Oh**** Posted October 8 You find another partner who can give you what you need. It does not mean you need to leave him, but have your needs met elsewhere until he is ready and able.
Na**** Posted October 8 More intimacy, less sex The level of intimacy in a couple is usually inversely correlated with sexual desire: • Intimacy increases the amount of care for one another, but great sex requires egoism. • In a close couple, the distance between the two shrinks. However, distance is a prerequisite for desire. We need a private physical, emotional, and intellectual space. • Autonomy diminishes, but we tend to love independence. Love is to be had, while desire is to be wanted. Love is comfort, while desire thrives on the unknown.
Ja**** Posted October 8 Therapy and sexual wellness go hand in hand. Don’t add pressure and stress by focusing on issues in the bedroom. Instead focus on whole health which includes you both as a couple and all the Roman’s of wellness. As always integrity and transparency is important. Be clear and confident in your own needs and wants as well as their distinction so that he can feel confident and supported by you for expressing his own. When people stop communicating is when dark toxicity grows. You got this! Psychotherapy is phenomenal. It’s not something that only needs to be added when there is an issue and sex therapy as well as couples therapy can be a modality that’s added to that Maintenance.
Sl**** Posted October 8 QUESTION: Is he seeing a Therapist? Is he getting ANY kind of Professional Help? It SOUNDS like he's been trying Self Heal and FAILING!! That or he's not willing/able to deal with it in Therapy. I would break-up with him probably, because 1 year is more than enough time for SOME kind of Progress. Even if he doesn't fuck you, he could STILL be Dominant. At the very least I would give him a choice between Break-up and Therapy. An that there should be a deadline for SOME kind of Results.
Fetishfreak29 Posted October 8 Leave him. It’s not your job to heal his trauma. He should heal himself before getting into a relationship.
Deleted Member Posted October 8 Author Be careful of asking things online. There are tons of people undergoing different traumas as well as lot of people with clear mental issues in this app. It’s good to have a scope of what other people think, but don’t let all this words influence you and your relationship. If you find yourself putting too much weight on your decision based on whatever someone wrote in here, that might be toxic for you and unfair for the relationship, mostly because you don’t know the intentions or qualifications behind every comment from a random individual. My advice would be to be honest to yourself and your partner about what you are feeling and thinking. Open and honest communication is the clear path for harmony and happiness. You will see your results is either help your relationship or not after it. Hiding this from your partner and going online to seek advice from random people is often toxic for your relationship and the way you disconnect even more to him. Be honest to yourself and him and allow him to be honest to himself and to you j and both will find the answer,
CoupleLooking4F918 Posted October 8 Idk maybe I'm bias but seems like the majority of people telling you to leave him are guys-- just an observation 🙄
Ka**** Posted October 8 24 minutes ago, SensualRoughDom said: Be careful of asking things online. There are tons of people undergoing different traumas as well as lot of people with clear mental issues in this app. It’s good to have a scope of what other people think, but don’t let all this words influence you and your relationship. If you find yourself putting too much weight on your decision based on whatever someone wrote in here, that might be toxic for you and unfair for the relationship, mostly because you don’t know the intentions or qualifications behind every comment from a random individual. My advice would be to be honest to yourself and your partner about what you are feeling and thinking. Open and honest communication is the clear path for harmony and happiness. You will see your results is either help your relationship or not after it. Hiding this from your partner and going online to seek advice from random people is often toxic for your relationship and the way you disconnect even more to him. Be honest to yourself and him and allow him to be honest to himself and to you j and both will find the answer, This is the only answer You Need. Good luck
Deleted Member Posted October 8 Author 12 minutes ago, CoupleLooking4F918 said: Idk maybe I'm bias but seems like the majority of people telling you to leave him are guys-- just an observation 🙄 Also common that the other side is calling to seek a therapist which is also a coin flip. Rare to find a good therapist that is not “giving advice” and not there for the ***. Both are basically telling her to seek a third party person or people for something that is unique to them both. She will Learn and both learn about eachother with pure honesty and clear communication. Emotional intelligence and maturity to understand and care about the other while having the balance to help and care about your own self is important.
tw**** Posted October 8 30 minutes ago, SensualRoughDom said: Be careful of asking things online. There are tons of people undergoing different traumas as well as lot of people with clear mental issues in this app. It’s good to have a scope of what other people think, but don’t let all this words influence you and your relationship. If you find yourself putting too much weight on your decision based on whatever someone wrote in here, that might be toxic for you and unfair for the relationship, mostly because you don’t know the intentions or qualifications behind every comment from a random individual. My advice would be to be honest to yourself and your partner about what you are feeling and thinking. Open and honest communication is the clear path for harmony and happiness. You will see your results is either help your relationship or not after it. Hiding this from your partner and going online to seek advice from random people is often toxic for your relationship and the way you disconnect even more to him. Be honest to yourself and him and allow him to be honest to himself and to you j and both will find the answer, I agree. I have worked on myself and done the work in healing from my sexual traumas. It's not a fast road. I agree to be transparent with how you feel. Being at a sexual impass is hard. Both sides have strong feelings. Consider kindness and loving curiosity when navigating these waters. I have been on both sides of this. Hugs
Sl**** Posted October 8 41 minutes ago, CoupleLooking4F918 said: Idk maybe I'm bias but seems like the majority of people telling you to leave him are guys-- just an observation 🙄 Not a guy, but a YEAR is a long time with apparently no progress. From the sounds of things he's probably NOT getting any Professional Help. There was 0 Mention of that AND Zero Mention of Progress! I imagine he is trying to Self Help and FAILING!! That he's AVOIDING, rather than Confronting AND Healing!! REMEMBER: 0 Mention of Progress, Therapy, Medication, OR Healing. An how long SHOULD she wait with 0 Results WITHOUT her Needs Met? 5 Years? Until he dies??
ma**** Posted October 8 I'm coming at this from the bias of someone who has also had sexual trauma, where I know it's impacted my marriage.. A year, even a few years may not be adequate time to heal from certain kinds of trauma. It helps to be in therapy, for support and it helps to find ways to cope and work through things, but even doing all that, may not bring the "fire" back to what you want it to be. My advice would be to seek therapy for yourself so you can more thoroughly (and unbiasedly) work out what you need and want. Your needs matter too and it's unreasonable to expect you to wait. That said, it's also unreasonable to place time limits on how fast someone else can heal from trauma. Wish you the best.
wp**** Posted October 8 If he once was he should be able to get it back with a bit of encouragement and concerted effort.
BruiseWayne Posted October 8 (edited) 2 hours ago, Karmilla said: This is the only answer You Need. Good luck Indeed. It's nice to get a bit of advice and possibly a lil validation asking people for their input in places like these but always take everything a bunch of random crazy people OL have to tell you with a grain of salt lolol. Especially when it comes to relationship troubles. Too many people are so quick to tell someone to immediately pull the plug at every sign of trouble regardless of how it may or may not appear on the surface and without being given the other party involes' take on things. We don't know the nuance and intricacies of your relationship, and not that I'm saying you're doing this, but it's too tempting when presenting something like this to a random crowd of strangers to ***t yourself in the best light possible. And so you're going to get advice based off of that, should you go down that road. That might not be the best thing for you and your relationship. That being said, as with all things that have to do with relationship trials and tribulations- be it kink or vanilla- communication is king. So talking things out, no matter how uncomfortable or ***ful the topic may be for you and your partner, in the end really is only ever the best way to approach things of this nature. So pick your moment. Make sure you're both sober, calm, and in the right frame of mind to accept whatever each of you has to tell the other and good luck to you both. I hope everything works out for you. Edited October 8 by BruiseWayne words. :P
ce**** Posted October 8 2 hours ago, SensualRoughDom said: Be careful of asking things online. There are tons of people undergoing different traumas as well as lot of people with clear mental issues in this app. It’s good to have a scope of what other people think, but don’t let all this words influence you and your relationship. If you find yourself putting too much weight on your decision based on whatever someone wrote in here, that might be toxic for you and unfair for the relationship, mostly because you don’t know the intentions or qualifications behind every comment from a random individual. My advice would be to be honest to yourself and your partner about what you are feeling and thinking. Open and honest communication is the clear path for harmony and happiness. You will see your results is either help your relationship or not after it. Hiding this from your partner and going online to seek advice from random people is often toxic for your relationship and the way you disconnect even more to him. Be honest to yourself and him and allow him to be honest to himself and to you j and both will find the answer, No words needed 😊🙏🏼
ey**** Posted October 8 2 hours ago, CoupleLooking4F918 said: Idk maybe I'm bias but seems like the majority of people telling you to leave him are guys-- just an observation 🙄 yep - these are also the same guys which if they were in the position, would expect support and for it to be worked through with them.
se**** Posted October 8 Unfortunately it's hard to get that spark back. Try to talk to him about opening up the relationship before you decide to fully break up.
BruiseWayne Posted October 8 3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said: yep - these are also the same guys which if they were in the position, would expect support and for it to be worked through with them. This is why you don't ask for advice from a bunch of random crazy people OL about serious relationship issues like I said, ha ha. Sometimes it's good when a person is in a toxic, abusive situation and they don't know how to get out of it, but most of the time people are so quick to tell the person to end the relationship and leave over any and every little thing ( Which is exactly what we've seen play out here. ) when the right thing to suggest and do is f**king TALK TO YOUR PARTNER.
Ge**** Posted October 8 As someone who's had sexual trauma (from getting groomed into the kink community as a ***) and is STILL dealing with it in my 30s....with professional specialists (not the generic "mental health workers") I'll just say that for men......it's difficult to want sex or even flirty comments when you hate your own body and feel utterly repulsed by the concept of sex......if he's not getting professional help, he'd be in a worse headspace
Deleted Member Posted October 8 Author 6 hours ago, SluttyMorrigan said: Not a guy, but a YEAR is a long time with apparently no progress. From the sounds of things he's probably NOT getting any Professional Help. There was 0 Mention of that AND Zero Mention of Progress! I imagine he is trying to Self Help and FAILING!! That he's AVOIDING, rather than Confronting AND Healing!! REMEMBER: 0 Mention of Progress, Therapy, Medication, OR Healing. An how long SHOULD she wait with 0 Results WITHOUT her Needs Met? 5 Years? Until he dies?? Time is not that important, it’s the being *** and work as a team. This is between them and they need to develop enough emotional maturity and intelligence to connect in that level. Both with honesty and care. That is how you can develop a healthy and long lasting connection, overcoming this together will make them stronger
Deleted Member Posted October 8 Author 4 hours ago, BruiseWayne said: Indeed. It's nice to get a bit of advice and possibly a lil validation asking people for their input in places like these but always take everything a bunch of random crazy people OL have to tell you with a grain of salt lolol. Especially when it comes to relationship troubles. Too many people are so quick to tell someone to immediately pull the plug at every sign of trouble regardless of how it may or may not appear on the surface and without being given the other party involes' take on things. We don't know the nuance and intricacies of your relationship, and not that I'm saying you're doing this, but it's too tempting when presenting something like this to a random crowd of strangers to ***t yourself in the best light possible. And so you're going to get advice based off of that, should you go down that road. That might not be the best thing for you and your relationship. That being said, as with all things that have to do with relationship trials and tribulations- be it kink or vanilla- communication is king. So talking things out, no matter how uncomfortable or ***ful the topic may be for you and your partner, in the end really is only ever the best way to approach things of this nature. So pick your moment. Make sure you're both sober, calm, and in the right frame of mind to accept whatever each of you has to tell the other and good luck to you both. I hope everything works out for you. Completely agree. People in here will take your side mostly with incomplete or one side of the coin approach. But no matter the situation approach things with care, honesty and communication and will lead you to harmony and happiness. This is a challenge and coming to the other side working together as a team will just make you both stronger and wiser. Developing emotional intelligence that is crucial in this situations. Best of luck for you two
Deleted Member Posted October 8 Author Kick him out. Don't waste your time with a softie, there are enough real man outside in the world who are successful and know how to handle the daily life and your needs.
Deleted Member Posted October 8 Author 10 hours ago, SluttyMorrigan said: Not a guy, but a YEAR is a long time with apparently no progress. From the sounds of things he's probably NOT getting any Professional Help. There was 0 Mention of that AND Zero Mention of Progress! I imagine he is trying to Self Help and FAILING!! That he's AVOIDING, rather than Confronting AND Healing!! REMEMBER: 0 Mention of Progress, Therapy, Medication, OR Healing. An how long SHOULD she wait with 0 Results WITHOUT her Needs Met? 5 Years? Until he dies?? You are only taking half of the story and also little bits and assuming a lot. Using caps and all. Please try to be more caring about both situations and not taking one side and pushing her to make a very one sided decision. This is rather toxic
FETMOD-BD Posted October 8 A lot of comments have had to be removed on this thread, please keep it respectful.
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