The man who was a boy

[Deleted Member]

Finding peace with self.

 

I knew a boy, now a man who all his life felt lost and isolated. Unsure every hour of every day who he was, his own identity hidden behind a wall of confusion and a society that condemned those odd and unusual cravings. A boy who knew from such A young age there was something very different within, a darkness that at times frightened this poor lost soul. Thoughts ravaging his mind of sickness, twists within that could not be understood so this boy chose to suppress those strange, ever so slightly frightening emotions and cravings.

 

As such many years trying so hard to live a certain way, a way society told him he must live. Within a framework that felt unnatural every moment and with every breath. A framework that worked for all his family and friends so the boy who was slowly becoming a man tried so hard to fit, to be what they were and all that lie did was crush the truth of what the boy who was becoming a man truly was. He  suppressed so much those strange feelings were not quite forgotten but became the mildest of toothache, niggling, noticeable but only just. Many relationships came and went,  of many years as the man who was a boy tried to accept societies rules and conditions. Tried his very best to fit amongst his peers, live how they did but this self deceit did one thing only, encourage sadness and a deep depression.

 

The man who was a boy knew all along something was not right, but fight he did, long and hard, surrounded by friends and family who chose the path society laid out yet even though surrounded by those he felt close to, so so alone, always alone, the isolation and *** rising as the years rolled by. A waste some would say as the man who was a boy destroyed relationship after relationship and even a to a wonderful human being. The man who was a boy did not mean to cause others so much ***, he couldn't see the damage he was causing to those around him until many years later when the truth of who he was became clear.

 

The man who was a boy eventually became that consumed by isolation he knew answers must be sought, found before he ended up at the end of a 6ft rope, the madness that profound within. Seek his answers before all is lost to another realm so search he did. Search firstly the truth of who he was, accepting those cravings were not going away, if anything scream louder they did as the years rolled by. Screaming within for release and answers so the man who was a boy sought those answers. Not rushed and with caution those answers began to present themselves in the strangest of ways. The man who was a boy found in time the answers he sought and with those answers a profound relief that he was not sick, he was not isolated as he first thought. In fact there were many others who carried the same twists, differing in many ways but essentially all of the same ilk. No, the man who was a boy realised he was far from alone and in time with the help of those he met as he searched found his answers and eventually found the truth of who he was and where he fit. 

 

The man who was a boy now sees others who may be feeling similar emotions, confused and maybe isolated in many ways from family and friends so the man who was a boy has only one thing to say to those who may relate to this post.

 

You are not alone and you most definitely are not isolated 😊.

Edited August 27, 2020 by Deleted Member
Better choice of words

[Bo****]

Respect! .....i understand.......🙏

[Wo****]

@Donnykinkster

❤

[PixieDust]

Thank you for writing this @Donnykinksterand on a personal note I also want to say thank you for being gracious in giving me permission to share this with my friend offsite. It helped them a great deal and they too asked me to pass on their many thanks 🙏🙏

[VoyagerX]

17 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

Finding peace with self.

I knew a boy, now a man who all his life felt lost and isolated. Unsure every hour of every day who he was, his own identity hidden behind a wall of confusion and a society that condemned those odd and unusual cravings. A boy who knew from such A young age there was something very different within, a darkness that at times frightened this poor lost soul. Thoughts ravaging his mind of sickness, twists within that could not be understood so this boy chose to suppress those strange, ever so slightly frightening emotions and cravings.

As such many years trying so hard to live a certain way, a way society told him he must live. Within a framework that felt unnatural every moment and with every breath. A framework that worked for all his family and friends so the boy who was slowly becoming a man tried so hard to fit, to be what they were and all that lie did was crush the truth of what the boy who was becoming a man truly was. He  suppressed so much those strange feelings were not quite forgotten but became the mildest of toothache, niggling, noticeable but only just. Many relationships came and went,  of many years as the man who was a boy tried to accept societies rules and conditions. Tried his very best to fit amongst his peers, live how they did but this self deceit did one thing only, encourage sadness and a deep depression.

The man who was a boy knew all along something was not right, but fight he did, long and hard, surrounded by friends and family who chose the path society laid out yet even though surrounded by those he felt close to, so so alone, always alone, the isolation and *** rising as the years rolled by. A waste some would say as the man who was a boy destroyed relationship after relationship and even a to a wonderful human being. The man who was a boy did not mean to cause others so much ***, he couldn't see the damage he was causing to those around him until many years later when the truth of who he was became clear.

The man who was a boy eventually became that consumed by isolation he knew answers must be sought, found before he ended up at the end of a 6ft rope, the madness that profound within. Seek his answers before all is lost to another realm so search he did. Search firstly the truth of who he was, accepting those cravings were not going away, if anything scream louder they did as the years rolled by. Screaming within for release and answers so the man who was a boy sought those answers. Not rushed and with caution those answers began to present themselves in the strangest of ways. The man who was a boy found in time the answers he sought and with those answers a profound relief that he was not sick, he was not isolated as he first thought. In fact there were many others who carried the same twists, differing in many ways but essentially all of the same ilk. No, the man who was a boy realised he was far from alone and in time with the help of those he met as he searched found his answers and eventually found the truth of who he was and where he fit. 

The man who was a boy now sees others who may be feeling similar emotions, confused and maybe isolated in many ways from family and friends so the man who was a boy has only one thing to say to those who may relate to this post.

You are not alone and you most definitely are not isolated 😊.

Nail on the head...... knowing you're not alone. It's taken me a huge chunk of my life to realise this. My own liberation has been a long time coming but better late than never. Thanks to Fetish and the community of kinksters it gives a voice to.

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, PixieDust said:

Thank you for writing this @Donnykinksterand It helped them a great deal and they too asked me to pass on their many thanks 🙏🙏

You're most welcome Pixie 😊

[Deleted Member]

5 hours ago, VoyagerX said:

Nail on the head...... knowing you're not alone. It's taken me a huge chunk of my life to realise this. My own liberation has been a long time coming but better late than never. Thanks to Fetish and the community of kinksters it gives a voice to.

This is the reasoning behind the thread, as I feel there are many like us who struggled to find our way. Totally agree, sites like this and the  community in general are so helpful.

[Deleted Member]

@Donnykinkster Hugs. An evocative bit of writing from deep in the soul that definitely resonated with me.

[Deleted Member]

14 hours ago, Liil said:

@Donnykinkster Hugs. An evocative bit of writing from deep in the soul that definitely resonated with me.

I think it resonates with many Lill. A similar path I see now is taken by many who eventually find themselves here.

[Th****]

Donny my friend, there are times a piece of prose resonates within a whole community at some level.

Those times though are rare and all the more valuable for it.

Congratulations, you have crafted one of those pieces.

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Thebian said:

Donny my friend, there are times a piece of prose resonates within a whole community at some level.

Those times though are rare and all the more valuable for it.

Congratulations, you have crafted one of those pieces.

Thank you @Thebian 😊

[Deleted Member]

I'm brand new to this site and this is the first post I've read. Seems brave while also coming from a place of self-compassion and acceptance. Thank you for sharing and good for you @Donnykinkster! 

[Deleted Member]

11 hours ago, Luvkitten said:

I'm brand new to this site and this is the first post I've read. Seems brave while also coming from a place of self-compassion and acceptance. Thank you for sharing and good for you @Donnykinkster! 

Welcome to the site and thank you for your kind words 😊

[Deleted Member]

Very well written piece that certainly relates! Thank you

[IN****]

I really appreciate this

[vi****]

I’m in tears that’s as far as I can respond now