Munch Notes/Agenda - BDSM Education - 4th September 2020

[Th****]

BDSM Education

 

• 1.     Before learning about BDSM, how many of you thought the lifestyle was just S&M?

 

There seemed to be a generalised consensus that the media image of BDSM is hugely slanted towards the S&M scene.

So, the impression people have of our lifestyle before learning more seems to be overly influenced by PVC and S&M imagery.

Being fair though this maybe because a loving D/s relationship does not have any particularly iconic imagery associated with it.

 

• 2.     At the start, how do you know where to find information and education sources. How did you all start out?

 

We seemed to have a split between those who came to lifestyle through real life encounters / experience and then researched and those who used the variety of online resources.

 

It was pointed out here that at least there was a perception of increased safety with online resources.

@Firewitch made the clinching point here of “I don’t know what I don’t know”, a simple line which really illustrated beautifully the position we are in at the start.

 

• 3.     If someone is brand new to the site or kink itself where and how would you suggest that they start? It is daunting after all.

 

Some good suggestions here from everyone.

 

It was mentioned that coming into chat and listening and asking about anything new members were unsure of regarding the basics was a good way to find a direction.

 

See lurking in chat can be helpful.

 

Also, the ability to put the simplest questions on the forum, can offer a whole range of different views and insights from the community.

 

One of the better points that popped up was that at the earlier stages the focus should be on the discovery of one’s self.

 

So rather than focusing on the external find what your preferences and limits are. Try and deepen your understanding of that area first.

 

Self-actualisation is a massive step towards living life as your Authentic Self.

 

 

• 4.     How do you trust the information is sound?

 

Go to multiple sources. Then cross reference the core message as you go.

By seeking many opinions, it is easier to find the centre ground.

Forums are good as they have a whole range of opinions expressed in one place. They tend to be a shorter read though.

Double checking recently gained info in chats and when talking with others in the lifestyle.

Recommendations to information, sites, and books.

Documentaries, Podcasts and Vlogs that have information you can easily digest and then cross check.

Remember: Anyone can set themselves up as an expert, be discerning.

 

• 5.     What are good types of educational resources?

(We skipped this one.)

 

• 6.     Do you have a favourite type of media when you are absorbing information?

Like video, reading, writing, audio.

We seem to each have a preferred way of receiving information. Not counting in play.

So some people like me, like to read it in detail long articles, books etc. others prefer short reads like the forums or short form posts.

Another group preferred visual learning, so Youtube videos worked well for them.

We did get a mention for Podcasts as well, which was a relief, or I would have felt it was just me.

 

• 7.     How do you navigate the subjects that you study in your education?

 Do you start with the basics and branch out or are you more of a "down the rabbit hole" type of person?

It seems we had quite a lot of “rabbit holers”. People that preferred to follow the lines of information organically from one thing to the next.

Rather than the smaller group of us cover every tiny detail and a few more. Then move to the next part. We probably even have “a plan” for this as well. As I do this, I would like it to be called “detail orientated”, rather than “anally retentive”. 😊

This is coming from someone who thinks he is “determined” and everyone else thinks is “***y minded”.

 

• 8.     How important do you think it is to not go into a Frenzy of information seeking?

We discussed how the search for information and its availability can lead to people trying cram into much information in too short a time. Only to find that their retention has suffered as a result. The fact we are constantly bombarding ourselves with new information can cause us to lose the information we skimmed before or remember it incorrectly.

@PixieDusthad suggested earlier that a methodology that focused on Learning – Digesting - Processing, could not just assist memory but also help find time for further questions to occur and provide the next steps to take.

 

• 9.     How important is it to remember that this is a journey and not a race?

 

It seemed unanimous that this lifestyle was a journey rather than a race.

Also, it was one that could start at any time. Some of us started our journeys younger and some *thinks another word for not so young* did not.

Not only that but we all grow at our own s***ds, some continually, and others must take a break from the lifestyle before continuing their journey later.

It is amazing we come to this place via so many different paths. Here it is not age that denotes experience it is the experience and the wisdom gained no matter your age.

I am living proof of this as I still make horrible mistakes and I am getting *cough* more mature. 😊

 

 

• 10.Do we stop learning, or is this a forever journey?

 

Best summarised as.

 

No.

No.

Hell no.

I hope not.

 

 

 

• 11.Who could you get to assist you?

 

• A friend in the lifestyle.

Could be anyone you know or are close to he will not get to bored of all the questions as if you are anything like me you may revert to “But Why?...How?...Really?” lines of questioning early on.

• A mentor (non-sexual).

We pretty much were all in agreement about the importance of a mentor remaining a non -sexual point of contact. It is a role that requires a definite detachment and that becomes to complicated once feelings are involved.

• Others coming into the lifestyle at the same point.

Turns out that this is quite a common way of learning and sharing for those who prefer not to have a mentor. To put it another way some people, want to find their own way or discover themselves independently.

This enables the group to share and exchange ideas and share interesting finds while each pursues their own style of journey.

 

• Throw any questions up on the forum and let a whole spectrum of views be represented.

 

• 12.How do you learn who to trust?
• The 4 pillars

This is next weeks Munch subject so… NO SPOILERS 😊

• Red flags

Learn what they are, look for them, you will not catch them all at first. (Lots on the Forum about this)

• There is NO “One True Way.”

It did not come up but while on the subject there are no True submissives or True Dominants.

So, any sentence starting “You would do that if you were a True Submissive.” Should be read as “time to get the hell out of here.”

You are the only person that truly knows how submissive/Dominant you are and when. Even the Lord High Bunnykins of Squirm cannot tell you that. 

 

• 13.After the basics does learning to navigate real life in BDSM create a whole new range of subject matter?

 

 

To cut a long story short.

“Oh, Hell Yes!” 

 

Once it starts getting real do not let emotions cloud good judgement. Easier said than done.

 

No good Dom/me will mind meeting in a public arena to have a face to face chat first.

 

On that same point it was mentioned that generally not trusting anyone, anytime may be a better start.

 

An exceptionally good point was made about BDSM play spaces that police their own consent rules. In that they are not just in public, but you have third parties present that will en*** your consent preferences.

A service that not many hotels offer. No matter how many stars they have.😊

 

There was also a point made about judging groups in real life carefully as often new groups are formed once a small group do not like the rules of the bigger group and start their own. It does not mean new is safer or old id safer. Read the small print and check what the community thinks of them.

 

 

I will expand on these notes and put them up in the forum for anyone that missed the Munch. Please remember though this is not standard practise for Munches this is just a “Thebian Thing”.

 

[Deleted Member]

Very well written

[Sammyb-9585]

Thank you @Thebian x much appreciated 

[Deleted Member]

A Thebian thing that is paying attention to the details😬. I couldn’t make the munch so thank you very much. From a rabbit-holer!

[Koby]

@Thebian Thanks for the notes

 

[Me****]

you really have thought about this. Very helpful insights

[Th****]

@SammyB @Curvykate @METALSIR @Koby @luvablenut

Thanks you, it is a pleasure. I would never have been able to have filled in the answers as well without everyone's contributions.  Truly a group effort. 

[Deleted Member]

Thank you for this. Very helpful!

[Deleted Member]

This is why I have so much respect for you Thebian, the community needs as much of this as possible. Less guys badly hitting on girls in pms and more information and experience sharing. Truly sir you are a gent and a scholar (tips hat)

[Th****]

13 hours ago, Darkswitch said:

This is why I have so much respect for you Thebian, the community needs as much of this as possible. Less guys badly hitting on girls in pms and more information and experience sharing. Truly sir you are a gent and a scholar (tips hat)

From you Dark, that means a great deal, my friend. If I am going to be the scholar and gent I will leave being a Connoisseur of Fine Wines and Beers up to you .