First time at a femdom event (Pedestal)

[SamuelSwitch]

Club Pedestal in London have their next event coming up in 27/11 and I want to go because it sounds really exciting as I’m recently single and always wanted to try it to meet dominant hetrosexual women, but I also might attending on my own and get a bit nervous at the thought.  

I've read their rules laid out on their website (which is really good) but I wanted to reach out what makes a good sub for these types of events and how does a lot of it work? Especially because I want to be a good sub (without blindly agreeing to everything) so it’s enjoyable and a bit less intense for both parties as it always should be. 

i know communication, boundaries / limits and honesty (if I’ve not tried something or not sure) is important and I know a lot of people go to these events to explore the dynamic in that environment and this doesn’t necessarily mean it becomes anything more than that. I’ve wrote a list of what I like / would explore and my limits.

based on my experiences, I consider myself a switch and I’ve been a lot more confident as a dominant but I’ve never been at a fetish event and not a fem don event. 

[Ad****]

Im going too

[au****]

Just got but have no expectations. Try to absorb it without getting lost in it. If you can't go alone find another friend in the community to go with you to keep you on track.

[ey****]

So, I have been to Pedestal - and some on my mind is clear, and some is a little sketchy because I went in with some advantage - I was basically in a group including with my wife AND my Mistress of the time, then add in that there were a fair few ladies (and a few subs) I already knew and that made a massive difference.

I seem to loosely recall there was a kinda icebreaker thing where single subs could try to impress Dommes, but I'm unsure if they still do that (and I wasn't involved due to not needing to) 

There were a fair few single subs in attendance and a lot of the ladies found them frustrating.  Basically, they kinda come and float from woman to woman for a desperate form of any attention.  Some will agree to something if the mood catches them right, or just to do a couple of minutes and get rid - but the key thing to remember is the ladies in attendances are NOT paid to be there, nor part of the entertainment.  These are people on a night out of their own, often with friends.   

This doesn't mean you shouldn't go. This doesn't mean you won't make a friend or have some play.   But these are things to factor in.  

Whilst it isn't a protocol event, if you do happen to be in a situation where you are talking to someone or get chance to introduce yourself, go with a little more manners than you might expect as it will set the right tone.   Don't lead with an expectation of play.  Don't turn up with a shopping list of what you'd like to explore.  If you do get talking to someone and something happens discuss play from there.   

Though, being a - y'know - nightout consider that a lot of people will have been drinking.  I definitely would not advise broaching for play with a stranger who has been drinking - especially if you yourself are new/unsure.

Oh, also not all the Domme are hetero - so don't assume.

However, what might be worth doing is to take in some of the atmosphere and to look out for house dommes, they are still in a more voluntary role, but if you approach them with good manners - explain it's your first time and you're a bit nervous and they help out - which could include them introducing you to someone, having a short chat, or possibly play - that can be a good call

Also, I don't know if they still do - but there used to be a trampling cage that anyone could lie into - but I wouldn't recommend this if you're not into trampling - especially if someone assumes everyone is and runs over full pelt in heels. 

[SamuelSwitch]

3 hours ago, austin70503 said:

Just got but have no expectations. Try to absorb it without getting lost in it. If you can't go alone find another friend in the community to go with you to keep you on track.

Gotcha, yeah that sounds like a good idea, I’m approaching the idea with some friends but it doesn’t help many of them are open with kink!

[SamuelSwitch]

4 hours ago, Adam0007 said:

Im going too

Cool, first time going? 

[SamuelSwitch]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

So, I have been to Pedestal - and some on my mind is clear, and some is a little sketchy because I went in with some advantage - I was basically in a group including with my wife AND my Mistress of the time, then add in that there were a fair few ladies (and a few subs) I already knew and that made a massive difference.

I seem to loosely recall there was a kinda icebreaker thing where single subs could try to impress Dommes, but I'm unsure if they still do that (and I wasn't involved due to not needing to) 

There were a fair few single subs in attendance and a lot of the ladies found them frustrating.  Basically, they kinda come and float from woman to woman for a desperate form of any attention.  Some will agree to something if the mood catches them right, or just to do a couple of minutes and get rid - but the key thing to remember is the ladies in attendances are NOT paid to be there, nor part of the entertainment.  These are people on a night out of their own, often with friends.   

This doesn't mean you shouldn't go. This doesn't mean you won't make a friend or have some play.   But these are things to factor in.  

Whilst it isn't a protocol event, if you do happen to be in a situation where you are talking to someone or get chance to introduce yourself, go with a little more manners than you might expect as it will set the right tone.   Don't lead with an expectation of play.  Don't turn up with a shopping list of what you'd like to explore.  If you do get talking to someone and something happens discuss play from there.   

Though, being a - y'know - nightout consider that a lot of people will have been drinking.  I definitely would not advise broaching for play with a stranger who has been drinking - especially if you yourself are new/unsure.

Oh, also not all the Domme are hetero - so don't assume.

However, what might be worth doing is to take in some of the atmosphere and to look out for house dommes, they are still in a more voluntary role, but if you approach them with good manners - explain it's your first time and you're a bit nervous and they help out - which could include them introducing you to someone, having a short chat, or possibly play - that can be a good call

Also, I don't know if they still do - but there used to be a trampling cage that anyone could lie into - but I wouldn't recommend this if you're not into trampling - especially if someone assumes everyone is and runs over full pelt in heels. 

Great, thank you for the lengthy breakdown and advice! Yes ideally if I knew someone going or could connect that way, I would find it easier and I don’t want it coming off badly on my own. Yes I’ve seen there’s a select a sub which is separate to the house subs section. Spot on about people being out with their friends like any other club night on their free time. Good advise about good manners and no expectations, I worded the list with no expectations of a shopping list but rather making myself aware of what am I comfortable with as a submissive. Good shout on the house dommes I’ll bare that in mind, thank you!

[ey****]

IIRC - the select a sub comes with no guarantees, but it is worth partaking in to get a feel

it is worth seeking out munches in the build up to meet people, I'm sure there is a London Femdom Munch also with a bit more overlap - cos, yeah, just by there being people there you know can make a difference and feel a little less daunting

I'm not sure how entertainment works since they switched venue, but IIRC seating was on a basis of it's ok to sit, but you'd be expected to give it up should a Domme require a seat.

[SamuelSwitch]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

IIRC - the select a sub comes with no guarantees, but it is worth partaking in to get a feel

it is worth seeking out munches in the build up to meet people, I'm sure there is a London Femdom Munch also with a bit more overlap - cos, yeah, just by there being people there you know can make a difference and feel a little less daunting

I'm not sure how entertainment works since they switched venue, but IIRC seating was on a basis of it's ok to sit, but you'd be expected to give it up should a Domme require a seat.

Makes sense and I know it means no guarantee. Yes I’ve thought about munches in my local area, I know they use to happen in my previous city but I never attended one. The seating makes sense 😂 I wouldn’t be expecting to sit down much anyway as I don’t usually at bars and not in that context as such, I might send the organisers an email as well - thanks for the advice again, much appreciated 

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Are there just Domme women or there are a Sub too

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?

[SamuelSwitch]

1 hour ago, Adam0007 said:

Are there just Domme women or there are a Sub too

website rules state that any woman wearing a collar is there as a submissive woman and shouldnt be approached as a dominant, so strictly femdom.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, Adam0007 said:

Are there just Domme women or there are a Sub too

yes - they did have some challenges a few years ago cos they wanted to be more welcome to F/f dynamics but had issues with guys pushing female subs for play : so hence the yeah, it's a good example of collar protocol in action that men must not approach ladies with a collar as if they were a Dominant.