Feeling selfish about submission

[Th****]

To start, I'm a switch, but I've only ever played the submissive role a couple of times. The majority of my partner's in the past have been submissive leaning switches. The part I personally find most important and most rewarding in any type of "play" is my partner's enjoyment. That's probably the main part of domming that I enjoy most is being able to bring my sub pleasure.

But the few times I've played the sub, I end up feeling selfish in the back of my mind. Like I end up feeling guilty that my partner is working to fulfill my submissive fantasy, even though I'm aware that I'm hopefully fulfilling my partner's dominant fantasy as well. I'm aware of the key importance of communication and that my partner shouldn't/wouldn't be doing anything they aren't enjoying themselves, and I'm aware that there isn't anything wrong about being submissive, but i still can't shake that tiny feeling of guilty selfishness in the back of my mind.

Recently I've decided I want to explore kink more and specifically explore my submissive side. Can anyone relate to these feelings or have any advice on how to overcome them? Or any advice on having a healthy mindset about kink and how i can be sure I'm satisfying any future doms?

[OT****]

You could perhaps focus on how you are fulfilling your partner’s dominant fantasy as you have said, and lean into your role as serving / satisfying them.

This feeling of being selfish and the guilt it causes is perhaps something that can be developed in play. Your partner could use it to heighten the scene; to deny you just that bit more; to play punish you for your selfishness etc.

With all of this I feel the key is (as it always is) in good communication with your partner; before, during, and afterwards.

Having slightly conflicting feelings about things is just a good sign that you are in the process of exploring yourself and discovering what you truly are and enjoy.

Good communication and self-exploration are very healthy in my opinion 👍🏻

Asking your questions here is a great start - you’ll get all sorts of ideas and feedback to spark your imagination ✨

[Gulfcoastdays]

You seem to me a to be Pleasure Dom on that end. It seems you get pleasure from your subs pleasure which still makes you a dominant. You take the lead, though your target and your motivation, is your partner. Their pleasure enhances your pleasure and ultimate power. On the other hand, i haven’t heard that you are displeased in your sub til, but you still want the power that you get from the Dom role, you just want to get that power from receiving pleasure from someone like yourself, a pleasure Dom that is convened with their sub. Well, you want yourself, or you want someone like me because that’s what I am . Not to define because it gets so encapsulating. But it seems you may be an Alpha Sub, and a pleasure Dom. Although close in dynamic, you cannot be summed up in any one word. There is a home for you and it’s as ambiguous or as poignant as you make it with your communication with you other. You will find many people like yourself and myself in the Switch dynamic. You know how hard you work as a Dom and you want yourself some to do the same for you that you would do for them. But it makes you feel bad because your sub and Dom inner personalities have several overlaps. The greatest things about your issue is that it seems it’s all about pleasure. It does not seem to be about control, or ***, or position. It’s about your pleasure and you should never ever ever feel bad about taking care of the only person who always looks after you…….and that’s….you. You are a switch. I may be wrong but the switch is the dynamic of them all, who stops by every window and checks it out along the way. I hate large menus but I still read about every single dish. I want to try them all and eventually I will…..but depending on how u am feeling today, I’ll just go for the burger. It kind of hits all four food groups in a single bite. I struggle daily. Find the right switch and you’ll see we all feel the same as you, depending on which way you lean. I am a Dom leaner because I n is I am really really good at it. But some are not so you want them to be as good as you and instead of both hung at them, because you are in a sun world you won’t bitch, you just feel bad because you see them struggling to hit your bells and whistles. So my thoughts are …..think about just jumping into switch world. DK t hi straight to the dynamic find DK done who is open to talk about any and everything with an open mind and non position defining and you’ll find a great switch…..switches live to float around. I was friends with everybody back in high s hook. Did I just get ambiguous? If I did it’s because I am a switch but I can and always will be able to make perfect sense of it. Getting off both ways? It does matter how it’s done but the goal is to get off both ways. Don’t feel bad. You know who else does not feel bad about it…..me, and other switches….lol that’s why we are switches. It’s not selfish at all. Its pleasure and pleasure is always good. You just woukd rather have pleasure than discord and you’ll jump on both sides of the fence to get it. Again, not selfish, because most switches are doing the same thing. You just need to find one the you are walking towards instead of one walking next to you. But either way, a switch is more open than anyone so just find one and start talking. Here is one now

[Da****]

I wouldn’t consider myself a service sub, but depending on the specific connection, sometimes I find myself wanting to do more for my dom (in whatever form, even if it means being the one creating the pleasure). Maybe it’s the nature of a dominant person, but some aren’t fully comfortable with that. The thing is, I have caregiving tendencies and a dom allowing me to do the “work” allows me to indulge that part of myself in a way that makes sense within the dynamic. So I’d just say try to remember that you’re giving your partner space to share a different part of themselves with you and it’s ok to just relinquish control sometimes. You don’t have to “earn” the privilege of existing within pleasure.

[subjoe101]

Perhaps take a mindset that you exist to please the dom.  So while he/she may be indulging in your sub desires, you partner is getting pleasure out of it also, or maybe there is something you can do for you partner  as a form of appreciation for domming you.