Finding Yourself

[Deleted Member]

Note: I am not a psychologist or have any psychological training.

Methodology: I have seen some questions from “new sub’s, new Dom’s trying to wrap their minds around what it is to be a “D” or “s”. Predominantly the questions seem to skip the basics of “Who I am” and move into more of the discrete details regarding activities. It’s only my opinion but I think knowing the following might be a good roadmap:
1. Find out who you are (your personality type)
2. Find out who you are comfortable associating with (Their personality tpe)
3. Find out which activities you enjoy together
To this end, I was reminded of a test question used (at least for me) for vocational training to find out what types of jobs fit my personality type. It’s called a “projective test question”, used in personality or social psychology assessments. So I played around with that question in an AI tool and came up with something that might be helpful. Please let me know your thoughts….. here goes!

Instructions

Imagine you walk into a large hall. In different corners, you see groups of people gathered. Each group is doing something different.
• Read the descriptions.
• Choose the one group you would most want to join in each scenario.
• Keep track of your answers (A, B, C, etc.).

At the end, look at the scoring guide for reflection.

⸻

Scenario 1: Leadership & Structure
• A. A group of people taking charge, assigning roles, and leading a team-building game.
• B. A group quietly helping and following instructions from someone else.
• C. A group making up silly rules and laughing while bending the “official” game.
• D. A group sitting back, watching, and analyzing how everyone else behaves.

⸻

Scenario 2: Risk & Novelty
• A. A group planning a daring outdoor adventure like rock climbing.
• B. A group cooking together, enjoying familiar recipes and comfort food.
• C. A group designing a new invention, experimenting, and brainstorming ideas.
• D. A group reading and discussing favorite books in a quiet corner.

⸻

Scenario 3: Connection & Intimacy
• A. A group enthusiastically telling jokes, pulling everyone into conversation.
• B. A group focused on listening deeply and offering emotional support.
• C. A group working side by side without much talking, comfortable in silence.
• D. A group debating ideas intensely, challenging each other with logic.

⸻

Scenario 4: Rules & Play
• A. A group organizing a competitive game, keeping score carefully.
• B. A group playfully bending the rules, turning everything into jokes.
• C. A group inventing a brand-new game on the spot.
• D. A group sitting out, preferring to observe rather than play.

Scoring & Reflection

Count which letter you chose most often.
• Mostly A’s → The Leader / Explorer
You value control, novelty, and activity. You’re energized by directing, taking charge, or seeking out adventure.
• Mostly B’s → The Supporter / Caretaker
You value connection, safety, and harmony. You’re comfortable in supportive roles and seek stability and belonging.
• Mostly C’s → The Innovator / Rule-Bender
You value creativity, play, and freedom. You’re drawn to inventing, experimenting, and questioning boundaries.
• Mostly D’s → The Observer / Analyst
You value reflection, order, and knowledge. You like to step back, analyze, and think deeply before engaging.

My own interpretation of the scoring is:
A - Doninant
B - Submissive
C ~ Switch
D - Voyeur
(Comment if you can refine my assumptions)

[Deleted Member]

3b

[Di****]

A very detailed and interesting BDSM themed personality survey. I highly recommend.

[Ch****]

I am a psychologist. Im impressed with what you tried to do...please take the following with that in mind.
I think you know that the leap to your "interpretation" is just that...its not illogical, it's just a gut-driven leap. But you could absolutely be an "observer" and still be a dom, with virtually any other combination possible. I'd say dont over think it. A dom is a person that enjoys the dominant role, fantasizes about it (and then hopefully has the knowledge to engage in such activities safely). I could go on for days about how these questions are not really that "projective" (the way the rorschach or TAT are, e.g.)...and personally dont love making the link between "personality test" results and BDSM (personality tests are fun...limited actual utility). Enough rant. It's a thought provoking link you proposed but I hope most people dont put too much stock in it. You dont have to be a particular personality to have a kink role you enjoy.

[kn****]

C for me

[Sa****]

I love that you attempted to offer guidance to those with questions… commendable.

[fc****]

Very diplomatic,Sassy

[Sa****]

25 minutes ago, fckhleMouth said:

Very diplomatic,Sassy

Well, diplomatic and true… I had questions myself but was lucky to have two mentors present themselves to walk me through my questions… so I think it’s cool to offer what you can, when you can

[fc****]

That is awesome

[ph****]

I like the idea and agree that you have to figure out yourself and what you’re compatible/comfortable with before you can really begin to explore.

My scores however, were kind of all over the place and I don’t feel they align with my leanings. It’s a little paradoxical because as a Dom I feel like I’d be more drawn to fraternize with the subs, switches, and voyeurs.

[Deleted Member]

@ChromeStarz. Thanks for your professional input. As a thought exercise I had hoped that people would try to solve the test question and comment if my [totally unscientific] assumptions fit their preferred role…I’m curious and would like to validate or dismiss my interpretation of how that particular question would reveal some useful data with people who already know their preferred role.

[Ch****]

@dfwdom...again, it's logically correct according to role stereotypes. But I'll add this...in my experience, people often go against type (their vanilla life role) to an opposite role in kink for the fun of it. Good example is Paul Giamatti in Billions...he was a powerful leader and sub as f... in the bedroom. Plus...your test might be invalidated by people that agree with you because they like what you look like with your shirt off. 😉

[Br****]

I think this will be helpful for a lot of people feeling unsure about what they might want. Thank you for posting! I enjoyed it!

[42****]

So I just found out I'm a pleasure Dom and would love some ladies to chat with and explore this more

[MH****]

Very interesting to read and place myself. I’m a switch according to answer key. Our personalities reflect so much from our everyday life and into this one as well. We may not see it that way but it often is the same but in a totally different way.

[LilPink]

B, a, d, c. Those were my answers. So where does that put me

[Ma****]

4 BB

[Ma****]

😂

[Goodboy3-1431]

This is not as easy for some. I am struggling with the realization that I am submissive. The struggle is that I talked to my wife and she is not interested at all in exploring anything.

My choices now are : 1. be dishonest and go do something on the side. 2. Initiate a divorce. Or 3. Keep denying who I am and be miserable. 
I am trying to find people to talk to. I have no experience with submission so I don’t know what I don’t know. I know the thought of being put over a lap and spanked may be more appealing than it actually happening.

 

[Ju****]

1.D
2.D
3. C&D
4.D
(Voyeur)
Hm, interesting. This gives me something to think about. Thank you. 🌕

[Tw****]

I’m very new at this and it seems at times thst everyone is reluctant on the learning process to just really test and see where the good is at because I have the mind for a lot of it and curiousity to learn and im a great learner once I know someone for a min I know but I do understand thst there is a lot I won’t do either

[fc****]

You're too scared. Obviously

[ba****]

C

[co****]

Hey

[Sa****]

B. C. B. A.