What should I do if I'm a shy dom

[za****]

I'm extremely shy but once I'm in the bedroom it's like a switch turns on. I struggle a lot with trying to find people who match the same energy. Anyone have any ideas 😅

[ka****]

Hey bro-tato I used to be a shy dom, but then I started thinking and realized all that I am capable of. And another thing was I started putting myself out there with a fake sense of confidence first but i later got a real sense of confidence over time

[theSir_ObservingU]

You just tell people on your profile you are shy at first but grow into your dominance. Good subs won’t care if they feel a good connection with you.

[Sa****]

"Fake it until you make it"
I have the same problem than you

[Ye****]

fake it till you make it

[Ro****]

You need to put yourself out there, as time and experience creates confidence. Look for munches or meet-up in your area.

[Th****]

I was in your shoes once too. I went to a few lifestyle clubs and a couple took my Under their wing and freaky guided me on my way. Fake it till you make it is really what it boiled down too.

[lo****]

Confidence involves knowing what you want and also dealing with rejection. Visualize the conversation you want to have beforehand. Read books on self-esteem and confidence. Find you a mentor who has traits that you admire and learn from them.

[gr****]

Remember to go slow, if anything it will help build trust before you start anything together

[Ma****]

Hey. I feel this on a spiritual level. What I've done is just fake it.

[Ne****]

2 hours ago, kaffeeaure said:

Hey bro-tato I used to be a shy dom, but then I started thinking and realized all that I am capable of. And another thing was I started putting myself out there with a fake sense of confidence first but i later got a real sense of confidence over time

Fake it til you make it does not work IMHO, as I myself can feel, sense, know and it sets off even more anxiety and lessens trust and so forth. No great from the subs angle....

[om****]

If you can't say it loud then write it down in your own words. Describe why you like her and what you want to do. A "spanking proposal " or describing how you apply the cane is for many girls like a romantic loveletter.

[Bu****]

So looking at your profile I would guess you're more of what is commonly considered a pleasure Dom or soft Dom. There's lots of debate on what is what so please don't put too much stock in labels. Which incidentally is exactly what my advice to you is going to be. Don't "be" anything but yourself. Don't focus on being this kind of Dom or that. It's too easy to get caught up in labels. Instead, look for a partner who matches your "energy". Look for someone who gets you excited about little things. Just talking and doing regular things together. Then once you're comfortable just talking ask if they would feel comfortable discussing more intimate topics. Since you align so we'll on a platonic level, time to see if you align sexually. I've found it's a much less taboo topic nowadays and people, guys and girls alike, are more open with discussing sex. this is what has worked very well for me over the years anyway. I hope the perspective helps! Good luck!

[Da****]

Hey dude. Confidence can come and go. It’s allowed and it’s natural. Find your person, or people, to play with. Be open, honest to potential play partners/subs. Sincerity is the key in this life. You have all the pieces inside you already, find the wee string to pull it all together 🖤

[ru****]

I want you to go back and watch cool runnings. Specially the part where the dude is being hyped up in the bar bathroom mirror.

[Ka****]

Fake it till ya make it.

[Da****]

Understand exactly what being in the environment of being uninhibited and not having to think, but just act and love. Having a true D/s relationship unlocks to many hair raising opportunities for exploration and understanding between two people but the true reason is comfort in nature. When you can understand this then your actions become more purely driven and more often easier to express. 🖤

[Pr****]

Proper vetting and communication before getting to that point. That's kind of the golden rule for any of this. Unless you're setting up sessions to Dom, being a dom has minimal to do with being in the bedroom. So you may want to sit down and go over what you're trying to achieve or looking to actually do.

[Da****]

If it's not a problem in the bedroom then it's not a problem. Maybe thinking it is a problem holds you back from the confidence that comes with not having a problem. You're fine and maybe you have an image of what a Dom looks like and you don't stack up? I think you'd be surprised to see there are plenty of doms who are quiet geeky nerds or something typically unassuming to dominance.

[df****]

Be true to yourself. Are you a dom? Then be a dom. Don’t second guess yourself or self-intimidate. It isn’t conducive to be timid and then dominant. It sounds like you have some *** of abandonment that you might consider.

[Wi****]

I have a similar issue, used to be shy but not as much any more, but I’m polite and nice, manners, etc, but then women almost write you off as they instantly peg you as a doormat and someone that couldn’t be a dom.

[ad****]

Some great advice here about being yourself. I can relate on some levels, though I'm not so much shy as disinterested in small talk, anyway, my tip, focus on the things that get you out of the shyness, on inviting topics of conversation that you can engage with confidently as that has a chance of you exuding the confidence that will bring the opportunity to show someone your switch, if you have any unusual interests put them on your profile, actively invite the types of conversation that will get you to the place you want to be

[pu****]

Go to classes and build your confidence by building your knowledge

[Sl****]

Confidence builds itself over time by pushing yourself to some degree. Can also help to find someone who shares some of your same passions. Easier to be more confident if you're both really into Anime or Gaming, for instance, as something you can talk a lot.
I can be shy at first, which is why I meet at places to do things I'm very familiar with like Gaming!

[dr****]

Gym or jiu jitsu are both great ways to build confidence bud if you can fit them into your schedule I can’t recommend enough.