Losing my first female kinkster

[th****]

So I need some advice not only do I live ina relatively small town (that had no bdsm community) but I tend to push people away instead draw them in. Anyway, I had finally, after years of only playing with toys alone, I met a woman that loved to worship my ass she was the first to fist me and she was someone I trusted enough to marry. I don’t remember how it even came about. I may have been drinking and said something. However, they say all good things have to come to an end. Well during the divorce I’m finding out so many things were lies and now that is making me feel like she could’ve lied about the things she liked sexually supposedly now I’m feeling like I should just go back to being a turtle in my safe shell anda it cause I’ve never been able to bring it up to my significant other like I would feel awkward asking for it from someone you know I do t hide my sexuality from anyone but I also don’t blurt out and let it everyone know yyand it also takes so much trust to give someone the power like that and I feel like I just need to stop while I’m behind but what do I need to do to not only move forward but also to trust another woman to do it
I apologize if anything I put was against the rules if so please modify

[Li****]

It's honestly gonna take a while. Or might not. Depending on your healing and the Partner you find. I'm going on 7 years and afraid to go on a date still. ( I haven't, in case you wanna know xD ). It's scary to let someone in to the *** side after it's been shattered.

I find it's just easiest to be completely open about it, even if you're scared. It's a good filter system. Those who are interested in more than an easy lay will at least ask your story and talk about it.

My best advice, as a fellow broken sub, and an agoraphobic BPD Mess, don't lower your own standards and boundaries just cuz they seem perfect. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope you can heal better than you were <3

[Li****]

***?

[Li****]

H uh....the soft side. Can't say the word apparently

[Li****]

My " intro " to most people who ask about me is a list of my flaws~ and I'm not saying yours are, just maybe putting it out there early will help you

[Deleted Member]

I would have to agree with littlemaus. The more straightforward and honest you are with a person and communicate your feelings emotions etc the better. With that being said though I just doing that with the right person. Granted some see this app/site as a fetish site and some see it as a dating site. I would take this time and find more out about yourself (self care or therapy). With this being said I am in no shape or form a professional I am just simply giving my advice and hoping that it helps. If you ever need some one to talk and it doesn't necessarily have to be sexual I'm here for you.

[Deleted Member]

Hopefully I can help...

Firstly, let's acknowledge the traumatic experience of an ended relationship... that's rough and I am sorry you're experiencing it. And also try to keep in mind that hurt people hurt others...so maybe not everything being found out by you is 100% completely legit...anyone with an Ex has something bad to say about them that's why they are an ex.


Now let's move on after taking a breath and sitting with that thought.

Ok, being a Lifestyler is hard... there's so much taboo wrapped around everything we enjoy. But, what most of us know and you will soon see for yourself...is that you are surrounded by kinksters...people you'd never know were into kinky stuff have Sybians and Crops tucked in their closets. So like LittleMaus said just be open from the beginning. Honesty is the best policy, but temper the honesty with time...dole it out a little bit at a time. Even kinksters have our limits!

Now...your location may be an issue...and that's what vacations are for! Cruises, Camping, Meet-ups! Try to look beyond the city limits to fulfill yourself! Good luck, I hope to hear a successful follow up in the future 😁

[Deleted Member]

I am in a very similar situation , the last week the best kinky relationship I’ve ever had, and I’ve had a few… Has ended..

Being from a small town myself, it was great to find somebody , who was a friend of a friend and I’ve been acquainted with for years . After a shitty 25 year marriage, she had a lot of desires, and I was glad to experience them with her, basically I’m her first ever Dom and she’s only had two other men in her whole life at 48 years old . Very conservative values in this town and she’s been hiding her desires her whole life and just ended a 25 year marriage.

She had more fun than ever with me, and we fell in love, not lust, but genuinely caring and supportive and communicative love. She is also been in the closet as bisexual, so it’s great when you both are attracted to the same women, and she also spoke around the idea of a threesome, she had one when she was younger with her ex-husband, but it was not a great experience for her. I was hoping to change that for her, and we were open to that if we found somebody ..

One thing I truly believe in as a core value is being true to myself. I do it cautiously and discreetly as possible, but if somebody’s gonna be with me, they need to know my desires, and I’m always willing to help them with theirs I believe a mutual satisfaction.

So at the end of week 1 of us, deciding to take a break, because I just ended a 20 year relationship as well, I’m on the emotional roller coaster that comes with an intense relationship break up.

We have remain friends and will continue that. It will be an adjustment. There may be a few booty calls in the future, but time will tell…


But my real point in joining this conversation is “To Thine own self be True”. Life is too short to live any other way and I believe when I’m true to myself the right people will show up in my life to support that and join me in it.

Good luck moving forward ✌️