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Partners, and collars


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Posted (edited)

Im not sure where im going to go with this, but i know where id like to start.

ownership  as far back as i remember id meet someone, we would kiss, text then one day they are mine, and i am theirs.

Id fall for someone who was free, and the first thing i do is put them in a cage.

When did dating become ?

You cant talk to this person, you cant explore that option, when did it become wrong to want to be happier?


We often refer to the older generations as the ones who marry for life.

Why do you think it is? Was it just the done thing? Are they any less happy?

Do you think they kissed the first time and that was it, married?


I myself have always been scrutinised for my may of wishing relationships could be, should be.

But i know the secret to these people who married for life.

Dating  it was always the answer, a young lady would date 5 guys, and choose the one she liked most to marry.

Now ive thought about this, and id like you to too.

As a heterosexual man, do i like competition? Yes.. but do i like the idea of my partner dating other people? Erm.. not at first, thats cheating right? I mean dating is practically right?

Once i get over myself and realise i dont actually own this person, i begin to see a dynamic, one where my partner can look at all her options and choose me, and know that im the best she can have, not just first come first served.

I realised that i would feel empowered knowing im her best option not her only option.

Now, how does one become the best option?

You could just be the best option ofcourse, but imagine a world where we are always being our best, always making an effort, always acting like someone can take her away if i decide to slip.. someone who would listen to her, someone who takes her places, someone who tries every day. Without this competition you just become complacent. This rule in society that we put upon ourselves that once you update your FB status to 'in a relationship' you stop trying to be the best you anymore, that your partner has to be unhappy before she can leave, you have to argue and fight before its okay to leave.

I put it to you that if we date EVERYONE we like, then marry the best one, the one that kept fighting for you, the one who got excited a year later everytime you called, the person who allowed you to date everyone and still chose you..

Then that is a connection that goes beyond we kissed so now you are mine, and i wont allow you to talk to anyone else incase they make you happier because im lazy and i secure.


This is how i live, this is how i date, and up until now ive never won this competition. But ive also never fallen out with an ex, stayed too long or never stopped fighting to keep my partner happy. Then when i no longer care if i win, we kiss and she still doesnt belong to me.


My idea of dating isnt perfect, and modern dating involves sex and im not fond of sharing my sexual partners.. its messy. But there has to be something in all of this, a way to have both, or a little of each. And i think scenes scratch this itch.

I said id talk about collars so..

Collars  now im no expert in this and i know collars mean different things to different people, but lets look at it as a symbol.

Its ownership to some, its a promise to others and for a few its as simple as a feeling of protection.

So why cant be have im single bracelets, or an i am dating 1, 2, 3 people charms,

Maybe im in a sexual relationship but im open to dating only rings.

I mean is it really that silly of an idea that we can just communicate this with our voices.

Then when you find that one person you want to own you, then you give back the items from the other people, or maybe they take them back when they lose interest.

I dont know, but i dont like to own another human being just because i like them, for my *** of losing them to mean society has to punish them for liking something better.


What do you think? Should dating be treated as ?


Edited by PhantomFlogger
I didnt proof read

Ahhh ... this is such a great post!
I too have struggled with some of the same old fashioned vs modern ideals. You might be on to something with the dating bracelets! 😆 I do think it’s ridiculous to be kissed & bam be owned. It does take work on both sides to create a fulfilling long lasting relationship. Both parties have to show there individual value & what value the bring to the kitchen table. Then they get a ring, right? Not always, there’s days many couples find it hard to commit. It is very hard for people to have open honest communication about what they want or don’t want. This brings me to the topic of collars. ( I may have a couple of cute Kitty collars on my wish list!) I sit on the fence with them. I am not opposed to the idea, they should be earned and yes to some they in fact are a device of security in this wild dating world we live in. I think with most collar situations the couple does sit down and explain more clearly what the wants needs and desires of both parties are & this situation may make the communication process more streamlined & concise. - Something to think about if you find yourself being asked for a collar. Lol


So this just made me not know whether to clap or cry or how to feel. As a person who just got out of that bad relationship scenario only a few months ago, and feeling like they were owned from the start, I can say I miss the days where a person dated and tried.

Maybe I am showing my age but I don’t look my age so I don’t care. People go on one date and then “we are exclusive”. Hell before we left our date he changed his profile to in a relationship and dom to.. it can be overwhelming to a submissive, much less anyone who is trying to like a person and date someone they like all without upsetting this new situation.

In reality it took me 6 full weeks to finally convince myself to leave and break things off because I didn’t want to hurt anyone, yet it was ok to be miserable. I felt collared yet we were in what I was used to being a dating phase in the past.

When did the world, when did we stop trying? Is it old versus new? I mean with mine it was a fake/new dom versus someone who actually has a background in working in a field with this stuff.

Thank you for this post. Gave me hope. I had just said tonight I was going back to being alone actually, I’ll keep an open mind, maybe


As always times change and with that so does the attitudes of those who live through those differing times. We as a people, if constantly looking backwards at how it used to be, for me, lose sight of what's really important, tomorrow and the day after that. For me we must adapt to changing attitudes and the changes within the "dating scene."

I lost my Dad 10 years ago and my Ma and I have spoken at length about how they managed to keep their alive and strong, as when I was a kid I can remember many arguments, fallouts between them and she said. "Nowadays when a washing machine breaks what do you do? You throw it out and a new one. When I was young it was different, we kept the washing machine and found someone to fix it" words to that effect anyway but her point, clear as a bell. The older generation fought to keep things alive, didn't bottle it at the first sign of trouble and from what I see now she was completely right. We want everything today, be it love, sex or a package bought online. Patience is a dying art so it's bound to transfer to relationships right?

Completely agree with your point about complacency, do we not all take things for granted, not see the true value of what we have? I freely admit to being guilty of this myself, not appreciating what I have right there, right now until it's gone, until I've lost it. Taking for granted the special gift of affection I already have. Sadly we get used to each other, maybe even get bored and when trouble comes knocking with our selfish, modern attitudes it makes it so much easier to walk away.

I'm not sure I correctly follow your point about collars but I think I do understand the basis of the point you're trying to make.

That somehow the modern, internet generation devalue the old guard values and traditions by collaring way too quickly. Without first taking a consideration period and working together to a point where a collar actually represents the truth of who they really are? Let's put it this way I've had a consideration collar in a draw now for two years, sealed and unopened and that's how it will remain, unless I find one worthy of my trust and vice versa. There have been girls, connections but never to a point where collaring has become a very real possibility. Another example of the point I think you are trying to make is this. I've spoke to new lasses, just literally 2nd or 3rd message and the question has come "Do I call you Sir or Daddy." My answer is always "Donny is great" as I'm not their Daddy, not their Sir.

I'm just a bloke who wants to talk, nothing more yet they see it as correct behaviour to address in such a manner. Now for me I understand, I think your point and I understand how the internet generation, the new wave if you will, may for some, especially the old guard traditionalists devalue slightly what you hold dear in regards to tradition etc and I respect that totally. Yet my counterpoint is life is hard, most of us wing it all the way, and just do the best we can. Surely if it brings happiness into someone's world, if it makes their days brighter to wake in a morning, collared and owned even though it may not match your expectations of what that actually means then who are we to judge? We all of us seek the same thing, we all of us want only to be happy so if that makes them happy then more power to them.

Peace and love 😊


Love this thread!

Agree with it all.


My thoughts on collars... I have one from an ex that was a symbol of "ownership" that I still wear, in honour of what we shared. We're still friends. I have one from Pirate that's more of a ***r, a symbol of our friendship.

I wear collars when I play. Wear them as jewellery. I'm poly and free and wearing a collar doesn't contradict that.


Bdsm relationship are not the same as vanilla ones. It’s not really dating, we don’t have to kiss, it doesn’t have to be deep emotional ones, but we communicate a lots, built a connections based on trust, what level of experience and knowledge gir the Dom and asking serious questions related to the dynamic. But if you are looking for also a gf in that so yes it’s more complicated.
Collar don’t have to be included, it’s a personal touch, most subs like it. The symbol is clear and for some it’s comfort. I had subs who do t line it even one told me she’s not a dog 😂. Your Ds symbol could be anything and doesn’t have to have to be a collar. Remember that a Ds relationship is unique, private and only concern you and your partner.....


Wow great thread! These are my people. I also share the same outlooks. I wish I had a way with words like everyone that commented so far. Deep discussion about things that are important to me yet basic parts of life are always interesting to me.  I kind of dig on the bracelets idea not only reminding you that you are in competition but how many you’re in competition with. thanks for sharing your ideas they were all valuable and appreciated!


As one blessed to have received an unique,& historic crafted collar recently,i feel the deep symbolism,especially the self-restraint that my primal hunter dominant must show ( for the protection of 'innocents' & vanilla.....)

And my respect ,care n will to switch for the goddess in women i love......

Blessed be the dear friends that made this experience possible for me.....life,love n Unity.....Big tribeVibe🙏🐺🙏


My Dadda gave me a necklace, or rather a chain with a topaz on the end.  Well I think its topaz...I am not an expert on jewels.  But he is thinking of giving me a collar as well.  I think it's  perfectly alright to have both.

I am still waiting to see what this collar will look like.

As I am his baby girl it might be a fluffy collar!👸


11 hours ago, TammyNatalia said:

  I think it's  perfectly alright to have both.



Yes, I think it's perfectly alright to do whatever makes you both happy, in your own style walking your own path 😊.

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