, they'd already interested you enough.  But they don't have to return the feelings.  Just like a ***ager that has a crush on his best friend doesn't have to have those feelings reciprocated. Someone has made you interested - what can make you interesting to them?

 

[Deleted Member]

On 7/21/2020 at 8:19 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

The second is that there is something wrong - not with you, but your approach.   How have you changed things up between the 1st approach and the 1000th?  If you keep handing in the same CV to jobs and never get an interview then there's something wrong with your CV.   If your only method of applying for jobs is sending off CVs to every job you see advertised you miss the 80% of opportunities that are not so easy to find.   If there's industry network events then people can see you beyond just your name and picture on a piece of paper.

See, I think this can be the wrong mentality. If I could go back in time to try and advise my younger self / avoid some of the rejection I've faced, it would actually be to NOT constantly change things up. Instead of always doing something different that's not natural to you, I think people should take an approach that feels right and master that one approach until it yields results. Otherwise, just changing things all the time means you could be very weak at doing say 1000 different approaches. It's like how Bruce Lee I think it was once said he is not afraid of a man that knows 1000 different kicks. But very afraid, however, of a man that has practised just one kick 1000 times.

 

Quote

I remember, there was a young lady I had a proper crush on on MySpace.  And she would often put bulletins up about one guy who had used her for sex or one arsehole or whatever and I, more than once, asked her about going out sometime - she kinda gave me soft nos I didn't pick up on "not really at the minute because of *whatever thing* " then the next i know she'd been on another failed date.

Reading this, I personally think you're more embarrassed that you gave this one girl so much validation and attention that she didn't deserve rather than thinking "I'm awesome, I can do better". But instead you tell yourself you feel guilty you kept on being a slight bother to this woman who seems to me to self-absorbed to really care or notice. See, the worst part about rejection for me is the idea I've given someone this power to believe that in my eyes they are good enough for me but in their eyes I am not good enough for them. It's that moment you wish you could take back from them but they have it, even if they gain no pleasure from being in that position. And I think that's the real reason you (and many others) might seek explanations from people. It's not about being "owed" something. It's about "I'm awesome, so why not me?"

 

Quote

but we do not have an equal world. 

Historically:

women - degraded to a domesticated child rearer role, not likely to be recognised for artistic, philosophical or scientific accomplishments

men (working class) - degraded and made to work dangerous jobs like factory shifts where as they grew older they lost their hearing, also conscripted & made to fight abroad

 

Today:

women - more likely to be d or sexually assaulted, more likely to experience sexual objectification, slut-shaming, etc.

men (again, working class) - more likely to be violently assaulted, not conscripted but still tend to be the bulk of military power and there is still a job demand for them to work dangerous jobs, simply told to "man up" in lieu of mental health issues, more likely to be incarcerated and can also experience prison when that happens

 

It's more equal than you think, it's just that the genders have it equally bad rather than equally good.

 

Quote

men still on average earn more than women - including in like-for-like jobs. 

You know these figures don't account for considerations like women take extended parental leave for instance. Or the fact women tend to work jobs that are paid less all round anyway like teaching and nursing, etc.

Edited July 22, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

18 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

See, I think this can be the wrong mentality. If I could go back in time to try and advise my younger self / avoid some of the rejection I've faced, it would actually be to NOT constantly change things up. Instead of always doing something different that's not natural to you, I think people should take an approach that feels right and master that one approach until it yields results.

I think we've common ground - and - yeah, there's a valid point also that sometimes NOT changing is also right 

But, when you say master an approach, that's also kinda changing.   So, if we use a CV example the approach could still be applying for a lot of jobs, but making changes to your CV, being better at presenting/writing it.

So, more refining then completely changing.   

22 minutes ago, BlushingFlush said:

It's not about being "owed" something. It's about "I'm awesome, so why not me?"

I think - I mean, yeah - to a degree, why not me - but then also - I failed to pick up on the signs she wasn't interested which, hey, in the best case scenario wasted my time.

But, it doesn't really matter why she wasn't interested.  She wasn't - and - well - fair enough.  I've done well enough since.