Age gaps

[Wi****]

9 hours ago, safeb4slut said:

I personally think anyone in their thirties or older, going for somebody in their ***s or very early twenties is predatory.

I will die on this hill.😂

It’s not cool to show off your bigotism or ignorance by calling older partners predators.

[Wi****]

9 hours ago, safeb4slut said:

To add to my last comment, I think the appropriateness of age gaps depend on where people are at in their life journey and their level of emotional maturity. Most people under 25 have not yet had enough life experience nor developed the emotional maturity necessary to discern what is truly right for them. And that is why I think it is predatory to persue them when you’re over thirty.

I recently had a short conversation with a 26/m and told him very kindly that I do not date more than 7 years younger than me. But thats just a preference of mine. I’m looking for more emotionally mature men. And I think the beat place to look is within my own age bracket.

Once again you’re completely wrong. Maturity and growth, isn’t correlated to an arbitrary age, often it’s shaped by life experiences and hardship.

[Wi****]

11 hours ago, Chocolate34 said:

I don't have a problem with it at all and I'm 34, I literally just lost a very great person because of our age gap and his family didn't agree, my feelings are very hurt behind it because I really liked him and definitely wanted to be with him in the future but now I don't even have that chance.

Then he wasn’t a great person and you just dodged a bullet. How don’t you see that?

If someone loves you, they won’t abandon you just because their family dissuades them and pressures them away from the relationship with you,

That person has just proven they won’t be the partner you want that’s in your corner. Choose better.

[Deleted Member]

30 minutes ago, Wim121 said:

It’s not cool to show off your bigotism or ignorance by calling older partners predators.

There's a significant power imbalance between a 35 year old and a 19 year old.

[ey****]

age gap often comes down to context.   I don't automatically say folk with an age gap is predatory, but if you are constantly swinging from one younger/newbie to another it probably is.

Remember the age of consent exists so young adults can explore sexually with each without being prosecuted - not so a 50+ year old can bang 19 year old after 19 year old. Even if it's "legal"

The brain is still developing and people are generally considered adolescents until they are around 25.   And this is to remember both ways.   It's why something like someone 50 with someone 30 is much less likely to attract concern than someone 30 with someone 20.

Myself.... I tend more to be interested in folk late 20s, with no upper limit.   If someone is below 25 then I see things differently if they've been involved in kink/lifestyle 3-4 years than if they're new : someone 22 who has been going to fetish events since age 19 would be a different kettle of fish to someone 24 and new.  

[wo****]

I just got out of a 2 year relationship with a 28(30 now) year old woman and it was great, but ultimately the lack of emotional maturity was the downfall of us. Im 46, I think 20 years tops, but ten years being optimal. I wouldn’t engage with anyone under 25, that’s just a personal preference

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Wim121 said:

Once again you’re completely wrong. Maturity and growth, isn’t correlated to an arbitrary age, often it’s shaped by life experiences and hardship.

Why are they completely wrong and your opinion is worth more? It is a matter of opinion not fact. However there is a lot of evidence that those under 25 haven't fully matured.

[Pa****]

Just adding a different take, I actually grew up with parents who had an 18 year age gap. My dad was absolutely besotted with my mum, but I noticed how that gap shaped their dynamic, especially around raising me. In some ways, it brought them closer because of how differently they viewed the world. In other ways, there was a disconnect, different upbringings, references, expectations.

I’ve found that when I talk to someone significantly older, the conversation feels sweet and sincere, but there’s often a nostalgic tone, they’re recalling things I’ve only ever heard about. Whereas with someone closer to my age, we lived the same culture. Same music, same Saturday cartoons, same awkward fashion trends. That kind of shared memory can be grounding, it creates a sense of “we grew up side by side,” even if we met later in life.

I think age gaps can work, but only if it’s not the age gap that’s the attraction. It has to be about compatibility, shared values, and how your lives fit together. I’ve actually seen more success with women dating slightly younger men, but hey, we all live and learn. In the end, it’s the personality and the lifestyle that matter more than the number.

[ks****]

I never subscribed to ageism- I think it holds people back. No wear is ut written that you have to be age-appropriate appropriate. The general.
Consensus seems to be that even though you're legal at 18 or 21...there is negative presumption that the older person might take advantage of the younger person. Hell, that can happen and it's probably more likely to occur with the younger set!
Sometimes that old person may not be as wise and as mature as the younger one.You've got a lot of old souls who are under 30 and you got a lot of ***agers that are over 40

[Em****]

I try not to go for any one much younger then 30 (me being a young 47 🥰) but honestly a lot of that has to do with my kids. I have a 21 year old. I couldn’t imagine being with someone my kids age or within my kids age group of dating… so 30 is my cut off. I do think the younger guys are quite sexy. And have longer stamina (and don’t need the pills 💊 to keep going) but I am still going to avoid the super young ones.

[Wi****]

2 hours ago, fififufu said:

There's a significant power imbalance between a 35 year old and a 19 year old.

Absolute nonsense

What are you classing as a “power imbalance”?

[Wi****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

age gap often comes down to context.   I don't automatically say folk with an age gap is predatory, but if you are constantly swinging from one younger/newbie to another it probably is.

Remember the age of consent exists so young adults can explore sexually with each without being prosecuted - not so a 50+ year old can bang 19 year old after 19 year old. Even if it's "legal"

The brain is still developing and people are generally considered adolescents until they are around 25.   And this is to remember both ways.   It's why something like someone 50 with someone 30 is much less likely to attract concern than someone 30 with someone 20.

Myself.... I tend more to be interested in folk late 20s, with no upper limit.   If someone is below 25 then I see things differently if they've been involved in kink/lifestyle 3-4 years than if they're new : someone 22 who has been going to fetish events since age 19 would be a different kettle of fish to someone 24 and new.  

If both parties are willing, why is it anyone else’s business? For an app for people’s kinks, a vast amount of people here shame others for their choices.

But I mostly agreed with your first paragraph.

[Ch****]

3 hours ago, Wim121 said:

Then he wasn’t a great person and you just dodged a bullet. How don’t you see that?

If someone loves you, they won’t abandon you just because their family dissuades them and pressures them away from the relationship with you,

That person has just proven they won’t be the partner you want that’s in your corner. Choose better.

Well we wasn't dating that long it lasted 5 days, he took me on a date and everything we were just with each other this past Saturday, Saturday night he texts me letting me know his family doesn't agree with our age gap and he can't date me anymore or they would cut ties with him for it, and I'm not making him choose me over his family, but he is definitely a great person all around even with being 19 he's very mature and very intelligent.

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Wim121 said:

If both parties are willing, why is it anyone else’s business? For an app for people’s kinks, a vast amount of people here shame others for their choices.

But I mostly agreed with your first paragraph.

In general. People don't. But sometimes there's patterned behaviour and sometimes there is context and a lot of that can make a difference. (and people SHOULD be shamed where it's predatory)

There are things to consider with age gap where one party is under the age of 25 (or around that) that their brain is developing still - they are more likely to take risks, or act on impulse.     Of course, there are those aware of this and want to take advantage of it.  This is the thing with context.

This isn't saying don't have a relationship with someone below the age of 25, or don't play with them - it is saying there is an extended risk profile to consider.   And when folk start talking about SSC, RACK, PRICK the absolute bread and butter basics of kink, you're breaching the lessons in there if you're not considering them and applying learnings from them.  This is why some folk are judging towards age gaps.  

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Wim121 said:

Absolute nonsense

What are you classing as a “power imbalance”?

You seem unable to have a polite discussion. Why is this topic making you emotional?

[Dr****]

I prefer a level of balance in my relationships. I am personally very committed to having an equal partner in most ways, which tends to leave me with older women being my best match. I like mature, strong, intelligent, and fun-loving women. Younger ladies can be a far better fit than most men, but still, older women, 15-20 years older than me feel more on my level.

Overall, I have low trust for people who seek out people who are too much younger. I've met too many manipulative assholes, and have helped too many friends get out of relationships that started with a good seeming guy or lady only to see that the mask comes off eventually.

[Wi****]

6 hours ago, Chocolate34 said:

Well we wasn't dating that long it lasted 5 days, he took me on a date and everything we were just with each other this past Saturday, Saturday night he texts me letting me know his family doesn't agree with our age gap and he can't date me anymore or they would cut ties with him for it, and I'm not making him choose me over his family, but he is definitely a great person all around even with being 19 he's very mature and very intelligent.

It isn’t so much a choice of you as a new partner or his family, the choice is him having integrity and a backbone.

If it were me I’d say to my family; “silence! I don’t need your permission”, but I don’t have to say that as they wouldn’t command me like a dog.

[Wi****]

I explained why they’re completely wrong. Can’t you read? I gave a full explanation.

There’s posturing as to a lack of maturity in younger individuals but really it’s just bigotism.

I’ve met before very mature grounded twenty year olds, who didn’t have a cushy upbringing and have a sensible head on their shoulders, succeeding business and a developing family, contrastingly, I’ve met people double their age, who never grew up and acted like an adult, immature forty year olds acting like disastrous petulant stereotypical ***agers.

So yes, that person is wrong, maturity isn’t correlated to age but experience and values.

[Wi****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

In general. People don't. But sometimes there's patterned behaviour and sometimes there is context and a lot of that can make a difference. (and people SHOULD be shamed where it's predatory)

There are things to consider with age gap where one party is under the age of 25 (or around that) that their brain is developing still - they are more likely to take risks, or act on impulse.     Of course, there are those aware of this and want to take advantage of it.  This is the thing with context.

This isn't saying don't have a relationship with someone below the age of 25, or don't play with them - it is saying there is an extended risk profile to consider.   And when folk start talking about SSC, RACK, PRICK the absolute bread and butter basics of kink, you're breaching the lessons in there if you're not considering them and applying learnings from them.  This is why some folk are judging towards age gaps.  

I still disagree, they’re legal consenting adults, age of consent depending upon your location, but here it’s 16 for some things, 18 for others.

I understand what you’re saying; but that’s working off the premise that all 18 year olds are innocent and should be protected, then anyone 25+ isn’t. To me that’s absolute nonsense; I’ve encountered people that before they’re twenty have had more sexual experience than someone a decade older. Conversely, many years ago, I had a partner in her late twenties who was a virgin when we met and I didn’t find out til later on. It’s a bit blinkered to have massive assumptions based upon an age.

[Wi****]

3 hours ago, fififufu said:

You seem unable to have a polite discussion. Why is this topic making you emotional?

I’ve been perfectly polite and I’m not emotional at all.

So pray tell what’s this power imbalance theory?

[Ch****]

12 minutes ago, Wim121 said:

It isn’t so much a choice of you as a new partner or his family, the choice is him having integrity and a backbone.

If it were me I’d say to my family; “silence! I don’t need your permission”, but I don’t have to say that as they wouldn’t command me like a dog.

Yeah well it was different in his situation and I don't want say too much on here but yeah it's understandable to why it happened how it happened but I really wish they would have accepted me, they would have not been nice to me ever so I'm not going through that, I'm a family person so I need to be accepted because my family is definitely going to accept you with no issues.

[Wi****]

9 hours ago, fififufu said:

There's a significant power imbalance between a 35 year old and a 19 year old.

In what way?

There’s an age difference. But what are you correlating with power?

Are you trying to presume that all young people are hopelessly naive, destitute and rely upon elders and all elders are composed mature people with wealth? That’s the biggest load of nonsense ever.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, Wim121 said:

In what way?

There’s an age difference. But what are you correlating with power?

Are you trying to presume that all young people are hopelessly naive, destitute and rely upon elders and all elders are composed mature people with wealth? That’s the biggest load of nonsense ever.

Still emotional with the hyperbolic language I see. As others have commented, there is a great deal of evidence that those under 25 haven't reached full maturity. Their brains are still developing. Yes I think there is a power imbalance between full adults and those whose brains are not fully developed. This specifically affects things like decision making, impulse control, cognitive analysis and risk taking. All relevant to relationships. One party has a fully developed prefrontal cortex and one doesn't. Gosh, who might have a significant advantage?

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, Wim121 said:

In what way?

There’s an age difference. But what are you correlating with power?

Are you trying to presume that all young people are hopelessly naive, destitute and rely upon elders and all elders are composed mature people with wealth? That’s the biggest load of nonsense ever.

Also kindly stop suggesting I've said or implied things that I haven't. It's rude.

[Wi****]

31 minutes ago, Chocolate34 said:

Yeah well it was different in his situation and I don't want say too much on here but yeah it's understandable to why it happened how it happened but I really wish they would have accepted me, they would have not been nice to me ever so I'm not going through that, I'm a family person so I need to be accepted because my family is definitely going to accept you with no issues.

I can’t see why they wouldn’t accept you, but I agree that a relationship either drama from families is tiresome to navigate