Ghosting / Non Response

[OB****]

14 hours ago, i124q said:

I don't know why it *** f o r c e d lol

Because consent is absolutely vital to BDSM and kink. You suggesting forcing women to reply to messages received makes an absolute mockery of the principles of BDSM that so many of us adhere to! Safe, Sane, Consensual or Risk Aware Consensual Kink… You sir sound unsafe, unstable, entitled, absurd and ignorant of the very basics of consent.
Shocking posts to have written!

[Ar****]

Ummm 🤔

 

2 hours ago, Voyage_1 said:

No one ever said people owe him a reply.

When somebody says nobody is saying people are owed replies...

 

2 hours ago, Voyage_1 said:

...but the times where a normal conversation is trying to be initiated, you should always say something regardless if you want the conversation or not. If you don’t want it, don’t be a jackass and take the less than 10 seconds to say “Sorry, but you’re not my type”.

...then finishes their comment telling people that even if they aren't interested they should still reply - and calling them a jackass if they don't! 🤦‍♂️

 

And if that doesn't just sum up this thread perfectly I don't know what might.

 

I would dearly love it if the supporters of the "every message deserves a reply" camp could spend just a couple of weeks in the shoes of some of these people they're calling rude, experiencing a fraction of the things they experience and still being f0rced to acknowledge every single message which comes their way regardless of boundaries, quality, commitments, or available time.

Edited October 27 by Aranhis

[Mr****]

I think a better question is how long before you call a message dead? Some people take weeks to reply while others will message in a day. There's a mental bandwidth to messaging someone that is waiting for a response. So what would everyone say is a fair amount of time before you can say to yourself "she isn't interested."?

[ep****]

Interesting that people defend this behaviour, especially the she’s who don’t think they have the time to filter out unwanted messages or give someone the respect of a reply. Do they do this in their real life, face to face, I wonder?

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, DJWolfDaddy said:

And I will pose this question what happened to the days of showing mutual respect to each other in this way of life? What change to make people want to disregard showing mutual respect to one another?

But you only speak of the respect you think women aren't showing men. In fact I see a lot of outrage on this thread from men towards "disrespectful women". And little censure towards the men who send the rude, crude messages to women.

[DJWolfDaddy]

I said mutual respect between each other is my exact words

[DJWolfDaddy]

But you only speak of the respect you think women aren't showing men. In fact I see a lot of outrage on this thread from men towards "disrespectful women". And little censure towards the men who send the rude, crude messages to women.

I clearly stated mutual respect between each other were my exact words. Yes there are idiots out there who treat women with disrespect and they treat them like a piece of meat instead of a person those are the ones who need to be removed from every single damn platform there is.
And I know that they are the ones who are continually flooding people's inboxes with stupid comments. Every single one of them needs to be reported to be removed from this platform but there are those of us who do treat women with respect and send sincere interest messages that go either ignored or they do respond but then later on ghost you that is called disrespect

[se****]

1 hour ago, MrWolf619 said:

I think a better question is how long before you call a message dead? Some people take weeks to reply while others will message in a day. There's a mental bandwidth to messaging someone that is waiting for a response. So what would everyone say is a fair amount of time before you can say to yourself "she isn't interested."?

I wait a week myself....if there's not a day in a week you can reply probably not....I had someone I was talking to and then did ghost me and then tried to say hi like it was nothing to which I said well I was actually no longer interested because they are clearly a bad communicator (thats a week for beginning if its a regular thing after awhile I expect more immediate replies)

[FE****]

2 hours ago, DJWolfDaddy said:

And that is also what leads up to me blocking people because of being disrespected and sometimes I will even report people for being fake or being scammers

Do I understand you correctly?  You will report profiles of people who don't respond as fake and scammers?

[FE****]

1 minute ago, serenegsb said:

I wait a week myself....if there's not a day in a week you can reply probably not....I had someone I was talking to and then did ghost me and then tried to say hi like it was nothing to which I said well I was actually no longer interested because they are clearly a bad communicator (thats a week for beginning if its a regular thing after awhile I expect more immediate replies)

Can we keep to the OP central question.  Which is about people not replying to an initial message (I know they used ghosting in relation but that wasn't really what the question was about, which was cleared up in the early replies)

[Ra****]

2 hours ago, DucatiDaddy said:

Imagine asking someone to have decency to issue a polite rejection when said rejection is often met with harassment. But hey, not EVERY guy, amiright?

You have a point too.

[St****]

48 minutes ago, DJWolfDaddy said:

But you only speak of the respect you think women aren't showing men. In fact I see a lot of outrage on this thread from men towards "disrespectful women". And little censure towards the men who send the rude, crude messages to women.

I clearly stated mutual respect between each other were my exact words. Yes there are idiots out there who treat women with disrespect and they treat them like a piece of meat instead of a person those are the ones who need to be removed from every single damn platform there is.
And I know that they are the ones who are continually flooding people's inboxes with stupid comments. Every single one of them needs to be reported to be removed from this platform but there are those of us who do treat women with respect and send sincere interest messages that go either ignored or they do respond but then later on ghost you that is called disrespect

I’m sorry, but your argument is just all over the place.

You keep mentioning ghosting, but no one is defending ghosting here. That’s not what this thread is about - this thread is very clearly about the absurd expectation that some guys have of being owed a response to every unsolicited opening message they send.

And you have repeatedly expressed your agreement with that attitude, branding anyone who ignores you as “disrespectful” and even admitting that you actually report people just for not replying!

Yet remarkably you still say this despite having just acknowledged that you realise women’s inboxes get flooded with messages.

So, just to be clear, you expect every woman on here to spend inordinate amounts of her free time checking the app regularly, wading through hundreds of messages, filtering out all the *** and dodgy pics, checking every profile and responding to every vaguely normal message, even if she’s not interested…? Even if countless women on here have already explained that lots of seemingly innocent opening messages can quickly turn nasty if they send a rejection reply?

You keep preaching “mutual respect”, yet you don’t seem to show any respect for how overwhelming and intimidating it can be for these women being bombarded by random strangers. And THAT is why people are criticising you and your fellow complainers and using words like “entitled”.

[Co****]

1 hour ago, ephemeral_girl said:

Interesting that people defend this behaviour, especially the she’s who don’t think they have the time to filter out unwanted messages or give someone the respect of a reply. Do they do this in their real life, face to face, I wonder?

You refer to “giving someone the respect of a reply”
Respect is mutual;
- Respecting the boundaries of online engagement
By messaging you intrude on someone's “personal online space”
- Respecting someone’s right NOT to engage in a conversation with someone they didn’t consent to receiving messages from (in effect bringing that person into their space)

“Do they do this in their real life, face to face, I wonder?” YES is my answer!

[TeeseMonet]

For the record, I seem to have been reported as a scammer since responding to this post (all I did was agree with Stuart) slow clap for the fragiled ego men who felt the need to do that, I’m confident this just rein***s your narrative of women responding to your petty ass…at this rate there won’t be any left soon 🤯

[se****]

1 hour ago, FETMod-RG said:

Can we keep to the OP central question.  Which is about people not replying to an initial message (I know they used ghosting in relation but that wasn't really what the question was about, which was cleared up in the early replies)

I was trying to reply to another commenter who was expanding on it but ok

[DJWolfDaddy]

1 hour ago, FETMod-RG said:

Do I understand you correctly?  You will report profiles of people who don't respond as fake and scammers?

I have yes and will continue to do so especially those who don't even bother putting up a profile or picture

[al****]

Yeah tired of getting crushes and then you text then nothing man why go thru all that with you getting nothing like I’m close to just leaving

[Deleted Member]

Agreed

[Au****]

I completely get where you’re coming from, and I feel the frustration for the newbies too because I am one. Ghosting is inhumane when it happens after a meaningful conversation or a deep connection, and the lack of basic respect hurts.

However, I think there's a necessary distinction between ghosting and simply setting a minimum standard for communication.

My personal approach is this: I likely won’t respond if someone just sends a generic 'Hi, how are you doing.'

I have a limited amount of time and emotional energy. When a message takes literally two seconds to write, shows zero effort, and reveals no knowledge of my profile, responding to it is essentially training people that low effort gets results.

I prioritize my time for people who demonstrate they actually read my profile. I need something specific that shows genuine interest, a comment on a photo, a question about an interest, or an acknowledgement of a boundary.

A generic 'Hi' gets ignored.

A message that shows they read my profile gets a thoughtful reply.

For me, this isn't about being rude; it's about setting a necessary boundary to attract higher-quality interactions. It may feel cold to the sender, but it protects my humanity from being drained by countless transactional messages. I hope this helps.

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, DJWolfDaddy said:

I said mutual respect between each other is my exact words

Yes, but all you've talked about (until now) is messages being ignored by women etc. I have replied to your message, but a number of men on this thread have done the same. The disrespect towards women is a huge issue on this site and others - it's a big part of why women don't respond. As multiple women have commented in this thread.

[Deleted Member]

Someone took their time to like you? This one really angered me cos this sounds like a favour I didn't ask for nor do I owe anyone anything. Also "some of us also live a fet life elsewhere"- do u want me to be considered of a lifestyle you lead? Cos this "I'm entitled " wouldn't fly with many. Fet has a lot of members but females are not easy to come by. When I 1st joined I didn't know much about the app and members and my bio wasn't as direct as it now. You should have seen the disrespect, the audacity some had to say what they said! So if ure not a woman then I'm sorry u can't tell me shit. If no response is making u feel butt hurt then toughen up buttercup, its gonna be a bumpy ride.

[FETMOD-BD]

It's clear that the wrong terminology was used in the subject of this thread, as it's not discussing ghosting but is discussing the lack of response on initial contact.

This issue has been debated to death on this thread and a plethora of others, so I'm locking it.