Being Dumb over Icebreakers

[Deleted Member]

25 minutes ago, Jinxy said:

In general, people receiving the messages receive several in a day.

Yeah I'm not saying everyone should/needs to do it but that if you think all the messages you're getting are lame (x) and you want more awesome (y) in your inbox maybe investigate more of the "x" occasionally and you'll find more of them are "y" than you think. People making this about entitlement and "oh well maybe you're not communicating enough of the y / maybe you're not as much of the y that you think you are" are missing the point. This post ain't about me or anyone else's message sending strategy. It's about message receiving strategy. Message sending's kind of another topic. If you're message receiving's going great and you have no complaints, then this post is not intended for you ;-).

 

15 minutes ago, SirGreen said:

Or maybe you read too much into it and are just trying too hard to see more than what is there.

Only way to find out for sure is through open-minded communication

Edited July 31, 2020 by Deleted Member

[ey****]

I can get the idea that someone might be missing out by not responding.  But I also think - there was something I'd mentioned earlier about the person who measured and responded to every message and found that the people with the most basic first contact only really went anywhere 9% of the time and those with the best first contact was 91% and that it was so much more labour with those with the most basic first message.

That you might be amazing. Just. Statistically not worth finding out.

-

A friend of mine had a good analogy over unsolicited messages and junk mail.   That. You know you're going to get junk mail whether you want it or not. I got a whole bunch of junk mail today - I put it straight in the bin.  I'm not obligated to read it. To check out the website. Or decide if it's something for me.

But. I dunno. It might be that there was an eyecatching offer.  Or that I really fancied a take away this weekend and there was somewhere new that looked interesting.  

In binning the junk mail I might be missing out on the best takeaway I've ever had - but I probably won't be.  It's not what I want, looking for or need right now.

I mean. Hell. I've had junk mail about conservatories and I live on the 4th floor.  So....

But hey - maybe one day it'll be that Aldi are doing a trial run of home deliveries or something that's useful to me. 

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, SirGreen said:

 That's the point, its more than what you say in your profile, more than what you say in your messages. Some women like tall men, some like short, some dark haired, some blond, some with beards, some clean shaven, some in suits, some in leather.... the list is endless.

Flashing the belly and masking your face might not hit the button, Slapping it out there as if to imply "here it is ladies, take it or not" might not be the thing they want. Just as i am bored of the standard overused cleavage shot on women. They have to have more to them than nice tits. I want to have a real conversation with a person with their own mind and a personality. It goes both ways.

As you say, its up to them if they seek a rock or a diamond. If they chose not to look at your profile, they have made their decision and you have to just live with it.

Dammit “overused cleavage shot” 🤣

[Deleted Member]

36 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I can get the idea that someone might be missing out by not responding.  But I also think - there was something I'd mentioned earlier about the person who measured and responded to every message and found that the people with the most basic first contact only really went anywhere 9% of the time and those with the best first contact was 91% and that it was so much more labour with those with the most basic first message.

That you might be amazing. Just. Statistically not worth finding out.

Yeah but like I said they do it with more complex and well-thought out messages too, including when the energy has gone into the profile. I know they do. So the statistics you cite don't really show the whole picture. I would go into more detail but I don't think you'd really "get it" - I mean, without intending to sound blunt here, that's just the reality.

[ey****]

13 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

Yeah but like I said they do it with more complex and well-thought out messages too, including when the energy has gone into the profile. I know they do. So the statistics you cite don't really show the whole picture. I would go into more detail but I don't think you'd really "get it" - I mean, without intending to sound blunt here, that's just the reality.

and, in those cases.  You can be disappointed. You can be a bit surprised.  But you at least know you put the effort in and that's a good habit.

[li****]

19 hours ago, SirGreen said:

Flashing the belly and masking your face might not hit the button, Slapping it out there as if to imply "here it is ladies, take it or not" might not be the thing they want. Just as i am bored of the standard overused cleavage shot on women. They have to have more to them than nice tits. I want to have a real conversation with a person with their own mind and a personality. 

I mask my face all mine are in secret gallery as I choose not to show my face till I get to know the person etc. I'm not bored of the standard cleavage shot on women's profiles to be honest I'd rather see a pair of nice boobs then a dick on a guys profile. But if you just look at the tits on the profile and scroll past just cause your fed up of seeing them then maybe you may have just lost a good conversation with a decent person who has maybe more to them than a pair of nice tits!!!🤷‍♀️🤪

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, lil-monster said:

I mask my face all mine are in secret gallery as I choose not to show my face till I get to know the person etc. I'm not bored of the standard cleavage shot on women's profiles to be honest I'd rather see a pair of nice boobs then a dick on a guys profile. But if you just look at the tits on the profile and scroll past just cause your fed up of seeing them then maybe you may have just lost a good conversation with a decent person who has maybe more to them than a pair of nice tits!!!🤷‍♀️🤪

Or more to them than a bare stomach I might add. But SirGreen thinks that is me reading into things too deeply 

 

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

and, in those cases.  You can be disappointed. You can be a bit surprised.  But you at least know you put the effort in and that's a good habit.

Eh, I just get fed up of people banging on about the perceived righteousness of vacuously glossing over the lack of t crossing and i dotting in ice breakers instead of looking/knowing where to find substance because "something something harassment".

[Wo****]

2 hours ago, lil-monster said:

I mask my face all mine are in secret gallery as I choose not to show my face till I get to know the person etc. I'm not bored of the standard cleavage shot on women's profiles to be honest I'd rather see a pair of nice boobs then a dick on a guys profile. But if you just look at the tits on the profile and scroll past just cause your fed up of seeing them then maybe you may have just lost a good conversation with a decent person who has maybe more to them than a pair of nice tits!!!🤷‍♀️🤪

I've only recently changed my pic from a cleavage one!!!! 

[li****]

29 minutes ago, Bounty said:

I've only recently changed my pic from a cleavage one!!!! 

I have changed from the standard boob and or body pic recently and had a face pic up but I change my mind like the weather. I do it all the time!!!🤷‍♀️😂 

 

But you are beautiful person inside and out hun and I found that out by sending you a pm and the rest is history as they say!!!!

[ey****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

knowing where to find substance because "something something harassment".

I think this is getting quite silly.

So harassment could be sending something overtly sexual when there was no reason to send it

Repeatedly messaging someone who hasn't replied or clearly isn't interested

or insisting people check you out and consider a reply because of your 'Hey'

-

Harassment is not; sending out an introductory message that is conversational and draws on common interests.

[Deleted Member]

I pondered on how to respond to this... I didn’t want to wade in pushing blame on any particular sex or role archetype. I do however feel that everyone is responsible for how they portray themselves on their profile, in the forum and in personal messages. At the end of the day we are dealing with other people and like it or not that comes with the responsibility  of considering their emotions. I find the best way to approach a person is as if it were ‘real life’, would I walk up to them in a coffee shop or wine bar and say ‘wanna see my cunt?’.... probably not! Would I maybe ask them for a drink recommendation even if I knew what I was having as a means to strike up conversation.... probably. I think we are all adult enough to read an initial message and then the person’s profile and come to a valid conclusion if we could hold a conversation. 
 

However.... like most of the women replying on this thread I would hope for more than a ‘hey’ or ‘kneel for your master’ opening! I think my profile is quite robust and articulate so I’d only expect people to want to speak to me in greater depth if the type of person I portray interests them.... I don’t think any part of my profile gives the impression I want a quick fuck or to see your cock 🤷🏼‍♀️
 

I could be wrong as I’m reading it from my interpretation of kinda knowing myself but please if anyone one gets that impression then drop me a ‘hey’ and your recommendations.. or not! 
 

💗

[helenOfToy]

On 7/29/2020 at 3:55 PM, BlushingFlush said:

I might personally ask that question if it was only vaguely mentioned in their profile and I was looking for more detail. See it depends on the context however "read my profile" could be pretty dismissive.

I should point out that I haven't (and indeed wouldn't) actually say that. It is what I'm thinking though...

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

Eh, I just get fed up of people banging on about the perceived righteousness of vacuously glossing over the lack of t crossing and i dotting in ice breakers instead of looking/knowing where to find substance because "something something harassment".

You do seem to be primed to argue with people. Anyone who doesn’t want to reply to a poorly worded/boring intro message from someone they have no interest in is dumb and vacuous and doesn’t know how to recognise substance. And harassment is...what...just an excuse us dumb, vacuous and insubstantial people are using as an excuse? Even though quite a few of us have detailed recently the amount of harassment we receive. Not here to make friends are you?

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, Bounty said:

I've only recently changed my pic from a cleavage one!!!! 

I’m pondering my cleavage shots right now. 🤓

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

I pondered on how to respond to this... I didn’t want to wade in pushing blame on any particular sex or role archetype. I do however feel that everyone is responsible for how they portray themselves on their profile, in the forum and in personal messages. At the end of the day we are dealing with other people and like it or not that comes with the responsibility  of considering their emotions. I find the best way to approach a person is as if it were ‘real life’, would I walk up to them in a coffee shop or wine bar and say ‘wanna see my cunt?’.... probably not! Would I maybe ask them for a drink recommendation even if I knew what I was having as a means to strike up conversation.... probably. I think we are all adult enough to read an initial message and then the person’s profile and come to a valid conclusion if we could hold a conversation. 
 

However.... like most of the women replying on this thread I would hope for more than a ‘hey’ or ‘kneel for your master’ opening! I think my profile is quite robust and articulate so I’d only expect people to want to speak to me in greater depth if the type of person I portray interests them.... I don’t think any part of my profile gives the impression I want a quick fuck or to see your cock 🤷🏼‍♀️
 

I could be wrong as I’m reading it from my interpretation of kinda knowing myself but please if anyone one gets that impression then drop me a ‘hey’ and your recommendations.. or not! 
 

💗

Awesome profile. And your photos are fabulous. 😁

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, little_dark_princess said:

However.... like most of the women replying on this thread I would hope for more than a ‘hey’ or ‘kneel for your master’ opening! I think my profile is quite robust and articulate so I’d only expect people to want to speak to me in greater depth if the type of person I portray interests them.... I don’t think any part of my profile gives the impression I want a quick fuck or to see your cock 🤷🏼‍♀️

I mean I don't think "hey" is necessarily the same as "kneel for your master". I mean that could be a known friend approaching with "hey". Or maybe if it's someone trying to flirt with you they might have  more to say. So then it's more "hey...", really.

  

5 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Harassment is not; sending out an introductory message that is conversational and draws on common interests.

No you see, you're misunderstanding me. I'm talking about the "well people face legit kind of harassment, so they haven't got the time to deeply ponder all your trivial messages" kind of reasoning. It's fair enough. But for the people that don't really consider this on a deeper level at all, vacuous is still vacuous at the end of the day.

Edited August 1, 2020 by Deleted Member

[Si****]

8 hours ago, lil-monster said:

I mask my face all mine are in secret gallery as I choose not to show my face till I get to know the person etc. I'm not bored of the standard cleavage shot on women's profiles to be honest I'd rather see a pair of nice boobs then a dick on a guys profile. But if you just look at the tits on the profile and scroll past just cause your fed up of seeing them then maybe you may have just lost a good conversation with a decent person who has maybe more to them than a pair of nice tits!!!🤷‍♀️🤪

I’m a man still, if I see nice tits I still look but I hope to find something interesting to read about them. It’s the “cleavage” pic and nothing else I get tired of. I look for some depth beyond a nice pic. It just I’m seeing too many of them and I’m seeing them as a form of “click bait” with little profile creativity. It’s always a shame as I’m sure they are nice people. But if the effort isn’t there, I move on.

[Wo****]

I got this tonight...

Him: Hi your beautiful am an experienced Dom x

Me: That's nice

Him: Love your pictures x

Me: Thanks

Him: Ask me anything you want x

Me: Ok, if I think of anything, I will

Him: Can i wank over your pictures?

Me: You clearly haven't read my profile

Him: Ok

Me: "I'm an expert Dom... can i wank over your pictures?" Why ask me that? Seriously????

Him: Am going to wank over your pictures

 

That's when I blocked him.

[ey****]

4 hours ago, Curvykate said:

You do seem to be primed to argue with people

I've started to get a vibe of "would argue black is white" :/ 

[ey****]

3 hours ago, BlushingFlush said:

But for the people that don't really consider this on a deeper level at all, vacuous is still vacuous at the end of the day.

Any by extension

would you even want a reply from someone who is, in your view, vacuous

surely you dodged a bullet?

[Deleted Member]

@BlushingFlush

can I ask the point of your forum post... are you trying to better your approach? Educate newbies? Or... well and I say this with as much respect as I can. JUST  TO  ARGUE   WITH  PEOPLE  TO  PASS THE  TIME?! 
 

Maybe less defensiveness and more receptiveness to opinions of others would lead to a more successful time on Fetish? I for one have certainly had amazing conversations with people both on the forum and in PM. 
 

Did you attend this weeks munch with @lil-monster ? Very educational. There’s a re-run today if you missed it 😉

 

💗

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

Any by extension

would you even want a reply from someone who is, in your view, vacuous

surely you dodged a bullet?

Well, I mean I could also have dodged a bullet by someone deciding, "fuck it, you know what - I'm going to learn how to stop being so vacuous". That works too.

[Deleted Member]

@little_dark_princess

Funny that you bring up a munch about harassment/bullying as it is sort of relevant to what this is about: you ask what this post's about - if it's just to argue or to educate newbies. Actually, it's more aimed at those of us that are "experienced" or rather like to think of ourselves in such a way. It's about weaponising that experience in a way that makes us seem more educated - more morally superior even - than others. In this case this comes in the version of dictating what is bullying/harassment, who does it, in what form it comes and why it's ok to be so dismissive of others as a justification to be so vacuous and self-absorbed. After all they're probably just trying to bug/harass you.

Ironically the form this takes often can be a sort of bullying/harassment in itself: where you say "me and my mates take the highground here and you are not a part of it - you are not a part of us - this is the cool group, you're not in it". But with just about any kind of group mentality - "us v them" - this doesn't ever take the kind of rational mentality people ascribe to it. We've been doing this since we were cavemen. It has nothing to do with who's cool or civilised or who's not. It has everything to do with being part of something and the security that affiliating with something brings you regardless how superior you tell yourself that cause or mindset is.

And actually it's not the socially inexperienced of us that are guilty so much as those of us that are more experienced in fact. The danger is it becomes anti-educational, in fact - when you think you have found the tao, the "right" way of doing and thinking you become blind to the "many" ways of doing and thinking. You adhere to a group consensus about what these things mean that you believe just by echoing those sentiments, you contribut e. But the contribution is simply to make that voice louder, rather than to add a new voice.

[Deleted Member]

13 hours ago, Curvykate said:

You do seem to be primed to argue with people. Anyone who doesn’t want to reply to a poorly worded/boring intro message from someone they have no interest in is dumb and vacuous and doesn’t know how to recognise substance. And harassment is...what...just an excuse us dumb, vacuous and insubstantial people are using as an excuse? Even though quite a few of us have detailed recently the amount of harassment we receive. Not here to make friends are you?

That's not even what I said.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, BlushingFlush said:

when you think you have found the tao, the "right" way of doing and thinking you become blind to the "many" ways of doing and thinking

which seems to pretty much exactly what you are doing.