Reflections on ***: It’s Not Always Bad. And It’s Not That Bad.

[ol****]

@Messedup79so strong of you to post this. Well done.

[Deleted Member]

I wish someone had asked me if it was bad enough, perhaps I would have been able to leave before he broke me down completely. Don’t judge yourself for not leaving sooner though, that’s what ***rs do, they’re so convincing that it’s your fault you become grateful that you even have them in your life. It’s taken me over a year and a lot of therapy to stop following up ‘my ex was emotionally abusive’ with ‘but he’s a really nice guy and didn’t mean to do it...’ my therapist made me write a list of everything he did no matter how small it was and now when I think I’m the one who was crazy/hysterical/unreasonable I pull it out and remind myself just how much of a prick he was and how nasty and cruel his behaviour was to me. I don’t think people will ever understand just how deeply the damage goes and just how strong you have to be to keep going and heal. You should be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come - I know it’s not easy and the best revenge you can get is to move forward and live a life far better than the one you’d have had with him x

[Deleted Member]

8 hours ago, Kinky_kat said:

I wish someone had asked me if it was bad enough, perhaps I would have been able to leave before he broke me down completely. Don’t judge yourself for not leaving sooner though, that’s what ***rs do, they’re so convincing that it’s your fault you become grateful that you even have them in your life. It’s taken me over a year and a lot of therapy to stop following up ‘my ex was emotionally abusive’ with ‘but he’s a really nice guy and didn’t mean to do it...’ my therapist made me write a list of everything he did no matter how small it was and now when I think I’m the one who was crazy/hysterical/unreasonable I pull it out and remind myself just how much of a prick he was and how nasty and cruel his behaviour was to me. I don’t think people will ever understand just how deeply the damage goes and just how strong you have to be to keep going and heal. You should be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come - I know it’s not easy and the best revenge you can get is to move forward and live a life far better than the one you’d have had with him x

Thanks... my therapist made me write a list too because I’d always just brush it away. And she would read it back to me and I’d just kind of dissociate. I’m still not quite in a place of wanting revenge. I just want him to accept that’s it’s over and he can’t control me anymore. I see how broken he is and I still fell sad. But then I think, look how broken I am, and I think, does he feel sad about that? No he just feels sad about what he has lost. That helps. And the list. Though I don’t like to look at it. 
 

i hope in a year I will look back at this hell and see my own strength to get through it! 

[Ko****]

I admire your courage. It seems you can see a light at the end of the tunnel and hope for yourself. It is good that you allow a therapist to accompany you on this tourney. I wish you ongoing strength to grow and change.

[Wo****]

4 minutes ago, Messedup79 said:

Thanks... my therapist made me write a list too because I’d always just brush it away. And she would read it back to me and I’d just kind of dissociate. I’m still not quite in a place of wanting revenge. I just want him to accept that’s it’s over and he can’t control me anymore. I see how broken he is and I still fell sad. But then I think, look how broken I am, and I think, does he feel sad about that? No he just feels sad about what he has lost. That helps. And the list. Though I don’t like to look at it. 
 

i hope in a year I will look back at this hell and see my own strength to get through it! 

You will.

 

Three years ago, my life fell apart.

I lost everything. My home, my husband, my daughter. I was a complete mess.

My dad died, i was diagnosed with depression. Caught pneumonia, twice. Scabies, three times.

I couldn't sink any lower.

 

A couple of years ago i met an American guy. He was, and still is, one of my closest friends. We were together a year or so. He encouraged me to explore my freedom, hence me joining here.

He built my confidence, loved me.

I broke my leg in May 2019, had surgery. That led to me spending a lot of time on here and meeting LazyPirate and Vandalslut. Two people who transformed my life. They saw the good in me, so much so that i started to believe them.

Another turning point was reconnecting with my ex where i was able to look at, talk about and understand a lot of things including the fact i'd been groomed for a decade by a snake.

 

Acknowledging all of that and the *** involved wasn't easy, least of all for those i hurt but understanding why i did a lot of things i did helped.

 

Now, i'm happy. Free. Scarred but strong.

 

All of my "weaknesses" are actually my strengths.

 

 

For years i thought my ex was the villan, he wasn't, he was another wonded soul. The snake was the villan, my ex helped me banish him. I couldn't help my ex heal, i needed to heal first. I'm still healing now. As is my ex.

 

Remember this period in your life, it was when you took flight xx

[Deleted Member]

26 minutes ago, Kosmonaut76 said:

I admire your courage. It seems you can see a light at the end of the tunnel and hope for yourself. It is good that you allow a therapist to accompany you on this tourney. I wish you ongoing strength to grow and change.

Thank you 😊 

[Deleted Member]

18 minutes ago, Bounty said:

You will.

 

Three years ago, my life fell apart.

I lost everything. My home, my husband, my daughter. I was a complete mess.

My dad died, i was diagnosed with depression. Caught pneumonia, twice. Scabies, three times.

I couldn't sink any lower.

 

A couple of years ago i met an American guy. He was, and still is, one of my closest friends. We were together a year or so. He encouraged me to explore my freedom, hence me joining here.

He built my confidence, loved me.

I broke my leg in May 2019, had surgery. That led to me spending a lot of time on here and meeting LazyPirate and Vandalslut. Two people who transformed my life. They saw the good in me, so much so that i started to believe them.

Another turning point was reconnecting with my ex where i was able to look at, talk about and understand a lot of things including the fact i'd been groomed for a decade by a snake.

 

Acknowledging all of that and the *** involved wasn't easy, least of all for those i hurt but understanding why i did a lot of things i did helped.

 

Now, i'm happy. Free. Scarred but strong.

 

All of my "weaknesses" are actually my strengths.

 

 

For years i thought my ex was the villan, he wasn't, he was another wonded soul. The snake was the villan, my ex helped me banish him. I couldn't help my ex heal, i needed to heal first. I'm still healing now. As is my ex.

 

Remember this period in your life, it was when you took flight xx

I do so very much love birds. I’ve been

waiting to fly since I was a girl. 🤗